[Music]
Hello friends, welcome to This Day in
Jack Benny. I'm John Henderson. This
episode is from May 30th,
1937. Last week, Jack Benny was sick and
missed the program. Meanwhile, Bing
Crosby mentioned Jack on his program,
The Craft Music Hall. Dr. Dr. Dorsey and
his semi-class cats are about to
accomplish something that even Jack
Benny couldn't handle. Jack messed
around a little with Pro Schubert the
bee, but Dr. Dorsey and his colleagues
got a bee here that Jack probably
couldn't even pronounce.
In this episode, they do an impression
of the film star May West. Listen, Rico,
where I come from, they call this
pulling a fast one on you, giving you
the business. Why don't you make
yourself scarce? Laurel and Hardy were a
comedy team. Don't you tell us all about
this because if you do, we'll be sunk.
If it's that serious, maybe we'll better
burn the evidence. Then nobody will ever
know. Shakespeare. Not not now. And in
theaters, you could see the latest
Dracula movie. He light in the castle.
Dracula. There was a new book for single
women called Live Alone and Like It by
Marjorie Hillis. And some new songs,
Moonlight and Shadows.
Moonlight and
shadows and you in my arm and a melo in
a bamboo tree, my
sweet. Let's call the whole thing off.
You like potato and I like potato. You
like tomato and I like tomato. Potato.
Potato. Tomato. Tomato. Oh, let's call
the whole thing off. They mention a
local department store called the
Bulock's Wilshire. It was a distinctive
looking building in Los Angeles.
Wilshshire Boulevard is a fine example
of the many grand boulevards that reach
out from the heart of Los Angeles. And
they mentioned some old expressions.
Barnum was right when he said, "A
sucker's born every minute." Hail and
Hardy means healthy and strong. Kind of
like fit as a fiddle. Fit as fiddle and
ready for love. I could jump over the
moon up above. Fit as fiddle and ready
for love. If you'd like to contact me,
you can email jackbenny
podcast@gmail.com and find more episodes
at
thisdaybenny.com. Have some cabbage in
your jello and enjoy the show. J E L L O
the Jello program starring Jack Benny
with Mary Livingston and Phil Harris and
his orchestra. The orchestra opens a
program with all
[Music]
a corner is June and hot summer days
that call for crisp tempting salads. And
the best salads I know of call for
Jell-O. Try combining fresh vegetables
or fruits with Jell-O for an appetizing
lunchon or supper salad. If you've never
used Jell-O in salads, you've missed a
great bet. For shimmering Jell-O makes
the most refreshing, zestful salad you
ever serve. And here's one suggestion.
Mold shredded cabbage, diced cucumbers,
and celery in lemon Jell-O. Serve on
crisp lettuce with real mayonnaise. Or
make a fresh fruit salad with orange
Jell-O. Why? There are any number of
interesting salad combinations you can
work out for yourself using any one of
Jello's six delicious flavors, and
you'll enjoy them all. For Jell-O has
that extra rich fruit flavor, flavor
that comes from the real ripe fruit
itself. But whether you serve Jell-O as
a salad or as a dessert, always be sure
to get the real thing, genuine Jell-O.
[Music]
And now, ladies and gentlemen, let us
hail the return of a man who last week
was flat on his back, but is now
standing here flat on his feet. Jack
Benny.
Thank you. Uh, hello again. This is Jack
Benny. Remember the fellow who wasn't
here last Sunday? And I want to tell you
something, Don. It's a good thing I've
got flat feet because I'm still pretty
shaky and I'd probably topple right over
if they weren't. Oh, come on now, Jack.
You weren't so terribly sick. I wasn't.
E, that's all you know about it. As it
happens, I was critically ill. I didn't
see any headlines in the papers about
it. Well, that's not my fault. I phoned
them
all. Next time, I'll take out an ad.
Well, Jack, you certainly look rested
after a whole week in bed. Did you get
much sleep, Don? How could I sleep with
12 flu germs playing bingo on my chest?
Playing bingo, eh? Yes. I didn't mind
that so much, but when they asked me to
call out the numbers, I thought that was
going too fast.
You
know, you know, I'm still pretty weak.
