[Music]
Hello friends welcome to this day in
Jack Benny I'm John Henderson this
episode is from January 31st
1943 it was broadcast live and performed
for an audience of
Marines
the regular band leader Phil Harris was
doing a stint as band leader in the
merchant marines so for a second and
final week the McFarland twins in their
Orchestra were filling
[Music]
in Mary Livingston is not in this
episode she's called and sick which is
why at the end Jack says good night doll
taking her place sort of is the guest
star Virginia Bruce please go by to
someone else why become me and director
Gregory rof director of the forthcoming
Columbia picture something to shout
about which Mr ratov says is merely a
super Sensational smash that's the best
Russian food pajari cutlets pajari
cutlets very good and what me is use Mr
R
will what did you
say will
whe a wheel we e a l will wheel a wheel
is something that goes around and around
and around in the theaters at this time
you could see Humphrey Bogart and ingred
Bergman in their new movie cassablanca
[Music]
I wasn't sure you were the same let's
see the last time we met was
Laur how nice you remembered but of
course that was the day the Germans
marched into Paris not an easy day to
forget no I remember every detail the
Germans wore gray you wore blue a
meeting of world leaders took place in
the real Casablanca a couple of weeks
earlier Franklin Delano Roosevelt met
Winston Church Hill at what they called
the Casablanca conference Casablanca the
place chosen for the latest Rosevelt
Churchill meeting meanwhile Jack Benny
had been working on his own movie called
the meanest man in the
world
hello oh hello Sam Sam
Goldwin Sam Goldwin I don't know if I
can do Sam going now look Sam if I told
you once I told you a thousand times I
told you last month I told you last week
I told you yesterday and I'm telling you
again today now
goodbye what did you tell him what
difference does it make he won't believe
me if you enjoy these episodes take a
moment to give this podcast a five-star
rating and review on Apple podcasts grab
yourself a Del a yummy bowl of grape
nuts flakes cereal and enjoy the show
The Grape nuts flakes program coming to
you from the United States Marine base
at quanico Virginia and starring Jack
Benny with Mary Livingston Dennis a
Rochester Yours Truly Don Wilson and the
McFarland twins in their
[Music]
Orchestra
friends you know what I received the
other day a fan letter yes sir and it
said why don't you people do something
about that dull word delicious I've
heard it on the air 40 times today go
and get yourself a new word so my fan
doesn't like delicious H but I wonder if
he'd settle for to Super Duper Pandy
well instead of saying how delicious
grape nuts flakes are I can certainly
call call them sweet as a nut grape nuts
Flakes and oh boy does that describ to a
tea their delicious no no now wait a
minute I mean their malty rich flavor
and I'll wager there's one thing my fan
does like about delicious and that's the
didto way grape nuts flakes taste and
their didle crisp and toasty texture and
as this nutritious and uh delectable
breakfast food satisfy why you'll find
the whole family clamoring for it so try
this uh ambrosial this uh this swell
elegant breakfast dish grape nuts flakes
tomorrow you'll find their uh
[Music]
[Applause]
delicious
that was The Road to Morocco played by
the orchestra Now ladies and gentlemen
from quano Virginia where we're
broadcasting to the world's roughest
toughest fighting men the United States
Marine you said it we bring you the WAN
cream puff Jack
Benny
[Applause]
hey thank
[Applause]
you hey what what happened to that first
number there my goodness I thought Phil
Harris was back with us again I mean
what hello again this is Jack Benny
speaking and Don Don you can talk about
my gray hair and you can kid me about
being uh shall I say
conservative but uh when you call me a
cream puff that's are going too far why
when I was a young fellow in walk Keegan
everybody used to call me The Mangler
The Mangler my goodness why did they
call you B I used to crush strawberries
at a soda
fountain I was the best jerk they
had soda of course and talk talk about
being tough why Don would you believe it
when I was only 8 years old I had a
fight with a kid who was over 12 and
what happened I knocked her
