[Music]
hello friends welcome to this day in
jack benny i'm john henderson this
episode is from april 14th
1946. on a previous episode of jack
benny jack turns on the radio and hears
this commercial
ladies and gentlemen when you wake up in
the morning do you feel tired worn out
dull listless and logy
you do
well don't expect any sympathy from me
i'm a louse
but you can get sympathy from my sponsor
the makers of sympathy soothing syrup
remember folks sympathy spelled
backwards is your tapper puss
it's just the capitalist you get your
capitalists yes
[Music]
[Applause]
luella parsons was a hollywood reporter
who had a gossip column in the newspaper
and could be heard on the air louella
parsons hollywood's best known best love
most distinguished reporter with up to
the second movie news hello to all of
you from hollywood my first exclusive
matt gordon one of our top songwriters
and his pretty wife elizabeth cool
former movie actress has separated also
on the radio you could hear the latest
hit song like onesie twozy
tuesday i'll kiss you this tuesday's
freezing you kiss busy freezing for the
kiss on morsi one day
the head of the musicians union at the
time was a man named petrillo this fun
will not be used for any other purpose
if you were more interested in the
classical style of music you might
prefer a song like intermezzo
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
in the mid-20th century they would
sometimes refer to classical music or
classical musicians as long hairs
referring to the many composers in the
18th and 19th century who wore their
hair longer like beethoven
this of course is before long hair
became associated with rock music in the
70s and 80s
at this time they're still recovering
from world war ii and as they mentioned
in the episode you could see long lines
for vaccinations and for scarce items
like butter and nylon stockings
latest news is that there won't be
enough nylons for everyone
until june 1947.
in the meantime some are on sale in the
shops now
how do you get them well how does a
woman buy anything nowadays she queues
over the years and through the war
france had accumulated a massive amount
of debt to the united states with the
u.s trying to help the rest of the world
recover after world war ii they forgave
over 2 billion dollars in french debt
and finally this season ronald and
benita coleman had become recurring
guest stars as jack benny's beverly
hills neighbors ronald coleman was a
british actor known for films like lost
horizon after all this is quite pleasant
ishangrila will endeavor to make your
stay as pleasant as possible
and if i were king after i earned their
devotion and loyalty instead of their
loathing by knowing the longings in
their hearts
if you'd like to contact me check out
the contact page at
thisdaybenny.com where you can also find
many other episodes this daybenny.com so
drive safe in your old car and enjoy the
show the jack benny program
quality of product is essential to
continuing success in a cigarette it's
the tobacco that counts and lucky strike
means fine tobacco
ls mft
ls mft right you are yes sir lucky
strike means fine tobacco and fine
tobacco means more real deep down
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49 american lucky strike means fine
tobacco at the tobacco auctions they
attend independent tobacco experts
auctioneers buyers and warehousemen can
see the makers of lucky strike
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this fine lucky strike tobacco means
more real deep down smoking enjoyment
for you so smoke that smoke of fine
tobacco lucky strike so around so firm
so fully packed so free and easy on the
drawer
[Applause]
the lucky strike program starring jack
benny with barry livingston phil harris
rochester dynasty and yours truly don
wilson
ladies and gentlemen
to those of you who haven't been warned
at the close of his radio season jack
benny is contemplating a concert tour
so let's go out to jack's house where we
find him taking his violin lesson
[Music]
no no no mr benny you better try the
exercises once more all right professor
leblanc hello comments
one and two and three and four in
[Music]
do not make it to legato grip your bow
and play staccato
softly like a barbie chirping you sound
like a horse that's burping
and that's enough michelle benny
no try into mezzo again yes
[Music]
please a violin is a delicate instrument
it has a heart it has a soul you have
already broken its heart have pity on
its own
i see you see you see you see please
professor control yourself would you
like a glass of water yes put a little
cyanide in it
not till we finish the lesson
all right all right take the exercises
once more yes sir
play it softly play it tender where can
i go to surrender
[Music]
make the notes say smooth smoother
mixture this is worse than your last
picture
my forehead is getting woozy onesie
twosie i hate using
all
yes sir
[Music]
i'm sorry professor michel benny the
violin has only four strings your left
hand has only five fingers how can just
in nine of you make so many mistakes
i'll try it again please and this time
just follow these simple instructions
relax be calm and slide the boat
delicately over the strings is that all
