[Music]
Hello friends welcome to this day in
Jack Benny I'm John Henderson this
episode is from April 8th
1945 they're broadcasting for a crowd of
soldiers in Palm Springs soldiers
particularly in World War II were known
to pin up photos of attractive young
starlets like hdy Lamar that so strange
in this episode they mention a number of
movie stars like the dancing actress
Elanor Powell naturally the young actor
Van Johnson you're all kind of people
the established actor Spencer Tracy tell
them it's a secret mission romantic
Carrie Grant appeal to me the
sophisticated french actor Charles Boer
very dignified the English actor Ronald
Coleman it's not as simple as I thought
the tall Gary Cooper we've always
maintained a certain respectability the
king of Hollywood Clark Gable it's
really an honor to be at the controls of
this Wing Victory Command Performance
and the Everyman Fred McMurray let's see
know you're from some place and William
Powell I'm proud of being a good Butler
sir and I may add sir a butler has to be
good to hold his job here that was from
My Man Godfrey he was also in the Thin
Man movies with Mna lo oh Nick catch
him Jack Benny's new movie the horn
blows at midnight would be released
later this month
Elizabeth I wasn't doing anything
weren't doing anything no she was doing
it all Jack also appeared as himself in
Fred Allen's movie it's in the bag tell
me how do you ever make up those funny
things you say on the
radio well it's really very simple I I
laugh first and then I think back until
I come to a joke there's really nothing
to it no there's nothing to it I can see
that now of course sometimes I can't
think of a joke I've noticed that but
then as long as I've laughed why nobody
can say that I haven't got laughs on my
program on the radio you could hear a
live unscripted chat with the ladies of
Southern California hosted by Tom
brenaman on the program called breakfast
at Sardis soon to be renamed breakfast
in Hollywood good morning we serve you
breakfast at
Sardi good morning
ladies I don't know I think we'll start
with you tell us who are you Mrs Barbara
gabius gabius what was your maiden name
Savage
Savage that isn't so
funny so I'm gabbit is married a Savage
that's
right that's
worse and you could hear the scripted
sitcom The Aldrich Family
Henry Henry Aldrich coming mother or you
could just listen to a record got to ask
cheate the positive
elate the negative latch on to
[Music]
the if you had a penny there were a
number of coin operated machines on the
street or in the drugstore you could get
your weight on the weighing machine or
you could get some food in a vending
machine some people didn't even use a
real coin if you had a piece of metal
that was the same shape and weight like
a washer you could use it instead of a
coin that was called a slug and finally
bartenders would be familiar with the
Tom Collins a drink which is essentially
sparkling lemonade with Jin if you'd
like to hear more episodes of this day
in Jack Benny check out our website
thisday ben.com and enjoy the show The
Jack Benny
Program broadcasting for the patients
and military personnel at the T eneral
hospital at Palm Springs the Lucky
Strike program starring Jack Benny with
Mary Livingston Phil Harris Rochester
Larry Stevens and yours truly Don
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
Wilson and now you fortunate people we
bring you that SAR of stage screen and
radio and operator of peanut vending
machines throughout the pal Springs area
it's uh just a little sideline Folks at
so while we're working for peanuts he's
got peanuts working for him and here he
is zck
[Applause]
[Music]
Benny thank
you thank you thank you thank you hello
again this is Jack Benny talking and Don
I didn't mind you disclosing that I'm
the peanut king of Palm Springs but you
forgot to mention that I have just
acquired the franchise for Anaheim azuza
and cucamanga
you want to watch that B I will Jack and
another thing Don you didn't have to
infer that I'm not paying you in my cash
enough money for being on my radio show
well we're not complaining about the
radio show Jack it's that evening work
you make us do oh a few hours work in
the evening never h anybody I know but
we feel so silly coming to your house
and sitting around with those little
aprons on and shelling
peanuts wow when it's time to go home
the way you're reaching the Cuffs of our
pants well Don as long as you're beefing
a bot I got a little complaint to make
too I'm docking you 50 cents for what