cold she had it coming though she was
always dipping my curls in the ink
well but you're right about these
marines down there is rugged a bunch of
boys as I've ever seen I mean they've
got what it
takes pardon me come in Mr Benny yes I'm
a half of the Marine station here I want
to welcome you to Chrono thank you very
much you're welome pull in your
gut and Sir gee these these guys are
really in condition aren't they Don yes
they certainly are by the way Jack how's
Mary's cold is she going to be on the
program tonight uh no no she isn't on
she'll be back next Sunday though you
know we've been knocking around the
country at a pretty fast clip and a
woman can't take it like we men I feel
fine myself you do Mr Benny yeah how do
I look well I'll probably get slugged
for this but you look like something
that cat dragged
out that's in Dragged In This Cat
Dragged you out
again never mind hello Dennis
hello Dennis Dennis what do you mean I
look bad I mean what's wrong with me
well GE you're awful pale and run down
looking well sure I'm pale I ruined my
sunlamp trying to make waffles in it
what uh what else is wrong remember this
morning on the train when you were
shaving yeah well you cut yourself and
no blood came out
y now that settles that I got to see a
doctor I'll mail out bids and get an
estimate on a good checkup first thing
tomorrow tell me Jack who's going to
take Mary's place on the program tonight
after all we do need a girl's voice well
uh well don't look at me I'm just a
tener I'm not looking at you I was about
to say that Virginia Bruce is going to
be with us tonight Virginia Bruce yeah
she's down here on location for a
picture and she very graciously
consented to come over you mean Virginia
Bruce the big movie actress yes sir you
mean the beautiful blonde with the
dreamy eyes that I'll fall madly in love
with and ask her to marry me and she'll
say no and I'll hang myself with that
lousy neck tie you gave me for Christmas
oh boy what an imagination that kid's
got it comes in handy when you haven't
got a girl believe
me all right anyway Miss Bruce will be
here in a few minutes and Dennis I want
you to be on your best behavior what do
you mean I mean no standing on your head
and showing off and uh now folks he
hates me cuz I can stand on my
head I hate you because your head is
flat and you can do it the easy
way it's not fair to the rest of us well
here comes the musical end of the
program the McFarland twins hello art
George hello Mr
Patty gee these two boys do look exactly
alike if George didn't owe me five bucks
I couldn't tell him AP part by the way
Jor when are you going to pay me that
money right now I'm tired of wearing
this ring in my
nose well I I had to Mark you I didn't
want to get that old run around you know
now fellas Virginia Bruce should be here
pretty soon so in the meantime let's
have your band number gee is Virginia
Bruce going to be on this program that's
right I think she's terrific don't you
George I think she's terrific don't you
art I think she's terrific don't you
Dennis Dennis stop talking to
yourself now come on fellas let's have
that band number and put some real stuff
in it remember we're playing for the
United States Marines a bunch of red
blooded RAR and Teran guys a sergeant
Wilson you said it buddy not tell these
guys what you had for breakfast this
morning toasty Brown Sweet is are not
grap nut flakes of course of course one
of course sir that's more like it and
why do these grape nuts flakes come in I
make 12 O economy size package sir right
and what does grap nut Place contain
iron n and vitamin
B1
that how's that very good Benny not
button your lift yes sir gee how could
we get so tough on breakfast food oh
well play
[Applause]
[Music]
McFarland
[Music]
la
[Music]
let
[Music]
go
[Applause]
that was Taking a Chance on Love played
by the McFarland twins in their
Orchestra and fellas that was all right
you twins are really going places and
now boys twins that's a hot one what do
you mean a hot one it so happens Dennis
that they are twins oh yeah one of them
throws his voicey and the other one's a
dummy believe me Dennis there's no
ventriloquist involved they're both
flesh and blood then I better quit
carving my initials in the one I thought
was
wood yes and now boys no use waiting I
got to give that kid a hot chocolate
with a Mickey in it now boys i' like to