that's all
now commence one two
you see it sounds better already
they're fixing the three
i'll try it again no no no let's call it
today the lesson she has done that
professor look at the clock the lesson
still has 14 seconds to go
14 seconds that's right
and then you will give me back my pants
yes
very well commence
the bell the alarm clock the hour she is
off the nation finished i am liberated
free
control yourself control yourself
stop kissing me
my goodness these frenchmen are so
emotional forgive me mr benny i forgot
my city well professor the lesson is
over you may go now but i'm sure you've
forgotten something you
you haven't paid me oh yes yes oh by the
way professor would you like some lunch
no i want your money this time
well i'll have to get it for you excuse
me
[Music]
come in
oh hello don hello jack
come on
in
john what are you giggling about
nothing nothing
nothing you didn't come over here
don what have you got behind your back
barry phil and dennis
hello jack hiya jackson hello mr benny
oh for heaven's sake i know don is big
but how the three of you can hide behind
him is beyond me i beg your pardon but
would you mind waiting on me first what
i saw this line so i got in it
look man i'll have size nine one pound
or where it won't show
size nine one pound or where it won't
show yeah
nowadays when you see a line it's either
for nylons butter or a vaccination
oh yeah but this happens to be a private
resident oh oh i'm sorry goodbye goodbye
oh by the way as long as you're here
would you like some lunch no thank you
didn't even give me a chance to show her
the menu
jack benny you ought to be ashamed of
yourself mary what's wrong with serving
lunch imagine putting stools around your
swimming pool and calling it the seaside
cafe
so what i serve good sandwiches and
draft beer that's right libby pickle in
the middle and the beer on tap
oh harris that gag alone ought to get
you a summer show
phil that kind of stuff won't keep in
the summer
[Music]
[Laughter]
you kids can laugh you want her but i
have the best beer in town oh mr benny
yes dennis i'm going to deliver your keg
of beer tomorrow you are why my mother
sprained her back
oh that's a shame how did it happen well
yesterday when my mother was at work my
father waxed the floor in the kitchen it
was sure slick oh you mean when your
mother stepped in her feet went out from
under i think so we got our footprints
on the ceiling
well that's too bad did your father tape
up her back no her mouth you should have
heard what she was calling him
i don't blame her anyway kids what's
going on how come you all dropped in
together we're going to the beach jack
and we thought you'd like to go with us
the beach no no i don't think so oh jack
stop being afraid what happened to you
last year won't happen again what
happened libby well jack was lying on
the sand and two men came over and tried
to bury him yeah tried to bury him so
what they were only kidding not when
they were playing organ music at the
same time
yeah imagine those two undertakers
coming down there looking for business
well it was your own fault for lying on
the beach in a tuxedo
all right that wasn't a tuxedo that was
my old bathing suit and the lapels were
a little shiny
anyway kid you run off the beach i got
to stay home and practice my violin hey
jackson you're not serious about that
concert tour next summer are you i
certainly am and no swing stuff for me
i'm gonna play the classics you know
that long-haired stuff long-haired stuff
yeah wait a minute you ain't got the
talent or the toupee for us
i'll get along don't worry now look kid
i'm kind of busy today so if you're
going to the beach go ahead okay jackson
come on kids let's go hey jack is our
program all set for sunday i'll accept
dennis's song just run over at once will
he kid yes sir michelle benny michel
benny i am waiting oh professor leblanc
i forgot all about you you want your
money i owe you for six lessons don't i
no five lessons i thought it was six no
no five i am not charging you for the
time i hit you on the head with the
violins oh yes yes that's right well
i'll get you the money as soon as i hear
this song go ahead dennis let's have it
professor put your pants on please
[Applause]
i
shall
[Music]
what be
you
don't believe
me
wait and see
my heart will
still be true
when stars on higher
[Music]
and when
[Music]
i still will feel
the same
these little words i know
can never
[Music]
[Applause]
me
just
[Music]
[Applause]
there we
go good dennis very good that'll be
swell on the show can we go to the beach
now mr benny yes yes go ahead all here
so long kids so long
say don why don't you and phil go in
your car and dennis and i'll follow you
okay omisha wilson micheal wilson huh
oh professor leblanc uh you're not going
to the beach with us arya no no no but
before you leave will you please go back
in the house and remind michelle benny
to pay me for his violin lessons oh well
it's probably just slipped his mind i'll
go and speak to him you uh you just wait
here thank you oh uh while you're
waiting uh here uh have a cigarette
thank you you'll enjoy that professor
it's a lucky strike
and you know all lucky's are made of the
