[Music]
hello friends welcome to this day in
jack benny i'm john henderson this
episode is from december 6th 1942 this
was the last episode with phil harris
and his band before they joined the
merchant marine the ships they are
building will be the largest merchant
fleet to ever sail the seven seas
victory ships somewhere along the
coastlines of this nation a victory ship
is sliding into the water every day
tomorrow two ships every day next month
three ships a day then four then more
one of the great shipbuilders was henry
kaiser kaiser the miracle shipbuilder
shows how his yards launched liberty
ships in record time
we don't know exactly what phil harris's
duties were in the merchant marines but
it was more in the area of band leading
and entertaining rather than ship
building and sailing
while he was gone he would be replaced
by various guest band leaders as the
benny program traveled from city to city
on tour until phil returned the
following march
in addition to the great comedies and
music programs on the air you could
often hear the president of the united
states indeed in these days when every
available dollar should go to the war
effort
i do not think that any american citizen
should have a net income
in excess of 25 000
per year
after payment of taxes that was the u.s
president roosevelt in japan the leader
was emperor hirohito
look carefully at this man
he's the emperor of japan
if these pictures serve to kindle a
flame of vengeance throughout the
civilized world they will have served
their purpose
let the cry be vengeance
bloody vengeance
with the war in full swing anti-japanese
propaganda and prejudice was at an
all-time high then from out of the west
came another partner to make a silly
axis of himself are you japanese
i'm a little crazy too
in this episode they mentioned the
actress joan bennett they came to see me
about the uso campaign they wanted me to
help i just couldn't refuse and ann
sheridan the co-star of jack benny's new
movie george washington slept here this
house can't you see yourself coming down
the road on an autumn night
captain kidd was an infamous pirate
dead men don't talk
man your aunt we got this job to do
before high tide that was from the
charles lawton captain kid movie coming
out a few years later
and finally fashion savvy listeners will
know all about the v-shaped weave the
herringbone weave one of the many fabric
styles you could choose from when buying
a casual suit jacket
if you'd like to contact me you can find
my info at
thisdaybenny.com where you can also
listen to all the old jack benny
episodes so grab a patriotic bowl of
grape nuts flakes and enjoy the show the
grape nuts flakes program starring jack
benny with mary livingston phil harris
dennis day rochester and you're truly
don wilson
[Music]
and now another grape nuts flakes fable
friends by that old spinner of fables
don wilson
this one's about a little appetite and
how he grew
you see uh this little appetite was very
very sad because he stayed so small and
he was always going around wailing woes
[Music]
why can't i grow up and be like other
appetites
then one day a kind lady gave this
little appetite a great big tempting
bowl full of delicious toasty brown
grape nut flakes and quick as a wink
that little appetite grew and grew and
grew until all at once he said oh boy
grape nuts flakes today i am a man
well
the moral of that fable is just this if
any appetites need special coaxing at
your house the thing to do is to serve
plenty of delicious moldy rich grape nut
flakes for the distinctive goodness of
grape nut flakes really makes appetites
grow it's the grand tempting flavor of
grape nuts in toasty brown crispy flake
form so ask your grocer for grape nuts
flakes tomorrow
[Music]
[Applause]
that was it's a grand old flag played by
the orchestra now ladies and gentlemen
as is my custom every sunday night hold
it down hold it hold it tonight's
introduction is for our good old maestro
ladies and gentlemen i'd like to
announce that this is the farewell
appearance of phil harris on this
program
as phil and his band have joined the
united states maritime service they're
in the merchant marine
[Applause]
[Music]
well that's uh
that's for you and the boys phil thanks
everybody and speaking for the whole
gang and myself i want to say that we've
had a lot of fun on this program and
we're sure gonna miss it ah we're gonna
miss you too phil that's right you and i
may have had our little quarrels and we
may have gotten pretty sore at each
other at times but i'll tell you one
thing phil
you're the best band leader i ever
worked with oh jackson you're kidding i
know but you're leaving tonight
[Music]
but on the level things won't be the
same around here without good old twitch
say how long uh how long have you been
uh
how long you've been with me phil six
years
six years six years without a raise
yes sir and now you and the boys are
leaving
gosh i i feel like a mother robin
a mother robin whose eggs have all
hatched and the little birds are flying
away make that ducks will you we're in
the merchant marine
[Laughter]
all right i feel like a mother duck uh
what'd you just say jack oh hello mary i
was just telling phil that i feel like a