you did last night what did I do
remember that pile of peanut you sat on
yes peanut
butter I'm not going to clog up my
machines with that stuff now Don we're
here to do a show for the boys attorney
hospitals oh hello Mary hello Jack hi
you
[Applause]
fellas
say say very that's a cute outfit you're
wearing something new yes I just got it
it's a convertible sunsuit convertible
you mean you can let the top all the way
yeah oh I'm sorry Mary anyway I think
it's oh say Jack I meant to tell you on
my way over here I passed one of your
peanut machines and I saw something I
think you ought to know about what's
that
Mary there's a kid in this neighborhood
who's got a system for getting a lot of
peenuts out of your machine for just one
p p a lot of peanuts for a p how does he
do it well first he studies the machine
with his left hand and then he puts in a
penny with his left hand uh-huh and then
he turns a handle with his left hand
what does he do with his right hand he
picks up a rock and breaks the
glass well hard you like that there's
always somebody trying to put something
over on you but Jackie was just a kid I
don't mean just him you want to know
something Mary yesterday I went around
and emptied my machines and when I was
counting up the pennies I found a slug
imagine anyone being so cheap as to put
a slug in a peanut machine a slug let me
see it I haven't got it I weighed myself
this
morning and and you'll never believe
this Mary you know the little card that
comes out with your weight and the
picture of a movie star on the other
side yeah well the card I got had my
picture on it imagine my picture coming
out what' you expect for a slug Clark
gave
him no but uh a you fellas clapped them
hands stir up some air it's hot in
here thank you yes sir get ready to
laugh up here at tney because Harris is
on and he's plenty
corny hey wait a minute Jackson Who
penciled that line in my script Harris
is on and he's plenty corny I did Phil
I'll teach you to come to rehearsal so
you'll know what you're reading what do
you mean reading I Mesmerize all my
stuff oh fine why weren't you at
rehearsal anyway what took you so long
getting here well Jackson whenever I
come through this desert country I visit
my uncle you see uh my uncle's a Hermit
and I spend a couple of hours with him
to keep him from being Lonesome oh a
Hermit eh where does he live at the
Chichi
Club at the chii club well how can he be
Lonesome at the chii club he's a
civilian oh oh well I can see where that
would make a lot of difference come in
yes are you Mr Benny proprietor of the
peanut machine in front of the El Paso
drugstore yeah yeah what can I do for
you I want my penny
[Music]
back what I put a penny in your peanut
machine and nothing came off oh oh do I
get my penny back why certainly
certainly GE and I thought I was going
to have
trouble
trouble why not at all not at all
just fill out these forms
in that's all no trouble at all bub no
trouble at all fail now here are the
forms Mr go over in the corner and fill
them out yeah but I only want my penny
back I know I know just fill out the
form and everything will be all right
okay say Jack why do you make him go
through all that just to get a penny
back I can't help it down the peanut
vending business is very legitimate and
I've got to conduct it in a legitimate
manner Jack do you grow all those
peanuts yourself of course not Mary I
have them shipped in didn't you see all
those sacks piled on the front porch you
mean the ones that said nuts to
Benny
certainly what are you laughing at I
thought it was fan
mail oh you did E well Mr Benny yes I
finished filling out the forms now if
you'll give me my penny I'll go
certainly certainly but first you've got
to get this form notorized
what and fingerprinted notorized
fingerprinted just to get a penny back
lot forms I didn't want any penis in the
first place it's all my wife's fault I
knew the machine was empty but she goed
me on I didn't want to do it and when I
didn't get any penis I wanted to forget
about it but no she said get your penny
back get your penny back what a laugh BS
question fingerprints notorized
play Phil play play Phil you certainly
meet a lot of peculiar people and the
people
that was every time played by Phil
Harris very short number Phil played by
Phil Harris and he's D Juan D cabalero D
delit Orchestra which is a Spanish
phrase meaning the cotton out of your
ears fellas the Music's
Over say Phil I meant to ask you where
are you living here in Palm Springs well
I'm out at the Deep Well Ranch deep well