finer the lighter the naturally milder
tobacco please michelle wilson go inside
and speak to michelle benny
you know professor the more you smoke
lucky's the more you're convinced that
those letters lsmft really stand for
lucky strike means buying tobacco all i
want is my money
[Laughter]
so round so firm so fully packed so free
and easy on the draw i gave him six
lessons but i am only charging him for
five so for real deep down smoking
enjoyment smoke that smoke of fine
tobacco lucky strike five lessons at a
dollar and a half
and i'm not even charging him for the
concepts i gave at his seaside cafe
come on don we're waiting okay right
with you oh uh professor you better go
in the house and speak to mr benny
yourself i have to leave now goodbye
goodbye
all i can do is try again
well professor leblanc come on in
gosh how time flies it seems only
yesterday that i took my lesson
it was today and i want my money oh yes
yes your money i forgot all about it how
much was it again for five lessons 750
but if you give it to me now i'll take
six dollars
no no no no i'm gonna settle it for the
full amount you're very kind now let's
see
i owe you 750 is that right we miss you
now france owes us 4 billion
600
this is not an international affair
did i charge you for the louisiana
process
what all i want is to be paid for the
violin lessons you know
[Applause]
i know i know i know just uh uh just sit
here professor i'll i'll go get the
money good
i'll uh i'll be back in a minute now put
your pants down
[Music]
yeah professor is a nice fellow a little
excitable but he's say boys oh what is
the rochester are you staying in for
dinner
yes yes i think i'll eat uh by the pool
you can't do that boss why not the elves
are having a party out there tonight
oh then i better have a bite now what
have we got in the icebox well we got
some cold boys cheese blintzes sour
cream bagels and matzo balls
bors bagels and matzah balls yeah we had
them left over from st patrick's day
good but make up a big batch of hot
biscuits with lots of butter well we're
all out of butter boys we i will go over
next door to the ronald coleman's and
borrow some but boss every time we're
short of something you send me to the
coleman oh we haven't borrowed so many
things from the colemans we haven't when
the time comes to return them it'll be
easier to switch houses
rochester stop wasting time now run next
door and get some butter okay uh i'll be
in my room practicing my violin i have
to practice all afternoon for my concert
so call me when lunch is ready yes sir
excuse me
excuse me mr rochester well professor
leblanc yes rochester will you please do
me a favor sure sure what is it will you
please tell mr benny i am waiting for my
money how long you been waiting since 12
o'clock
you're a beginner i've been waiting
since 1937.
[Laughter]
anyway you better speak to it yourself i
gotta go next door and borrow a pound of
butter and professor yes the lesson's
over why don't you put your pants on
[Music]
yes ronnie
[Applause]
who was that you were talking to at the
back door it was mr benny's butler
manchester united
oh well what did benny want this time no
no don't tell me let me guess
was it the garden hose a cup of sugar or
my tuxedo it wasn't your tuxedo good the
last time he brought it back the pockets
were full of sand
this time he wanted to borrow a pound of
butter
better
what does he think this is shangri-la
it's all the man that ever does borrow
borrow borrow oh darling don't be unfair
once in a while his loan does things
remember last week he let you have his
lawn mower yes but it wasn't much use to
me i could only mow half of our lawn
only half yes that's as far as the chain
would reach
[Music]
he means well
oh i know and i really don't mind benny
too much but sometimes he wants to
borrow the oddest things
last week he asked for some sympathy
[Applause]
[Music]
a pleasant enough chap with all his
borrowing i sometimes wish we weren't
next door neighbors yes it is annoying
but living next door to him has its
compensations compensations what do you
mean well he does serve the biggest
glass of beer in town for a nickel
i know but that big electric sign
flickering on and off he keeps me awake
at night yes yes and what a corny sign
bin is seaside cafe come in and drool by
the pool
all right
right andrew it says put your stomach in
our
hands oh my goodness look what time it
is and i haven't started to work on that
scene from if i were king you know i'm
doing it next week for that benefit
performance well i won't disturb you
darling you stay here in the library and
rehearse and i'll go into the other room
all right
now let's see
yes i better start with this
introductory poem
if i were king
ah love if i were king what tributary
nations would i bring to stoop before
your scepter
and to swear allegiance to your lips and
eyes and hair
beneath your feet what treasures i would
fling
the stars should be your pearls upon a
string the world a ruby for your
fingering
and you should have the sun and moon to
wear if i were king
[Music]
ah let these wild dreams and the wild of
words take wings
deep in the
deep
[Music]
would you please put the cat out
i let her out about an hour ago well
