[Music]
Hello friends welcome to this day in
Jack Benny I'm John Henderson this
episode is from October 12
1941. a day before Columbus Day a
national holiday celebrating the landing
of Christopher Columbus in America last
week The Jack Benny show debuted for the
season broadcasting from New York
[Laughter]
[Applause]
following that broadcast a number of
newspapers and magazines reviewed the
program like variety which said the
first program was not on the whole a
polished sample of the glistening Benny
script the opening sequence which
represented the last few minutes just
before going on the air was
self-conscious stuff it was a novelty
that had been heard before Benny has
remarkably few bumpy programs year after
year but it is perhaps odd that several
of them have been his opening nights
Phil Harris had recently married the
movie star Alice Faye who was under
contract with 20th Century Fox under
Daryl F xanick the producer I wish to
thank you on behalf of the members of
20th Century Fox being in New York they
mentioned Broadway with plays like
Panama Hattie Claudia The Wookie lady in
the dark and and Arsenic and Old Lace
Broadway it comes from the likes of you
and they also mention penguins which
apparently were in the fountain at the
Radio City building the Explorer Admiral
bird apparently had brought them up from
Chile
this is just a few weeks after an
Infamous incident where the actor Errol
Flynn slapped gossip columnist Jimmy
Fiddler at a nightclub but if you wanted
to see a real fight you'd have to go to
the ring Joe Lewis recently knocked out
Lu Nova and When the Smoke cleared Joe
Lewis was still heavyweight champion of
the world
and the World Series wrapped up this
week the Yankees won over the Dodgers
top of the ninth Henrik swing strike
three but the ball gets away from Katya
Mickey Owen Brooklyn a few moments ago
enjoys delirium now becomes enveloped in
a Pall of Gloom on the radio you could
hear the quiz program information please
now light up a Lucky Strike as I present
all Master of Ceremonies the literary
critic of the New Yorker magazine
Clifton fatiman Mr Fatima
[Music]
unrehearsed and Unbound by any rules
information please continues on its
Carefree path who was the first emperor
of Rome I should say Augusta Augustus
would be rice no no is the whole name
Augustus Caesar tires Caius tires caac
Jr Caesar octavianas that's right that's
right I don't know what you'd call them
if you just met him casually in the
street and a popular song I don't want
to set the world on fire
I don't want to set the world on fire
honey
I love you too much these days we
wouldn't use the racial stereotypes or
the voices found in this episode travel
was also different at this time it was
not as simple people would cross the
country by passenger train it took three
days each night they set up sleeping
compartments kind of like bunk beds the
top was called the upper birth and the
bottom the lower birth if you'd like to
contact me you can email Jack
bennypodcast gmail.com or on Twitter
it's at this day Benny so get a nice
bowl of jello and enjoy the show
the jello program brought to you by
Jello and Jello puddings coming to you
from New York City starring Jack Benny
with Mary Livingston Phil Harris Dennis
day and yours truly Don Wilson the
orchestra opens a program with why don't
we do
foreign
yes sir jello's been getting better and
better all the time year after year and
now Jello comes forward with its most
revolutionary Improvement of all locked
in flavor a new exclusive process for
bringing you every last luscious bit of
jello's Glorious goodness up until now
gelatin desserts constantly faded in
flavor while waiting to be used but
today jello's rich mouth-watering flavor
is locked in and no matter how long your
package of jello takes to reach you time
just can't steal away its flavor prove
it for yourself open a package of jello
there's no heavy fruity Aroma no sign of
escaping flavor but the instant you
dissolve Jello But A Rush of Rich
marvelous flavor comes pouring out in my
how you enjoy it try Jello tomorrow
Feast your eyes on its bright
scintillating colors thrilled to jello's
full never fading locked in flavor
you'll say jello really is different
because the flavor never goes away we
put it in and it's there to stay
[Music]
ha
[Music]
that was Final we do played by the
orchestra ladies and gentlemen exactly
449 years ago today Christopher Columbus
first set foot in the new world after a
perilous ocean Voyage of 40 days and 40