Ranch hey are you living in a cabin or a
room no in the well it's crowded out
there where are you living Jackson uh
I've got a house here Phil it belongs to
William Powell and we have a friendly
agreement you see he pays for the
electricity and I pay for the water oh
For Heaven's Sake Jack you're living
there for nothing and you still make
William Powell pay for the electricity
while you only pay for the water yeah
but now I wish it were the other way
around why I'm getting awfully
thirsty you know you can live without
reading at night you know anyway he Jack
that's quite a coincidence you're living
in Bill Powell's house he's always been
my favorite actor he's so swaave so
sophisticated so deire I agree with you
Don I think William Powell is definitely
in my class in fact uh in fact the other
day as I was walking down the street
some people pointed at me and said look
he walks just like Powell they meant
ellenor po
[Applause]
they did not wait a minute Jackson where
do you come off comparing yourself to
William pow why Fred Allen is a better
actor than you are who Fred Allen I saw
him in his latest picture it's in the
bag and the guy's terrific and boy does
he look good on the screen Phil stop
comparing me with Allan with those bags
under his eyes and those wrinkles on his
face I won't look that bad when I'm
40 you want to answer that Phil no you
take it liby quiet now let me tell you
something I just finished a picture too
the horn blows at midnight Mary saw the
preview go ahead Mary tell them how I
look I wouldn't even tell that to
another
girl another girl another girl that's
telling him liby what do you know about
her you didn't even see my picture well
I'm not talking about your picture I
merely said that PR Allen is a better
actor than you are at he is not and Phil
let's drop the subject you're going to
get a punch in the nose H yeah who's
going to do it Don
Wilson that's who but Jack I don't want
to fight with Phil
oh you're yellow
eh I knew it all the time imagine a big
guy like you now wait a minute Jackson
you're the one that's yell oh yeah just
say that once more you're yell that
doesn't I'm going
[Music]
home right now but Jack you can't just
walk off the program oh I can't a sound
man open that
door you guys are so smart you can run
the program without me I'm sorry fellas
it's all had to happen in front of you
but I'm
going
y da the boss must have been awful mad
to walk out in the middle of the program
like
[Applause]
that yeah I hope he's not too mad when
he gets here because I'm going to ask
him for the night off maybe if I fix him
a nice tall Frosty Tom Collins with just
the right amount of
no I'd only drink that
myself well well at least one of us will
be in a good
mood is that you Mr Benny yes was that
you slamming the door like that yes yes
are you a mad yes yes yes can I have the
night off yes I mean no Rock what's the
idea of trying to trick me I thought I I
thought I'd slip that in while you were
accentuating the positive
well you can forget that because you
can't have tonight o I'm going to my
bedroom and lie down want to come in and
rub my bag yes sir what do you want me
to rub it with I don't know you got any
olive oil no but we got peanut
[Applause]
[Music]
butter oh yes that clumsy
Wilson never mind Ro just give me a
massage with your hand okay lie down
boss now go ahead
yes my my with big muscles in your back
muscles oh yes yes of
course how how big are they Rochester
well go on go on tell me uh how big
would it have to be for me to get the
night
[Music]
off I should have known you were leading
for something now you definitely can't
have the night off those muscles are
mountainous boss
mountainous what well got snow on them
uh 6 months out the year too late you
had your chance and you've rubbed me
enough now will you please get me a
glass of ginger ale
okay I'll turn on the radio and see how
my gang is getting along without me you
think they're so
smart and Now ladies and gentlemen
continuing with our Lucky Strike quiz
program quiz program what are they doing
with my show our next contestant is a
Charming young lady Miss Phyllis
Harrison Phyllis Harrison now now Mrs
Harrison uh what is your occupation I'm
a
house that's Phil Harris I know it now
tell me Mrs Harrison have you ever been
on the radio before just what I bured on
breakfast at
s oh my goodness what they're doing to
my show now here's your first question
Mrs Harrison how many people are there
in the big three
five I knew it was Harris I knew it well
