[Music]
hello friends
welcome to this day in jack benny i'm
john henderson
this episode is from march 12 1950.
in it they mention comedian bob hope
leaver brothers makers of lux toilet
soap bring you the bob hope show
thank you thank you ladies and gentlemen
how do you do this bob finishing your
second week at the paramount hope
telling you the returns of the box
office were fat i expected to dine at
the store club like an aristocrat
but the income tax man came with a bat
and held out his hat tell me which way
is the automatic
yes sir i've been at the paramount two
weeks now doing six shows a day
but the new tax forms are very simple
there's only three brackets this year
low medium and reach brother
and everybody's afraid they won't have
any money left when they die but jack
benny discovered a way to take it with
him he had his appendix taken out in a
piggy bank put in
in this episode they mentioned some
popular songs time on my hands
[Music]
but i can dream can i
the cry of the wild goose my heart knows
what the wild goose knows
and i must go where the wild goose goes
wild goose brother goose which is best
are wandering for a hearted red
i've got a lovely bunch of coconuts i've
got a lovely bunch of coconuts
every ball you throw will make me rich
there stands me wife
[Music]
you could get the latest record from
crooner victimone
you're breaking
my heart cause you're leaving
you've fallen for somebody new
[Music]
and eddie arnold had a new recording of
that old song
m-o-t-h-e-r m is
for the million things she gave
me lena horn was a singer
and actress her new biography was titled
lena horne in person it's actually your
uh by
uh biography the story of your career
today well yes
up to now people were still talking
about the recent wedding of actress rita
hayworth
to prince ali khan around the world
courtship results in the marriage of the
augur khan's son
and hollywood's glamorous dancing
dramatic star of course
phil harris had a radio show with his
wife the blonde movie star
alice fay someday your skins are going
to get you fellas into a lot of trouble
that's what happened to my uncle on st
patrick's day which uncle earl
no clancy and thanks for the lead-in oh
yeah
but phil was also waiting for the
release of his new movie
wabash avenue in color it was produced
by derelict zanac and starred betty
grable
yeah he's clearing out with my watch and
my best
girl it's easy i love you pretty fast
got you talking to yourself
ruby he's gonna clear up he told me
since i'm gonna clear out
tonight uncle mike just to get married
we'll be back tomorrow
aren't you gonna wish me happiness you
got your hands full baby
i wish you goodbye ruby the movie also
starred victor mature
who the previous year played sampson in
samson and delilah
the strength of the line makes him king
of beast
and the great rough of his mane is the
mark of his power
this is the mark of your power
it's your hair if it were shown from
your head
i'd be as weak as any other man that was
a big budget color movie
they also had some lower budget black
and white movies
like the latest in the blondie and
dagwood series
pretty face funny hat that's what my
blondie
is lovable feet both flat
that's what my dagwood is and on the
small screen where they only had black
and white
you could see the daily hand puppet kids
show
time for beanie it was created by looney
tunes director bob clampett
and starred stan freberg as cecil the
sea serpent
[Music]
this episode also references a passenger
train named the el capitan
and the tanferan racetrack in san bruno
california
now listen for a special guest
appearance by joan benny
in real life she was the daughter of
jack benny and mary livingston
if you'd like to contact me you can
email jackpennypodcast
gmail.com or on twitter at this day
benny
you can also find old episodes at
thisdaybenny.com
so make a donation to the easter seals
and enjoy the show
the jack benny program presented by
lucky striker
let your own taste and throat be the
judge for smoothness and mildness
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the strike strike program starring jack
benny with murray livingston phil harris
rochester devastating the sportsman
quartet and yours truly don wilson
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
and now ladies and gentlemen let's go
out to jack bunny's home in beverly
hills where
even as you and i rochester is filling
out his income
tax let's see name rochester van jones
occupation butler chauffeur cook
gardener ballot masseur window washer
and composer of time on my hands
now let's see exemptions if married and
your wife
or husband had no income or if this is a
joint return of husband and wife
list wife or husband
better read that again if married and
your wife
or husband had no income or
if this is a joint return of husband and
wife
list wife or husband
yeah that's what it says that's what the
form says until sam says that
well fortunately i'm single and have no
wife or
husband now
let's see enter your total weight oh
hello rochester what are you doing i'm
