[Music]
hello friends welcome to this day in
jack benny i'm john henderson this
episode is from november 29th
1953.
at this point phil harris had left the
show though he still had his own radio
show when the average husband refers to
his better half he means his wife to
fill his better half is his left profile
oh hiya honey what are you looking at oh
phil the the prince of our new pictures
just arrived i said you look wonderful
alice
i don't know about me
somehow pictures don't do me justice
like fail no honey i mean it now look at
this one look
he's got that
boyish twinkle in my eyes but
well he didn't capture my lovable devil
may care smile
[Music]
phil harris was replaced as the band
leader character by bob crosby who was
the brother of the famous singer bing
crosby
bing's face could be seen in full color
in newspaper ads for minute maid orange
juice with a speech bubble saying take
it from me
it's delicious
an older and more obscure product was an
herbal remedy for weakness aching and
any other female issues
lydia pinkham's vegetable compound a
woman's tonic
this episode comes just after
thanksgiving on television you could see
dinah shore celebrating the holiday you
know there are all kinds of songs when
the christmas season comes around easter
you have easter parade but there really
isn't a thanksgiving song meanwhile on
the radio not only were the stars of
programs household names the announcers
were well known as well like harry von
zell bf goodrich announces a
sensationally new kind of truck tire and
jimmy wallington brought to you by
dentine they come with breathtaking
flavor and beam and pepsin the gum
that's great to chew and good for your
digestion too
then there was the man of a thousand
voices mel blanc now we're on vine
street looking toward hollywood
boulevard there's the west coast
headquarters for abc
and on the corner of sunset and vine is
nbc he's probably best known for his
cartoon characters like bugs bunny no
matter what the others have i'm glad
that i'm bugs funny and woody woodpecker
and finally this episode has a subtle
reference to burlesque incorporating
feathers or balloons usually to a song
like this a pretty girl is like a melody
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
if you'd like to contact me you can
email jackbennypodcast
gmail.com or on twitter it's at this day
benny and enjoy the show the jack benny
program transcribed and presented by
lucky strike lucky's taste better
cleaner fresher smoother lucky's taste
better cleaner fresher smoother for
lucky strike means five tobacco richer
tasting fine tobacco luckies taste
better cleaner fresher smoother
friends this is don wilson to tell you
that luckies win again
that's right
lucky's win again in a national smoking
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last year a survey was made in leading
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this year another nationwide survey was
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based on thousands of actual student
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this survey shows that lucky's lead
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ls mft lucky strike means fine tobacco
and then luckies are made better made
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actually made to taste better
after all smoking enjoyment is all a
matter of taste and the fact of the
matter is lucky's taste better cleaner
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get better taste with a carton of
lucky's luckies taste better
the lucky strike program starring jack
benny with barry livingston rochester
dennis day bob crosby and yours truly
ladies and gentlemen last thursday was
thanksgiving and jack invited his whole
gang over for dinner but let's go back
to the day before thanksgiving as we
look in on jack's home he and rochester
are taking inventory
to make sure that they have enough of
everything for the big event
they're checking all the items in the
pantry as rochester calls them off jack
is writing them down
two cans of corned beef hash
two
cans of corned beef had three cans of
cranberry sauce three cans of cranberry
sauce two bottles of a1 sauce
two bottles of a1 sauce 97 bottles of
olives
90s wait a minute rochester isn't that
the same amount of olives that we had
last year yeah we don't use any since
phil harris left the show
[Music]
oh yes bob crosby isn't a martini man
continue rochester two bottles of
vanilla extract
two bottles of vanilla extract one
bottle of lydia pengums
one bottle of lydia pinkham 12 slices of
white bread
12 slices of white bread seven slices of
whole wheat bread
seven slices of whole wheat bread oh say
boys what is it rochester when we come
to the toothpicks let's just estimate
[Music]
okay for the plain ones but the colored
ones will count
now let's finish this yes there's six
bottles of ketchup six bottles of
ketchup six bottles of chili sauce six
bottles of chili sauce three cans of
puss and boots cat food
three cans of puss and boots cat food
boss why we got that i borrowed it from
the colemans
but we haven't got a cat why'd you
borrow it well they were out of butter
and i didn't want to leave empty-handed
[Music]
we'll use it someday
continue one sack of idaho potatoes one
sack of idaho
rocha transfer the door i'll finish the
