[Music]
Hello friends welcome to this day in
Jack Benny I'm John Henderson this
episode is from January 17
1954. some popular music at the time
included the song Ricochet by Teresa
Brewer
the Bell sisters
take back your gold gold and never buy
me take back your bribe and I'll shoot
me too the ink spots
[Music]
please
[Music]
and the Fred Waring choir
[Applause]
[Music]
Bing Crosby was the voice of Minute Maid
orange juice finest flavor from the tree
ants are full of vitamin C it's
convenient as can be
made in the episode they mentioned some
pro golfers Lloyd mangrum Fred Wampler
Sam Snead and Ben Hogan I'm a golfer and
have been since I was 12 years old and
the tournament golf is my life about a
month before this episode actress Terry
Moore joined a USO tour in Korea where
she caused a hubbub by appearing on
stage before a crowd of soldiers in a
revealing white urban fur bathing suit
you
in theaters at the time you could see
the latest biopic the Eddie Cantor story
if you knew
oh oh what a girl on television you
could watch the detective Boston Blackie
so ridiculous it could be true oh that's
a trouble with you Blackie I work like a
dog and you go around minimizing my
evidence and people would remember the
old film serial Mandrake the magician
I'm Drake world famous magician
associated with his friend Professor
Houston is completing the invention of a
radium and energy machine destined to be
of great value to humanity immediately
following this radio show of The Jack
Benny Program there was a television
episode of The Jack Benny Program his
guest star would be the musician with
the big bright smile Liberace oh Jack oh
Liberace
you know this is the first time I've
been here you
[Music]
charge and I can I find it very
comfortable
yes it must be nice and warm
oh you're referring to my candelabra I
didn't think he'd noticed them
I feel that deep down inside of you is a
great musical Talent
but you just haven't surrounded yourself
with the proper atmosphere you may be
right
[Music]
how about tuning up what how about
tuning up yeah go right ahead
[Music]
you tuning oh oh
if you enjoy this podcast take a moment
to give it a five star rating and review
wherever you're listening and hit the
share button to tell a friend and enjoy
the show The Jack Benny Program
transcribed and presented by Lucky
Strike Lucky's taste better
Lucky's taste better cleaner precious
taste better
this is Don Wilson friends how do you
feel about it isn't smoking enjoyment
the main thing you want from your
cigarette well just remember this
smoking enjoyment is all a matter of
taste and the fact of the matter is
Lucky's taste better cleaner fresher
smoother now freshness is especially
important and you'll be glad to know
that every pack of Lucky Strike is extra
tightly sealed to bring you Lucky's
better taste in all its natural
freshness light up a lucky and see for
yourself how much fresher how much
better it does taste luckies just have
to taste better in the first place
they're made with fine tobacco fine
naturally mild good tasting tobacco
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco secondly
luckies are made better made round and
firm and fully packed to draw freely and
smoke evenly all this means better taste
yes smoking enjoyment is all a matter of
taste and the fact of the matter is
Lucky's taste better so be happy go
lucky get better taste and get it fresh
with Lucky Strike Lucky's taste better
smoother strike
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
Lucky Strike program starring Jack Benny
with Mary Livingston Rochester Tennessee
Bob Crosby and yours for Elena
foreign
[Music]
[Applause]
ladies and gentlemen tonight Jack
Bennett has another of his television
programs with his guest star Liberace
but meanwhile I'd like to take you back
to last Wednesday after rehearsal Bob
Crosby Dennis and Jack dropped in at the
corner drugstore for a bite to eat
hey fellas our regular table over there
is empty yeah come on Dennis okay
well I'll get the waitress and we'll
order Ole Miss Miss what do you want Mac
and we'd like to place our order okay
here's the man
thanks
see
I don't know what I want hmm
I think I'll have the hash the hash
that's right okay one order of leftovers
for a gambler
[Applause]
thank you
never mind waitress cancel the order
gee I don't know what the hell hurry up
Mac I ain't got all day now don't rush
me what kind of a looking table is this
anyway there's a half-lit cigarette in
the ashtray there are fingerprints all
over the plate and there's lipstick on
my water glass what are you a customer
or a Boston blocking
now look I don't want any of your
sarcasm just bring me a ham sandwich and
a cup of coffee okay see I only have the
salmon a glass of orange juice and make
sure that it's Minute Maid why does why
does it have to be Minute Maid orange