Well, you certainly don't look at Jack.
You're the picture of health. Now that's
silly. Don, take a look at my tongue.
I don't see anything unusual. It's just
a common ordinary tongue. Oh, it is. E.
Well, then I'm glad I stuck it out at
you.
You're just jealous cuz I look like
Dracula.
All right. All right. And if it'll make
you any happier, you look lousy. Now
you're
talking. I'm glad you woke up. Pardon
me, Mr. Benny. It's time for your pill.
Oh, yes. Thank you,
doctor. Don, I want you to meet Dr.
Baldi. I'm
You know, I'm uh I'm still under his
care. How do you do, doctor? You could
stand dieting, young man. Oh, whoops.
You see, Don, his mind is always on his
word. Uh, my nurse is here, too. She's
waiting out in the hall. Why don't you
have her come in? Oh, no. Not with these
orchestra boys around. They're wolves in
rented clothing.
Hello, Jack. I'm glad to see you back
again. Oh, hello, Mary. Thanks. See, I
sure had a tough time this past week.
Don't I look awful? I'll say you're as
pale as a ghost. Ghost?
You mean tail is a goat? Well, this goat
is dead. Oh. Oh, a goat. Ghost. Well,
that was fast thinking. What? I say that
was fast thinking. Oh, I thought you
were talking about the goat. No, I
wasn't. Mary, I want to thank you for
those lovely roses you sent me. They
were beautiful. Uh, were they? Yeah.
That's the first time I've ever seen a
third of a dozen.
But Mary, I did notice that the roses
were quite limp and droopy there. What
happened? I knew you were sick, so I
boiled them. Well, it's a good idea. You
can't be too careful, you know. Oh,
hello, Kenny. Hello, Jack. Gee, you look
so laurel and hearty.
That's hail and hearty, but let it go.
Oh, that's all right. The next time I'm
sick, don't wire congratulations.
Well, it worked on Mother's Day. Well,
let's not get involved in that, you
know. Mr. Benny, it's time for your
medicine again. Oh, yes, doctor. Yes.
Now, first you take this red pill, and
then you follow it with this white one.
Two of them this time, is he? What's the
white pill for? In case the red one is
poison.
Well, that's thoughtful. Isn't he an
unusual Dr. Barry? Yeah. What do you
take in case of him? I wish I knew. St.
Jack, is that girl out in the hall your
nurse? Who do you mean? had pretty
blonde with a white uniform and Phil
Harris around her neck.
Oh, where'd you see her? Oh, out in the
hall around Phil Harris's neck. I
thought you said Phil was around her
neck. Oh, they're all mixed up.
Oh, so that's why Phil sneaked out of
here. I got a good mind to go out there
and put him in his place. Oh, Jack,
you're up on your feet now. Why don't
you stay that way?
Yes, maybe I better wait till I'm myself
again, you know. Oh, it's you. Hi, you
Jack, old boy. Glad to see you back
again. Thanks. What are you doing out in
the hall there, Phil? Well, I wasn't
feeling so good, so I had your nurse
take my temperature. You did, eh? Well,
wipe it off your
[Music]
lips. What's that you got in your hand?
She wrote me out a prescription. Oh,
yeah. What is it? Hillside 5027.
Um, get me a bottle of that, too.
Anyway, it's time for you to play a
number, so get ready. Okay. And another
thing, this nurse is here to take care
of me, so please stay away from her. I
got a temperature, too. Quiet, Kenny.
Play, Bill. Oh, nursy. Nursey. Oh,
[Music]
toot.
Heat. Heat.
Heat.
Heat. Heat.
And it was Blue Lou played by Phil
Harris and my nurse or his orchestra.
And incidentally, Phil, I listened to
you last Sunday when I was home, you
know, and your specialty was very good.
I didn't know it was in you. Thanks, my
little buckaroo. Well, did you hear me
too, Jay? Of course I did, Kenny. I
thought you did a swell job. Believe me,
I was all in. I had to sing three songs.
Oh, what a strange three songs in one
week. I don't see how you did it.
I bet it'll tell on me when I get older.
