[Music]
hello friends welcome to this day in
jack benny i'm john henderson well it's
almost christmas this episode is from
december 23rd
1945. all over the nation eager shoppers
parade before store windows packed with
bright and shining presents for all the
family especially the youngsters pretty
little girls and big beautiful dolls and
happy tots galloping hobby horses are
found in every toy department here's a
message from the new chief of staff
general ike eisenhower
to win the war
you raised the greatest army in our
history we are now engaged in tearing
down that army
at an unprecedented rate at the same
time we have commitments in foreign land
so the war has ended and they're picking
up the pieces it was only four years
earlier that the u.s was sending bundles
over to britain big consignments of
clothes for victims of the blitz are now
arriving in britain from the usa
at a distribution center in london
stockland men and women who have
suffered at the hands of hitler's
killers try on articles of clothing
which will help to replace the things
they have lost they sent more bundles
over in 1942 but by then the us was
already involved in the war
back home spirits were raised by
uplifting movies like lassie lassie come
home
lassie is the story of a dog and a boy
oh it isn't a pretentious picture or an
epic it is too real
too human you might lassie come home
the jack benny program was based in
california and in this episode they make
reference to a local cemetery forest
lawn memorial park and i noticed in this
episode in the commercial right here at
the beginning the tobacco auctioneer you
know experience
you can hear his voice crack which means
he must have actually been doing that
for each episode this is not just a
recorded sound bite so listen to that in
just a moment uh but i wanted to mention
if you're not yet subscribed to this
podcast go to
thisdaybenny.com and follow the link and
enjoy the show the jack benny program
[Applause]
lucky strike means fine tobacco
ls mft ls mft
lsmfd you said it yes sir lucky strike
means fine tobacco
[Music]
quality of product is essential to
continuing success and lucky strike
means fine tobacco so round so firm so
fully packed so free and easy on the
drawer when it comes to real deep down
smoking enjoyment remember these five
words lucky strike means fine tobacco
yes lucky strike means fine tobacco the
finer the lighter the naturally milder
lucky strike tobacco so for your own
real deep down smoking enjoyment smoke
that smoke of fine tobacco lucky strike
so round so firm so fully packed so free
and easy on the draw and for that
christmas present remember lsmft
suggestion a carton of cigarettes for
christmas no gift offers so much for so
little so say merry christmas with a
carton of lucky strike
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
the lucky strike program starring jack
benny with barry livingston phil harris
rochester larry stevens and yours ruling
don wilson
[Applause]
ladies and gentlemen two weeks ago jack
benny had dinner at mr and mrs ronald
coleman's house and tonight as a typical
good neighbor jack has invited the
colemans over to his house
so let's go out to beverly hills where
we find jack preparing for the arrival
of his distinguished guests
well i'm almost dressed rochester
uh how uh how do i look in my uh how do
i look at my striped pants and swallow
tail cold you look like a master of
ceremonies at forest lawn
i do not
now rochester when you're serving dinner
tonight remember serve the tomato juice
first then the salad then the meat and
then the vegetables i'm glad you brought
that up boys i wanted to ask you about
the peas
what about the peas you want me to spoon
them out or count them out
uh spoon them out tonight there's
nothing too good for the coleman and um
don't forget uh for dessert we're having
a flaming plum pudding how do you fix it
boss well you take the plum pudding and
put it in a bowl
then you take a pint of brandy good
brandy in a real old brandy and you pour
it over the pudding continue boss you
fascinate me
then you take a match and set fire to
the brandy you what
you take a match and set fire to the
brandy boss i doubt if i have a heart
[Applause]
[Music]
yes just do as i tell you see you later
jingle bell jingle bell jingle down
today
yeah i hope the game got all those
contest letters cleaned up i don't want
the colemans to find out that so many
people can't stand me
well kids are you about finished with
the mail we're all through jack except
for those entries over there in the
corner why haven't you opened those
they're still ticking
ticking you mean hey there's one that's
smoking quick john throw it out the
window okay
hmm i wonder why
um
[Applause]
fine christmas spirit
that's that thing could have hello mr
penny huh who are you i was just passing
by and something blew me in
oh oh well merry christmas yes same to
you goodbye goodbye
[Applause]
now kids we've got to get all these
letters read because the contest ends
tomorrow night december 24th you know
say jack listen to this letter i just
opened i think it's from a scotch girl a
scotch girl what does it say i can't
stand jack benny because his nose is
warmer than mine sign lassie
oh she's just mad because she read that
big story about me in newsweek
