[Music]
hello friends welcome to this day in
jack benny i'm john henderson this
episode is from april 21st 1946
easter sunday the easter holiday was
enjoyed in the good old-fashioned way
much as it used to be before the war in
fact this being 20 years before star
trek the uss enterprise was the name of
a navy aircraft carrier the uss
enterprise obsolete in the jet anatomic
age heads meekly for the scrap heap
during the war the navy used dehydration
technology for food preservation a
greater variety of food can now be
shipped in this form only the water in
them is removed to be replaced before
cooking for dehydration every egg is
examined our soldiers on the other side
of the world will be provided with
breakfast omelets made of this pure yolk
powder
a year earlier jack benny was made
honorary admiral of the fictional
nebraska navy jack benny an admiral i
know ms limston but i saw it in the
paper he got the commission from
governor griswold of nebraska
gee
this episode of jack benny was broadcast
from another decommissioned aircraft
carrier the uss saratoga which was
anchored in the san francisco bay
come aboard america's aircraft carrier
saratoga look out across her wide deck
alongside the queer-shaped funnel to her
massive snarling warplanes waiting to
take off on maneuvers
the saratoga was set to leave the bay in
a week and a half on its journey to take
part in a couple of atomic bomb tests
[Music]
this is bikini
it is here that the military and
scientific personnel of joint task force
one will conduct the tests with the
atomic bomb
against an array of ships as to secure
graded ship damage ranging from maximum
to minimum flash to the decks of ships
are samples of military supplies and
equipment airplanes jeeps trucks and
tanks themselves targets on target ships
animals were placed aboard some of the
ships to substitute for military
personnel
preparations are now complete and crews
abandon their ships
five
four
three
two
one
fire
[Applause]
seven and a half hours after the
explosion the aircraft carrier saratoga
grand old fighting lady sank as a result
of heavy underwater hull damage
the saratoga was sunk on july 25th back
here in april jack benny and the gang
were in san francisco and comedian fred
allen was in los
this is angeles fred allen i just got in
from new york is there any chance of
using mr benny's room while he's away
in theaters you could watch the new
disney movie make mine music featuring
some disney shorts like willy the whale
that sings opera voiced by nelson eddie
mommy's little baby loves shortening
sharpening mama's little baby loves
shorts and breads mmm and finally they
mention galley slaves which you may have
seen depicted in movies set in
historical time periods these were the
shirtless men rowing large ships in
unison to the beat of a drum you will be
handed over to the military authorities
under whose direction you will be
chained to the oars of a galley in
servitude for the rest of your natural
lives
if you'd like to contact me you can find
my information along with all the old
episodes at thisdaybenny.com
and enjoy the show the jack benny
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from the uss saratoga anchored in san
francisco bay the lucky strike program
starring jack benny with barry
livingston phil harris rochester dennis
day and yours truly don wilson
ladies and gentlemen tonight we're all
gathered aboard that valiant aircraft
carrier the uss saratoga in a few days
the saratoga will be on its way to
bikini atoll to participate in the
history-making atomic bomb test
tonight it is our privilege to broadcast
from aboard this great ship
and now ladies and gentlemen from the
saratoga which is affectionately called
old sarah we bring you another old lady
and here she is jack benny
thank you thank you hello again this is
jack benny talking and don i must say
that on an occasion like this you could
have gotten a better introduction and
one with more dignity what do you mean
jack well for instance since this is a
fighting ship you could have said we
bring you jack benny that old fighter
or since this ship is manned by saul
sailors we bring you that old sword you
understand
well yes jack i'll try it again ladies
and gentlemen since we're broadcasting
from under the crow's nest we bring you
that never mind
i was happier being an old lady
anyway don i want to tell you something
and i mean this seriously i've been
broadcasting for 15 years and have done
programs from all over the world but
today broadcasting from the saratoga is
the most thrilling experience i've ever
had well jack what about those
broadcasts you did from new caledonian
from paris france and cairo egypt i'll
admit they were exciting don but here on
the saratoga just before it leaves for
the atom bomb test just think of it
and now that i think of it let's finish
our program eat those steaks and get off
of here as soon as possible
i mean don't even wait for laughs don
let's get on
bout jack don't tell me you're afraid
why this ship isn't leaving until next
week and that's what they say down but
who knows when an admiral may decide to
go fishing
[Applause]
anyway don't worry about me let's do a
good show tonight because the sailors
here have been in san francisco quite a
while and they're lonesome well i don't
know why they shouldn't launch them
i don't know why there should be lots of
at all there are a lot of pretty girls
in san francisco i know dom but the way
this town is built you know with these