inventory yes
hello rochester oh hello miss livingston
welcome to ralph's supermarket
uh what come right in
oh hello mary hello jack uh what are you
doing up on that stool i'll be finished
in a minute i'm just putting some stuff
back on the top shelf would you please
hand me those two jars of caviar oh fine
fish eggs from a frightened mackerel and
he calls it caviar
[Music]
mary why do you have to come over here
jack look out the stool the cans are
falling
[Music]
oh
jack are you hurt no no i'm all right
what are you laughing at with those fish
eggs in your ear you look like you're
going upstream to spawn
upstream to spawn upstream to spawn
a man nearly kills himself and you talk
about romance
[Music]
now i don't care
answer that will you please okay
hello mr benny's residence hey mary how
come you're answering the phone you got
new claws in your contract
no bob jack would have answered it but
he can't he's lying on the floor oh holy
smokey's getting as bad as my musicians
oh it isn't that at all he fell off a
stool oh well that's what the boys in
the band do
[Music]
look bob it's kind of hard to explain
but he fell while checking some stuff in
the pantry the pantry yeah he's making
sure he's enough of everything for his
big thanksgiving dinner you're coming
aren't you oh sure i bought my ticket
two weeks ago
[Music]
oh that was smart there's no sense
waiting in the last minute when the
scalpers get hold of them
[Music]
uh just a minute baba let's talk to jack
jack it's bob crosby i'll take it
hello bob say jack i wonder if you could
give me a couple of extra tickets to
next week's broadcast well i might be
able to scrape up two who are they for
well to tell you the truth they're for
remley but he was afraid to ask you
well he should be after what happened
last time
he gave that ticket to his girl she
almost started a riot in the studio
imagine her walking up and down the
aisle doing a thing like that but that
wasn't her fault jack the band never
should have played a pretty girl is like
a melody
[Music]
all right but where did she get the
balloon
where did she get the balloon where'd
you get the pin
never mind all right bob i'll give you
the tickets at rehearsal thank you jack
bye goodbye
bob always has to call me when i'm busy
or rochester what is it boss i knocked
over all these cans when i fell off the
stool will you pick them up while i go
on with the inventory yes sir mary will
you please help me i'll call off the
items and you write them down oh sure
jeff five bottles of vinegar five
bottles of vinegar three bottles of real
lemon juice three bottles of real lemon
juice forty five hundred cans of minute
made orange juice
[Music]
4500 cans a minute made orange juice
wasn't that a wonderful guest spot i did
on bing's program
[Music]
i had to give 500 cans to my agent you
know
now let's keep going mary one leg of
lamb
one leg of lamb two packages of bacon
two packages of bacon one side of beef
jack that's me
[Music]
oh oh oh hello don hello jack hi mary
hello don jack i know you're very busy
but i brought the sportsman quartet with
me they want to run over the commercial
for the program that's nice and by the
way don i hope i didn't forget to invite
you and the sportsman to thanksgiving
dinner oh no you invited us jack i feel
awfully popular this year popular yeah
beside your invitation i've been invited
to harry von zell's house dinah shore's
house and jimmy waddington's house for
thanksgiving dinner too which one are
you going to all of them
of course silly me well don i'm really
kind of busy getting things ready for my
dinner well jack this commercial won't
take very long and it's in keeping with
the thanksgiving spirit oh well then
let's hear it all right take it fellas
i thank you
my darling
i offer thanks
thanks for all the lovely delight i
found in your embrace
i'm thankful for i know it's ending all
too soon
[Music]
for
unforgettable nights i never can replace
ten
memories that linger like a hodding dude
it is better
to have loved you dear and lost than
never to have loved at all
it is better
for no matter what the cost i held the
world in sway and emperor for a day and
thanks for all those luckies we share
each puff
a real delight now thanks to you a lucky
is a small kai line
quite a lucky
it's a fresher smoother smoke that's
made of flying tobacco too
you like lucky's better taste and there
are no loose ends to ever annoy your
friends so thanks again for putting me
wise too smoking paradise
for changing me to hella sanity my
thanks i really thank you
thanks for all
[Music]
[Applause]
that was great don very very good ah
thanks jack well guess i better be
getting on home well i'll walk to the
door with you okay
say don i've been wanting to ask you
something for a long time what is it
jack well even though the sportsmen have
been with me five years now i never did
find out how they formed their group
funny i've never asked you about that
that's quite an interesting story jack
it started up in las vegas las vegas
yeah two of the boys were singing as a
duet in the flamingo and two of them
were singing as a duet at the sahara
uh-huh and just by chance they got
together and formed a quartet well i'll
be done two and two
they made four the hard way
well so long don see you in the boys
thursday
well i better go back and finish the
inventory