anyway kids never mind the rest of those
letters mr mr coleman will be here for
dinner soon i also invited their friend
jack wellington so please be on your
best behavior especially you phil me yes
you just for deny don't bring your jug
to the table with you
please now wait a minute jackson have
you ever tried eating that meat straight
i know it's awful phil but do it just as
a favor to me and another thing phil
when you take the jacket off the baked
potato you're not supposed to go
it's only a potato
and don yes jack don when rochester
offers you a third helping try to refuse
will you or at least say well before you
dive in
am married oh jack don't try to tell me
anything about eating you better listen
to him levy he was eating 30 years
before you were born
phil your christmas present isn't so big
that i can't carry it back to the store
so don't try to do it
hello polly merry christmas merry
christmas
i like you
say kids
kids don't you think uh my christmas
tree is a beauty look how big it is it
sure is mr benny where did you get it
well i'll tell you kid a man drove
through beverly hills with that tree
laying on top of his car and jackson was
right behind him
bell jackson knew about the sharp curve
in the road and the man didn't
phil please christmas trees are very
sentimental to me in fact i used to go
out in the woods and cut down my own
tree but i gave that up yeah it's so
hard to find one with packages under it
yeah anyway this is the best christmas
tree i've ever had and look at all those
presents say mr benny what's in that
great big box over there all tied up
with that red and green ribbon that's
there every year kid it's a decoy
it is not oh boss boss what is the
rochester dinner tonight do you want
fresh bread raisin bread or english
muffins hmm english muffins are they the
real english muffins i mean i cut one of
them open and found two tickets to a
qriket match
you can't go you've got work to do and
by the way i hired i hired an english
butler to help me serve tonight so the
colemans will feel at home he should be
here any minute gosh i bet right now
ronnie and bonita are sitting on pins
and needles waiting to leave their house
[Music]
oh ronnie
ronnie where are you right here in the
library
hey darling it's almost 8 o'clock it's
time for us to go over to mr benny's
house have you forgotten oh no no i
haven't forgotten it's been on my mind
all week
the uh
perhaps we can phone and make some
excuses no darling we can't do that he's
probably gone to a great deal of trouble
preparing dinner in fact just this
afternoon his butler and oh what's his
butcher's name again um
manchester united
uh manchester united well he came to the
back door and wanted to borrow some
sugar so i gave him a saucer full you
gave him a saucer yes they already have
all our cups
yes
yes i i wondered why sherwood served my
afternoon tea in a dixie cup
but i guess you're right benita maybe we
should go
i'll never forget when benny invited us
to his house three years ago and we
didn't show up you know it made him so
angry he wrote a letter to britain
asking for his bundle back
oh
yes well he's probably sensitive and
well it's getting late you better start
dressing with yes and i mustn't forget
to take jack benny's shoes back to him
his shoes yes he slipped them off when
he was having dinner here two weeks ago
you know i i've never seen such
interesting shoes
there's so many secret pockets in them
and there's there's a little device in
there where you wiggle your toes and it
makes change
well so those shoes belong to mr benny i
should have known they weren't yours
when i saw the box spring in the arch
support
i noticed that too by the way bonita
who's invited to the dinner beside that
well i understand i'll be mary
livingston she's on his program you know
mary livingston didn't she at one time
work behind the stock encounter at the
may company
yes and i can't understand her giving up
a good job like that
i see oh yes besides mary livingston
there'll be that uh phil harris fella oh
yes ham hocks and turnip green
steve anita couldn't we phone and say
that uncle oswald is ill and we have to
go and visit him you can't do that after
all mr benny lives right next door
you'll see our lights and nowhere home
oh yes yes even that 30-foot fence
doesn't keep him from peeping in on
along his side of the fence with a
periscope
[Applause]
most remarkable fellow
i do hope mr benny doesn't insist on
playing that violin tonight why benita
why did you have to bring that up for 10
years i've been plagued with love in
bloom
i've hoped i've wished yes even prayed
for a minor disaster a fire a tornado
even termites anything but destroy that
violin
well if you can't be stopped then in the
name of heaven let him play right
give him the will give him the strength
give him the talent to hit that high
note
but he's got short fingers
well every day for ten years it's been
loving bloom and now it's a new one kiss
me once and kiss me twice and daddy
[Applause]
well i'm sorry dear but i didn't mean to
lose my temper well cheer up darling i'm
sure we'll have a lovely evening mr
benny's yeah i hope so perhaps you'll
eat a lot and fall asleep early
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um
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[Applause]