Oh, no doubt. No doubt. Say, Mary, that
reminds me. Why didn't you work last
Sunday? Pumi? Yeah. Oh, I wasn't feeling
so good. I had fever and chills and
pains and a headache. Oh, so we all went
to the Trokadero.
Must have been quite a party, isn't it?
Yeah, it was amped up. Yeah. Say, Jack,
tell us the truth. Did you get a kick
sitting home listening to your own show?
Yes, I did, Don. And I'm going to tell
you something, but don't let it go to
your head. Uh, when you read the
commercial and told everybody how to
make Jell-O, well, it just did something
to me. I tell you, Don, I was
electrified.
Oh, you're kidding. No, I'm not. And
Don, listen, Don. When you said, "Look
for the big red letters on the box. As
sick as I was, I jumped right out of bed
and looked for."
You did? Yes, sir. Ah, Jack, didn't you
love the way I said there was only one
jello and the trademark is your
guarantee. Don, when I heard that, well,
there was a lump on my throat. Don't you
mean a lump in your throat? No, this was
an ice bag.
But, Don, the biggest thrill I got all
evening was when you mentioned the
different flavors. Really, Jack?
Absolutely. Of course. When you started
out with strawberry, raspberry, and
cherry, that didn't affect me so much.
But when you got to orange, I felt
myself slipping. And by the time you
reached lime, what happened? I was in
another world.
You were? And snoring twice as loud as
ever before. I was not. Mr. Benny, it's
time for another pill. Oh, yes, doctor.
Yes. Here you are. A pretty blue one.
Hey, wait a minute. This is a button.
Oh, goody. I've been looking for that
all
week. Oh, answer the phone, Mary. If
that's my father, tell him it's in the
mail.
Okay. Hello. Yes. Oh, hello, mama. Oh,
it's her again. Yes. Yes, mama. Yours is
in the mail,
too. Uh, what? Oh, Jack is feeling much
better. No, mama. I won't get too close
to him. You think I have measles or
something? Yes, mama. Jack's going to
take a vacation in a few weeks. We all
are. What? No. No. No. Mama, you can't.
That's impossible. What does she want,
Mary? Mama wants to take over the summer
show.
Tell her no, I'll never be able to
follow her. Oh, mama. He says he'll
never be able to follow you. What?
[Laughter]
What are you laughing at? She says you
won't even be able to follow this phone
call. Oh, matching wits, huh? Well,
goodbye, mama. Thanks for calling. I'll
write your letter tomorrow. What? Oh,
that's too bad. Well, goodbye. Isn't
that awful, Jack? I won't be able to
write letters home anymore. Why not?
Papa's raising pigeons in the mailbox.
Well, I'll send her my dove or my love.
And now, and now, folks,
that about the worst gag I've ever
pulled, Lic. And now, folks, that Mary's
mother has had her little fling. Kenny
Baker will sing. What are you going to
sing, Kenny? Oh, I'll think of
something. Well, think, Kenny, play,
boys.
[Music]
Whenever I hear
thunder, it echoes in my heart.
And so I keep on
wondering how long we'll be
[Applause]
aart. Skies were gray. That rainy day we
planted in the
rain. Was it tears that fell or was it
rain? There we stood as lovers would.
Did parting bring you pain?
Was it tears that fell or was it
rain? I
couldn't tell if your eyes were
misty or if you felt
regret. I noticed when you kissed
me that both your cheeks were wet.
Till we meet again, my sweet, that
memory will
remain. Was it tears that hell or was it
Kenny Baker singing Was It Rain from the
hit parade. And Kenny, I must tell you,
last Sunday I heard you sing that number
you wrote. Uh what's the name of it
again? You are my love. That's it. It
was beautiful. I'll I'll have to play it
on my violin sometime.
A Jack, it's my first song.
Well, let her grow up before you kill
it.
You two have a lot of respect for an
invalid.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our
uh for our feature attraction this
evening for our dramatic saco, we are
going to present an original mystery
melodrama, a thrilling and blood
curdling adventure entitled Death at
Midnight or
the Murder Case.
Now I will play the part of Detective
Oenni who always gets his man. Phil
Harris will be my assistant. Who always
gets your girl.
Quiet. Now this is a murder mystery.