say mary uh just a minute jack
go ahead rochester 12 cans of crushed
pineapple 12 cans of crushed pineapple
19 cans of condensed milk
2
456 cans
cans
cans of what just cans mr benny don't
throw nothing away
[Music]
certainly not i i i paint them and hang
them on christmas trees now mary i can
finish this up with rochester so july
no don't bother getting down from the
stool i'll answer
i could get this inventory finished
before we well mr benny i just came over
to ask you hello dennis hello mr benny i
just come over to ask you how do you
feel kid fine mr benny i just come over
to ask you a few close the door what are
you doing okay
now dennis what did you
dennis
how do you like that he locked himself
out
[Music]
oh well
come in
well mr benny i just come over to ask
you if we'll be all right i told you to
close the door i meant you should come
in first oh
[Music]
uh what did you want to ask me if i
could use your phone our house is on
fire
[Music]
now dallas don't be silly if you're a
house on fire why would you come all the
way to beverly hills to use the phone i
want the fireman to think i'm a big shot
then just close the door will you
just my luck this time he stayed on the
inside
now look kid i'm busy so don't bother me
with all these silly things you make up
come on mayor let's finish this
inventory okay
oh is that what you're doing yes yes i
thought you were cleaning house like my
mother did the other day
i'm not cleaning house boy did she get
rid of a lot of stuff she threw some old
curtains out of the living room a broken
rocking chair out of the bedroom and she
even took the moose head out of the
shower
[Music]
now mary let's
dennis
she took what out of the shower the
moose head
you're going to ignore that eh mary
i certainly
[Music]
hmm am father put it there but wait a
minute dennis wait a minute
hold it a minute i know i'll regret
asking you this
but why would your father put a moose
head in the shower the other end would
look silly
[Music]
well
that i can understand now dennis
beside your house being on fire and your
father being in a shower with a moose
what else is new
well i've been rehearsing my song all
week would you like to hear it i'd love
to anything go ahead okay hold on a
minute yes sir
hello hello mr benny this is mel blanc
hello mel what is it mr benny i've been
on your program for 10 years now and i
ain't never complained before but this
time i got her what's the matter it's
about the part you got me playing in
sunday's show some part or brother
now wait a minute mel sunday's program
is about thanksgiving isn't it yeah and
what's the most important thing
connected with thanksgiving a turkey
well that's the part you're playing
well i don't like it always you make me
an animal why can't i have a talking
part and be a human being
look mal sometimes you make me a rabbit
a rabbit
what's up guy
look mel or a woodpecker mel
look mel
mal look i'm busy once you even cast me
as an english horse
an english horde
[Music]
mel i'm sorry just that you have to play
the parts that are needed you may not
realize it mr bunny but i'm pretty
important to you important yeah if it
wasn't for me you'd never get any place
what are you talking about i wouldn't
get any plays every time you start that
lousy maxwell i almost break a blood
vessel going
hmm
that's all the things i do on our
program now i want some talking parts
i'm a human being
now look mel
either you stop this complaining or i'll
let you go you wouldn't fire me
all right or but sunday you're playing a
turkey and that's final
uh what made you so mad at mel jackson
oh he's always complaining i got a half
a notion to fire him you better not he's
too important to the show yeah i guess
you're right go ahead and sing dennis
hmm
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
is very still
once more
so i
rush
to your side
like
[Music]
with
one burning thought
will your arms
at
last we're face to face
and as we keep
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
in the rain
in the dark
in the sun
like the time
[Music]
peace
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
dennis i was very good i just sit down
for a few minutes i want to finish my
inventory we've got it all listed boys
and you've got plenty of everything for
the thanksgiving dinner good we won't
have to do any shopping then how big a
turkey did you get
turkey
i knew i forgot something
you mean you forgot to buy the turkey
yeah but there's still plenty of time oh
don't wait till the last minute you
ought to go and get one right now will
you go with me mary sure let's go i'll
stay here good good
gee mary we're having sure having a
break in the weather lately it's such a
lovely day yes we usually do have good
weather around thanksgiving yeah oh mary
look over there at those boys playing
football hey joey take it to me now
they're nice kids mary they're in my
beverly hills beavers club you know the
bigger one is stevie kent his folks live
on the corner
every time i go for a walk i stop and
talk with him hey stevie throw the ball
over here huh oh mr benny here it comes
look out i think it's too high you left
the run for it faster you better jump
for it wow
what a catch
say that was a good catch mary how'd you
do
[Music]
it i don't know but you could buy me a
new girdle for christmas
i will i will say mr benny you know you