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uh
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[Applause]
uh jack you want to come in the dining
room and see if the table looks all
right yeah in a minute mary i'm busy
[Music]
you're not gonna play your violin
tonight i am too
the colemans are pretty high-class
people they don't go places just to eat
[Applause]
[Music]
i'll have to get a new string that was a
door buzzer
oh
oh oh oh say maybe that's the
never mind rochester i'll get it
yesterday
[Music]
oh
oh yes you're the english butler i
ordered
have you had much experience
[Music]
well good good uh go right
all right go right in the kitchen and
get started what's your name
oh
well tonight tonight i'll just call you
nottingham
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[Applause]
[Music]
jack who is that it was the uh it was
the english butter i hired for tonight
i'm calling him nottingham
uh do you think that's english enough uh
why don't you call him the white cliffs
of dover
no no that's too long uh maybe jackson
why don't you call him heathcliff
he's cliff sure you're trying to pull a
fluff
oh phil said they ought to hang you up
instead of your stocking
you can say that again
oh that must be the colemans now i'll
get it no rochester that's why i got the
english butler a nottingham uh answer
the door please
good evening mr benny is expecting us oh
come on
oh you're the fella who sells the
tobacco
oh romney ronnie bonita i'm glad you
came so early hello jack o'boyce so good
of you to have us over oh it's a
pleasure indeed nottingham take mr mrs
coleman's half coat and canoe
[Music]
thank you you know jack i did an awful
mistake i didn't know you had a second
butler oh yes yes he's english you know
but his english accent is so thick well
he's been there twice
uh
twice you know
well if he ever goes back again he'll
choke to death
yes yes come come let's go into the
drawing room by the way mr benny where's
manchester
what
what did you say
uh where is manchester
oh oh manchester
well you go out to pulver to
bulla city
traffic jack bonita means manchester
your butler oh oh that's rochester
rochester let nottingham do it
i'm not talking to you
[Applause]
bonita my butler's name is rochester
he's in the kitchen getting the grub
getting dinner ready uh come let's go
into the drawing room i want you to meet
my associates
here we are mr mrs coleman this is my
radio cast and how do you do it how do
you do it
hi ronnie bonita what do you hear from
the tea and crumpets
well
you know ronnie he's phil's such an
unruly blighter
you should excuse the expression by the
way ronnie i have a little surprise for
you this evening i also invited your
friend jack wellington to dinner
wellington splendid did you hear that
benito yes isn't that nice sit down
folks we'll have cocktails in just a few
minutes i hope you'll pardon the way my
house looks but i've been so busy
opening mail well that reminds me how is
your i can't stand jack benny radio
contest coming along oh wonderful
wonderful of course it ends tomorrow
night so benita if you want to get your
letter in be sure it's postmarked before
midnight december 24th you know jack
just received a citation in congress
because of all the national unity his i
can't stand jack benny contest is
promoting
was that national unity yes it's the
first time in history the republicans
and democrats agree on the same thing
yes sir that's me
yep
oh ronnie look at that christmas tree
isn't it beautiful and it certainly is i
suppose you folks have a nice christmas
tree too
well we bought a nice tree but while we
were driving home a peculiar thing
happened
yes ronnie made a sharp turn and that's
the last we saw of it oh oh that's a
shame well how about some cocktails um
what would you like ronnie well nothing
right now thanks jake but after dinner
perhaps a little b and b oh so well i
pour dinner i always have an s and s and
s what's that half soda and half simply
soothing syrup
yeah that's awfully good
what
oh he must mean that wellington is here
oh come right in come right in hello
benny old boy ronnie benito wellington
mr benny told us you are coming uh mr
wellington this is my radio gang here
it's mary phil don and larry
well we're all here now hey wellington
you lost half your glasses feel like a
molecule
[Applause]
[Music]
uh uh wellington i should tell you we we
had a letter from wikishim the other day
well well how is the old duffer oh he
sounded cheerful enough what a sense of
humor he has yeah willie that reminds me
why don't you tell mr benny and his
friends that amusing anecdote wikishim
always tells of dinner party oh yes yes
now let's see now how does that go while
you're thinking about it i can play a
solo i might well i have it i have it
good
go ahead welly tell that amusing story
well it seems that there was a rather
old codger in london who was somewhat
hard of hearing and he was riding on a
westbound tram tomorrow no no no
wellington it was an eastbound tram oh
yes he was driving on an eastbound trail
he was going to saga square so it must
have been a southbound track hi joe
belita you're right it was a southbound
tram well anyway he wanted to get off at
wembley station now you see jack wembley
is the station where the tram stops oh