nights boy what a trip I wish I'd have
been there for weeks and weeks Columbus
and his band of intrepid Adventures were
tossed around and the storm turned
Atlantic little knowing that they'd come
through a lie wreath that main cell
we'll make it fellas so now we bring you
a man who gets seasick when the crackers
Bob about in his oyster stew Jack Benny
thank you thank you julo again this is
Jack Benny talking and Don that was a
very funny introduction you thought of
you sure love to kid your old boss don't
you yes I do Jack and you're my idea of
a real sport well I make those facts
about you because you're so big you're
broad-minded you're the kind of a guy
that can take it a good old Dante by the
way I believe you were born in Denver
Colorado weren't you Don well yes Jack
in fact I spend my Summers there your
Summer's Day uh-huh well unless you keep
a civil tongue in your big fat head snow
will be hitting you in the face
foreign
have you heard any um oh hello Mary
hello Jack how are you fine thanks now
are you kidding
Don have you um have you heard any
reports on our opening program last
Sunday you know comments reactions and
so forth why yes Jack some people seem
to like it very very much uh-huh some
people thought it was fairly good uh-huh
and some people well yes sir
well done I thought the Press was
exceptionally nice this year for
instance uh PM gave us a lovely notice
in fact you could almost call it a ring
about the Daily News yep PM said our
opening program was really a Humdinger
very nice don't you think oh wonderful
and radio guide liked it and billboard
the theatical paper seemed to think we
had a hilarious show tell them about the
Daily News
that Ben gross radio editor of the news
didn't like the program and he's
entitled to his opinion I have no hard
feelings towards Ben you have an eh no
and why did you try to get Errol Flynn
to beat him up
[Music]
I didn't even know Flynn was in town
anyway most of the notices were very
favorable did you read the one you got
in the daily worker yes I I read the
daily worker what to say Mary same thing
every year down with Benny
yeah but you talk about write-ups get a
load of this Rave in the Waukegan News
Sun then he Wows him again here Mary
read it yourself okay well naturally
Jack your hometown paper would be 100 in
your favor I don't know about that
they're pretty critical you know say
Jack look at this news item on the other
side of your Rider where I didn't see it
it says uh boo-boo Benny
Benny any with
night for parking his
from the curb
[Music]
what uh when interviewed Booboo said I
don't want to set the world on fire I
just want a bromo
[Music]
give me that clipping the boo-boo is
always getting into those publicity
stunts anyway Don the consensus seems to
be oh yeah Jackson like the wash woman
says what do you hear from the mop what
MP I got the gag you don't have to spell
it I got it
say Phil uh we were talking about the
first program last week did you see any
reviews on it yeah there was a swell
right up in the orchestra world oh the
musician's favorite what did it say it
said uh due to the length of the
dialogue on Benny's first program Phil
Harris had to cut out his usual band
number oh they missed it eh no they like
the idea
oh well don't feel bad about it Phil
it's only one opinion and that reminds
me Jackson I hate to bring it up but
Alice thinks that this program is a
little too corny for a guy like me
what she feels loud to be on a high
class her show
foreign
yeah Alex says I ought to be on
information please
oh she does well Phil Alice is a dear
sweet girl and I respect her opinion but
if you were ever on information please
and you were asked who was the first
president of the United States and you
said George Washington Clifton fatiman
would drop dead
and I might also add that at present Mr
fatiman is in perfect health
Luca wants to be on information please
well I feel even Jack would be afraid to
go on that program absolutely and he has
a remarkable memory sir can I read
something I never forget it especially
that write-up in The Daily News
quiet will you you're going to keep
talking about oh hello Dennis hello Mr
Benny how are you fine fine thanks hey
Mr Benny did you see the write-up your
opening program got in the Brooklyn
Eagle the Brooklyn Eagle no what did it
say it said what happened to you when
the Dodgers shouldn't happen to a dog
[Music]
well I guess there's still a little blue
over the series you know anyway Dennis I