have you meet that beautiful and
talented screen actress Miss Virginia
Bruce come on over here and take a bow
Virginia thank you
Jack
[Applause]
well listen to that you know Virginia
you you got more Applause than I did
well this is my last pair of nylon
stockings I'm glad they're doing a good
job oh is that it well now that you
brought up the subject Virginia I've
I've got pretty good looking legs
myself here
look
[Applause]
not uh not bad e I'd hate to get an
order of mashed potatoes with that many
lumps in
them well I've been taking vitamin pills
and they don't dissolve you
know but uh I don't know I think uh I
think my legs are gorgeous and those
pink La goddess did you borrow them from
Mary oh no no Virginia A girl threw them
at me and a burles
theater she hooked my ear with one of
them but the other one I had a fight
for what a brawl my hand still hurts
where you stomped on
it well don't be so grabby oh Virginia
this is our young tenor Dennis day hello
Dennis GE Miss Bruce this is the
happiest moment of my
life well just say the word and I'll
stand on my
head Dennis you'll have to Pardon him
Virginia he's so emotional you're
panting a little yourself daddy oh yes I
am and this is our announcer Don Wilson
hello Mr Wilson how do you do Miss Bruce
I can't stand on my head for you but I
can shuffle my chins like a deck of
cards Don Don don't act like a school
boy get a load of them fellas
Huckleberry
hippo and now Virginia I'd like you to
meet the twins art and George I'm glad
to know you boys same here yeah aren't
they aren't they cute Virginia my
goodness Jack I didn't know you had
twins oh they're they're not mine
they're the they're the McFarland twin
by the way Virginia I understand you're
down here making a picture how's it
coming along well we haven't started
shooting yet Mr ratov the director is
looking over typical Southern locations
Oh you mean Gregory ratov yes you ought
to meet him jack he has the cutest
Russian dialect oh I know rat off and
his dialect we're old friends did you
tell Gregory you were going to be on my
program tonight certainly what do you
say watch out Virginia he's old but he's
a
wolf well I I do have my romantic
moments uh by the way uh
Virginia uh speaking of pictures I've
been in who's speaking of pictures
you've been in I am I am you see I've uh
I've got a new one coming out pretty
soon called the meanest man in the world
a nice title isn't it yeah but Jack that
doesn't fit you at all why good Heavens
you're not the meanest man in the world
I'm I'm not of course not how could
anyone be mean who had such a sweet
friendly smile
well big blue eyes that are always
twinkling well my eyes have been
compared to the Waters of the
motanka uh What uh what else Virginia
well we've already mentioned your lumpy
legs oh those are vitamin pills you know
I'm just kidding Jack you're really one
of the nicest sweetest kindest most
considerate most lovable wait for me oh
pardon me you know Virginia it's funny
that all the time we've been in
Hollywood you and I have never made a
picture together you know you'd think
that come on Virginia let's get going
hey that sounds like rat off what's he
doing here oh he came to pick me up
we're interviewing sever several local
boys to play opposite me in the picture
Oh you mean you haven't got a leading
man yet no we're looking for a young
fellow with one of those Charming
Southern Accents well shut my mouth
honey child why' you all say so sooner
how's that sound Virginia like a Minal
show but maybe Ratt off will like it
it's a cinch when he hears me talking
like this he'll come open that door I
break it down I'm a ran and I'm
advancing come on in
Gregory
well this is a surprise how are you
Gregory I haven't seen you since
Hollywood fine Jack I sure like it down
here in Old
[Applause]
Virginia in Old Virgin that's what we
all Southerns call
kakei that's what you call Virginia say
Gregory how's your picture coming along
it will be colossal stupendous it even
might make some money hey that that
sounds like it's going to be an epic if
it's only an epic I'll blow my brains up
say Jack how can I miss I've got the
most beautiful leading lady all we need
now is a southern boy for the part of
the hero I see well I think I can help
you out uh listen to this your search is
ended sir I'm at your service how does