Mary Livingston will be the wife of the
murder and Kenny Baker will be the
victim. Oh gee, there's no future in
that.
I'm going to be your wife. What have I
got? Please. And last but not thinnest
is Don Wilson, who will be the butler.
However, before presenting our mystery,
folks, let me give you a brief synopsis
of what has happened up to now. On the
night of May 3rd, AD, after
dinner, Mr. J. Wellington Crotzmere,
Wellington. Yes. A social line was found
murdered in his den. At the time of the
murder, his wife was in the room reading
a copy of Live Alone and Like It, which
may have thrown her a thought. The
victim was playing solitire when
suddenly he was interrupted by a lead
kibitzer. Now, who committed this
crime? Was it the butler? I didn't do
it, I tell you. I didn't do it. Was it
the French maid? Ooh la la. Viva
corpse. Was it Bing Crosby? No, but he
mentioned my name last
week. And now the wife, Mrs. Crossmeir.
Did you kill your husband? I hated him.
I loathed him. I despised him. So that
night I stop. We can't give it away now,
folks. But this mystery will go on
immediately after the next number. Play,
Phil, and make it snappy. Our listeners
must be on the edge of their seats.
Don't fall off,
folks. Heat up
here.
Heat. Heat.
[Music]
Heat. Heat.
[Music]
Run away from love played by Phil
Harrison as orchestra. And now ladies
and gentlemen for our mystery play,
Murder at Midnight or When My Dreambo
Comes Home.
The opening scene is the office of
Detective O. Benny at police
headquarters. Curtain, phone call, I
mean musicing.
[Music]
Hello. Police headquarters. Let me talk
to Detective Oenni. That's me. What is
it? My name is Jay Wellington
Croatsmere. Well, there's nothing I can
do about that.
What's on your mind? I got a hunch I'm
going to be murdered. What makes you
think so? My wife is always pointing a
gun at me.
When she pulls the trigger, let me know.
All right. Goodbye. Goodbye. Anything
wrong, Cap? No. Some fella thinks he's
going to be murdered. Is he? I hope not.
The boys are delivering beer in the
patrol wagon.
[Music]
Hello, Detective Oenny speaking. Uh,
this is Mrs. Crossmir, were you just
talking to my husband? Yes. Nice chap.
He sure was.
Now, what do you mean? Come over at
once. I think he's been shot. Your
husband's shot? What makes you think so?
He's laying on the floor and there's an
extra button hole in his
shirt. There is a Well, I'll be right
over. And don't make any more button
holes till I get there.
Okay, Cap. Bring some white rock. Right.
Have I What happened? Cap. Crotzmere was
right. So was Barnum. Yes. And they're
both dead. Well, we got to do something
about that. You take Barnum and I'll
take Crosmir. No, you take Barnum and
I'll take Crotzir. Barnum. Crosmere.
Crotzir. Barnum. Let's spell the whole
thing out.
No, we can't do that. We got to get over
there at once and investigate. Follow
me, Harris. Rap. Take care of the
office, Lieutenant. Okay. Come on,
Sarge. Let's
go. Better take your pill first, Mr.
Benny. Oh, all right, Doc. Come on,
Charge. We're off. Cat Benny rides
again. Well, here we are, Sarge. This is
the place. All
right. Open up in the name of the law.
This is police headquarters. Dog gone
it. I forgot to release the break.
Well, let's try again.
This will be the place, Serge. It better
be. We're out of gas. Open up.
Come on, open the door. I'll break it
down. Well, good evening, gentlemen.
Good evening. E, make a note of that,
start. Okay, cap.
You're the butler, aren't you? How do
you know? Your uniform is a dead
giveaway.
Now, come on. You Where's the body? You
mean Mr. Crommer's? Yes. He's right
there on the floor.
Thanks. Follow me, sir. Yeah,
man. Musicians are all alike.
Who's this? Wait a minute. Are you Mrs.
Crotmir? No, I am the main. Yeah. What's
your name? VP. Your last name? Poo poo.
Pee poo poo. Wee wee. Wee wee. Make a
note of that,
Sarge. Sergeant.
