[Music]
hello friends
welcome to this day in jack benny i'm
john henderson
this episode is from may 29 1949.
in it they mention ventriloquist shirley
dinsdale's dummy
judy splinters oh you're beautiful
thank you i think so too thank you hello
simonize was a brand of car wax
as the ad said motorists wise simonize
in the theaters you could see the
musical take me out to the ball
[Applause]
ball game take me out with the crowd
dennis day had a record out at the time
side a
was three wishes
[Music]
a kiss in the dark
[Music]
even mel blanc had a record with the
sportsman quartet
side a was i'm just wild about animal
crackers
and side b was big bear lake those
moonlight nights so
calm and serene the quiet seems enduring
but comes the dawn the silence is gone
they're out of their moorings
[Music]
a button
you might recognize this song i really
can't
but baby it's cold outside
i've got to go but baby it's cold
outside
baby it's cold outside would later
become known as a christmas song
it originally became popular here in the
spring and summer of 1949.
the most popular recording was by
margaret whiting and johnny mercer
and father will be pacing listen
[Music]
the song was written by frank lesser who
in world war ii wrote the song
praise the lord and past the ammunition
shout
praise the lord to pass the ammunition
praise the lord and pass the ammunition
and we'll all
stay free this year's savings bond drive
was on
the 1949 opportunity drive for united
states savings bonds
a hundred years ago when the prairie
schooners arrived at the destination of
coloma the mining camps were towers of
babel where the only word understood was
gold today in california there is
probably only one place where money
means so much
the home of jack benny and rochester
according to variety magazine jack benny
will be starring in a one-reeler for the
us treasury department's savings bond
drive
the spirit of 49 benny will play the
triple role of himself
his father and grandfather if you enjoy
these shows take a moment to give a five
star rating and review on apple podcasts
and enjoy the show the jack benny
program presented by lucky strike
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lucky strike
[Music]
the lucky strike program starring jack
benny with mary livingston phil harris
rochester dennis dane yours truly don
[Music]
wilson
ladies and gentlemen this is our final
broadcast of the season and as you know
farewells are always sad and doing the
final program is always sad
so without further ado we bring you
radio's saddest comedian
jack benny
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
thank you thank you hello again this is
jack benny talking and don that was a
rather puzzling introduction
puzzling yes only last sunday in honor
of national pickle week
you said i was a barrel of fun
now now how in one short week could i
deteriorate from a barrel of fun to
radio status comedian
how could that be well it's really very
simple jack a pickle is something sour
now according to webster's dictionary
sour means morose
morose means gloomy gloomy means sad so
it's very logical for you to go from
national pickle week to radio status
comedian
see well don
i've looked in webster's dictionary
myself and i found out that when you
pickle a thing it's submerged in brine
when it's submerged in brine it's
preserved when it's preserved it's
canned and that's exactly what you
are
and now ladies and gentlemen having said
farewell to beautiful don wilson
we can take now wait a minute wait a
minute jack you wouldn't fire me on the
last show of the season you're not that
cheap you want to bet danzi speaking of
things pickled here's phil harris
you can stop with that too jax i had a
drink in two weeks since remley had his
accident
remember had an accident what happened
to him that was horrible jackson
gasly he was carrying a bowl full of
goldfish when somebody yelled bottoms up
you you mean yup drained it sand and all
right
gee phil i'm i'm sorry to hear that
about frankie
it must have been awful well he didn't
mind the fish of the sand but that water
nearly killed him
look phil why don't you oh jack jack i
hate to interrupt but uh
i'm really worried about you're firing
me oh for goodness sake don i was only
kidding i wouldn't fire you
you've been with me for 15 years cut
your salary maybe but not
fire so forget it oh well i guess i was
silly to let it bother me after all you
couldn't be that cheap
want a bed oh hello mary hello mary hi
don
how you live hello curly you ollie
connor vencino
ah cut it out libby you're embarrassing
me oh
fine look who's trying to act modest
there yeah on the bumper
versus kari is a rubber stamp that says
you lucky pedestrian you've just been
hit by phil harris
that's right oh barry you're kidding no
i'm not jack take off your shirt and
show them
mary phil hit me while i was bending
over and let's forget him
by the way don since this is our final
show of the season where are you going
on your vacation well i'm going to spend
two glorious weeks at the brown derby
that's nice what are you gonna do mary
well my sister babe is coming to visit
me and we're going hunting
hunting isn't that more of a sport for a
man
that's what babe's hunting for
