[Music]
hello friends welcome to this day in
jack benny i'm john henderson this
episode is from october 28 1945
just after world war ii had ended they
mention a number of gossip columnists
and news commentators including erskine
johnson's daily hollywood column is an
outstanding feature of the los angeles
daily news the merced california sun
star and 600 other newspapers from coast
to coast gabriel heater weeks ago before
the atomic bomb before the russians came
in
i said peace and reunion would come
before christmas
may i take half a minute please
dremel
cremel on your hair
will you try it tomorrow and h.v
caltenborn what do good evening
everybody russia today has close to 300
divisions and 5 million frontline
fighters ready to strike a decisive blow
against the common enemy former child
star shirley temple had recently gotten
married and it was all over the press
now that she was grown up the new child
star was eight-year-old margaret o'brien
i'm margaret o'brien
there was a recent movie called the life
and death of colonel blimp
coachella candy thanks
the actress ingrid bergman had been in
the movie gaslight and reprised her role
two weeks earlier here on the jack benny
show it was the same episode where they
commented on the world
series on third base
in this episode they mention the radio
soap opera stella dallas if stephen
cannot persuade stella to remarry him if
he cannot do that to regain ownership of
the empire and i don't really expect him
to persuade her raymond
and they reference a hit song by les
brown featuring doris day and what do
you know he smiled at me in a different
light
my dreams are getting better all the
time
from history they mention a world war
one general general pershing the burden
seems wholly unbearable the notoriously
big spender diamond jim brady
and julius caesar and so the verdict is
against me it seems
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ls mft
ls mft you said it yes sir lucky strike
means fine tobacco so round so firm so
fully packed so free and easy on the
draw you bet lucky strike means fine
tobacco the finer the lighter the
naturally milder lucky strike tobacco
year after year the makers of lucky
strike consistently select and buy this
fine lucky strike tobacco to give you
real deep down smoking enjoyment
remember in a cigarette it's the tobacco
that counts and lucky strike means fine
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drawer
[Music]
[Applause]
the lucky strike program starring jack
benny with barry livingston phil harris
rochester larry stevens and yours truly
don wilson
[Applause]
ladies and gentlemen if you remember
last week jack had a dream that he went
to the racetrack and bet 85 000 on the
winner challenge me
so now we'd like to take you back about
six days it's monday afternoon jack is
in the library of his home talking with
his press agent steve bradley
but steve i don't know what i'm telling
you benny if you don't go for this
publicity stunt you want to have your
head examined all right all right steve
what is it
quiet polly
steve what is that
i understand to be slapped from the
front page of every newspaper in the
country by tomorrow afternoon the whole
world will be talking about jack benny
why you couldn't have gotten this much
publicity if you had married margaret
o'brien
[Music]
all right steve tell me what is this
[Music]
carly quiet
steve you haven't told me what this is
all about for heaven's sake what is this
big story this is so big it's even too
big for me to tell you what time is it 4
30. 4 30 turn on that radio first ken
johnson's on i gave him the story and i
think he's going to break it today uh
turn on the radio rochester yes
ladies and gentlemen this is erskine
johnson in hollywood there's some very
exciting news today from the film
capital and here's the hottest news of
all i've just learned that in the recent
gold cup race at hollywood park jack
benny famous tightwad of screen and
radio
bet 85 000 on the winner challenged me
the price was 17.20 to win this netted
the comedian exactly 600 646
000
what a break for benny turn that off
turn that off
steve are you crazy have you gone nuts
have you lost your mind ah not penny
don't get excited come down off of that
bookcase and let me talk to you
[Music]
but steve steve don't you remember i
told you it was all a dream that didn't
happen
i dreamt that i bet 85 000 on challenge
me
why i wouldn't
hold it hold it
nobody outside of this room knows it's a
dream now we're gonna make him believe
it really happened what it'll give you a
new personality why all your life you've
been bending the skin flint bending the
cheapskate bending the misery
[Music]
polly be quiet now from now on it's
gonna be benedict spencer the plunger
the sport the diamond team brady of the
20th century everybody in america will
be talking about the new jack penny
well
say it steve
it might be something at that
i guess it wouldn't hurt if people
thought it really happened can't hurt
anything not a thing i gotta run now