steep hills it's so hard to get a date
well what do you mean well last night i
followed a girl down california street
just as i got to her she stepped aside
and i fell in the bay
so i uh i spent the rest of the evening
with a mackerel
believe me i didn't mean mr penny huh oh
what is it taylor i hate to interrupt
the program but captain ring told me to
give you this note it's urgent well let
me have it
hmm
[Applause]
my this is serious oh don yes jack would
you mind stepping a little more to the
center the ship is listing kapoor
thank you
thank you don does that straighten out
the ship sailor i'll find out is that
all right lieutenant i'll find out is
that all right commander
i'll find out is that all right admiral
i'll find out is that all right ensign
only admiral do you have to ask an
ensign only today is mama's listening in
oh oh i see i see well look sailor yes
sir i'll try and keep wilson in the
middle of the ship and if things aren't
right let me know yes sir guys jack i i
can't believe that i could cause the
ship to lift i'm not that big you're not
a don you look like nob hill in slack
so just stay in the center of the ship
hello jack hi fellas
[Applause]
mary how do you like being aboard the
uss saratoga he is drilling jack and
this morning commander enter showed me
all around the ship gosh it was
interesting you know there are a
thousand men in the crew only a thousand
what do you mean only a thousand is a
lot of men
to row a big ship like this
bro
jack it so happens that no i'm not gonna
tell you tell me what no i can't tell
you it's a military secret oh come on
mary tell me well jack since you were in
the navy they got rid of the galley
slave
well i won't tell anybody
say marry
i'm sliding away from you don get back
in the center of the ship
there that's better
say mary
on your little tour
mary on your little tour around the ship
did you learn any other interesting
things yes jack i saw captain ring
climbing way up the superstructure then
i saw him crawling behind the gun turret
and then i saw him slipping into one of
the lifeboats really i'll bet he was
facing delicate instruments for the test
no he was hiding easter eggs for the
boys
[Music]
must have a hard job every easter
coloring those powdered eggs you know
it isn't every captain that would hey mr
benny did you hear about oh hello dennis
hello
hey mr benny did you hear about the
appeal kid fine hey mr benny did you
hear me look great you know
thanks hey mr benny did you hear about
the
hear about what hear about what dennis
i better not tell you it's a naughty
joke
well dennis people shouldn't tell you
those kind of jokes i made it up myself
oh
and now fellas it's about a traveling
boy scout never mind i don't want to
hear it
anyway we're having time for that now
you know dennis we're all here aboard
the saratoga because in a few days it'll
leave for the atomic bomb test oh boy
mr benny what's an atomic bomb
i'm glad you asked me that kid you see
an atomic bomb is a very special kind of
bomb
it's a bomb
that's atomic
now you see
you see atomic energy is composed of
three different things neutrons protons
and nylon and nylon
thank mary now the scientists had no
trouble getting the protons and neutrons
but only officers could get the nylon
you see dennis oh jack what are you
telling the kid all that stuff for leave
him alone ms livingston he fascinates me
thank you now the big problem that faced
us scientists was to split the atom
first we had to use some uranium which
is better known as u235
it was marked down from u250
that's fred allen walking up there then
we put this
then we put this
he's making a lot of noise on this ship
you see then we put this into a
cyclotron mix it with neutrons and add a
pinch of salt and add a pinch mary
you use your recipe and i'll use mine
anyway dennis you mix the neutrons with
the u-235 and then you treat all the
elements with radar put them all
together again and you have the atomic
bomb gee and my mother says you're a
dope
oh she does eh my father thinks you're a
dope too
oh yeah but i don't think you are well
thanks kid but they think i'm a dope
janice that's enough
now dennis let's have a song after all
you were in the navy these are your
buddies and they're all anxious to hear
you okay you know mr benny last year
when i was in the navy i sang on this
ship i know you did kid it must be nice
being back here again by the way uh
would you like to say something to the
boys before you sing i sure would go
ahead hey fellas do you want to hear the
story about the traveling boy
a scouts scout went into the woods and
built a fire then a week later he went
back and the fire was still burning
still burning don't you get it
yet what he spent the afternoon in the
woods with his old
for heaven's flames
traveling boy scout
go ahead and sing oh mr benny yes you've
got your fat announcer off center again
don keep your seam on the beam
go ahead dennis let's have your song
come on
this lovely day we'll lend them in
for weaving
we'll sigh goodbye
to all we've ever had
alone
[Music]
and i'll be content
you loved me
once in a through
your lips were warm
and love and spring
[Music]
remember
[Music]
a fire will dwindle
into
blowing ashes
or flames and love
live such a little while
i won't forget
but i won't be lonely
i'll
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
the fire will dwindle into
glowing ashes
i won't forget
but i won't be lost
[Music]
remember
[Music]
[Applause]
that was
now as i remember april sung by dennis
