[Music]
hello friends welcome to this day in
jack benny i'm john henderson this
episode is from february 20th 1949.
jack warner and sam goldwyn were movie
executives william paley was the
president of cbs jack benny's new
network they mentioned a number of
movies jack benny's own movie the horn
blows at midnight which was famously a
flop
oh that's the planet earth sir usually
when a planet goes berserk it's our
demolition expert who descends blows his
horn and poof
just now however our demolition expert
is disposing of one of the larger
planets so for this bit of destruction
i'm using you
me yes as the angel least likely to be
missed
as well as the adventures of don juan
that's not a very attractive offer
however you leave me no choice
life with father vinnie we have four
children if we're not married now we
never will be key largo
why would they decide to sit down on key
largo john loves mary
please don't cry
where are you
how do you feel
oh darling i love you so much i can't
wait to see you johnny belinda don't be
afraid
you watch
me
talk
and the treasure of sierra madre
the mountain police if you're the police
where are your badges
badges
i don't have to show you any stinking
washes
they also mention a couple of movie
stars jane russell famous for her
feminine figure it's very nice of you
and clark gable well known for his
masculine figure what previously on the
jack benny program anyway kids i've got
a contract to appear on the ford theater
march 4th and i can't wait till i get on
it what play you're going to do jack the
horn blows at midnight
you wouldn't dare
dennis day was also making guest
appearances he visited al jolson on his
program the craft music hall i had to
spend years on the stage many more years
in pictures and radio and now after 45
years of hard work i'm a success didn't
take me that
long
phil harris of course is the bandleader
on the radio show his big hit was that's
what i like about the south
[Music]
they also mention a very different song
dance of the hours from the opera
logiconda composed by emil curray
ponchiale it's the song that the hippos
and the alligators dance ballet to in
walt disney's fantasia
walt disney's latest movie was a mix of
live action and animation so dear to my
heart the greatest wealth a man may
acquire
is the wisdom he gains from living
so dear to my heart
now these days we'd be less likely to do
a suicide joke
but all in all this is a very funny
episode that they've been leading up to
for a long time and if you haven't heard
the previous episodes you can find them
at thisdaybenny.com
enjoy the show
the jack benny program presented by
lucky strike
feeling low feeling tense these eight
words are common sense smoke
[Music]
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picks you up when you're low calms you
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[Music]
the lucky strike program starring jack
benny with mary livingston phil harris
rochester devastating yours truly don
wilson
[Music]
ladies and gentlemen let's go back about
an hour jack is in his dressing room
getting ready for the broadcast
rochester did you run over and get me a
sandwich yeah boys here it is good
oh for heaven sardines
rochester i can't understand you what's
the matter boys you never get anything
right when i send you for a chicken
sandwich you bring me ham when i ask you
for a ham sandwich you bring me cheese
when i ask you for cheese you bring me
egg when i ask for egg you bring me
turkey and today you bring me a sardine
sandwich now what did i send you for a
sardine sandwich
oh yes i forgot
but look rochester i figured you'd make
a mistake i asked you for a sardine
sandwich because i wanted corned beef i
knew that but they were out of corn beef
so i brought you sardines
all right i'll eat the sardine sandwich
did you get me a bottle of coca-cola yes
boss here it is
wait a minute this is root beer that's
funny i asked for seven up
no fine
well alicia got the sandwich on rye how
did that happen oh we never did have
trouble with the bread
well i better eat it in a hurry
oh darn it what's the matter and i
picked up a sandwich the sardines
slipped out went into my sleeve
help me get them out
what a mess
well i'll eat after the broadcast now
help me finish dressing okay which two
baby you want boss the one with the part
in the middle of the part on the side
uh didn't you bring the black one with
the widow's
pee oh you can't wear that toupee
anymore why not it turned gray while you
were dickering with cbs
[Applause]
oh stop dusty maybe but gray no
now rochester
who is it it's me jack come on in mary
jack did you take my fountain pen yes
yes here you are mary you know i use it
i just put down a wonderful joke i want
you to do on the program and surprise
the cast here read it
oh for heaven's sake jack another joke