well it's a shame nature gave her such
bad ammunition
i'm still a barrel of fun
what uh what about your vacation phil
can't take any jackson i'm making a
picture for 20th century fox a picture
what's the name of it take me out to the
brewery
good good that's a nice title there say
jack
before we went on the air you said you
were going to do something special on
the program today
what is it well mary i thought it'd be
nice on this last show to introduce all
the people connected with the program
i'd like to start off by presenting bill
days marty spursel gurney bell and bob
stevens better known as the sportsman
quartet
hiya fellas and a happy
to you too don have the boys prepared
number oh yes yes jack they're going to
offer their version of frank lester's
new song hit
baby it's cold outside but don that
number needs a girl singer too well i
know and we're fortunate to have with us
the girl who made the popular recording
of that song with johnny mercer
none other than margaret whiting
margaret whiting is she here
yes jack hi everybody hello
[Music]
well now i see where nature sent all the
good ammunition
but margaret it's swell having you here
with us this is really a surprise
some surprise you've been arguing salary
with her for three weeks
mary stop i really am surprised to see
margaret oh well then what is she doing
here
i lost the argument yeah my agent is a
regular bulldog
well look margaret before you sing i'd
like you to meet my orchestra leader oh
phil
uh this is margaret whiting hello phil
well praise the lord and pass
the ammunition
[Music]
say margaret margaret i am
what a delivery
i understand margaret i understand this
record you made with johnny mercer is a
sensational hit they're selling like
hotcakes oh yes jack and i'm very
happy about it well by the way did you
buy one of the records
no no i didn't i figured that uh as long
as you're a guest on my program you'd
you'd bring me one
but jack they're only 75 cents i know
but well i'll tell you what i'll give
you the 75 cents on one condition
what's that you let me go in the store
with you and watch you spend it
well you can't get too close to a
margaret the newsreels won't let you
newsreels newsreels one little camera
when i bought my new suit and she makes
a big thing now
now margaret are you ready to do your
song with the quartet yes jack
who's going to accompany this my
orchestra honey well praise the lord and
pass the bromo selsa
well look margaret if you don't want
phil's music perhaps i can accompany you
on my violin
well well what that puts me between the
devil and the deep blue
eyes thank you and now ladies and
gentlemen margaret whiting and the
sportsman quartet present their version
of frank lesser's new song hit
baby it's cold outside
[Music]
baby it's cold outside this evening
hoping that you'd stop being very nice
we'll hold your hands they're just
like my mother will start to beautiful
watch your father will be pacing the
floor listen to
the fireplace so really i'd better skirt
beautiful please don't maybe just a
cigarette more lucky that's what they're
forgotten
[Music]
just
oh baby don't hold up
[Music]
i simply must
i'll leave with rick
remember all those lucky's by yourself
let's move
[Music]
there's margaret whiting in the
sportsman quartet singing baby it's cold
outside thank you miss whiting and now
ladies and gentlemen i'd like you to
meet the man who is responsible
for all the musical commercials that we
do with the quartet my arranger mr
maylen mary thank you jack
melon uh how long have you studied music
oh i've never studied music jack
never studied music well then how come
you're qualified to make arrangements
for
phil harris's orchestra well i used to
work in a boiler factory
oh every summer i go back there just for
a rest
well i don't blame you and now to get on
with the introductions
i'd like to present artie auerbach who
plays the part of mr kitzel mr kitzel
are you here
mr kitzel i haven't seen you for a few
days where have you been
where i went to the rita hayworth
hillycon wedding
got back this soon well mr kitzel that
must have been thrilling thrilling
when rita said i do i got so excited i
fill in the swimming
pool oh you're kidding you didn't fall
in their swimming pool
smell me
oh oh well mr kitzel i want to thank you
for all the laughs you brought to the
show
and i'm glad you're going to be with us
again next fall oh thank you mr benny
and while you're on your vacation
would you drop me a postal card now and
then oh sure what's your
address mr ketzel 4270 riverton
avenue bh b.a oh beverly hills
no boyle high
where goodbye mr benny boy goodbye mr
kitchen
[Music]
and now ladies and gentlemen i'd like to
introduce another talented actor named
joe kearns you know him as ed the man
who guards my underground ball
he's been there for years and whenever i
go down to get money
he always says oh who goes there friend
or foe
friend what's the password a penny saved
is a
oh it's you mr benny yes ed i'd
like to get some money out of the vault
for my summer vacation i'm going to
drive to new york
where new york where
new amsterdam oh
will that take care of everything while
i'm going i'll see you again goodbye ed
goodbye mr benny
[Music]
and now folks another actor whose