good i thought the man wanted to jump
off
well
anyway this old cartridge turned to the
woman standing next to him and said
wasn't it a man standing next to him no
no it was
by jove it was a man
anybody here care to shoot a game a pool
mary
anyway he turned to the man standing
next to him and then quiet is this
wembley and the man say wait wait you
forgot to mention that the second chap
is hard of hearing too oh yes yes that's
important well he turned to this
stranger and asked is this wembley and
the stranger who was hard of hearing
said no this isn't wembley this is
thursday so the old charger
i say did i tell you that this whole
culture was also hard of hearing oh yes
yes you tell them that when you
mentioned it was a westbound tram
uh southbound oh yes yes yes trafalgar
square that's right so the old carter
who was hard of hearing said thursday so
am i let's get off and have a drink
[Music]
tram trafalgar square that was a very
amusing story mr wellington very funny
uh would you folks care for cigarettes
yes thank you thank you southbound tram
trafalgar square trafalgar you see these
cigarettes i just gave you are lucky
strikes they are made of the finer the
light of the naturally milder tobacco
well that's interesting isn't it now he
got off at wembley station because he
was hard of hearing so he did you notice
that lucky strikes are so round so firm
so fully packed so free and easy on the
draw how enchanting yeah please go on mr
wilson and the second champ got off the
tram because the words are fully
attacked no no that was a woman by joe
that's right and that's the reason lsmfp
is so popular lsmft stands for lucky
strike means fine tobacco amazing
amazing just think of it ls mfd lucky
strike means fine tobacco due to the
clever isn't it so when the stranger
said this is thursday the man who was
hard of hearing said so am i let's get
off and have a drink
oh yes thursday
thirsty
yes sir oh that's a honey
oh oh here come the cocktail shut them
right over here nottingham
[Music]
folks dinner will be ready pretty soon
and i can't tell you how happy i am that
you were all able to come over
particularly at this time so close to
christmas oh thank you jackie
and since it is so close to christmas i
think it would be nice if we had larry
stevens sing an appropriate song good
good by all mean are you ready larry yes
mr benny right ahead here let me sit
next to you mary
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[Applause]
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[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
me
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r
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safely
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reborn
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oh
man
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[Applause]
oh
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r
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mary
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[Applause]
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that was very nice larry now folks let's
all have a cocktail before we go into
dinner well that's fine and jack if you
don't mind i'd like to propose a toast
of course ronnie we'd love to have you
do it i propose a toast to the world
a world which has just survived the
bloodiest and costliest of all human
conflicts
a world which has so nearly led back to
the dark ages of oppression and slavery
by cruel and greedy men who traded in
hate
it seems impossible that there could be
any more suffering than mankind has just
endured
but it is possible and it will happen
if we lose sight of the lessons so
bitterly learned
let us remember that men everywhere are
our neighbors
and their right to life and freedom
is as precious to them as ours is to us
so here's a toast to all the people in
the world
may we by working together for a lofty
purpose and with god's help
achieve the goal that mankind for 20
centuries has striven for
peace on earth
good will to men
merry christmas everybody merry
christmas
merry christmas everybody
[Applause]
uh thanks again to mr mr ronald coleman
and their friend mr wellington for
spending the evening with us and i my
whole gang want to wish everybody
everywhere a very merry christmas
[Applause]
ladies and gentlemen
the contest ends tomorrow december 24th
at midnight
if you haven't sent in your entry do it
now
just complete this sentence
i can't stand jack benny because in 50
words or less
and bail your letter to the jack penny
contest hollywood 28 california
prizes would total ten thousand dollars
in victory bombs
and in case of a tied duplicate prizes
will be awarded
the board of judges include the goodman
ace of the easy aces and peter laurie
and the supreme and final judge will be
the honorable
fred allen
the decision of the judges will be final
and all letters become the property of
jack benny including the rights to
publish
this contest is open to everyone except
the employees of the american tobacco
company its agents and the national
broadcasting company it is subject to
all federal and state laws and
regulations
this is the national broadcasting
company
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