[Music]
Hello friends welcome to this day in
Jack Benny I'm John Henderson this
episode is from March 2nd 1952. they're
broadcasting from Palm Springs where
despite rain the day before they're
enjoying the warm weather and the new
Tamarisk country club and golf course
Jack Benny had previously tried to join
the Thunderbird Country Club but he was
shockingly denied membership because he
was Jewish Jack and the other surprise
guests on this episode were founding
members of the new club built across the
street which would not be quote Gentiles
only Palm Springs was known for its date
Groves and Native American Roots which
translated in this episode to some
stereotypes that we wouldn't use today
Palm Springs was also the home of the
chichi nightclub where the burlesque
dancer Sally Rand performed her famous
fan dance
[Music]
in this episode they mentioned Lord
Calvert a brand of whiskey for men of
Distinction they referenced the poet
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow and the
Symphony conductor Sir Thomas beecham
foreign
music you could hear the song shrimp
boats are coming
their cells are inside shrimp boats is
[Music]
the little white cloud That Cried by
Johnny Ray
[Music]
the little white cloud
that cry
a new song by Frank Sinatra
if they ask me I could ride
and people would still remember the
western song tumbling tumbleweed
Eddie Cantor may have had his Heyday 20
years earlier but he was still
entertaining
[Music]
the same could be said for Groucho Marx
from the day of our arrival we let an
act of life the place morning saw us up
at six breakfast it and back in bed at
seven the Entertainer Danny K could be
seen in the movie on the Riviera but I'd
like to be familiar they mentioned the
lovely actress Lana Turner
and the radio announcer Harry vonzell
and along with this wonderful story
you'll hear the recipe for a mighty
wonderful dessert next Saturday morning
turn your dial to NBC a week later Jack
Benny would do one of his few television
shows this season featuring his longtime
friend George Burns
[Music]
Jack's program goes on in 10 minutes you
and Gracie are supposed to be the guest
stars Today Gone Don we're gonna have a
show I talked Jack into taking Gracie's
Place
Jack's going to dress up like a girl if
you enjoy this podcast take a moment to
give it a five-star rating and review
wherever you're listening and enjoy the
show The Jack Benny Program presented by
Lucky Strike
[Music]
be happy go lucky get better taste today
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be happy go lucky Go Lucky Strike today
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
from Palm Springs California the Lucky
Strike program starring Jack Benny with
Mary Livingston Phil Harris Rochester
Tennessee
[Applause]
ladies and gentlemen once again we're
broadcasting from Palm Springs
California this being such a romantic
spot I'd like to make the opening
introduction with a little poem a poem
nestled in the Hills far away from care
is a place we go to breathe the Desert
Air and there out by the pool far from
strife and toil is our blue-eyed star
selling suntan oil
and here he is Jack Benny
you know
thank you thank you thank you hello
again this is Jack Benny talking and Don
since we're in a poetic mood I've
written a poem for you too oh yeah I
have yes I did not like your jingle and
if one more joke you tell it's bon
voyage Don Wilson and welcome home Von
Zell
[Applause]
a
let's not have any more of your poems a
Henry Wadsworth Pat fellow
um now wait a minute Jack if you get
fresh with me I'll follow you around all
day and keep you in the shade oh yes yes
well anyway it's sure good to get back
to Palm Springs isn't it Don ah yes Jack
I always have a wonderful time here I do
too particularly because a fella can
have such privacy here you know down
yesterday I passed a big crowd in front
of the drugstore and not one person
turned around or even bothered to look
at me really well Jack why were there
such a crowd gathered they were getting
Eddie kander's autograph
imagine but Jack if you say people here
have so much privacy why did they ask
Eddie County for his autograph they
didn't ask him they didn't no Don when a
man stops you on the street sings Two
choruses of Ida then stamps his name on
your forehead there's nothing you can do
about it
what a neither
what an eager beaver ah Jack you're just
mad at Eddie because he beat you on the
golf course yesterday sure but he
wouldn't have beaten me if he'd played
fair fair yes imagine this time when we
both got on the last green just as I was
getting ready to putt he put down a dime
to mark his ball what's wrong with that
he divided my point of Interest
and when I missed the putt I got so mad
I took a swing at the dime and sliced it
right into my pocket
first hole in one I ever made
anyway Don I'm glad you mentioned Gaul