that sound like a Minal show but maybe I
like it good now look Gregory have you
got the script with you right in my
pocket well now I'm going over in the
corner and study this and right after
Dennis's
number wait a minute I'll take it hello
hello Mr Ben is
Rochester oh hello Rochester where are
you calling from Washington DC oh you're
still in Washington now listen Rochester
you were supposed to be on the bus with
me at 10:00 this morning to go to
quanico what happened well I got some
friends here yes and at 10:00 this
morning I was at a party that gave for
me last
night why' you have to stay till 10:00
this morning we had a bottle of
champagne and we couldn't get the cork
out till
9:45 well that must have been some party
who was there well it was my brother and
his second wife uh-huh and my cousin and
my brother's first
wife uh-huh and there was there was my
sister who married a total
stranger oh and then we also had my
Uncle Sylvester who came in from Beverly
Hills California I didn't know you had
an uncle in Beverly Hills where does he
live 360 North Camden Drive wait a
minute that's my address that's my house
I've been meaning to tell you boss he
lives in the
garage Oho I thought I saw lights there
there at night now Rochester how long
has your Uncle Sylvester been living in
my garage well $2 a week I got $80 40
week
boy well that's my fault I should have
suspected something when I saw you
carrying all those pork chops out to my
horse well I'll talk to you about this
later goodbye so long Mr Denny imagine
his uncle living in my garage sing
Dennis now don't run away Virginia and
Gregory I'm going to study this
part
come
[Music]
love this day and age we're living in
gives cause for apprehension with speed
and new invention and things like third
dimension that we get a tri for weary
with Mr Einstein's theories so we must
get down to earth at times relax relieve
attention no matter what the
progress or what may it be
proved the simple Facts of Life are
such they cannot be
removed you must remember this a kiss is
still a kiss aigh is Just a s
the fundamental things are fly as time
goes
[Music]
by and when who lovers wo they still say
I love you on that you can
real no matter what the future brings
As Time Goes
By Moonlight and love songs Never out of
date Hearts full of passion jealousy and
hate woman needs man and man must have
his
mate that no one
can it's still the same old story fight
for of and Glory a case of do
or the
world will always
welcome
[Music]
love
time
call
that was as time goes by from Casablanca
starring Franklin D Roosevelt and
Winston Churchill I mean Humphrey Bogart
and ingred Bergman and sung by Dennis
day well Gregory I glanced over the
script and I'm more convinced than ever
that I'm just the guy for the part of
the Southern Boy Part nothing I want a
guy that can do the whole thing I'll do
the whole thing and I'll be colossal
colossal is a big word don't kick it
around you should talk well Virginia
looks like I'm going to be your leading
man but Jack you haven't even rehears
the part ah it's bound to work out I can
just see it in lights Virginia Bruce and
Jack Benny in a Gregory rat off
production leave my name out of
it now wait a minute Gregory don't run
me down till you try me now let's get
started with the rehearsal okay I'll get
my technical adviser your technical
adviser certainly he's a real Southern
Colonel and he knows all about Dixie
come on in
Colonel is that the colonel hello
stranger well scherman how long have you
been a southern Colonel since Tuesday
rather put a net in the paper oh but
don't you all give me away
all I won't but schle I can't imagine
you being a technical adviser what do
you know about the south tot that BGE
lift that bail M's little baby love sing
s name his little baby love sing bread
I'll take some
f say
that say that's pretty good I tell you
jack he's terrific so you like him he R
his dialect kills
me what do you say we get started let's
try a scene from the picture Gregory so
you can see what I do a love scene
that's where I shine all right a love
scene now miss Bruce and Mr Benny take
your places now Jack it is a hot summer
night and you are waiting for your
sweetheart and The Veranda I see then
the butler comes in the butler eh yes
his name is julip and you ask him for a
piece of candy the butler's name is