juice well I'm helping out a relative
who's not doing too well
what do you know all right Dennis what
are you gonna have well let's see uh
I'll have the chopped liver the matzo
ball soup and the gefilte fish
Drake oh I'll have a Charlton malt milk
with five eggs in it five
that is how come you want so many eggs I
know a hen that's not doing too well
[Applause]
let's just get our orders okay
so Jack you're going up to Pebble Beach
and playing my brother Bing's Pro
amateur golf tournament oh I may Bob of
my game keeps improving I've been doing
uh pretty well lately I think golf is a
silly game oh you do Dallas well let me
ask you something if it's such a silly
game why are people like Ben Hogan and
Sammy Sneed Lloyd mangram and Fred
wamper playing it because they can't
sing
well I'll show you how ridiculous that
is Dennis Bing Crosby is a good golfer
and he's one of the greatest singers in
the country and how come he has to sell
orange juice
I'll be quiet
I don't know why I get into these
conversations but we did before I eat
here's your grub fellas
thanks and the boss sent this over with
the compliments of the house
gee a new bottle of ketchup
[Music]
nice
no that'll be Ole Miss okay
she's a Charming girl
I wonder how she'd look in an urban
bathing suit
because why don't we have some music
while we eat there's a jukebox right
over there oh swell anybody got changed
for a quarter well I have good go put a
nickel in
[Music]
change well ahead Mr Benny put a nickel
in but every one of the store will hear
the record won't they well so what well
that doesn't seem fair I wish I put in a
nickel a whole bunch of total strangers
can listen
that's the difference Jack go ahead be a
sport okay
let's see
yeah here's the Bell sisters latest
record either two of them
wait a minute here's one by The Ink
Spots that's a trio
boy look at this the Fred Waring choir
now there's a buy
foreign
one of my records is on it yeah Jack
play that a solo
well okay here goes
[Music]
we were walls
[Music]
when they called out
change partners and you walked away from
me
now my arms feel so empty as I gain
Ed the floor and I'll keep on Changing
Partners
till I hold you once more
oh we danced for one moment
and too soon we had to part in that
wonderful moment
something happened to my heart
so I'll keep changing partners
[Music]
and then
oh my darling I will never
change Partners again
foreign
[Applause]
something happened
for my heart
so I'll keep changing partners
[Music]
I will never
change partners
[Music]
[Applause]
that's a that's a swell record Dennis
you'll have to do it on the show
sometimes yeah well let's get out of
here huh okay who gets the check this
time it's your turn oh yes Miss I'll
take the check here you are
hmm well pick it up it ain't Radioactive
don't be funny
there you can keep the change telephone
call for Jack Benny telephone call for
Jack Benny oh excuse me fellas
it's in that second Booth oh thank you
hello hello Mr Benny this is Rochester
Rochester how did you know I was here at
the drugstore I called CBS they told me
you were out to lunch and I had a
hundred wasn't Romano
why'd you call me for Rochester I
thought I'd better you had a phone call
from Mr Liberace oh yes he's going to be
a guest on my television program uh what
did Liberace want well he said he knew
it was highly irregular and he doesn't
want all this salad in advance but would
you be able to give him a hundred
dollars of it immediately a hundred
dollars
I guess so if it's urgent what does he
need the money for toothpaste
[Music]
okay I'll give it to him and Rochester
when he plays the piano on my TV show
I'm going to play my violin so you
better get it ready I did boss I took it
out of occasion one of the strings is
broken
well I have to pass the music store so
I'll pick up the string myself that
ain't always wrong with your violin what
else it's full of Termites
Termites in my violin
that's awful how can I get rid of them
play it please
never mind I'll think of something
goodbye goodbye oh say boys now what
there were a couple of other messages
your dentist and your Barber called what
they say they're both ready you can pick
them up
hahaha
oh okay
[Music]
I'll see you when I get home goodbye
[Applause]
yeah I'm sorry it took so long fellas
well I'm going out to Beverly Hills
anybody want to live uh not me Jack
really I think I ought to go back to
studio and run over a couple of numbers
with the orchestra say I want to go to
Beverly Hills too can I ride with you
sure Dennis let's go my car's across the
street
[Music]
it's a little cooler today isn't it
Dennis yeah say Mr Benny can't we go a
little bit faster what do you mean
faster we're in Beverly Hills already
we've made every light that one on La
Brea changed three times before we got
through it
well that's a wide stream
we made good time well if you don't mind