because tonight our program is dedicated
to the formal opening of the new
Tamarisk Country Club here in Palm
Springs and it's really one of the most
beautiful part of me but does this dull
twosome mind if a funny man plays
through oh
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
well look who's here Sir Thomas beecham
hahaha
say Phil Don and I were just talking
about Tamaris the beautiful Lou Golf
Course since you're such a good golfer
Phil you'll love it I know Jackson I
played in the tournament out there
yesterday it is it's a great course I
thought I saw you out there yesterday
Phil you were playing with some of your
musicians weren't you no well I saw
remley Sammy and Fletcher going around
the course with you yeah but they
weren't playing remley was carrying my
bag
but what was Sammy doing he was carrying
remley
well what was Fletcher doing he was
carrying the stuff that made it
necessary for Sammy to carry remley
[Music]
oh yes remley is your handicap ain't no
water hazard
I know I know hey Jackson how about you
and me playing out at Tamara someday
okay Phil maybe we can make a match yeah
what do you usually go around then well
my handicap is hey wait a minute
wait a minute
watch me watch me get him this time Phil
ask me that again will you ask you what
again what do you usually go around in
shorts or slots depending on the weather
[Applause]
oh Harris Sammy may be carrying remley
but you're carrying this program
Phil if that joke is carrying the
program I'd rather dragged a little bit
anyway I'll play golf with you anytime
you want to okay Jackson how much you
want to bet I don't want to bet anything
all I want you to do is every time we
get on the green Mark your ball with a
dime
why I got a slice that'll make me a
fortune
say Don if you like to play a Tamara
sometime I'll get you Jackson I heard
you and Don reciting poetry before so
what hey I got one that's a fifth a poem
yeah yeah it's about the weather that we
had yesterday listen to this
[Music]
I was getting some sun then I went
inside because the little white cloud
sat down and cried
[Applause]
that sounds pretty good you know I
expected so oh hello Dennis hello Mr
Benny hello everybody
[Applause]
well Dennis I hope you're having as much
fun in Palm Springs as we are I sure am
but boy am I tired tired what have you
been doing well last night I went to the
movies and I had to stand for two hours
that crowded huh no there was plenty of
room
then why'd you have to stand in the
movie I went to a drive-in and I didn't
have a car
now wait a minute damn it how did you
get into a drive-in without a car oh I
was carrying an umbrella and they
thought I was a convertible
oh stop being silly watch that on your
nose a windshield wiper
now cut that off
ER
I suppose that thing on your forehead is
your license number no Eddie Kansas
autograph oh yeah
now Dana stop being silly and answer me
are you having a good time oh I'll say
Friday night I went to the Chichi and
saw Sally Rand I never laughed so hard
in all my life
you know Don the weather here has been
so beautiful today I think I mean wait a
minute let's go back here a minute let's
go
didn't you listen to what this kid just
said I listened to it heard it and
ignored it
well I'm going to ignore it Dennis you
went to the Chichi and saw Sally ransack
and when you finally saw Sally rand's
act you uh laughed yeah I was sitting up
so close those fans tickled
foreign
[Applause]
[Music]
years of experience
years of experience have taught me that
the only way to get along with Dennis
have nothing more to do with him than is
necessary like this for instance now
Dennis we're doing a program and you
have to do a song yes sir what song are
you going to sing the date votes are
coming
you mean Shrimpo this is Palm Springs
Bud oh yeah go ahead and sing
[Applause]
thank you
[Music]
[Applause]
we make mistakes
when we won
[Music]
all over nothing
at all
oh
we make mistakes
I bring home
hearts
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
we make mistakes
[Music]
[Applause]
but I made the greatest
[Music]
when I
said goodbye
[Music]
[Applause]
thank you
[Applause]
[Music]
but I made the greatest
[Music]
mistake of
when I let God
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
alive
that was mistake sung by Dennis day in
accompanied by Phil Harris and his
stumbling Tumbleweed Orchestra
and now for all it Melvin just a minute
huh I mean look I don't mind so much
when we're at home but when we're out of
town let's not be making insulting
remarks about the orchestra huh well
Phil I got a right to make comments
about your band after who's the star of
this show well when I see my paycheck I
know it ain't me
oh stop complaining I'm not complaining
Jackson it's just that I'd like to pay
income tax like everybody else
laughs
but they don't even think I'm a citizen