then for heaven's sake let her in
she's in some kind of trouble
[Applause]
now
let's see
oh yes yes
i'll let these wild dreams and wilder
words take wings deep in the woods
i hear a shepherd saying ronnie i looked
out the front door on the back and i
couldn't hear the cat anywhere well come
in here and you will
now did you hear that
oh ronnie that was mr penny playing his
family next door
oh
well i should have known
our cat hasn't sounded like that since
you had a strep throat
[Laughter]
it isn't awful benita you know i must
rehearse we're darling just go ahead and
if he starts again don't pay any
attention to him i'll try and i'll try
yes i bet look over the love scene let's
see
here it is
catherine is seated in the royal drawing
room
i enter left walk up stage take a hand
and speak
darling
i love you
love you because you are the loveliest
woman alive
all my life i have read tales of love
and tried to find their secret in the
bright eyes about me
tried and failed
but when i saw you
the old heaven
and the old earth seemed to shrivel away
and i knew what love might mean
for your love
i would face torture
for your love i would defy death
for your love i greet the galilean
what am i doing beneath it i've got to
have this stuff
call the police call the fire department
paul petrillo
[Laughter]
it can't go on it can't go on honey
i'll tell you if this doesn't stop
the telephone
oh
good yes i launched it
hello oh hello ronnie this is jack jack
benny oh it is a
and ronnie i'm trying to practice my
violin lesson so if you and bonita must
argue would you do it on the other side
argue it's nothing to be ashamed of i
mean it happens in the best of families
oh jack jack you've got the wrong
impression bonita and i weren't arguing
at all
you don't have to stand on ceremony with
me even rochester and i have our little
tips but we always patch it up and i'm
sure you will too i mean it's not hard
if you'll just make
hmm
how do you like that
he hung up on me imagine him being that
mad at bonita
oh well there's a job to be done
and i'm going to do it
hello luella
have i got a scoop for you
this time it's the coleman
uh-huh
like cats and dogs
no i don't know how it started but he
feels awful he cried to me over the
phone
that's right you're welcome luella what
no no don't mention my name i don't want
anybody else to know i'm a heel
ronnie it's been quiet for five minutes
now i'm sure mr benny's finished
practicing so go on rehearsing yeah all
right darling let me see where was i
oh there's the door i'll get it
yes
excuse me mr coleman
but you're a good friend of michelle
benny are you not well would you please
do me a favor
a favor
yes mr benny owes me seven dollars and
fifty cents
would you mind speaking to him about it
you mean to say that mr benny owes you
seven dollars and fifty cents and won't
pay you that's right
well i'll take care of it right away
goodbye
how do you like that bonita
benio's in 7.50 and won't pay it
give me that phone
hello luella
have i got something for you
uh ladies and gentlemen
you've seen a lot in the papers about a
subject of universal interest
automobile driving
until newer safer cars are available
we should drive our present over your
cars with greater care
thereby protecting ourselves and others
during these jalopy years helped cut
down accident rates by encouraging
better driving
when newer safer cars replace the old
ones
we'll all be better off because the
streets and open highways of tomorrow
will be free from the high accident rate
of today thank you very much
chad will be back in just a moment but
first here is my good friend la speed
rigs
in a cigarette it's the tobacco that
counts so remember ls mft yes lucky
strike means fine tobacco here's what mr
rubin g fleming independent tobacco
buyer of middleburg north carolina said
naturally fine tobacco makes a fine
smoke and at auction after auction i've
seen fine mile leaf bought for american
for my own cigarette i picked lucky's
i've smoked them for 15 years
at auction after auction i've seen fine
mild leaf bought for american unquote
yes lucky strike means fine tobacco so
for your own real deep down smoking
enjoyment smoke that smoke of fine
tobacco lucky strike so round so firm so
fully packed so free and easy on the
draw the famous tobacco auctioneers
heard on tonight's programmer mr la
speed rigs of goldsboro north carolina
[Applause]
and mr f.e boone of lexington kentucky
at 49 audibility 49 american russell
rise dale speaking for the makers of
lucky strike
ls mft
ls mft make no mistake in a cigarette
it's the tobacco that counts so smoke
that smoke a fine tobacco lucky strike
[Music]
ladies and gentlemen as you all know in
the near future
the united states government is making
an atomic bomb test off bikini atoll in
the pacific
among the ships to be used in this test
is a famous old aircraft carrier
the saratoga
and before this ship sails on her last
voyage
we have been asked by the navy to pay
her tribute by broadcasting aboard
so next sunday our program will come
from the hangar deck of the uss saratoga
in san francisco bay i hope you'll all
be listening goodnight folks
[Applause]
this is nbc the national broadcasting
company
[Music]
you