[Music]
Hello friends welcome to this day in
Jack Benny I'm John Henderson this
episode is from March 22nd
1953 this season Not only was Jack on
the radio every week he was also on
television about once a month he had
planned to appear live on television on
February 22nd but had to cancel when he
was rushed to the hospital with severe
cramps caused by the flu people would
have read about his illness in the
newspaper when it happened a month
earlier but he only mentioned it on his
radio show last week that's because at
this time the radio show was
pre-recorded on transcription records
weeks in advance this episode was also
transcribed but he would appear live on
television immediately following this
episode Bob Crosby would do a song and
Jack would play Dr and Mr Hyde a role
he's played
before Mr
Hyde on this episode of the radio show
they mentioned the Bendix washing
machine this wonderful Bendix automatic
tumble action washer that automatically
washes clean as a whistle everything
from the grimiest overalls to the most
delicate garment made of the new Miracle
Fabrics drop in at your Bendix dealers
right now Pepsi Cola pepsa hit the SP
bottle and it's cut bounce bounce bounce
bounce go get pep for the pep bounce
here in the 1950s there was a health fad
of adding chlorophyll as an ingredient
to things and on the big screen it was
the start of a new craze
three-dimensional movies and the third
dimension as you well know is dep it's
rather remarkable isn't it you have to
use the magic glasses all this and a
great deal more of course at last makes
it possible to photograph a feature
length picture in three dimension they
also mention California's Pismo Beach it
is almost unnecessary to say that among
the chief attractions of the Southern
California picture is its many miles of
beaches where you can be as athletic as
you choose or just L around and build up
a beautiful tan they reference Herbert
Hoover who was president about 20 years
earlier in this service to my country
and Rudolph Valentino an actor from the
1920s in silent films like the chic
[Music]
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Benny
[Music]
Program starring Jack Benny with Mary
Livingston Rochester Dennis day Bob
Crosby yours truly dodwell
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
ladies and gentlemen immediately after
this radio program Jack does his
television show but meanwhile let's go
out to Jack Benny's House in Beverly
Hills it's morning and he's just
finished his
breakfast did you enjoy your breakfast
Mr Benny oh yes it was wonderful you
know Rochester I like starting off with
that pink grapefruit where do those pink
grapefruit come from Florida Florida eh
I wonder what makes them pink when they
see the size of our California
grapefruit they
blush a Rochester you're
cute and that was a swell breakfast say
say Mr Benny you've got a little bit of
egg on your chin I have hand me a spon
oh boss wipe it off it's not enough to
[Music]
save I'm not going to save it I just
didn't want a dirty napkin you know our
Bendix machines are loaded
here hello
Polly I said hello
Polly Rochester why does why does Polly
seem afraid of me well you know how you
force
[Music]
it well she needn't worry this year
we're going to buy the eggs Hello Polly
H that's better Rochester such a
beautiful day I think I'll I'll go for a
walk you've been taking a lot of walks
lately Mr B I know you see when I left
the hospital and went to Palm Springs
the doctor told me I was fine but I
ought to get a little more exercise how
would you like to mold the
lawn no no I'll walk don't be so good to
me you know I'll see you
[Music]
later gee it's certainly nice out
today everything looks so
beautiful the air smells so fresh
I feel great since I got out of the
hospital person doesn't realize that
tremendous advances Medical Science has
made all those new Wonder drugs they've
invented or
aasin chloromycin
cortisone penicillin and the four-way
coal
tablet now they've even got a 12-way
cold
tablet that's for people who get sick
watching three-dimensional
[Music]
pictures that stay in the hospital sure
did me a lot of good no business no
phone
calls just wonderful rest and
quiet doctors wanted me to stay in the
hospital a little longer but I insisted
on getting
out 20 bucks a
day fortunately I was getting 25 from
the Blue
Cross I think next week I'll tell them
I'm
out
hey hey there's that that cute little
Washburn girl playing with her
doll hello Beverly oh hello Mr Benny
it's nice to see you out of the hospital
oh thank you Beverly what did you have a
boy or a
girl no no no honey I I had the I had
the flu gee I didn't know there were
boys girls and
flu no Beverly Beverly you're mixed up
you see the flu is like a cold well
didn't you bring anything from home to
the hospital no then they cheated you
every time my mommy goes she brings home
a
baby she does yes she's such a good
customer last time they gave her
[Music]
two I know I know you're twin brothers