fell still the only reason people don't
think you're a citizen is because with
that bottle of Lord Calvert in your hand
all the time you look like an Englishman
such a long line for such a little laugh
s so don't argue with me about money
salary all right come in do you love me
wow
[Applause]
it's certainly nice seeing you what are
you doing here in Palm Springs oh I just
came down for a little bit
oh good good
the Hacienda Paseo De La Salle Sal is my
brother-in-law
oh
he's uh he's married to your sister yeah
her name is Hacienda
or what about Paseo he's a silent
partner
oh I see well tell me Mr kitsel is your
wife your wife is here with you yes and
are we having fun we go swimming we play
tennis and you know this morning my wife
rented a Bicycle Built for Two oh and
you both went for a ride no just her
then why did she get a Bicycle Built for
Two believe me she can use it
[Music]
Mr kitsa you mean your uh your wife is
on the heavy side if it was only on the
side I wouldn't mind
[Applause]
oh well what's the difference as long as
you're in love with her Mr kitsel that's
all that matters and that's what I keep
telling myself
[Applause]
now Goodbye Mr Beanie hello Mr Kissel
thanks for coming here
well it seems that everybody's in Palm
Springs this week you know Jack I'm glad
I'm here too because I did some research
on this community that I'm sure will
please our sponsor very much please
sponsor wide and well uh what's the name
of the company that makes Lucky Strike
cigarettes the American Tobacco Company
that's right now who were the earliest
Americans in America why the Indians of
course that's right now here around Palm
Springs there are many Indians so
yesterday I went out in the desert until
I met some members of the tribe that
first settled Palm Springs the kawila
Indians the koilas yes and do you know
what those Indians said to me no Don
what
oh For Heaven's Sake
uh what else do they say Don me like
them Lucky Strike me send them smoke
signals LS mftm LS mftm TM you betchum
Lucky Strike Heap round heat firm heat
fully packed Heat free and easy on the
draw now look Don no call me Dawn me
Heat Big Indian chief you big Heap
that's all
and I got another word here ugh
what's that they send them signals from
reservation
it's a only fine tobacco can give them
good taste in cigarette and don't let
any drum tell you different Don that was
very good
what are those horses
and Don that was a very educational
commercial but you made one little
mistake it was the Tahquitz Indians who
founded Palm Springs not the koilas Oh
no you're wrong jack it was the koalas
I'm not wrong Don I'll prove that I'm
right I happen to be a quite a few
Indians in the audience so I'll ask one
of them
I'll ask that one in the front row he
must be a chief he's wearing a headrest
excuse me but was it the Tahquitz
Indians or the koilas who founded Palm
Springs I don't know
[Applause]
foreign
[Music]
do you belong to I don't know
well where's your reservation I don't
know
you don't know anything you're a fine
Indian I'm not an Indian then how come
you're wearing those feathers in your
hair I went to the Chichi last night and
sat too close
[Applause]
oh well and smarty if you went there
last night you must be an Indian because
I know you had a reservation
[Applause]
hey that was pretty funny it wasn't a
dentist I don't know
I'll get it
hello I have a long distance call for
Jack Benny this is Jack Benny it's
collect
hello hello I'm here I'm here a collect
caller operator find out who's calling
just a moment Mr Benny will not accept
the charges till he knows who's calling
tell him it's Lana Rochester
[Applause]
I thought you'd be down here by now
where are you calling from Pomona Pomona
what'd you stop there for I got a flat
tire oh that's too bad no that's good it
was laying in the road and it's better
than the one we had on
[Applause]
oh if I find three more I'll be there by
morning well you better be here by
morning I'm going to play golf and I
want you to caddy for me oh boss I hate
to get it for you at Palm Springs stop
complaining Tamarisk is a very level
course there's nothing tough about it
nothing for you but how about me I have
to carry a golf clap a golf bag 12 clubs
a basket of sandwiches a gallon of
lemonade a first aid kit and a pair of
Soul so what you don't need a cat you
need to borrow
oh Rochester you don't carry so much I
don't remember what happened last time I
went out loaded down like that what
happened an Old Prospector title roping
around my neck and led me off into the
mountains
thank you
why'd you go with him I couldn't see
where I was until he unloaded me and
Lord stop making things up anyway I'm
going to play golf in the morning and I
want you to caddy okay I'll do it but do
me a favor this time will you what is it
if we lose a ball let's forget it those