benny and look whenever you're out in
public i want you to light your lucky
strikes with ten dollar bills ten
ten dollar bill but steve all right all
right use five
but i don't want to burn a five dollar
bill every time i go i can't use one but
wrinkle them so nobody can see the
numbers
but even one dollar bills i don't want
to go couldn't use a red-hot penny
yeah
i have plenty of matches
you've got to impress the public many
now this will be in every hollywood
column the will of parsons jimmy starr
hill hopper harrison carroll harry
crocker and benny be sure to listen to
your radio every night this week
she rochester
you know he may have some this may turn
out to be a great thing for me yeah your
dreams are getting better all the time
they sure are
ladies and gentlemen gabriel heater
oh yes there's big news tonight
there was nothing outstanding in the
news last night no one knows what the
news will be tomorrow night
oh yes there's big news from hollywood
tonight
jack benny the comedian went out to
hollywood park last saturday
placed a bet of 85 000
on challenge me to win mind you to win
many worlds of calmly then he watched
comedy as the horses ran and remained
calm challenged me came up from far
behind to calmly win the gold cup race
the halls paid a big price
jack benny won
646 000
oh yes there's one happy soul in
hollywood tonight
now just 30 seconds for my sponsor
[Music]
rochester tonight's tonight we're
supposed to listen to hv caltonborn yes
sir i'll turn it on
good evening everybody well we have
several new developments in the news
this evening
with those developments those
developments come particularly from
russia
but before i give you the news from
europe here's a very interesting item
from our own country it's been disclosed
the jack benny radio screenstar won
646 thousand dollars on challenge me in
last saturday's gold cup race in
hollywood benny who has been known for
years is inclined to
his money
he placed the best a bit of 85 000
on the horse that won the race this
comes as quite a surprise to the nation
now the latest developments from russia
turn it off rochester yes sir
rochester
isn't this terrific
all this publicity in the the only ones
that know it was a dream are steve
bradley
you and me and me and me
quiet polly
rochester i'm going i'm going upstairs
in shade before i go to bed
don't forget to come up and tuck me in i
won't voice i won't
don't go on the porsche to stay the baby
you scare the dog likes milk sucks his
thumb and sleep with a teddy bear
well i guess he never
oh there's the door
good evening i'm a reporter with the
associated press uh you're rochester
aren't you yes sir fine you're just the
one i wanted to get my story from now
let me ask you something have you
noticed any change in mr benny since he
won all this money well no except that
now he's strongly in favor of a large
army of navy
because i can understand that
now an interesting side light on this
story would be how mr benny carried this
money home from the track well i don't
know but i imagine in the usual way in
his shoes
[Music]
he carries his money in his shoes uh-huh
you can tell his financial condition by
his height
really
yeah when he reaches six foot five he's
on his way to the bank
well rochester this is all very
interesting and i'd like to ask you one
more question yes sir i imagine since mr
benny won 646 thousand dollars he throws
his money away yes but not far not far
[Music]
well he probably doesn't want people to
think he's a show-off thank you very
much rochester you're welcome goodbye
[Music]
well i i better go up and tuck the boss
in tomorrow saturday's got a rehearsal i
hope he's a sleeper i'll have to tell
him a story let's see i i did little red
riding hood last night
oh well i'll do the three little bears
he never remembers that yeah that's the
one
[Applause]
[Music]
there's quite a crowd around nbc today
isn't it rochester yes sir have you got
the scripts boss i've got them let's go
in
let's see your passes before you oh it's
you mr benny
yeah hello mike congratulations mr benny
assurance the luck of the irish you had
at the races
no you heard about me cleaning up on
challenge me but i did how does it feel
feel well to tell you the truth that
doesn't make me feel any different i
haven't changed a bit i was afraid of
that
uh-huh i mean i was afraid of changing
oh oh oh well come on rochester let's go
on inside
funny how everyone in town knows about
me winning that money
see that steve bradley did a terrific
job on the publicity i'm the most talked
up man
jack congratulations let me give you a
big kiss
you know jack uh
jack
wait a minute mary
yeah i'm all out of breath
you never kissed me like that before
see you got lipstick all over my
forehead
josh jack imagine you winning 646 000
the things you can do with that money
yeah yeah i can buy limousines a yacht
a new flint for my cigarette lighter
gee i can't understand it how did you
happen to bet eighty-five thousand
dollars no it's all i happen to have
with me
i uh i was wearing low shoes that day