I'll get off here okay
I'll see you later I gotta get home wait
a minute Dennis
if you want to go home why'd you come
all the way out here to Beverly Hills
you live in the opposite direction I
know but this way I get along a ride on
the bus
I don't know
what
Dennis Goodbye Mr Benny
I can't understand Dennis that kid
drives me nuts
maybe I ought to hire a singer who's a
little more sensible
than if you have more sense you'd want
more money
that would drive me nuts too
yeah I'm better off the way I am
well there's the music store
oh oh here's a parking place
[Applause]
yeah I'm lucky here's one too
yeah I wonder if I can get in that space
there I'll have to back in
what hey why don't you watch where
you're going it's reckless drivers like
you who are a menace don't holler at me
it was your fault my fault it must have
been I was parked
what you're the one who got chummy
I ought to have you arrested oh no don't
make a federal case out of this look at
the way you scratch my car what are you
complaining about you put a dent in my
Fender how can you tell
foreign
I've never had an accident I've been
driving this car for 25 years you bought
it second hand huh
the Dealer's name is still on it honest
Geronimo
[Music]
stay here and argue with you I got
things to do
oh I forgot to put some money in the
parking meter
hmm
the leader says expired
let's see I got 12 I got 12 minutes for
a penny
will take me about three minutes to walk
to the store three minutes back at six
minutes
five minutes to get waited on that's 11.
store may be crowded so I better allow
for another five minutes
16 minutes
well there's no use rushing I'll put in
two pennies
[Applause]
thank you
well I got my violin string
I'm sure glad it was the a string that
broke
I'm always so embarrassed when I have to
go into a store and ask for a g-string
foreign
[Music]
look at that headline a newspaper entire
East covered by heavy blizzard
yeah I feel sorry for the people back in
the yard they have 10 inches of snow
here in Los Angeles all we had was some
rain sleet hail thunder lightning and an
earthquake
thank you
a little 15 minutes too
I don't want to say romance I don't want
that
um
see look what's playing here at the
Warners theater
the Eddie Kanner story
because I hear it's a swell picture it
opened Christmas Day and it's still
playing here
sometime this week I'm going to come
down huh oh Don now what are you doing
here well this sponsor and I just came
out of the theater we saw the a canister
how'd you like the picture Don really
wonderful Jack wonderful in fact I liked
it so much that on the way out of the
theater I stopped and congratulated
canner Eddie kander is he in there
watching the picture now he's been there
since Christmas
well what do you know I must tell you
jack I'm certainly glad I went in to see
the picture because it gave me an idea
for a musical number the quartet can do
on the program which one Don sing it
fellas wait a minute wait a minute Don
how can they sing out here in front of
the theater without any musical
accompanying well now don't worry about
that Jack don't worry that number comes
in the picture in exactly four seconds
what one two down three four there it
goes we're done out on the street
[Music]
like I know Susie oh what a girl if you
knew luckies like we know luckies
[Music]
like our friend Eddie you smoking steady
oh oh that's those Luckys we already
they taste better really they do fresh
and smooth their luck inside the smoke
for you they even please Susie and she's
real choosy
[Music]
cleaner nothing beats them anywhere just
bought that lucky enjoy your lucky
[Music]
[Applause]
glad I got away from Don on that quartet
imagine them singing out on the street
like that
I didn't mind them doing Eddie Canada's
song but Don looks so silly hopping
around clapping his hands
well here's my car I might hey watch
that on
oh for heaven's takes a parking ticket
this is ridiculous
I've been gone over 12 minutes the meter
says expired but there must be something
wrong with it well they're not going to
get away with it I'm going to call a
Beverly Hills Police Department and find
out about this
I'll go in this drugstore
where's the phone booth
I wonder what the number is I'll call
information
okay
[Music]
information say Miss I want the number
of the police department the Los Angeles
Police Department is Michigan 5211 no no
Miss I want the Beverly Hills Police
Department I'm sorry that's an unlisted
number
[Music]
well thank you anyway
well if I can't get them on the phone
I'll go over there
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
it is the Beverly Hills police station
what a Swanky place
see marble staircase stained glass
windows
look what it says on the door booking
department
fingerprints by appointment only
well here's the traffic Bureau