about my sister babe well it's funny go
ahead and read it i want to hear how
it'll sound on the program all right
say jack my sister babe lost her job in
that restaurant but mary she was with
that restaurant five years how come they
let her go they've got a cat to catch
their mice now
oh poor babe and after she let her
fingernails grow
jack we can't say anything like that
about babe why not that's a funny joke
joke nothing it really happened to her
oh well then we won't do the gag i don't
want to hurt her feelings i'll think of
something else say jack i meant to ask
you are you really going on the fourth
theater program march 4th yes mary i
certainly am well i hope you're not
serious about doing the horn blows at
midnight uh-oh ms linson you shouldn't
have said that
rochester what's wrong with mentioning
the horn blows at midnight it doesn't
bother me but the rye bread turned white
don't be funny now look mary i'm still
gonna do that play on the ford theater
fletcher markle the director gave me a
contract and that's that now come on
let's get out on the stage well wait a
minute you're not gonna do the
programming that polo shirt
why what's wrong with a polo shirt clark
gable wears one so what jane russell
wears sweaters but i'm a suit gal myself
all right all right come on mary let's
get out on the stage
[Applause]
[Music]
so
[Music]
i fell
well i fell hold it hold it fellas oh
hold that hold that
father time is here
look jackson what'd you stop us for we
were rehearsing the number i know phil
but i just want to compliment you on
trying to improve the orchestra i know
she got a harp this week yeah but we
can't use it anymore jackson that was a
mistake why what happened during
rehearsal frankie woke up saw the harp
and thought he was dead
no then he tried to fly over the piano
and almost broke his neck
well it serves them right for sleeping
during rehearsal jack let's run through
our parts so the others get here okay
here phil take a script look jackson i
don't need no script i'm loaded with
jokes phil take a script i thought of a
gag that's a dilly get this on my way
down to studio i stopped off at a bar
phil take a script and while i was there
i met a fellow who came from venice
italy phil so i bought him a drink he
bought me a drink then i bought him a
drink and he bought me a drink phil we
kept buying each other drinks for a
couple of hours and when i walked out he
was under the table
phil phil take a script
well don't you get it jackson the guy
who was under the table was from venice
a venetian so what i'm the only guy who
ever drank a venetian blind
oh
my oh harris if you lived in beverly
hills they'd blow up your house
well don't hit me off jackson i'm
rolling now
hey liv how'd you like that joke lover
phil take a script
thanks mary and don't get too close to
phil he might exhale and disintegrate
your nylons
now look at now let's cut out all his
foolishness and get down to it huh jack
oh hello don hello the quartet is here
you better rehearse them first or the
sportsman all right say did you tell the
boys that instead of a popular song i
wanted something a little different this
week you know something classical you
know we have music lovers listening in
now oh yes jack and they have a
wonderful number prepared it's ponky
ellie's dance of the hours from large
yokonda oh i
what was that then
pokey ellie's dance of the hours from la
giaconda oh yes that's what i hoped
you'd said
phil can your musicians play ponky
ella's dance of the hours from la
giaconda yeah but it'll still sound like
that's what i like about the south
look at i don't want that have them play
what's written take it boys
[Music]
if you're feeling more
[Music]
if
your nerves are tense
then you should listen
for it is common sense
when you are tense
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
your left
[Music]
you should pop on a lucky take a puff
take a puff cause we know that you will
never get enough of a lucky get enough
of a lucky sure enough sure enough you
will like a lucky strike made of light
and fine tobacco smoker lucky
and firm and fully packed so
[Music]
level that's where you'll be when you're
popping on a lucky so you see light and
lsmg take
[Music]
la
[Music]
[Laughter]
oh
[Music]
[Applause]
don don that was a wonderful number you
prepared with the boys punky ellie's
dance of the hours from los cienegas
oh
no jack that's logia conda oh oh yeah
that's below sepulveda
we had pico but i changed it
so pelvic is funnier than kiko
and phil phil your orchestra did
surprisingly well what are you so
surprised about i haven't told you this
but they want my band to play at the
academy awards ceremonies really
why in the world would they want your
band to play for the academy award well
we play loud and it'll drown out the