heard a lot of nice things about your
song last week so now that you're here
let's have another one okay I'm gonna
sing a very popular number called time
was good good and this being Columbus
Day I dedicated to my new girl I met
last night
I picked her up at Columbus Circle
oh how are things around there I must
Saunder by
um go ahead and sing then
hold it come in Mr Benny yes may I
congratulate you on this the pure
opening broadcast of the new season
opening broadcast look Bob we had a show
last Sunday go to Heavens are you gonna
count that one
[Applause]
a guy his head looks like the ball
Mickey Owen dropped
[Music]
we have a world of memories
you and I a kind you cherish more and
more
as the years
[Music]
when we had fun on the schoolyard swing
when we exchanged graduation rings
one lovely yesterday
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
picnics and hayrides and midwinter
sleigh rise and never
apart hikes in the country and they're
more than one tree on which
I have a place
in your heart
[Applause]
[Music]
will be completely
[Music]
full of memories
[Music]
foreign
[Applause]
T this summer and somebody just told me
that pretty lady in it was you
oh wow it was me it was me it was my
character in the picture and Now ladies
and gentlemen holy smoke you know I
thought it was a real girl oh no no no
Dennis it was me
and um
and Now ladies and gentlemen I sent you
a love letter forget about it
[Music]
[Laughter]
[Music]
well I'll wait him in a jerk Dennis what
Dennis the fact look at the fact that I
was wearing a dress shouldn't have
fooled you that much after all a woman
doesn't walk like me very few men Walk
Like You
is that so speaking of the way you walk
Jackson have you seen them Penguins over
in Radio City
yes I've seen them penguins and he wants
to be on information please all right
then Jefferson was the first president
oh for Pete's sake Phil Washington was
the first President I merely said if you
knew that fatiman couldn't stand the
shot
all right Don fatiman couldn't stand the
shark oh Jack it's so obvious
Don I know what's clever now go ahead
fatiman oh if I to only save my money
yeah fatiman all very well
an important message ladies whether your
husband is a fat a man or a thinner man
he will always enjoy a dish of jello
there you are see Jello America's
favorite gelatin dessert is not only
economical and easy to make but it has
that new locked in flavor Locked In by
means of a new exclusive process all of
jello's full original goodness is now
locked in for Keeps is that what makes
the taste so good
so remember folks the flavor never goes
away we put it in there to stay and
poetry too very good John very good very
good
foreign
it's not corny at all it's terrific and
Now ladies and gentlemen hey Mr Benny in
that fan letter I sent you I enclosed 25
cents for a photo
uh later kid not now well gee whiz I
haven't got one in a bathing suit now
leave me alone
how he can do any good at Columbus
Circle I don't know
really I don't know
and now folks I um we're having fun
tonight I uh I'd like to announce that
beginning next Sunday October 19th our
broadcast will come to you from
Hollywood California as we're returning
home well we sure had fun in New York
didn't we fellas yes it's been
grandjacked the little woman and I saw
nearly every show in town I saw three
swell ones Panama Hattie and Claudia and
The Wookie wait a minute what about the
one I took you to oh yes arsenic took me
to see Old Lake
Mary you don't have to be so bitter
those were the best seats I could get oh
stop will you I'm not kidding I got them
from the producers of the show Lindsay
and Krauss they had dinner at my house
one night well they're even with you now
foreign
don't be silly oh
whatever we're wearing a veil
you got caught in that gag too
[Music]
you know if you read that gag right it's
a good laugh really it is
it's only our second show you know well
anyway Mary next time
next time you can go alone say Jackson
Alice and I saw a lady in the dark the
other night and we thought it was great
oh did you like it yeah she explained
the whole plot to me well
get this situation now Gertrude Lawrence
plays the part of a Dame who's all mixed
up about everything and she don't know
what's the matter with her uh-huh so she
goes to see a psychiatrist
psychiatrist that's a psychiatrist
psychiatrist is a Japanese dick that's
Sukiyaki
oh yeah well I was right about
Washington
that I know anyway she finally gets the
right guy they fall in love the Kirk