day and accompanied by phil harris and
it makes you wish you were on the
enterprise orchestra
and now fellaini wait a minute jackson
wait a minute i heard that hello phil
how are you
[Applause]
listen jackson there's a time and place
for everything and i wish you'd have a
little more respect for my musicians
especially in front of all these guys
what my boy's done their bit in fact
more than half of them were overseas no
kidding phil where were they alcatraz
alcatra phil are you crazy alcatraz is a
prison then how come my voice all got
discharge buttons let me see those
buttons
well now isn't that cute
a little file
how nice anyway phil i don't care where
they came from you've got a great band
i'm only kidding when i pan them i'll
say they're great you know what jackson
i'm always tickled to death when i get
back to san francisco i had my band here
the first time at the saint francis
hotel 20 years ago no kidding that's
right and frankie my guitar player is
the only boy that's still with me well
what do you know say phil how come
frankie's been with you all these years
jackson if i had on you what he's got on
me i'd be the star of this show
that i can believe but listen phil you
won't be the star of this or any other
show until you learn to come to
rehearsal on time what happened last
night it wasn't my fault jackson it was
so foggy i got lost oh don't exaggerate
fill the fog doesn't get that sick it
doesn't they during the war they used to
launch the victory ship from the top of
the mark
now
now you're being silly no shade jackson
that's where i always go to get launched
hit me on top of the head with a bottle
of champagne i'm sailing today
phil can't you stay in dry dock for just
one night
stop using the fog as an alibi the jack
feels right between the fog and the
hills in this this is some town well
what are you talking about well last
night some silly jerk following me down
california street and when i stepped
aside he fell in the bay
what are you laughing at livy two hours
later i saw him at the bell tavern
dancing with a mackerel
that was my girl
stop calling her a mackerel just because
her eyes are on the side of her head
and now fellas every time a dad lasted
more than three minutes he had to throw
her back in the water mary cut that out
and now fellas oh mr benny the water's
coming through the portholes
well tell the admiral to get the ship in
the center of dawn it's easier that way
anyway don wacha we don't want anything
to happen to the ship before she goes
out for the test say jack when are they
gonna unload the saratoga you know take
all the equipment off mary they're not
taking anything off this ship is going
to the test fully equipped from the
airplanes on the flight deck down to the
dishes in the galley jack do you mean to
say that they're leaving everything
aboard just as though you were going to
battle that's right don even the
supplies in the ship store everything
even those lucky strikes that are so
round so firm so fully packed so free
and easy on the draw yes done but jack
don't they realize that lucky strikes
are made of the finer the lighter than
naturally milder tobacco of course they
do kid of course
well all i can say is
if it's in the interest of science i'm
sure those little luckies will be glad
to do their part
good job good
very good john very good
john don you're a hero now if you'll
turn around i'll give the seat of your
pants a 21-gun salute
oh phil how about a band number you all
set yeah say jackson before i forget you
want to go to the ball game with me
tonight no thanks phil i went over to
oakland saw the game friday night with
mary and who do you think i saw there
mary she was with me
now guess again left the old duel no
casey single no you'll never guess so
i'll tell you remember the little guy
who always sings
people in the middle and your mustard on
top just the way you like him and
they're all this hot tasty little hot
dog and some pop just the way you like
him and they're all there
[Music]
a roasted peanuts a monkey crunchy bag
of lunchy get your hot roasted peanuts
ice cream cone gets you dreamy rich and
creamy double deck your ice cream cone
equal in the middle with the mustard on
top
nickel in the middle and the mustard on
top just the way you like it and they're
all red eyes everybody's living like
color eating coney island small gizmo
well nothing could be better than the
weenies i made once we graduate then we
can stop with people in the middle
standing up the griddle pickle in the
middle and on top
uh two hot dogs please yeah purple puppy
is coming up and would you like it maybe
baseball style baseball style what's
that a three bites and you're out
no no we'll just have the regular hot
dog okay what kind of mustard would you
like well what kind of mustard's in this
jar hot and cold wait a minute how can
you have hot and cold mustard in the
same jar stick your finger in it's cold
stick your tongue in it's hard
oh well just give them to us plain we
only came over to hear you sing anyway
oh thank you
people in the middle and you must sit on
top just
[Music]
oh
[Music]
yes kids yes that's who mary and i saw
at the ball game friday night and now
for us mr benny here's a telegram that
just came for you telegram thank you
sailor
well listen to this kid
congratulations on your first
anniversary as an honorary admiral in
the nebraska navy
signed governor griswold gee i almost
forgot about that i remember it jack you
got the commission from the governor of