as long as as this is your first time on
the air I'm going to give you an easier
question what does Ls mft stand for LS
MF stands for Lucky Strike means fine
tobacco so round so firm so fully packed
so free and easy on the
[Applause]
draw and another thing I know they're
made from the finer the lighter and
naturally milder tobaccos that grow in
North Carolina and that's what I like
about the
song Oh Brother what that guy Harris
won't do for a laugh thank you thank you
Mrs Harrison and here's your prize you
get a carton of $20 bills and one Lucky
Strike
cigarette how do you like that and now
ladies and gentlemen Larry Stevens the
singing star of my program will sing
This Heart of
Mine the singing star of his
[Applause]
program
This
Heart of
mine was
doing very
well the world was
fine as far as
I could tell and then quite
suddenly I met you and I dreamed of
g at dawn I woke up
singing
sental over the
ches This Heart of
my is gay done sing
now I taste the
wine of real
romance s now somehow this crazy world
has taken
on a
wonderful
design as long as life and
yours it's
yours This
Heart of
[Music]
[Applause]
M
[Applause]
that was Larry Stevens singing This
Heart of mine and very very good Larry
thank you well by the me Mr Wilson uh
yes Larry well there's somebody missing
on this program but I can't figure out
who it is he'll know who it is when he
doesn't get his
check he's going to turn this thing off
and take a nap H can't get over the way
my gang insisted that Allen was a better
actor than I am you think at least one
of them would agreed with me
H I know what I'll do I'll ask Rochester
when he comes back he's always been
loyal to me he'll give me a good here
your attender boss thanks Rochester if I
ask you a question will you tell me the
truth yes sir do you think Fred Allen is
a better actor than I am no sir no sir
no
[Music]
[Applause]
sir well why you're even better than
Gary Cooper Ronald Coleman Spencer Tracy
and Fred McMurray all fo together oh
Rochester you're just trying to flatter
me no I'm just trying to get the night
[Applause]
off well you can't get it that way now
go out in the kitchen and leave me alone
I want to take a nap
okay just as bad as my
cat oh well I'm going to take a nap
maybe I'll feel better when I wake
up oh boy this bed feels
good Rochester thinks he can get away
with everything just because I owe him
money
believe me I'd let him go if he wasn't a
partner in my peanut
business you're not much of a butler
anyway I wish I had one like you see in
the movies a real gentleman's
gentleman a butler with
[Music]
class yes
sir a butler that's what I want
the swab gentleman's
[Music]
gentleman my
butler
[Music]
Clash hello this is the residence of
Jack Benny outstanding star of the
cinema the drama the wireless entertains
at strawberry festivals and smokers
material homey or risque as the occasion
demands I'm sorry Mr Benny is taking his
bath right now this is his gentle
gentleman William
[Applause]
Powell who shall I say is calling Haiti
Hai Lao
well I'm frightfully Sorry Miss Lamar
but Mr Benny hasn't any more pinup
pictures of himself he sent them all to
the nurses atorney General
[Music]
[Applause]
Hospital yes they've uh they just Ved
here Mister let's hope we can find a
cure for it of
1945 very good I'll tell him you call
goodbye William William Powell coming
[Music]
Master you call Sir no I call William
what you'll do I'm finished with my bath
uh lift me out of the tub yes
sir now uh dry my bag yes
sir now comb my hair yes
sir there now shall I put it on you
sir
yes yes go ahead there you are and I
must say you look very manly Sir William
that goes on my head not my
[Music]
chest now help me out with my shoes uh
just put them on my feet I'll tie the
laces myself oh very good Sur you feel
like roughing
[Music]
it that I do that I
do
the doorbell
William answer yes
sir good morning William oh good morning
Miss Livingston come right in well thank
you your hat here your coat here your
kiss
here wait a minute William wait a
minute I'm supposed to get that but sir
I'd much rather kiss
her
I didn't mean that and anyway look what
your kids did to Mary she's fainted
she's lying on the floor oh yes she
makes a tidy little Heap doesn't
she never mind that Mary Mary speak to
me Mary look it's me Jack say something
get your penny back get your penny back
I didn't want any peanut in the place
it's all your fault I knew the machine
was empty but you're goed me on you said
get your penny back get your penny back
what laugh War's qu his fingerprint not