screams of the losers
well phil i don't believe that you are
your band
come in
jack look who it is
oh yes fletcher marco hello mr markle
hello jack
[Applause]
um
i hope i'm not interrupting but that's
quite all right fletcher i uh i suppose
you've come over to discuss my
appearance on the ford theater yes
that's exactly why i'm here good good is
there something about the casting no not
the casting
oh
is it about the rehearsals
no not rehearsals oh
is it about the picture i selected to do
yes it stinks
what
jack
as director of the fort theater why are
you laughing
what were you going to say
director of the ford theater i beg you
really don't do this on our program now
wait a minute mr markle you signed a
contract with me didn't you yes but you
tricked me that contract said you were
going to do an adventure story of the
sea called sailing around cape horn well
you didn't read the small type in the
contract the full title was sailing
around cape horn blows at midnight
and that's what i'm going to do jack i
think mr markle is right that script
isn't suitable for radio i know that
mary but i went through the screenplay
eliminated all the dull stuff and i'm
just going to do the part that sparkled
mr benny we have an hour program not a
spot announcement
i know it's an hour program and i'm
gonna do the horn blows at midnight and
it'll be a great show believe me well
and there's nothing i can do about it
it's a long jack so long mr marco oh oh
by the way jack when you signed that
contract there was one thing i neglected
to get for our records um what's your
social security number
two
[Music]
two
al jolson is number
one yes we got there early
for so long fletcher see you march 4.
goodbye jack
to be or not to be that is the question
or that is wiser to use gas and smell up
the house or use a pistol and mess up
the rug
what'd you say fletcher nothing
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
goodbye jack i can't understand you why
don well if they're so sad against
you're doing the horn blows at midnight
why do you insist on it because once and
for all i'm going to prove to everyone
that it's a great story now don imagine
this plot
the chief of the planets sends an angel
down to earth to blow a trumpet and
destroy the whole world
and i'm the angel
now cut that out
i try to do something dignified and
everybody has to butt in and
i never saw anything oh hello dennis oh
hello mr benny congratulate me
congratulate you
why i just sold my bicycle for ten
thousand dollars
you
you what yeah look here's the check
let me see that pay to the order of
dennis day
ten thousand
oh for heaven's sake this check isn't
even signed i noticed that but i didn't
want to mention it
why when a man gives you ten thousand
dollars for a bicycle why antagonize him
holy smoke
dennis i'm afraid you were cheated
didn't you even get the name of the man
who bought it oh sure he told me his
name all right
what was it napoleon bonaparte
oh fine
dennis don't you know anything napoleon
bonaparte has been dead for over a
hundred years he has
certainly then what does he want with a
bicycle
now look dennis
dennis my child
look instead of having any more of this
nonsense look at how about running
through your song okay oh by the way mr
benny happy birthday my birthday was
last week i know but that bubble dancer
was held over
good good now what number you gonna do
the title song from walt disney's
picture so dear to my heart all right
let's hear it
[Music]
with the leaves turning brown and gold
when you
were the dream i would hold
so dear to my heart
that decembery day
when we strolled
a kiss that we shared will remain
so dear to my heart
[Applause]
and when it's springtime and the fields
are dressed with flowers
you're the sweetest
how i treasure
all the happy arms
and the dreams i
shared with you
they
bloom in my heart
in a corner of heart
every sweet
tender
memories
[Music]
as long as i live they will be
[Music]
heart
[Music]
uh
that's a very good song dennis and you
sang it beautifully oh you're just
saying that because i'm rich now
dennis that check's no good you never
like anything that anybody else has
and it's the last time i'm going to
compliment you on your singing because
every time i do you start riding
come in
yes sir is there
well it's jack warner of the warner
brothers studio
[Music]
hello jack hello well this is a surprise
uh
uh what can i do for you mr warner well
jack i just heard the news about you are
making an appearance on the ford theater
yes mr warner on march 4 and i'm going
to do the horn blows at midnight that's
just what i want to talk to you about
what
look jack you made this picture for us
in 1944 didn't you that's right it was
for the warner brothers well since then
our studio has produced the adventures
of don juan life with father key largo