well see you later Beverly goodbye
goodbye Mr
Benny gee she's cute thinking that I had
a
baby imagine me having a
baby that would drive my press agent
[Music]
nuts
that little Beverly is a
do her parents named her Beverly because
she was born here in Beverly
Hills her brother's name is
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Pismo oh boy this walk is sure making me
feel good I wonder if oh hello Dennis
she wouldn't be got a top of the morning
to the pleasure equal to kissing the
blindy stone itself running into the
lights of you and may be wishing you a
happy St Patrick's Day
there wait a minute Dennis aren't you
celebrating St Patrick's Day a little
late oh I forgot about it Dennis how
could you possibly forget everybody was
wearing green shirts and green ties and
green socks and the women were wearing
green dresses and green hats I thought
it was a public stun for
chlorophyll oh for having so oh by the
way Dennis I'm a little disappointed in
you you didn't come to visit me when I
was in the hospital well I couldn't Mr
Benny I was sick at the time myself you
were I didn't know that yeah I had have
a doctor and everything I felt awful I
had chills and fever and temperature and
butterflies in my stomach no kidding
what' the doctor do he told me to stop
eating the
butterflies
Dennis come here a minute if you hit me
I'll tell the Blue Cross you're out of
the
hospital well goodbye Dennis I'll see
you later well wait a minute Mr Benny
don't you want to listen to the song I'm
going to do on the show next week listen
to it here here on the street it would
be embarrassing yeah I guess you're
right Mr Benny the last time I sang on
the street people started throwing money
out of the windows sing kid I'll get a
[Applause]
broom oh my
wonderful
one
iore you
through the day and the
night I
Longing For
You all you tell me you
can oh
I
you while the stars above shine and on
you world I'll find if you'll tell me
your
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mind
[Music]
r
the
Lun won't you tell me you
can oh
I are
you while the stars above Shine for You
world I
find if you
oh
me
you
well how'd you like my song Mr Benny uh
just a minute Dennis
6570 75 80 no that's a bottle
capat that's the one that landed right
on my nose they're right pepsic Cola
hits the
spot yeah yeah well so long Dennis
goodbye that was a nice song The Dennis
sang probably be a big
hit I never could understand why the
song I wrote wasn't a
hit when you say I beg your
pardon then I'll come back to you when
you ask me to forgive you I'll
return like the swallows at
Sano come back to
say now I know what's wrong with my song
it's state
[Music]
well someday I'll write a big hit that
will hey can you tell me how to get to
the farmers market yes yes you turn
right hey aren't you my friend from
calabases yes fre
hi hi hi and the farmer's market is on
the corner of Third and Fairfax did you
come into town to buy something no I'm
taking this truckload of stuff from a
farm to sell oh what do you got in the
truck Pig's
Knuckles pigs Knuckles yeah the pigs
were driving me crazy always cracking
[Music]
them oh you're kidding no I'm
not quiet
Poky
well I I better get going room I'm in a
hurry why what's the rush I want to get
home before 8:00 this is going to be a
big night in Calabasas they're reopening
the movie house they put in a new modern
feature Oh you mean threedimensional
pictures no
[Music]
Takis well I hope you enjoy them oh I
will can't wait to hear that Valentino
fella talk he's a hot one
[Music]
yeah yeah well goodbye that's so long
room I'm the
[Music]
[Applause]
she a there's a real friendly person
great fan of mine
too he's waving goodbye to me
oh no it's one of the pig's
Knuckles but a fan is a
fan G I had no idea I walked this far
here's Don Wilson's house I wonder if
Donna's home must be the house is
[Music]
tilted I'll drop in and surprise
him
why Jack Benny what a pleasant surprise
oh hello Mrs Wilson I was just out for a
stroll thought I'd drop in Don's home
isn't he yes come right in thank you you
look wonderful Jack how are you feeling
now oh great you know I had a nice rest
in Palm Springs where's Don he's in the
living room practicing his diction
practicing his diction yes you know an
announcer has to practice every day just
like a musician I never knew that I call
him
oh
Don
Donald
honey
sweetheart F
[Music]
so are you are you sure he's in the
living room oh yes he gets so absorbed
when he practices his diction let's go
in oh now brown
cow the rain in Spain falls mainly on
the
plain how now brown cow Peter Piper
picked a peck of pickled peppers she
sell seashells by the seashore oh Don
how now brown
cow Don oh oh I'm sorry dear I was re oh
hello Jack oh hello Don don't let me
interrupt go right ahead with you hey I
didn't know the Sportsman quartet was
here with you hello
fellas Don what are you and the
Sportsman working on ah we've all been
practicing addiction the Sportsman too