Uh-uh. Now, Fifi, bring Mrs. Croxmmer in
here. Here I am, cap fit as a fiddle and
ready for a new husband. Oh, yeah. I
want to talk to you, madam. Go ahead,
blue coat. Take a load off your feet and
sit down. Thanks. Ouch. What's the
matter, Captain? I've been looking for
that badge all day. Oh.
Now, Mrs. Croxer, where were you at the
time of the murder? I'm back at the gun,
minding my own business.
So, you did have a gun, eh? Yes. Where'd
you buy the bullets? At Bullet
Wilshshire.
That's a local gag, folks, but it fits.
Now listen, Mr. Trustmir, I want the
whole story for you right from the
start. And I want the truth. Get at it.
The truth. Okay, blood hound. My husband
and I were sitting in the den. He was
behind his desk cleaning up the pipe.
Yes. Yes. Go on. When suddenly a shot
rang out. I looked toward the window and
there I saw. Beg pardon, madam. Are we
having jello- for dinner?
Yes, Jenkins. Any particular flavor? A
little of each and be sure that it's
genuine jello- with the big red letters
on the box. Make a note of that, Sarge.
Got you,
pal. Now, go ahead, Mrs. Trustmir. What
did you see? Well, I looked out of the
window and there in the moonlight, I saw
shadows running across the lawn. Oh,
moonlight and
shadows. Must have been making a dash
for the hit
parade. Make note of that, Sarge. Ain't
worth it.
And then what happened, Mrs. Crossmeir?
I screamed to fire two shots.
Two shots? Eh, I thought you were lying.
Now listen, gal, you're coming with me.
And what's more, you're coming without a
struggle. I never struggled yet, big
boy. Then slap the bracelets on
her, and let's
go. Now, wait a minute. Hold everything.
No one move.
Come in. It's time for another pill, Mr.
Benny. I haven't got time for that, Doc.
Now get out of here. Come on, Sergeant.
And take Mrs. Croxmmere with you. What
is that?
Look, Sarge. Someone threw a stone
through the window. Yes, Captain.
There's a note tied around it. A note?
E. What does it say? Hillside
5027. That nurse again. She sure gets
around. Come on, let's go.
Wait a minute, Sarge. Wait a minute.
There's the phone. Maybe it's a clue.
I'll take it.
Hello. Yes. Yes. What? Who? Cactus Face.
Dog gone it. We got the wrong last
page. What'll I do now?
[Laughter]
This will be concluded next Sunday
night. Will the murder be solved? Will
they find the right page? Will Jack's
doctor run out of pills? Listen in next
Sunday night and find out. Play
pill. Dessert is a great favorite with
everybody. And here's a dessert that's
everybody's
favorite. Ice cream made with Jell-O ice
cream powder. The new way to have rich
mellow ice cream more quickly, more
easily, more economically. For Jello-O
ice cream powder makes delicious creamy
ice cream, the kind with the real
old-fashioned homemade flavor. Yet, you
actually use less cream and get more ice
cream. And you make it right in the
freezing trays of your refrigerator. Or
if you prefer, you'll get the same
wonderful results with an ordinary hand
freezer. All you do is combine Jell-O
ice cream powder with milk, some cream
and sugar, and you'll soon have a quart
and a half of smooth, mellow ice cream.
An economical, I'll say it is. Why? One
package of Jell-O ice cream powder makes
1 and 1/2 quarts of ice cream, twice as
much as most other such products on the
market. So, serve ice cream made with
Jell-O ice cream powder soon. There are
five rich, delicious flavors: chocolate,
vanilla, strawberry, lemon, and maple.
And there is unflavored too so that you
can make any flavored ice cream you
want. Ask your grosser tomorrow for
several packages of Jello ice cream
powder.
Heat. Heat.
[Music]
This is the last number of the 35th
program in the new Jello series. We're
with you again next Sunday night when we
will finish our thrilling mystery. So,
be sure and listen in. Come on, Mary.
You going home? Take my handcuffs off
first. Oh, yes. That's right. Good night
folks.
[Music]
The tune of runway from love is from the
singing marine. The yellow program comes
to you from Hollywood over the red
network of the national broadcasting
company.
[Applause]
[Music]