john loves mary and this year our two
pictures johnny belinda and the
treasurer of the sierra madre are up for
the academy awards
so
so we're rolling again let us alone
[Music]
now
now now just a minute mr warner how can
you say that
you yourself told me that when the horn
blows at midnight was shown in hollywood
the theater made money that's right we
rented the balcony out as a trailer camp
but mr warner you can't put all the
blame on me when you did that picture
you made one big mistake yeah i know we
put film in the camera
look mr warner that's an old joke yeah
if i had anything new i'd put it in the
picture
well i'm sorry but i still think it's a
great story say if you didn't produce it
good what could i do
but if you were to listen to me
if you listened to me while we were
making it the horn blows at midnight
would have been a terrific hit jack we
tried everything we made a lot of
retakes it was awful how we threw money
away on that picture threw money away
yeah we spent over five hundred thousand
dollars for a new finish and nobody ever
stayed to see it
no wonder you can't make good picture
you fluff over lines
now look jeff jack warner i want to tell
you something
all of that about the horn blows admit i
was not my fault i think that picture
had great possibilities well no jack it
missed both ways
both ways what do you mean well if it'd
been a little better we might have
gotten our money back in the theaters
yes but we're a little worse it would be
unnatural for television
never mind taliban
it's going to be i'll tell you mr warner
is going to be great when i do it on the
ford theater
all right jack if you won't listen to
reason maybe you'll listen to this we'll
give you five thousand dollars not to do
it no ten thousand dollars i'm sorry mr
warner
but money means nothing to me
i've gotta listen to repeat show and see
if he really heard that
see if i really heard
you ought to make your pictures with
jack warner
i know we rehearsed this i know
anything else huh
what no just a little
i've had shaky pair of dice my hands
would be very all right read just what's
there that's all read what's that
here it is wait up here
here well jack
[Applause]
i say mary please
well jack here's my final offer my
brother harry and i are willing to take
you into the firm and make you one of
the warner brothers no i'm afraid not
that means i'd have to change my name if
you do the picture we're going to change
ours
i'm sorry but my mind is made up i'm
gonna do the horn blows at midnight on
the radio and that's final mr warner
just call me sam goldwyn
what
yeah you heard just call me sam goldwyn
you've got to say goodbye
[Music]
i can get a 50 actor to play jack warner
i had to get the jack warner
jack what i've never seen
i've never seen you so determined why
didn't you consider his offer of going
in with the warner brothers i'll tell
you why because i have my own company i
just produced a picture myself called
the lucky stiff and there's a wonderful
article about it in the new liberty
magazine i know mr benny i saw it you
saw the article of liberty about me
dennis what did it say reading time 11
minutes
look dennis but i made it in nine
what i had my bicycle then
i don't care about the reading time what
did the article say
oh i'll get it jack
hello
new york calling
yes he's here
jack it's mr william paley the head of
cbs oh oh i wonder what he wants
hello mr paley
yes yes this is jack
oh yes i'm feeling fine how are you
good good
what
yes yes that's right on march the 4th
yes i know the ford theater is on cbs
and you want to hear something funny
fletcher markle and jack warner came
over and tried to talk me out of doing
the heart
why
now just
i know mr paley but
but mr paley
but
but what why
why mr pay
where
i'm sorry mr pele but i made up my mind
and i'm going to do the horn blows at
midnight on the ford theater march 4th
and that's final
yes mr paley goodbye
hmm
jack
jack how could you talk to mr paley like
that mary there comes a time in every
man's life when he must have the courage
of his convictions when he must have
faith in his own judgment so he can
stand up and face the world with pride
and with dignity jack what's that
sticking out of your sleeve huh
oh it's a sardine
i also got caught my suspenders
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
jack we'll be back in just a moment but
first
smoker
[Music]
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feeling low feeling tense these nate
words are common sense smoke are lucky
to be your level best smoker lucky to be
thanks fletcher markle and jack warner
good night everybody
[Music]
be sure to hear the cbs sunday lineup
every week and don't miss dennis day in
the day in the life of dennis day stay
tuned for a show was followed
immediately over most of these same
stations you