mother duck well you've got the right
feet for her
i don't mean that i'm being sentimental
phil and the boys have joined the
maritime service well congratulations
phil thanks hey mary how do you like my
new uniform pretty natty ain't it yeah i
never thought i'd see the day when you'd
wear a coat with pants to match
what including your tuxedo
[Laughter]
you're not fooling oh say phil what did
you do with that loud sport coke you
used to wear you mean my herringbone no
your tuna fish with the smelt in the
back
hey
hey that's that's that's pretty good
please jackson no corn tonight huh okay
phil uh by the way where are you station
phil we're training over catalina island
under captain bb and what a routine they
put you through the first day there was
a guy who says go see the doc and he'll
give you a few shots a few shots so i go
up to the doc's office say where's the
bourbon and the guy jabs me with a
needle
[Laughter]
of course that's what they meant sharks
on the arms did the shots bother you no
i took them like there was nothing but
when they cut off my curls i cried like
a baby
[Laughter]
that's right that's right phil you have
got a regulation haircut i mean a little
bone is showing
uh incidentally uh incidentally old pal
uh what did you do with those curls hmm
forget it jack they'll never match
[Laughter]
mary i just want a lock of phil's hair
to remember him by i'm sentimental i
told you i feel like a mother duck say
phil how are you and the boys getting
along with your training oh we're sharp
jackson get a load of this all right men
ten shun
salute one two
well okay man as you was
all right sit down fellas sit down
as you was
am you sure you didn't make a mistake
phil
well it's a great life though phil it'll
do you a lot of good
oh hello hello dennis how are you
feeling just ducky mother
say mr benny i passed warner brothers
theater just now and there's a sign
there that says george washington slept
here staring ann sheridan and the
world's greatest lover
that's right well gee whiz i thought you
were in that picture
i am that's me the world's greatest
lover that's something new isn't it
no there's nothing new it just happened
that the studios finally realized that
i'm the lover type the lover type yes
somehow i prefer to think of you as a
mother duck
[Laughter]
no don't be silly and everything you say
just rolls off of me i can go along with
a duck
say jack i saw your picture and there's
just one thing i can't understand what's
that don well in those scenes you did
with anne sheridan where she was wearing
an evening gown i couldn't see your face
what do you mean you're always standing
behind her why was that
well jack had his lines written on her
back
well i had it some long scene you try to
talk and make love at the same time say
dennis have you uh have you seen my
picture yet no i haven't mr benny hmm
you haven't eh
hmm
and now folks how am i going to get
bumped off no
i don't care whether you see it or not
you little what do i care
now turn around sing your song i
wouldn't turn around for a million
dollars
i'm not gonna kick you
now go ahead yes sir ladies and
gentlemen i will now who cares what you
sing just do it that's all
i've seen that picture 10 times he can't
see it once
[Music]
[Applause]
i'm getting tired so i can sleep
i want to sleep so i can dream
i want to dream so i can be
with you
[Music]
i've got your picture by my bed
we'll soon be placed beneath my head
[Music]
i hope you're tired enough to sleep
and please sleep long enough to dream
and look for me
for i'll be dreaming
[Music]
they
will lie
my way
tonight i'll see you
in
my dreams
[Music]
[Laughter]
i hope you're tired enough to sleep
and be asleep long enough to dream
and look for me
[Music]
[Applause]
um
now as i'm getting tired so i can sleep
sung by dennis day
and now folks how'd you like my song mr
benny how'd you like my picture
i told you i didn't see it well i didn't
hear your song either
[Music]
and now folks holy smoke he's deaf
i am not
and now folks i would like to announce
that tomorrow
we're all leaving for new york and for
the next several weeks we'll be
broadcasting from army camps uh navy and
marine bases throughout the east now
fellas uh you must realize how crowded
the trains are nowadays and how tough it
is to get transportation so we'll all
have to be satisfied with riding in the
baggage car
oh jack your ideal never work out well
we can try it can't we what is his ideal
mary jack's gonna put us in a big crate
and we have to bark when the conductor
comes
now by just plain silly we're not going
to make off like dogs this is a fine
time to tell me i bought a license this
morning
[Laughter]
you
you bought a dog license no well
naturally
anyway we're leaving tomorrow for the
east and that's that you know jackson me
and the boys are sure gonna miss going
with you well we're gonna miss you too
phil
just think our last week with harris and
look fellas that reminds me i owe a
little money around here and i might as
well get things straightened up oh wait
a minute wait a minute i'll get my book
out
[Laughter]
here it is there it is h here phil
harris
four dollars now don uh you picked up a