goes down Alice put on her shoes when we
went home
that's a vivid description you know Phil
the next time you go to a show
pardon me
come in
yes excuse me Central Mr Danny but I got
a note for you
[Applause]
I'm uh sorry I'm busy right now come
back later no I would advise you to take
a quick game that this communique
oh wow all right what's the note what
does it say now I'm on a carrier pigeon
we ain't much on reading
[Music]
oh
okay let's have it uh who's it from Jeff
who do you think it's from Rochester
listen to this dear boss please give
Bearer Mr Columbus Smith
Columbus yes that's me
[Music]
oh happy anniversary foreign
from Rochester please give Bearer fifty
dollars which you owe me as I owe it to
a group of gentlemen who aim
and I'm being sorely pressed for payment
all of all the nerve I don't care if he
is
method then if you don't come through
that bar is gonna be clean and pressed
well look Columbus you tell Rochester
I'll call him when I get home tonight
what's his number Monument two one seven
hundred uh Monument eh yeah and do call
that's one be erected to his memory
[Music]
okay I'll call him yeah thank you
goodbye Mr Ben goodbye imagine Rochester
sending for fifty dollars
play something Philly got into this Jam
let him get out of it
[Music]
right now
[Music]
I don't want to set the world on fire
played by Phil Harris and his orchestra
who haven't even got a match
all right I didn't like that gag either
I told you further hey Phil I notice
you're using a lot of New York musicians
while we're in town uh where'd you get
them I walked out of Lindy's with a
sturgeon in my pocket and they followed
I will throw it to them they look hungry
oh fellas as I told you before we're
leaving for California tomorrow and I
may not get to see until train time so I
might as well give you your tickets
right now oh Phil here's accommodations
for you and Alice and Don here's space
for you and the little woman oh thanks
Jack oh goody we get a lower going back
foreign
yes sir now Dennis
Dennis you're uh you're bunking with me
as usual and uh he is Mr Benny you snore
all right I snore it's only for three
nights you're young yet
[Music]
all right be a playboy
let's drop it now Mary I know I'm gonna
sleep with Miss Whipple that's right
Miss Whipple who's she Jack put an ad in
the paper for someone to share my birth
foreign
[Music]
never mind I meet more darn people that
way
Mary let me run things will ya no
planning a trip like this is no sin I'll
bet she's big and fast she's very slim I
asked for a picture
now fellas remember we meet at the
station a half hour before the train
leaves and I want you all to be there on
time and no more complains hey Jackson
what's the idea of putting Alice in
being an upper birth she's a big movie
star Phil I'm in charge here and you'll
take what you get Mr xanick won't like
us not susanic
now fellas nuts to Xanax what did I say
I've got to make pictures there
[Laughter]
I've got three more pictures to make
there
what am I doing oh well I remember
fellas everybody be at the station a
half hour before the train leaves I'm
giving a cocktail party for Miss Whipple
might as well all get acquainted so try
to make these come in
oh it's you again Mr Bennett I just
spoke to Rochester on the phone he said
it's imperative I bring him the fifty
dollars now wait a minute did you tell
Rochester I'd call him later tonight yes
and he said if you don't call him now
later tonight you'll have to communicate
with him by Ouija board
oh he's making a mountain out of nothing
Rochester must think money grows on
bushes well you owe it to him don't you
Mary if you're referring to that bet I
made on the Lewis Nova fight I have
never conceded that Nova was knocked out
well Jack Rochester would never have
sent the note unless it was important
now I think you ought to call it oh all
right Mary get me his hotel will you
Monument two one seven hundred okay
and you've certainly gone to a lot of
trouble here Columbus are you a good
friend of Rochester's no I'm just a
member of The Syndicate what's through
that fatal seven
[Music]
oh I I see now goodbye Miss Bennett
goodbye
we just had to left Rochester home
already where's your number Jess thanks
hello good evening Teresa Hotel I like
to talk to Rochester van Jones this is
Mr Benny calling oh hello Mr Benny are
you gonna pay him that 50. what what
businesses of yours we're stepping out
tonight and I had hope for a bottle and
a bird
I can't help that an operator will you