filling out my income tax mr benny it
certainly is complicated well i'll help
you with it if you like
i sure would all right now let's see the
form
hmm rochester you got to put down your
salary can i
write it in red ink
why i want them to know i'm blushing
never mind now for the next item
list any extra monies you received as
gratuities
gifts or bonuses from your employer
oh boss come now
well let's see what you did about your
deductions for every close relative you
support you can deduct six hundred
dollars
well uh let's see there's my mother a
rochester i didn't know you supported
your mother
oh yes that sweet little old lady i take
for a drive every saturday night
your mother rochester i happen to know
that every saturday night you take my
car and go up on mulholland drive
damn is for the millions rochester
now don't give me that stuff about your
mother last saturday night i followed
you i distinctly heard you mention lena
horne i said mother
don't lean on the horn
oh sure sure now let's see the rest of
this
hmm oh for heaven's sakes rochester you
can't list
tanferan as a dependent
and what's this item you show his income
oh then that was the night mr harris
hired me as bartender
man was i busy why who was there just mr
harris
[Music]
oh by the way boys you went to the
preview of mr harris's picture last
night didn't you yes yes it's called
wabash avenue
how was it very good rochester mr harris
was excellent in it
say how to call him and tell him how
much i enjoyed it i meant to do that
yesterday i forgot all about it after i
saw the picture
hello mr harris's residence huh who's
this
alice alice yeah alice quigley mr
harris's new secretary
oh say isn't it a little confusing
having two alices in the same house
no he calls his wife blondie ah
what does he call you dagwood
[Music]
oh well can i speak to mr harris please
i guess so who's calling oh this is jack
benny
oh just a minute hey curly the wild
goose is on the phone
okay i'll take it in this room hiya
jackson what's on your mind
well phil i call to tell you how much i
enjoyed your new picture wabash avenue
i mean not only did you photograph swell
but you were great in it you gave the
part everything it needed
really phil you were magnificent i know
phil why must you be so conceited that's
not conceit jackson you said i was good
i know i was good so there's no sense me
being immoral about it
you must mean a modest
phil the scene that impressed me most
was the one where you were so upset
about losing the girl that you went out
and got drunk
gee you did that swell yeah even mr
zannick said that that scene was worthy
of an academy award
well it was did you have to do much work
on it what work i came in one morning i
was loaded they shot the scene and the
star was born
oh fine anyway phil you were really
great and so was betty gravel
and you got some rather tough
competition from victor mature oh
jackson that but tour ain't so hot well
last year paramount offered me 200
thousand dollars to play spartan samson
and delilah
phil they offered you 200 000 to play
samson
why didn't you do it and have these
tresses cut off are you
mad
well i don't blame you phil having you
this way is bad enough but ball headed
would be revolting
you and sammy the drummer would look
like a lovely bunch of coconuts
believe me i see your point yeah
oh mr harris mr harris what is it doggie
your valance said your bath is ready oh
i'll be right there hey wait a minute
phil
how come all of a sudden you not only
have a secretary but a valid too look
dad you're talking to a moo
vista well i'm glad you finished that
for a minute i thought you were gonna
give milk
phil so long jackson gee i hope phil's
head doesn't swell too much he can
hardly get out of the house now
well rochester how are you getting along
with your tags pretty good boss would
you like to look it over
yes let's see uh-huh
uh-huh wait a minute roxanna what's this
item here for medical expense
last year i had one of my tonsils taken
out
roger you only had one of your tonsils
taken out boys when you give me 20
minutes off you mean 20 minutes
roxas you mean to say you ran out in the
middle of an operation don't you
remember when i came through the door i
still had a rubber glove in my mouth
a rubber glove the doctor was in until i
crossed wheelchair boulevard
oh stop with that uncle sam wants money
not jokes
now let's see what else you i'll get it
oh hello dennis i came to say goodbye
i'm joining the foreign legion
dennis dennis look at me
you're joining the foreign legion uh-huh
the french foreign legion we el capitan
el capitan that's moon capitan i'm going
by train
[Applause]
dennis i want to ask you one thing does
your mother know you're leaving home to
join the foreign legion oh she was the
one who suggested it
why well last week i played a joke on
her
and your mother what'd you do i put
itching powder in a girdle
[Music]
well that's an awful thing your mother
should slap your face she can't she's
using both hands to scratch with
boy she's sorry now she bites her