[Music]
[Applause]
right William William William where are
you right here you're on my lap sir oh
yes William you're so dependable you've
been with me 68 years haven't you 87 sir
oh yes I'm going to ask you a question
and I want you to tell me the truth you
can rely upon me sir tell me William
what do you think of me as an actor well
sir you're not quite as romantic as K
Grant and you haven't the boyish charm
of Van Johnson you uh lack the
sophistication of charl Boer and you
just miss the dramatic ability of
Spencer Tracy yes yes well to sum it all
up you stink
[Music]
sir
thank you William I knew I could count
on
you dinner is served
sir good I'm hungry uh what are we
having for dinner William peanuts on the
hot shell good oh William I've been
meaning to ask you how is it that a man
of your breeding has chosen to be a
butler well Madam I wasn't always a
butler I Used to Be a Millionaire in
fact until last month I had $1 million
and now it's gone all gone but how did
all that money go so fast I spent a week
in Palm
[Music]
[Applause]
Spring oh oh we understand uh come on
Mary let's eat oh say William I'd like a
cigarette please oh just a second and
I'll get one out of Mr Benny's musical
cigarette box just listen to it as I
lift up the cover
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
it's a little Out Of
Tune wait a minute that isn't my
cigarette box mine was solid gold studed
with diamond and rubies there's been a
robbery there's been a robbery I'll send
for a
[Music]
detective nobody leave this room who are
you I'm the Thin Man the Thin Man you
look like William the butler quiet
mner M now where's my dog aa oh there
you are me here ASA come on come on stop
whistling at me I'm not a dog I'm not a
dog I'm not a woof woof woof woof woof
woof woof wo oh you poor little puppy I
think you're sick stop feeling my nose
I'm not a dog and cut that out watch out
he's dang Mad Mad Dog Mad Dog mad dog
stop calling me a dog I'm not a dog I'm
just as human as you are listen to me
woof wof wof woof woof
[Music]
woof boss boss wake up boss wake up what
huh what oh it's you Rochester I just
had an awful dream oh thought so you
must have dreamt you were a dog me
dreaming I was a dog don't be silly okay
okay have it your own way but come out
from under the
bed oh yes how did I get down
[Music]
there
ladies I've talked about this before but
it needs repetition because the problem
is tougher than ever now that our
hospitals are so crowded with Wounded
men Every Woman trained or untrained
young or old can help in one way or
another in the hospital you should
volunteer for as many hours as you can
possibly give every minute will help so
go to your Red Cross chapter and they'll
tell you how you can best serve in your
local hospitals and believe me ladies
your help is needed now thank
[Applause]
you Z will be back in just a minute but
first here are my good friend Jeffy Boon
and Kenneth
Delmar
sold American Quality of product is
essential to continuing success the
quality of Lucky Strike cigarettes can
be summed up in these five simple words
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco Mr Frank
Brown independent tobacco warehouseman
of Stoneville North Carolina said I have
seen Lucky Strike by Leaf that's light
ripe and mellow the kind of tobacco that
will give a smoke a real enjoyment
that's why I've smoked lies for 25 years
for 2 5
years yes Lucky Strike means fine
tobacco so smoke that smoke of fine
tobacco Lucky Strike the famous tobacco
auctioneers heard on tonight's
programmer Mr Fe Boon of Lexington
Kentucky at 45 45 sold americ am LA
Speed Rigs of Goldsboro North
Carolina and this is BAS
risdale LS mft LS mft LS mft yes Lucky
Strike means fine tobacco so round so
firm so fully packed so free and easy on
the
draw well folks this concludes our
broadcast here Attorney General Hospital
I want to thank all you fellas for
inviting us up here I also want to take
just a moment to congratulate radio
station W in Omaha Nebraska on their
22nd anniversary and next Sunday night
we'll be brought casting from the US
Naval auxiliary air station at 29 PB oh
uh Jack yes bill look I may not see you
later on so I'll take that check now
that you owe me for appearing on your
program what um what did you say Bill I
say I'll take that check you owe me for
appearing on your program appearing on
my program what are you talking about I
dreamt that brother I dreamt that fine
thing a man can't even dream without
Broadcasting Company good night
[Applause]
[Music]