please ring Rochester's room hey yes sir
oh by the way Mr Benny has Rochester got
a girlfriend in California yeah she got
four or five girls there is it four or
five what's the difference I'm gonna
call them up and pass him around
operator would you please get Rochester
I want to talk to him hey yes sir our
ring is sweet
call for Mr van Jones yeah yeah me
potatoes don't sweet potato me short
dark and gonna be shorter
[Music]
Operator Operator get off the line oh oh
boss did you almost get there yes he
landed twice today
I got your note Rochester and I'm not
sending you any 50. what boss I order
some gentlemen one of whom is mechanized
[Music]
I don't care what he is and another
thing Rochester why is it you have a
great big Suite here in New York while I
live in one room well I'm in so much
trouble I gotta face up and down oh you
do yeah you better get a racetrack son
cause I'm gonna run you operator will
you please stop cutting in now Rochester
you promised me you wouldn't shoot dice
while we were here in New York and yet
you lost fifty dollars explain that well
boss it just happened that I was down on
one knee tying my shoe
uh-huh and several of my large members
got down on their knees to see what I
was doing
uh-huh and while we were all in that
position Ivory rear this ugly head
well I'm sorry for your Rochester but
you'll have to take care of your own
obligations but boss all I want is the
money you owe me on the Lewis Nova fight
I told you before that in my opinion
Lewis did not knock out Nova oh
reconsider operator please now Rochester
I don't want to discuss this any further
the fight is over so forget it wait a
minute boss is a gentleman here that's
very much interested in me collecting
not 50. would you mind talking to him oh
all right put him on hello Mr Benny this
is Metropolitan M Spears talking
yes Rochester tells me you questioned
the outcome of the recent Lewis Nova
fight I certainly do the BET was that
Lewis would win by a knockout when the
fight was over Nova was on his feet yeah
but he wasn't going no place
look all I'm trying to say is Nova was
not unconscious when the fight ended the
Mr Lewis thought he was that's what he
thinks but I'd like to get Mr Nova's
opinion well when he comes to let's
check with him
you say Rochester owes you fifty dollars
that's right and it was mine
understanding come back here boy I ain't
got my hat on
well look natural I'll tell you what
I'll do I'll send you a check for
Rochester's debt as soon as I am
definitely convinced this is the result
of the fight thank you very much that's
okay I'd like awfully well to get in
full inflation sets in
you'll get it now put Rochester on the
phone yes sir or Rochester Mr Bennett is
going to take care of that 50. you want
to make it 100 or nothing Rochester
now listen Rochester we're leaving for
California tomorrow and you haven't even
started to pack my trunk yet so you
better meet me bright and early well
what time does the train leave boss you
ain't gonna be on operator now Rochester
I want you to stop at the Tailors and
pick up my shirt you said you wanted to
marry me and you got five gals in
California they're just bridesmaids
honey
Rochester pay attention I'll stop at the
tailor and tell him that all my cleaning
must be ready by noon and see that you
don't miss the train and here's another
thing the next time you're in New York
and you bend over to tie your shoe you
better have something to back it up with
because I'm getting sick and tired
you're gonna go out into Menards
underneath cherries right off the tree
remember how good they tasted what a
grand time Rising flavor they had well
you'll remember all over again friends
the moment you taste red cherry mold a
luscious blend of Rich Crimson cherries
and cherry jello it's one of Jack
Benny's own favorite treats and one of
the easiest desserts to make you ever
saw simply dissolve one package of jello
imitation cherry flavor in hot water as
you usually do gelatin so slightly
thickened and fold in two cups of the
cherries themselves then finish chilling
it and serve with the garnishing of
outing sections and myth you'll never
taste it a more attractive more
delicious dessert ask your girls over a
can of Life juice cherries and a package
of cherry jello tomorrow and be sure you
say jello because only jello's new
process of locked in flavor gives you
all the flavor always
we're a little late folks good night
Joni
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]