fingernails
[Music]
dennis look well i gotta leave now i
gotta join my regiment
stop with that silly talk you're not
joining the foreign legion i'm not
no come inside now dennis forget about
the foreign legion you can't go now
anyway we got a program to do someday
what song are you going to sing on it
well since it's so close to st patrick's
day maybe i ought to sing clancy lord
the boom
well i
have a lot of people in our house well i
won't see it
[Music]
well i won't see it till it's time for
the broadcast so let me hear it now
yes sir um foreign legion go ahead and
sing
okay hold my sword
your sword hey look at that say that
sword is over three feet long where'd
you get it
in a box of cracker jacks what
it stuck out a little jenna sing will ya
[Applause]
clancy was a peaceful man if you know
what i mean
now the cops picked up the pieces after
clancy left the scene
he never looked for trouble that's a
fact you can't assume
or nevertheless when trouble would press
clancy lowered the boom
[Music]
whenever they got his irish up plants
they lowered the boom
o'leary was a fight man they all knew he
was tough
he strutted round the neighborhood to
shorten off his gum
he picked a fight with clancy then and
there he sealed his doom
before he could shout to larry look out
clancy lord the move
before the whenever they got says
irish up class they lowered the boom
boom boom boom
now clancy left the barbershop with
tonic on his hair
he walked into the pool room and he met
o'reilly there
o'reilly said for goodness sakes now do
i smell perfume
before you could stack your cue in the
rack clancy lord the moon
whenever they got jesus they lowered the
boom
the neighbors all turned out for cate
o'grady's wet night
mcdougall said let's have some fun and
think and start a fight
he wrecked the halt and kissed the bride
then pulverized the groom
then quick as a wink before you could
think clancy lowered the room
or the clancy or the clancy
whenever they got to they wish up plants
they lowered the boom or the clancy
before the clancy whenever they got to
they wish up class they lowered the boom
boom
boom boom boom boom boom shirt is the
greatest sight you ever did see when
clancy lowered the boom
[Applause]
janice that was very good and just the
right number before st
patrick's day give me back my sword
here here and don't cut yourself no
excuse me mr benny
yes my name is joan the girls in my high
school class are having a scavenger hunt
and i was selected to come over here and
get something personal from you
something personal very personal oh
i bet i know what you have to get a lock
of my hair
i'm supposed to get the whole thing
well joan step in for a minute i'll go
into my room and get you one
excuse me man i'll be right back hello
hello my name is joe and i'm a junior at
chadwick high school
my name is dennis i'm a private in the
foreign legion
i leave to join my regiment tonight gee
i mean you're going all the way out to
the desert
uh-huh way over to north africa i
thought it was in palm springs
say wait a minute i know who you are
you're dennis day aren't you uh-huh
gosh wait till i tell the rest of the
girls in my class i met dennis day
they think you're a wonderful singer
they do yeah they think you're almost as
good as victimone
uh
well here you are young lady gee thanks
mr benny
and when the scavenger hunt is over i'll
return it oh you needn't bother
just turn it loose it'll come home
yeah yeah well goodbye joan goodbye was
a pretty girl when she dennis
dennis dennis he left with her
say boss i finished making out my income
tax i'm ready to send to the government
have you got a three cent stamp
processor you've already got a three
three-cent stamp on the envelope
i have to put one in the envelope that's
my tax
[Music]
well i don't know if you're a oh look
what time it is i better turn on the
radio i don't want to miss it today
boss what's on the radio that's so
important i want to listen to that
program you know they're going to
announce the winner of the contest is
that the contest that you've been
sending all those soap rappers to
yup that's the one it's sponsored by the
sagebrush soap company
gosh i hope they like the slogan i sent
in now is the hour
to take a shower while the bloom is on
the stage
[Music]
that ought to win it rochester turn on
the radio because that program doesn't
come on for five minutes yet i know but
i don't want to take any chance of
missing
it you know boy could i use a trip to
honolulu or
two weeks in havana turn on the radio
[Music]
are you
[Music]
now for our next contestant that's not
the station i want right there
maybe this is it oh paul paul listen to
me
you've only been married to her for such
a short time please don't leave her
i must leave her but she's my only
daughter my only child please paul say
you won't leave her
please don't leave her i must leave her
paul i beg you i implore you don't leave
her say you won't leave her say it paul
say you won't leave her this program is
sponsored by the lever brothers
oh that isn't the station either and now