you know jack there's one thing puzzling
me last week when you told me about this
you said it was only a dream oh you see
mary i was too modest to admit the truth
well i don't know i've never seen you
bet more than two dollars on a horse
well and even then you give the jockey
seal orders to be open at the first turn
there's a say mary i'm telling you the
truth hiya jackson 646 000 pieces of
federal lettuce congratulations mary
kiss me you duh
[Applause]
[Laughter]
now
and you were supposed to congratulate me
i know but it's more fun this way
[Music]
no
no lipstick on his forehead he's got a
bad aim
you know jackson i can't get over you
betting 85 000 bucks on a horse why well
you've been so cheap all your life you
must have a dual personality well i'm
the same guy i always was there's no
such a thing as a dual personality
certainly there is there are two sides
to everyone what i got two sides to me
what do you mean well there's one side
of me that likes bourbon scotch jam beer
and pretzels yeah and then there's the
other side of me that don't like
pretzels
phil you've got three sizes another side
of you don't like music
now come on we got to
jack what kind of show we gonna do this
week oh i don't know but i think i'd
like to do another sketch like gaslight
you know the one we did two weeks ago
with ingrid bergman hey jackson i've
been meaning to talk to you about that
that ingrid bergman dane puzzles me i
never knew that ingrid was the girl's
name why not well last year when i
didn't want to sign that new contract
with you that's what you call me that
was in great
my goodness can't you tell hello mary
hill hello hello jack and
congratulations well colonel blimp
now wait a minute jack i wish you'd stop
making fun of my weight it's not my
fault it isn't bad no gosh jack being
fat's no fun
only yesterday i went to the doctor
about it and he said that my excess
weight was due to a rare illness known
as um the varium to just balance
equinarius uh what does that mean in
english i eat like a horse
[Music]
dan i could have told you that without
laughing you know oh but latin's a
wonderful language jack remember those
immortal words of julius caesar surround
him so fermius so fully pactium
[Music]
you're right donium
and at julia caesar's funeral when mark
anthony got up before the crowd and
standing over the body said
lens roman's countrymen
lend me your ears
lucky strife means fine tobacco
even julius got up and took a couple of
pops there
all right kids now let's start hey boys
boss the telephone operator has been
trying to reach you you got a long
distance call from new york oh well i'll
take it on this phone here
say maple yeah mr benny's dressing room
is flashing i wonder what stella dallas
wants now
i don't know i'll find out hello uh
operator this is jack benny you have a
long distance call for me just a second
mr benny i'll check on it
say mabel did you handle a long-distance
call for mr benny oh yeah new york was
trying to get him i'll plug in the long
distance operator
say go to it ain't that jack benny an
amazing character yeah
i'll never forget how he kept buying me
candy bars and trying to lure me up to
his apartment to show me his etchings
and finally like a dawn fool i went
gee what happened he showed me his
etching
you know i don't
hello nbc
yes mr gilder sleeve i'll plug you in
immediately
t mabel my switchboard's all filled then
he's on the first plug gildersleeves on
the second and greenberg's on food
you think that some
yes
all right i'll tell him
oh mr benny yes operator that long
distance cool was cancelled
all right thank you
all right kids now let's start the
rehearsal where's larry stevens here i
am mr benny oh oh hello kid gee
646 000
oh boy could i use that money now that
i'm married
why what would you do with all that
money kid i'd go on a honeymoon
but i thought you went on a honeymoon
yeah but this time i'd take my wife with
me
well yet someday you may be as smart as
i am let's get on with the rehearsal
alera you go over your song while we go
in the other room and read the script
okay
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
you came along
from out of nowhere
[Music]
wonderful dreams
wonderful
schemes from
[Music]
[Applause]
sweet as a flower
for me
[Music]
if you should go
backwards
[Music]
i'll always
wait for your return
[Music]
to me
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
how's the rehearsal going tonight mr
billy fine fine
i remember rochester don't you dare tell
anybody that my winning all that money
was only a dream don't worry boys it'll
be our little secret
boy what a publicity stunt this is
that's steve bradley certainly knows his
business he's really a genius
we're only a block from home now
rochester you can start putting on the
brakes
there you are boys right in front of the
house
it's more like it last night i had to
walk back a block
[Music]
uh rochester i'm going in uh you put the
car in the
garage sir
what time is it roger sir 11 15. hmm
that late 11 15.