dinner check at harry steakhouse last
week and it amounted to 7.50 here uh
here's your money ah forget it phil
forget it the treat was on me
wow thanks don
hmm
and mary uh i had to buy some
handkerchiefs for alice uh how much does
that come to oh never mind phil let's
call it a little present and forget it
gee
thanks mary
hmm
well you're next jackson what'd he get
down against me in that little book of
yours well it's four dollars bill
but
forget forget about
forget i i don't want your money no no
now come on jackson i owe you the doe so
here it is
well
oh forget it phil
forget it
well gee jackson that's marvelous you're
a swell guy don't swell guy me i'm on a
spot and you know
[Music]
[Laughter]
i'll just
i'll just scratch your name out of this
book here hey mr benny how come mr
harris owes you four dollars well uh
three years ago phil got jack a date
with a girl and she picked his pocket
[Applause]
she was a tall blonde with the longest
fingers
now uh remember fellas
i'll probably bump into her but when
will i be in monrovia again
[Laughter]
now remember
remember fellas we're leaving tomorrow
so be at the santa fe station a half
hour before train time we'll have lunch
on the train oh pardon me jack but why
can't we make that a late breakfast a
late breakfast said he falling into the
trap like an absent-minded elephant
what do you mean don well if we can make
it breakfast we can all sit down to a
nice big bowl of toasty brown sweeteners
and that grape nuts flakes and do you
know what they come in jack no don said
benny with a merry twinkle in his big
blue eye
what do they come in grape nuts flakes
come in that big 12 ounce economy size
package and contain iron niacin and
vitamin b1 well i'll be one two down
anyway fellas getting back to our trip
to new york
come in
telegram for jack benny sign for it mary
wait a minute buddy uh here's a nickel
for you i can't take it that'll put me
over the 25 000 mark
[Applause]
i uh i should have known he was wealthy
with those urman leggings
uh who uh
who's the uh wire from mary uh it's from
the acme plaza hotel in new york oh it
says dear mr benny understand you are
coming to new york next week we have
lovely rooms here with a bath on every
floor just follow the arrow
oh yes the acme plaza we also have
dancing nightly in the zebra room
well so bring your sea bren have a good
time
[Applause]
with a zebra
let us know if you are coming as we have
wall beds and it'll take some time to
get them down
hey i i might stay there at that the
acme plaza is one of the finest so
i'll take it
hello hello mr penny there's rochester
what do you want i went downstairs to
pat your trunk like you told me to and
the polar bear sleeping in it
carmichael in my trunk well get them out
of there how
what do you mean how have you any
suggestions that won't involve my
brother inheriting my new wristwatch
[Laughter]
carmichael won't bite you just tickle
him and he'll jump out i wouldn't tickle
that bear with hitler's mustang
all right then lay out my clothes and
i'll pack when i get home that reminds
me mr benny you better buy some pajamas
i don't have to buy pajamas i got six
pair back from the laundry with my
monogram on them j.b that was a mistake
they belong to miss john bennett
oh my goodness you mean to say that last
night i slept in girls pajamas boss your
vision
well i'll return to miss bennett
immediately now rochester i hear it's
pretty chilly in new york so pack all my
heavy things i don't want to catch coals
don't worry boys i even sewed your long
underwear all the way up to the neck so
no wind can blow through
i sewed up my long underwear how am i
going to get into it there's a trapdoor
in the back
[Laughter]
well look um
look rochester
rochester
get all my stuff together and i'll
finish packing when i get home goodbye
goodbye oh say ball now what i told that
crazy border of ours that we were gonna
be away for about eight weeks mr
billingsley how did he take it oh fine
he chewed up a handful of mark balls and
zipped himself in a bag
oh well he'll keep when we get home so
long rochester
darn that guy if you want to get things
done you got to do them yourself play
fair
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
so
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
so
[Music]
[Applause]
that was victory fleet the theme song of
the united states merchant marine say
phil just what do you fellas do in the
maritime service at catalina well you
see jackson in shipyards all over the
country are you nervous tonight you know
because it's the last night jackson is
the name you've been saying yeah
start over again yes you may go ahead
phil well you see jackson uh in
shipyards all over the country they're
building hundreds of liberty ships and
over at the island they train the crews
that are gonna man them those cargos
have really got to keep moving you said
it now ladies and gentlemen for our
feature attraction this evening and as a
special tribute to phil and the boys we
will present a play
about the maritime service entitled
liberty ship
or pulling your neck there's a porthole
around it
now mary uh mary in as much as we're
short of actors you'll have to be a man
in our schedule i don't want to be a man