nebraska yeah jackson i remember it too
it was a year ago this week yes sir and
boy were you a ham what are you talking
about you know what i'm talking about
remember mary it's over now so let's
forget it hey pardon me mr benny but
this sounds interesting if it's anything
about navy the boys would like to hear
it oh it was nothing sailor nothing
nothing come here sailor i'll tell you
all about it mary he doesn't have to sit
on your lap you use your recipe and i'll
use mine
here's what happened fellas you'll love
this dolphin
it was a year ago this week and i
happened to call jack's house to tell
him that butter was getting short and he
should stop using it on his hair so
[Music]
hello mr benny's resident star of stage
green and radio and will be the center
pole that may prize the tense of the
turn hello roger
[Applause]
rochester i'd like to speak to mr benny
please oh i'm sorry miss liverson i
wouldn't want to disturb the admiral now
admiral haven't you heard mr benny is
now an admiral in nebraska navy in the
nebraska oh i get it he's been made an
admiral in an imaginary navy yeah but
he's taking it seriously he made me sew
gold stripes on his blue surge suit
oh for heaven's sake roger how many
stripes did it make you sew on i don't
know but you could cut the sleeves off
at the elbow and he'd still
you mean he really thinks it's on the
level yeah when the milkman came this
morning uh mr benny looked at him and
said what are you doing in summer
uniform
what did the milkman do he turned to his
horse and said stop laughing he hasn't
paid last month's billion
well rochester tell mr benny i call him
and i'll see him later yes ma'am goodbye
goodbye
god dawn ever since nebraska made mr
benny and admiral he's been upstairs
working our fleet maneuvers i better get
him away from that bathtub before he
messes up the whole room
rochester uh glad to have you aboard
what do you want your breakfast is
getting cold down on the lower deck oh
uh
uh what have we got for breakfast the
wife of 2a
what happened to the yolks don't you
remember you scrambled them and stuck
them on your cat
oh yes
well i i can't leave now i'm about to
engage the enemy now watch
the enemy fleet is over here
boss don't splash the water on the
batman fire now i swing my carriers
around like this
and bring my destroyers over to this
side and insert them there you are
rochester now if you were the enemy and
i had you surrounded like that what
would you do all right pull out the plug
and ground every ship you got
[Music]
rochester that was brilliant starting
tomorrow you're an ensign thank you sir
now uh
now go to the wireless room and send
this message to admiral nimitz
dear chester
bathtub maneuver successful
sighted soap sank sane
[Music]
thank john paul benny
[Music]
and that fellows is exactly what
happened a year ago this week all right
mary you glad now you told him oh
jackson you're not mad are you of course
not to prove it i want all of you to
come up to my hotel room for a fish
dinner tonight what are we going to have
mackerel when i catch them feed them and
dance with them i'm not throwing them
back
[Music]
ladies and gentlemen
i'd like to read a farewell message that
was written by captain m s sheehy the
former chaplain of the uss saratoga
it was written on behalf of all of the
men who have had the privilege of
serving aboard the ship
here it is
dear sarah
this is a love letter
because you have been the great love of
thousands of us who have paced your
flight deck
and boasted of your proud record
19 years ago sarah with bands playing an
admiral standing stiffly at attention
you were grandly launched upon your
career
for most of those 19 years you sailed a
peaceful course
and suddenly out of that piece came your
courageous dash to pearl harbor
where you assumed your responsibility
soon you were standing alone
the only american carrier between tokyo
and san francisco
we'll never forget guadalcanal
bougainville
rabbal
noru and tarawa
will never forget those 26 strikes on
the marshall island
and your last engagement at rendezvous
with the kamikaze
you staggered fought back
landed your combat air patrol
and the next day
123 of your men were buried at sea
off iwo jima
that was a black day sarah
but we your boys remember the other days
as well all your gay parties a
celebration given for every thousandth
landing
the squadrons coming home like weary
birds the glory of dawn patrols
the long chow lines and the sunday
services
we remember how our hearts lifted when
every plane took off
and how they sang
when we counted the missing ones
to us sarah you were more than a ship
and so we your boys all over the world
want to say farewell
you are going to perform your last
service for your country
perhaps that atom bomb will put you in
davy jones's locker
but you won't be lonesome there
for the old lex and the wasp and the
hornet and the yorktown
and your little sister ship who died so
gallantly the princeton
will be there to welcome you
and we men of the navy want you to know
that wherever your health may be
your spirit
the spirit of the uss saratoga
will go marching on and on
and on
[Music]
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ladies and gentlemen we want to thank
captain captain s c ring commander
diamentler lieutenant w b mccarthy of
the 12th naval district and all of the
officers and men aboard the saratoga for
inviting us up here today for this
special broadcast it was a great
privilege good night everybody
this is nbc the national broadcasting
company