we bring you our genial master of
ceremonies the man with the sagebrush
complexion
frank nelson that's it rajas that's the
program that has the contest how do you
do
once again we bring you that thrilling
program sponsored by the sagebrush soap
company
makers of sagebrush the only soap with a
western motif
i know i know get to the contest and why
does sagebrush soap have a western motif
for your convenience when you're bathing
sagebrush doesn't slip and slide all
over the place
thanks to that western motif sagebrush
is the only soap
that's shaped like a gun in the morning
all you have to do is take off your
pajamas
strap on your holster and step into the
shower
come on come on announce the winner yes
with sagebrush the soap that's shaped
like a gun
there's no rub or scrub you shoot
yourself clean
hmm so remember our slogan use sagebrush
soap and smell like a
[Music]
the cowboy i sent in is better than that
and now we come to the announcement
you've all been waiting for the slogan
that was judged the winner in our
thrilling contest is it this is it roger
this slogan that was selected from over
12
entries and here it is
now is the hour to take a shower while
the bloom
is on the sails see that's the lousiest
slogan i
yike what's the matter boys that lousy
slogan is mine
gosh ladies and gentlemen that winning
slogan was sent in by mr jack benny
of 360 north camden drive beverly hills
we're glad to know that our soap is
getting into that part of the city
[Music]
never mind the talk what's the prize
what's the prize boss boss do you think
you'll get a trip to honolulu i don't
know havana isn't bad either yes mr
benny for sending in that slogan to the
sagebrush soap company you have won
yourself
a trip pack my bags rochester yes sir a
magnificent trip shall i pack your
ukulele not yet it might be havana oh mr
benny you're a lucky man
you have won yourself six glorious weeks
at that romantic spot of song and story
yes yes that shangri-la whose shores are
left by the languid waters of the blue
pacific
pismo beat
gizmo beach what happened to honolulu
and now in honor of our contest winner
mr jack benny
who sent in our new slogan now is the
hour to take a shower
while the bloom is on the stage our
quartet
proctor gamble palm oil even pete we'll
wish our contest winner bone voyage take
it boys
by the sea by the sea by the beautiful
sea
pismo beach pismo beach oh how happy
you'll be
when each wave comes in
you will dark or swim and you'll float
in fool around the water
over and under and then up for air just
use one dab of glue and you won't lose
your hair
you'll have a lot of fun a shooting
clams with your soap gun at pismo
by the beautiful sea lucky strike lucky
strike
you will smoke them all day and for
smoothness and mildness you'll say
they're okay
round and firm and so fully packed may
the fine tub back
yes it's lsls mft mft
by the beautiful sea take a puff take a
pup
and we know you'll agree you'll find
there's no rough puff or pop
or ruff ruff dismal by the beautiful
and now we will close the program with
our new prize-winning slogan take it boy
now is the hour to take a shower while
the bloom is on
the stage
imagine me winning a trip just a pismo
beach it's only 200 miles from here
shall i
pack your tuxedo boss rochester i don't
have to dress formal to dig clams anyway
i'm not going
ladies and gentlemen this is drear
pussen speaking to you from washington
my first prediction is that the federal
budget will soon be balanced
this feat will be accomplished as soon
as we collect the income tax from
bob hope he's not kidding the money
bob's making with the paramount new york
will do it shut off the radio rochester
well i think that uh i'll get it
hello hello mr well
mr kitza
mr benny i just called you up to
congratulate you
congratulate me yeah i was sitting here
at home listening to the radio and all
of a sudden they're announcing you the
winner on a contest
oh that what a slogan
now is the hour to take a shower while
mrs bloom is on
the stage
no no mr kissel that's bloom is on the
sage
oh i thought it was his wife
oh mr benny are you lucky
my my what i wouldn't give to spend six
glorious weeks in pismo beach
well mr kitzel pismo beach is a lovely
place but i can go there anytime it's
close by i don't have to win it
anyway i'm not going what a vacation
would do you good mr vienna you've been
working too hard
well i know i know every sunday a radio
program
and five nights a week on television
me on television i never miss it time
for benny
well that's beanie time for beanie see
that
look mr ketzel they're puppets for pets
more pants i still think a vacation is
good for everybody and that's why i'm
going to sun valley this week
oh you're going up sun valley yes i'm
going up to do some skiing
well you better be careful mr kitzel you
know ali khan broke his leg while skiing
now he's confined to his home for six
months so what
when you're married to rita hayworth
where do you want to go
i never thought of that well it was
nicey to call mr kitzel goodbye goodbye