Bloodhounds are hard to handle
[Applause]
okay okay goodbye goodbye all say boss
now what aren't you doing another
television show next Sunday March 9th on
CBS network at 4 30 p.m Pacific Standard
time that's right why you're paying for
this call let's put a commercial in it
oh yeah yeah thank you Rochester goodbye
[Applause]
and Now ladies and gentlemen in honor of
the opening of Palm Springs newest Golf
Course Tamaris we are going to attack
Jack before we go any further I must
tell you something and I know you're
going to be surprised surprise what is
it done there's a friend of yours who
also belongs to Tamarisk and he likes to
come on and say a few words a friend of
mine is it Mr Anderson the president of
Tamaris no
well is it Ben Hogan the pro or Tamaris
no well who is it Danny K come on in
Danny
[Applause]
well
hello Daddy hello
[Applause]
but Daddy this is such a surprise coming
right out on my program it's it's well
it's it's oh stop stuttering I'm not
gonna charge you for it
[Applause]
Jack the reason I'm here is well because
every time you come to Palm Springs you
always do an informal show isn't that
right that's right well some of the boys
at the club cooked up an idea that I'm
sure you're gonna like what is it
well we decided to form a quartet and
sing the song you wrote my song when you
say I beg your pardon
then I'll come back to you
suddenly I'm sick
[Applause]
oh anyway Jack the other three fellas
are out outside uh can I call them in
three fellas who are they yeah well
Frank Sinatra George Burns and Groucho
Marsh
[Applause]
well George Frankie and Groucho hello
fellas hello hello hello there's
brilliant dialogue
word you get a bottle of sun
[Applause]
to say Jack that reminds me jack what
that reminds me huh that bottle of
suntan oil you saw me was much too
greasy and boy was I embarrassed why
what happened well yesterday when I put
some on I slipped right out of my suit
no kidding look fellas I came here to
sing so let Jordan get it over with okay
[Music]
I may sing lousy but I'm grammatically
correct
oh I am
I'm sorry I'm graduated
[Applause]
fellas come on and fellas I want to tell
you how much I appreciate you're coming
over to do it no one but real friend
real Pals would give up a Sunday
afternoon just to come over here and do
this wonderful song watch shut up
[Applause]
oh all right fellas let's take it now
what key we're gonna sing in it Danny
it'll help but we all take different
ones
look so hard all right fellas let's go
can we have a nice introduction please
[Music]
when you ask me to forgive you I'll
return
like the swallows that's Serrano return
to Capistrano
for you my heart will always always
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Laughter]
[Applause]
and then I'll come back
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Laughter]
so much darling
though we've parted
[Music]
[Applause]
come back to when we've started
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
attack will be back in just a moment but
first
[Laughter]
friends whenever you want the smooth
mellow completely enjoyable Taste of
truly fine tobacco reach for a lucky for
the difference between just smoking and
really enjoying your smoke is the taste
of a cigarette and Lucky's taste better
for two important reasons first lsmft
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco fine
mild tobacco that tastes better there's
no substitute for fine tobacco and don't
let anybody tell you different second
luckies are made to taste better in fact
they're the best made of all five
principal Brands yes you'll be happy
when you go lucky because luckies taste
better so mild so smooth so firm and
fresh with better taste in every pup so
next time you buy cigarettes try a
carton of luckies you'll find Lucky's
taste better
be happy go lucky go lucky strike two
two
[Music]
[Applause]
ladies and gentlemen I want to thank
Danny K George Burns Frank Sinatra
Groucho Marx and Benny Rubin for
appearing on my program today we'll be
back with you next Sunday on radio at
the same time and on television a half
hour later when I hope you will all be
watching
excuse me hello hello
yeah it's just a chat bunny that was
born or raced in Wisconsin no no I was
born in Waukegan Illinois but you got a
sister named Jeanette haven't you no no
no my sister's name is Florence well
you're the check bunny that tries to
like green De Soto
no no no I have a Maxwell but you play
the piano don't you no no I'm sorry I
play the violin oh well I'm sorry bye
goodbye
[Applause]
a phone call from a stranger
[Applause]
product of the American Tobacco Company
America's leading manufacturer cigarette
this is Don Wilson reminding you to
listen to your head parade regardle
model every Thursday night presented by
Lucky Strike stay tuned to the Amos 90
show with Carlos immediately this is the
CBS Radio Network