you'll be a sailor like the rest of us
okay captain kid i'm not i'm not a
captain you're not a kid either i know
well just for that i'm going to be the
captain now dennis hi sir don't eye me
because you're not going to be on my
ship
you're going to play the part of a
japanese admiral
a japanese admiral yes last week i was a
german general now i'm a japanese
admiral what's the big idea go see my
picture kid and you'll get better parts
if you're gonna be a jab it's only a
play now our first scene ladies and
gentlemen takes place at the henry
kaiser shipyard in the little town of
military secret california
we will now show you the amazing speed
with which a liberty ship is constructed
take it away kaiser shipyard
hey joe there's an empty space right
here well what are we waiting for let's
build a ship on it okay start
remedy golf through okay start welding
welding all through okay start painting
training all through okay let's launch
it
and that folks is a typical five minutes
at a kaiser ship
[Applause]
my writers did that very good two boys
very good
they were able to stand up too
a scene
a scene two aboard that same liberty
ship somewhere in the ocean music
[Music]
sailing sailing over the bounding main
diddly
oh wilson wilson yes captain betty did
you jib the spinnaker like i told you to
aye aye sir good did you scuttle the
missing mass and port the starboard hi
sir
good now get busy and deck the swabs
let's swab the decks i'm the captain
here get busy
hmm
three bells already three bells what's
that in regular time captain yes sir
oh hello seaman livingston hello cop
that's cap and salute
salute when you address me get your hand
up your forehead like this no higher
[Laughter]
i want discipline i'm going to have it
where's seaman phil harris he's up on
the poop deck drinking pop
[Laughter]
[Music]
wow
well
well i'm going downstairs i mean below
get something to eat
oh you better eat later captain there's
a bad storm blowing up i don't care when
i want to eat i want to eat you sure
picked a nice year for it
never mind were you looking for me cap
yes harris we're just going down and
have some chow come on libby harris
let's get something to eat
here's the gallery i mean galley
right here what are we having for dinner
libby it's right there on the table oh
boy fried chicken hot rotten potatoes
creamed spinach and minced pie with ice
cream let's dig in
oh blowing up bad nights wow this boat
is sure rocking
yeah
sure is well start eating captain i
thought you were hungry who me
i feel fine
wow we're sure pitching this ship can
really take it oh phil pass me the gravy
it's in your lap oh
here you are libby hey cap aren't you
going to eat it all
[Music]
no
no thanks
not right oh no
what are you laughing at libby lucky
strike green has gone to your face
i don't care i'm gonna weather the storm
and i'm gonna bring this ship to port or
my name
[Music]
oh boy we're making marvelous time a
couple more days we'll be at the harris
what are you doing there i'm fishing sir
i just took the big one and he pulled a
knife on me that's a swordfish
fine fisherman hey phil you've got
another bike and it's a big one reel it
in reel it in i got him i got him wow it
must be a shark pull it up pull it over
the rail
wow it's a shark all right sharks
nothing that's one of them little jab
submarines
i'll be done it is a jab stop open the
hatch will send my eye sir
come on out you come on now i know peter
boo please oh watch
it's a jab grabbing wilson i got him now
listen you
hey cap there's someone else in that sub
oh yes come on out you come on
how to do which way tokyo please
oh boy we got two of them now which one
of you is the captain ah me captain
captain yokomoto imperial 79
[Laughter]
[Music]
now listen captain big foreign
a minute
wait a minute can a straight man break
in here
i don't care which one of you is captain
you're both under arrest arrest yes
understand
[Laughter]
in afraid
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
friends your most precious assets these
strenuous days are your good humor and
your good health
and one way to safeguard both humor and
health is to see that your folks get the
right start each day with a delicious
nourishing breakfast
for a full share of well-balanced
nourishment
make it a breakfast that includes grape
nuts flakes
because well-balanced nourishment is
what you get in every helping of toasty
brown grape nuts flakes and milk
you get proteins and minerals such as
iron calcium and phosphorus and you get
two of the important b vitamins
niacin and vitamin b1 for good appetite
steady nerves and energy
so for better health and better humor
you'd better say
i'll take a package of grape nuts flakes
[Music]
that was the last number of the tenth
program of the new grape nuts flakes
series and we'll be with you again next
sunday night at the same time
broadcasting from new york i'd like to
salute the officers and men at the new
maritime training station which is being
dedicated at catalina island on december
15th good luck to you men
and good luck to you phil harris and all
your boys thanks jackson we'll be seeing
you good night folks
the jack benny program is written by
bill morrow and ed maloyd