mr benny
shoot the clam for me i told you i'm not
going goodbye
oh rochester yes boss look i'm kind of
tired i think i'll go upstairs and go to
bed early tonight
i have rehearsal tomorrow and i i don't
for heaven's sake what's that take it
easy take it easy i'm coming
are you benny yes you jack benny yes yes
good the car's at the cord the motors
run and let's go
yeah come on come on the motor's running
what are you fellas talking about we're
from the sagebrush soap company yeah we
came to take you to pismo beach wait a
minute you want the contest
what a slogan i know is he a word to
take
a shower while the bloom is on the stage
look fellas follow us what benny get
your clam shovel we'll be on our way i'm
not getting any clam shovel i'm tired i
want to go to bed go to bed are you
trying to insult the sagebrush soap
company
yeah you didn't win no ordinary prize
like a trip to honolulu
or the havana you want a trip to pismo
beach i know i know they mentioned it on
the radio what a slogan and now
is the hour to take a shower
stop pulling media here stop i'm not
going to go you're going to spend six
glorious weeks at pismo beach if we have
to drag you there now let go of me grab
him
i got him fellas please what a slogan
look this is ridiculous now turn me
loose around sue your company
now get out of here get out i said ow ow
ow
wow the last time i ever enter a contest
imagine those guys coming in here trying
to force me to boss
boss i thought you'd gone go on no one's
gonna make
rochester where are you going with your
suitcase well i figured while you were
spending six glorious weeks at pismo
beach i'd go and have my other tonsil
taken out
well i'm not going you can have that
done tomorrow during your lunch hour
okay
[Music]
okay
ladies and gentlemen it is my extreme
pleasure now to present the vice
president of the columbia broadcasting
system
mr howard megan ladies and gentlemen
ladies and gentlemen i'm here on behalf
of the columbia broadcasting system
to offer our congratulations to jack
benny for having won the greatest honor
that has ever been bestowed on a radio
artist
radio daily conducted a poll among all
of the radio editors and columnists in
the united states and canada
and jack benny was selected as the
greatest radio personality
in the past 25 years
yeah i'm only 39.
well seriously jack cbs wants to add
their congratulations
to the many you've no doubt already
received well thank you mr megan
and i'm very grateful and very proud of
this honor i want to thank radio daily
who conducted the poll
and the radio editors and columnists of
the united states and canada
i'd like everyone to know that this
tribute is equally shared with my cast
my writers in fact every member of my
staff and i also want to thank you
listeners who've been so loyal
through the years thanks very much
jack we'll be back in just a moment but
first let your own taste and throat be
the judge for smoothness and mildness
there's never a rough puff in a lucky
strike let your own
taste and throat be the judge for
smoothness and mildness there's never a
rough puff in a lucky strike and that's
because
ls mft ls mft lucky strike means fine
tobacco
fine light naturally mild tobacco that
gives you
smoothness and mildness with never a
rough puff listen to what mr tom jones
an independent tobacco auctioneer from
mount
airy north carolina recently said in 18
years of auctioneering at market after
market i've seen the makers of lucky
strike by
fine tobacco fine ripe cigarette tobacco
that makes a smooth mild smoke
i've smoked lucky's for 15 years
millions of smokers
including the glamorous movie star
marlena dietrich take a tip from the
experts and smoke lucky strike
just recently lovely miss dietrich said
every lucky strike i've ever smoked has
tasted
mild and smooth to me that's the big
reason why i've smoked them for many
years
and for your own real deep down smoking
enjoyment
light up a lucky let your own taste and
throat be the judge
for smoothness and mildness there's
never a rough puff in a lucky strike
get a carton today
ladies and gentlemen i want to talk to
you about the 1950 easter seal sale for
children
in these trying days when so much
thought and money is being spent to
destroy
what a wonderful thing it is to be able
to give someone a chance to mend
the easter seal company a campaign the
easter seal campaign does just that by
helping children
so won't you please send what you can as
soon as you can
to children post office box 5050
80 illinois excuse me
hello oh hello mary yeah i'm sorry you
couldn't come over to my house today we
had such excitement
how's your gesundheit
how's your gesundheit mary
how's your
gesundheit see that was a long one
what i was going to ask you how your
cold was but never mind
what'd you say mary oh you heard what mr
meegan said
well thanks mary i feel very happy about
it so long doll
be sure to hear dennis dan a day in the
life of dennis days stay tuned for the
interesting nanny show which follows
immediately
this is cbs the columbia broadcasting
system