well you can have the rest of the night
off
thanks boss i'll run to the country for
a rest
good night good night
let's see
where's my key
oh here
i have to get a longer key chain this
doorknob hurts my stomach
[Music]
there
she is dark where's the light oh here
gee i can't get over all right penny
stick em up
yay
come on benny get back in your shoes
[Music]
what
what is this it's a stick up now listen
benny i want that 600 000 you won at the
racetrack
but i haven't got it
i didn't win any money
my press agent steve bradley is he put
it in the papers that it was just a
publicity stunt
the jokes i knew
see
i stopped stalling benny you keep your
dough in the boat and we going down
there and get it but i get moving get
moving and right straight for that vault
are australian
yes sir
would you care for a cup of coffee
[Music]
[Laughter]
huh no no benny i just want to get in
that vault
yes sir
here we are
oh i got this gun right in my pocket so
no tricks
yes sir i'll open the door
[Applause]
[Music]
oh who goes there
oh uh
it's me adam oh hello mr benny uh who's
that with you oh he's uh he's i'm a
friend of his yes yes eddie's a friend
of mine well any friend of mr benny's a
friend of mine come on in browse around
[Music]
thanks
i haven't seen you in a long time mr
benny
how are things in the outside world
well we won the war and the
the boys are all coming home good good
i'll bet they'll give general pershing a
great reception
no no ed you see this how about i chat
up any and open that safe yes sir
ed i might as well tell you this is a
gangster so don't make a false move well
any friend of yours a friend of mine
hmm open that safe open that safe yes
sir
let's see the combination is right to 45
left to 160.
back to 15
then left
to 110
there
[Music]
i haven't heard anything like that since
i broke out of san quentin
look look mister you can see for
yourself i haven't got six hundred
thousand all i got in there is ten
thousand dollars and i needed ten
thousand yes please believe me the
eighty-five thousand i bet on a horse
was only a dream look that's all i've
got ten thousand dollars you wouldn't
take that from me would you you're done
right i'll take it now come on hand it
over
my this is thrilling
mr mr please don't take and over that
tent grain or i'll plug it yes sir yes
sir
here you are all right now both of you
stay right where you are and i'm warning
you
don't move
hmm i'll go after him mr benny no ed
put down that bow and arrow he's got a
gun
oh my goodness ten thousand dollars
ten thousand dollars gone
darn that steve bradley with his
publicity
it's all his fault
if i told him once i told him a thousand
times
i said steve it didn't happen it was a
dream
i dreamt that i won six hundred thousand
dollars but no
no he had a gopro
[Applause]
[Music]
ladies and gentlemen sometime between
october 29th and december 8th your
doorbells will be rung by a victory loan
volunteer
answer the doorbell and welcome him or
her
because these are the americans who
worked faithfully and hard to make
previous bond drives so successful
although the war is over we haven't paid
the bill for it and the quota for this
victory loan
is 11 billion dollars
we'll make it
by we i mean you and me
the victory volunteers all of us
this will be the last victory drive
folks so it's really our last chance to
show these fighting men still in our
hospitals
and all our men and women in uniform
that we know they finish their job
and we'll finish ours thank you
ladies and gentlemen gabriel heather and
h.b carlton born were impersonated by
ali o'toole erskine johnson was
impersonated by erskine johnson jack
will be back in just a minute but first
here is my good friend effie boon
american lucky strike means fine tobacco
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consistently select and buy the finer
the lighter the naturally milder lucky
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tobacco means real deep down smoking
enjoyment for you sure thing ls mft yes
lucky strike means fine tobacco so smoke
that smoke a fine tobacco lucky strike
so round so firm so fully packed so free
and easy on the draw the famous tobacco
auctioneers had on tonight's programmer
mr la speed riggs of goldsboro north
carolina
and mr f boone of lexington kentucky
45 sold american russell risedale
speaking for lucky strike
ls mft
ls mft there's fine smoking pleasure in
fine tobacco and lucky strike means fine
tobacco
so round so firm so fully packed so free
and easy on the drawer
oh my goodness
ten thousand dollars there should be
some action on this i called the police
hours ago i'll turn on the radio maybe
there's some news
oh yes ladies and gentlemen there's a
happy man in hollywood tonight
nobody knows how he felt last night no
one can tell how he'll fail tomorrow
night
but oh yes there's a happy soul in
hollywood tonight
this is the night