julip look it says right here bring me a
mint
julip that's bring me a mint julip it's
a drink made with bourbon bourbon smoron
all I know is
vka oh Mr rof where am I in this scene
you are in the garden and you are hard
broken because your low is going away
you are sniffling aose sniffling AR Rose
what's that that's the way he talks Jack
yesterday he went into a restaurant and
ordered a porter horse
steak Porter hor say he might have been
[Laughter]
right hey that that's a good one why
doctor I am in charge here all right all
right how does this thing start for the
battler has told you that your sart is
in the garden now you enter the garden
music
[Music]
oh
Magnolia Magnolia honey where you all
I'm over here by the bird bath sugar oh
if you're taking a bath I'll come back
later goodbye now wait a minute Jack it
isn't home it is night and The gales are
bathing you mean the night andales are
bathing that's what I said I see okay
Magnolia honey I'm a leaving tonight but
before I go there's something I got to
ask you yes pinch
bottom pinch
bottom Magnolia honey I want you to do
me the honor of becoming my wife your
wife oh Finch bottom kiss me Magnolia
kiss
me kiss me
Magnolia kiss me well go ahead Jack keep
how can I kiss her when she keeps
ducking oh still will you Virginia all
right let's take that line again excuse
me Jack oh Mr Ratt may I speak to you a
minute alone certainly what's on your
mind Virginia well uh wait a minute I
better whisper it what's the whispering
for listen
Gregory all right so he drools a
little
cut out the whispery now come on over
here Virginia and let's do this love
scene you better tell him Gregory sorry
Jack you cannot have the partk what do
you mean I can't have the partk in
Russia we are very direct you
stink what koson now wait a minute
Gregory listen Virginia I can do this
love scene if you'll just give me a
chance but Jack you're so violent so
passionate passionate look there's steam
all over your glasses
I'll wipe them off now don't worry
Virginia let's try it again and this
time I'll be as gentle as a lamb animal
picture I will not Direct that's not
what I'm talking about now come on let's
go Magnolia honey I want you to do me
the honor of becoming my wife your wife
oh Finch bottom kiss me Magnolia kiss
me now how how was that Virginia do I
get the part or not wow you certainly do
as far as I'm
concerned that's great now kiss Gregory
and see what he
says
Gregory kiss me fining bottom kiss me
cut that out oh what to you play it
far well let's face it friends you know
and I know that right now we're all up
against a serious shortage of many
important foods and these shortage
shortages will never be more acute in
the future however there is one valuable
food that is now and will continue to be
plentiful whole grain cereals one of the
finest most nourishing food you can
serve and one that our government
nutrition program successfully
recommends there's only one hitch the
danger of a serious shortage in the
paper used to pack these cereals but you
and I all of us can do something about
that simply buy as many foods as
possible in large packages instead of
small ones or it takes less paper per
pound to pack the larger sizes So when
you buy whole grain cereals whether it's
grape nuts flakes or any other of your
favorite Brands be sure to ask your
grocer for the largest package he has
you'll be saving paper and so you'll
help to make sure that there will be
enough of these nourishing whole grain
cereals to go around and incidentally
you'll find that you s save money too
when you buy the larger package so help
your country help your neighbor help
yourself buy whole grain cereals in
large size
[Music]
packages that was the last number of the
18th program of the new grape nuts flak
series and we'll be with you again next
Sun night at the same time I want to
thank Miss Bruce and Mr ratto for
appearing on our program tonight miss
Bruce will be with us tomorrow when we
do a show for you Army boys at Newport
News Virginia and also Tuesday for your
Navy boys at norfol good night D good
night
everybody program is written by Bill Mar
and Eddie Bor this program is for the
entertainment of the Personnel at the
United States Marine base of quanico
Virginia and does not necessarily
constitute an endorsement of the product
by the Navy
Department
[Applause]
yeah