missed I'd like sit down please thank
you
Miss I'd like you want to complain about
a traffic ticket and now before we go
any further let me get your record out
what's your name Jack Benny Benny Benny
Benny oh here it is Jack Benny say we
haven't gotten anything out of you for a
long time
[Music]
the last entry was 25 years ago 25 years
ago yes you were charged with assault
and battery by Honest Geronimo
yeah all right all right now let's see
I'll bring this card up today yeah uh at
that time you lived at 366 North Camden
Drive it's still the same address I see
and your occupation was listed as
comedian
it's still the same and your weight was
160 pounds it's still still the same and
your age was still the same
now let's see a color of eyes oh yes
they're still blue aren't they well
frankly I've never noticed
I don't know
look man uh one moment please
hello yes Chief yes that man was in and
he paid is fine yes that's right fifty
dollars and he said it would never
happen again goodbye
a 50 fine what was it for driving
through Beverly Hills with a top down
but what's so terrible about going
through Beverly Hills with the top down
he was driving a garbage truck
now miss about this ticket of mine now I
happen to know that the meter where I
was parked was definitely fast and I
don't think it's fair mister I can't
settle this if you want to see the judge
that's up to you well I do well then
you'll have to wait in the Next Room
with everybody else all right
see what a bunch of characters
I better sit down and hey there's remley
oh Frankie Frank
what's the matter with me that's only
his picture on the wall
well I might as well sit down
oh pardon me sir would you mind if I sit
next to you I'm not at all in fact I'd
appreciate him
foreign
type if I ever saw one
tell me Trump what did they name you for
I was over parking oh well you'll like
judge Bailey I was upper Farm last month
for sentencing what'd you get 30 days
his watch is gavel in a pocket edition
at a Kenzie report
thank you
you mean you've spent 30 days in the
Beverly Hills jail oh yeah they had me
at solitary that must have been pretty
tough you just said it nothing but bread
and champagne
[Music]
champagne the Mastic
[Music]
it's awful
[Music]
yes you're on next right right to judge
Bailey's Chambers okay good luck thanks
he keeps his wallet in the left hand I
don't care
thank you
[Music]
[Applause]
your honor I ordinarily don't make
trouble but I'd like to predict well
it's you again
you you're the judge who do you think I
am in this black robe man Drake the
magician
what when you said don't make a federal
case out of it you were talking to the
man who could
what's your honor quiet I'm ready to
pass seconds
that'll be 50
52 wait a minute it's only two dollars
for a parking ticket what's the extra
fifty dollars you had your top down
what's that got to do with it you mean
that thing isn't the garbage truck
now wait a minute your honor I'm a
citizen of Beverly Hills I've lived here
for 25 years I'm a taxpayer and I know
my rights I'm not going to pay any 52
and you try to find me that much I'm
gonna take it up with you
[Music]
foreign
[Music]
tell you about my television show which
goes on immediately after the program on
the CBS network with my guest star
Liberace but first a word from the
sweetheart of Lucky Strike this is
this is hi everybody
you know smoking enjoyment is all a
matter of taste
friends
the matter is
Bucky's taste better one important
reason for this is LS mft Lucky Strike
means fine tobacco find naturally mild
good tasting tobacco and second luckies
are made better they're made round and
firm and fully packed to draw freely and
smoke evenly golly that's the whole
thing in a nutshell truly fine tobacco
in a better made cigarette that's the
whole Lucky Strike story
that's why you can be sure sure every
time you open a pack of Luckys that
you'll enjoy a better tasting smoke for
smoking enjoyment is all a matter of
taste and the fact of the matter is
luckies taste better they're cleaner
fresher smoother pick up a pack or two
next time you buy cigarettes be happy go
lucky you'll agree Lucky's taste better
Lucky's taste better
smoother luckies taste better cleaner
freshers
taste better
that's right thank you strike
[Music]
ladies and gentlemen as I mentioned
before tonight I'm going to have
Liberace on my television show and we're
going to try to get him to play the
piano
and he's going to try to get me to play
the violin
this is going to be one of the most
trying programs you've ever watched
but watch it anyway good night folks
the Jackman show tonight was written by
Mel josephberg John packaberry Hal
Goldman Al Gordon and produced and
transcribed by Hilliard marks The Jack
Benny Program is brought to you by Lucky
Strike product of the American Tobacco
Company America's leading manufacturer
of cigarettes
[Music]