haven't been to a single meeting of the
beavers club since the 1st of september
i know stevie it's unfortunate that you
hold your meetings on sunday afternoon
because you see every sunday i do a
radio program and every third sunday i
do a television show oh well you know
you can find a nickel for every meeting
you miss i know i've been trying to get
my broadcast changed
well we'll talk about it later come on
mary we better get down to the market
see these supermarkets are so big i
always get lost in them jack there's the
poultry department over there oh yes
come on man let's walk over to the
counter and we'll uh
mr kessler what are you doing working in
the poultry department well i got the
job on account of my uncle oh he owns
the market no i owe him money
oh well look mr kitzel i want to buy a
turkey are they very expensive
[Music]
you mean they're that high
come here a minute
huh step closer
do you know what twitches are selling
for today
no come a little closer
lean over a little
what
63 cents a pound
well why did you have to bring me over
there i don't want the turkeys to get
conceited
geez 63 cents a pound that's a lot of
money for turkeys see they got to leave
too
i suppose so
say mary look at those turkeys lying
there so cold and still
just think a few days ago they were
happy carefree and gay
and now they're 63 cents i mean now
they're dead
mr ketzel how old were these turkeys
when they were killed about eight months
hmm
didn't even have a chance to live
[Laughter]
i feel terrible you'd feel a lot worse
if they were 73 cents upon me
i suppose so
but i don't know mary when i see that
turkey lying there like that i
i can't help but think of its mother
see how long some she must be don't
worry that's her laying right next to
him
oh
um say jack while you're getting the
turkey i better shop around and get some
things for the stuffing i think i have
everything at home mary uh what about
cracker crumbs plenty stale bread two
loaves oysters one can
sage 39.
what
oh oh i thought
[Music]
i thought you said age
[Music]
yes we have everything yeah well mr
benny about your pleasure if i can be so
pleasant
well
i'd like to get a live turkey about 25
pounds live tickets are over there done
by the end of the counter oh yes yes i
think i'll take that one on the right it
looks nice and plump put on your glasses
that's my wife
[Music]
oh
oh yes sorry i wish i could get 63 cents
a pound for her
[Music]
what nothing i'm daydreaming
now mr ketzel what would you suggest
well if you want a nice life turkey
house about this one over here
say jack this one's nice and plum oh
i've seen turkeys look pumped but they
they were all feathers i'm going to feel
this one myself old still turkey
[Music]
you and your cold hands
[Music]
[Laughter]
well how much does this turkey weigh
about 160 pounds i thought why does this
turkey weigh so much he's also an
english horse
well all oh mr kitchen we'll take this
turkey come on turkey
come on i'll take you home
come on mary
jack look out the turkey's getting away
quick mary trying to grab him he's
running out in the street
jack the car almost ran over the turkey
and killed him i'm sure glad it didn't
mel blanc is too important to this
program
yeah come on mary let's go
[Music]
jack will be back in just a minute but
first a word to cigarette smokers
luckies taste better cleaner fresher
smoother luckies taste better cleaner
fresher smoother more lucky strike means
live tobacco richer tasting fine tobacco
luckies taste better cleaner fresher
smoother
lucky strike strike friends if
you've ever stopped to single out the
one thing that gives you real smoking
enjoyment chances are that taste was
your answer
why certainly smoking enjoyment is all a
matter of taste
the fact of the matter is luckies taste
better cleaner fresher smoother
lucky's taste so much better because
first ls mft
lucky strike means fine tobacco
and then two luckies are actually made
better made round and firm and fully
packed to draw freely and smoke evenly
and because luckies do taste better
they'll make wonderful christmas gifts
for your family and friends so look for
the bright and cheerful lucky strike
christmas carton specially created by
the famous designer raymond loewy you'll
find these christmas cartons of lucky's
wherever you buy cigarettes
yes at christmas time or anytime a
carton of lucky's is most welcome for
it's always good taste to give and to
smoke
better tasting lucky strike
be happy go lucky for christmas gifts
this year
well rochester the gang will be over
this evening for thanksgiving dinners
everything ready yes sir and put the
turkey in the oven but boys do as i say
put the turkey in the oven but
rochester i'm telling you to put the
turkey in the oven now wait a minute
this has gone far enough after all i'm a
human being
oh mel you spoiled the whole illusion
good night folks
the jack journey program was written by
sam perrin milt josephsburg george
balzer john tackleberry al gordon hal
goldman and produced and transcribed by
hilliard marks
be sure to hear the american way with
forest height for lucky strike every
thursday over this same station consult
your newspaper for the time the jack
benny program is brought to you by lucky
strike product of the american tobacco
company america's leading manufacturer
of cigarettes
[Music]
you