yeah as a matter of fact uh we have a
wonderful song prepared for the show
would you like to hear it why sure as
long as I'm here all right fellas take
it how now brown how how now round now
okay take it
now you got accent to
thei Li the negative on to the
affirmative don't mess with in between
you got e
[Music]
nity words with familiarity
and popularity Don't Mess With Mr in
between to illustrate our last remark
Jonah in the way Noah in the AR what did
they say just when everything looks so
dark pass the dictionary accent to the
positive liate the negative and
latch affirmative don't mess with
in don't mess with
in now BR pow how now BR no don't mess
with Mr in
between how now brown cow how now brown
[Applause]
cow say that's wonderful Don will be
swell on the show I knew you'd like it
well I got to be going I'm taking my
daily walk oh but Jack it was such a
short visit why don't you stay and have
lunch with Don I'm sure there'd be
enough for both of you no thanks I'm not
hungry good
good goodbye Mrs Wilson goodbye goodbye
Jack goodbye brown cow see you
[Music]
later gosh I walked all the way down to
the shopping
district H drucker's Barber Shop
haircuts
$150 how do you like that they raised
the price last time I got one they were
40
[Music]
C I say what smells so good that was
this Bakery
here oh boy look at those nice looking
cakes in the window I think I'll go in
and buy
something yes so what can I do for
you well well I don't know everything
looks so good here what do you recommend
well we got pies cakes Donuts brownies
and simmeron
[Music]
rolls what cimmeron
rolls don't don't you mean cinnamon
that's what I said simmeron
wrong
well I don't want any of those oh want
know have you got any lady fingers I
used to have but I had to get rid of
them they kept cracking their
Knuckles don't be so smart I came in
here to buy something now let's see well
I know I'll have a half a dozen donuts
that chocolate cake and let's see I'll
have this Napoleon that's a Josephine
look Mr I've been having those for years
it's a Napoleon it's a Josephine this is
Danish
[Music]
Pastry
well see I'll um I'll have it anyway and
I say on second thought I think I'll
have some of those simmer and
rolls what I said
I I said I'll have some of those
simmeron roll don't you mean cinnamon
[Music]
roll yes give me six of them how much is
it all together oh let's see donuts
chocolate pastry and a half a dozen
simmeron
rolls that comes to a dollar even a
dollar well here you are goodbye goodbye
and call again you're quite a
[Music]
character all right all right
goodbye
Rochester will be happy I sto at the
bakery he loves
Donuts I'll put a candle on one of them
tomorrow's his
birthday gee look at all the new sets in
this television store window hey they're
advertising my TV show that goes on
today says don't miss Jack Benny's
version of Dr Jackal and Mr Hyde oh boy
I love those shows where I can play two
parts hi Jack what are you doing here
huh oh Bob Crow B I was just looking at
these television sets where you going
Bob oh nowhere just coming from remley's
house you see Frankie SI bed with the
flu gosh everybody seems to have had it
is remley taking good care of himself oh
yes starts out in the morning with a hot
ttty 9:00 he has grapefruit juice and
bourbon 10:00 he has orange juice and
vodka at noon he has lime and Gem he
keeps repeating this until
bedtime well For Heaven's Sake who's his
doctor well he hasn't got a doctor he's
got a
[Music]
bartender well of all the why doesn't he
get a doctor what and get
[Music]
well what a guy well I got to be running
along Bob don't forget my television
show this afternoon don't worry Jack
I'll be watching it watching it you're H
it oh yes yes yes well see you later on
oh Bob yes you know I got something
funny tell you you know that word that
you always have so much trouble
pronouncing uh uh man ofev bits yeah
yeah well I just R into a fell in a
bakery who couldn't pronounce cinnamon
rolls well out of you how do you like
that you mean he couldn't say simmeron
rolls yeah yeah so long bob so long
imagine Bob almost forgetting my TV show
see I can't wait till I get on and do Dr
J and Mr Hyde the part I like is when I
change from the nice kindhearted Dr
Jackel into the mean cruel Mr Hyde boy
that really takes
[Laughter]
acting oh my goodness people are looking
at
me I'm so
embarrassed thank
[Music]
you see look what time it is I better
get down to the TV studio extra extra
get your paper here L election returns
election returns extra extra her butt
who elected president of the United
States ho defeats Alfred E Smith extra
extra H but ho new president extra
extra H that's what I get for
transcribing my show so far in
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advance oh well I better
hurry
good night
folks Jack Benny is a regular feature of
the United States Armed Forces Radio
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Service
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