appearance on this program whose
appearances rather on this program are
always
greeted with laughter because he's won
who me yeah commemorative
uh what do you want one actor are you
gonna introduce now
[Laughter]
uh frank nelson uh-uh
[Music]
what introduce sheldon leonard
why should i introduce sheldon leonard
now because that's me
and i just laid six to five i'd come in
ahead of nelson
all right ladies and gentlemen the man
who plays the part of our tout sheldon
leonard
and now mr leonard will be all right if
i introduce frank nelson
oh okay it's your show good good
at this moment folks i'd like to present
frank nelson let's see where is he uh
oh mister mister
are you frank nelson the actor what do
you think i'm doing with this script in
my hand swatting flies
all right i just want people to meet you
but you know frank it's funny
whenever i run into you on the program
you're always so antagonistic toward me
yes well look pranks
well look frank of course that's
i can't wait for this next one look
frank that's just on the program
but in real life do you really hate me
thank you frank nelson
ladies and gentlemen a radio program is
only as funny as the writers make it and
i happen to be fortunate enough to have
four of the greatest most
talented most original most versatile
writers in the entire industry
mary introduce my writers why don't you
introduce them every time i look at them
i get sick
all right i'll do it my writers are sam
perrin mill josephsburg george bulger
and john tackleberry
[Music]
sam i understand you're going to spend
your vacation at the flamingo hotel in
las vegas
yes and thanks for mentioning it now i
won't have to pay
and george you're going to spend your
vacation at the del mar hotel in del mar
thanks for mentioning it jack now i
won't have to pay and tack you're going
to spend your vacation at the shamrock
hotel in houston
thanks for mentioning it jack now i
won't have to pay and milt you're going
to spend your vacation at your brother's
house in brooklyn
thanks for mentioning jeff but he's
still going to charge me
hey milt he has to i own the house
too and work
and working in close cooperation with me
and the writers is our little script
girl
jeanette eyman hello blue eyes i'm gonna
miss you this summer
she can't type but she's a good
secretary
you know folks all the people i
introduced here tonight will be with us
again next season as well as my regular
cast
me too mr benny yes you too dennis and
don't do anything
silly right now because i was just going
to talk about you you were yeah
i was going to say dennis that you're
talented clever versatile
and you're looked up to as one of the
most promising personalities in radio
and you know what that means coming from
me yeah when you're all washed up you
want me to give you a job
dennis jack really meant what he said
and i feel the same way
you're not only a fine entertainer but
you're modest considerate
kind and one of the nicest boys i've
ever met oh i can understand it coming
from you
why you're nuts about me
all right look dennis what it's time for
your song what's it gonna be
well i'm gonna sing three wishes which
is my latest recording good
on sale at all music stores go ahead
dennis 75 cents dennis
i only had three wishes
here is just what i
would do
i'd wish for days of gladness
with someone
sweet and true
for my second wishes
and the last of my
three wishes
please love me
as i love you
[Music]
that was dennis day singing his latest
recording three wishes
on the other side is a kiss in the dark
i know i know
ladies and gentlemen there are two
telephone operators on my program whom
you've enjoyed many times b benederit
who plays the part of gertrude
and sarah berno plays a part of mabel
well jack i don't see the girls around
you don't well then maybe they're still
at the switchboard i'll pick up the
phone and find out
a maple what is a guide show
[Music]
mr benny's line is flashing yeah i
wonder what judy splinters wants
now shall i answer it and find out
let him wait i had a date with him last
week to go to the movies and he kept me
waiting for two hours
i'd have gotten awfully tired as i
wasn't sitting down
sitting down yeah when mr benny takes
you to the movies he meets you inside
i know what you mean he's a slick one
once he took me up on mulholland drive
shut off the motor and then he said
you know honey my back itches would you
mind rubbing it for me
so then he said i want to take my shirt
off
would you mind closing your eyes all
right so you closed your eyes and rubbed
his back
rubbed his back nothing when i got
through i found out i simonized his car
operator operator gertrude mabel
well folks i really did want you to meet
them but i guess the switchboard is busy
and now ladies and gentlemen i'm going
to introduce one of the most versatile
actors in radio
mel blanc
[Applause]
[Music]
as you may or may not know mel plays
several parts on my program for instance
when i come downstairs in the morning
and walk into my den
mel looks at me and says oh hello polly
hello
and many times the polly had to listen
to me take my violin lesson but polly
never complained because she knew my
french violin teacher
was also mel blank no no no mr benny
how many times must i tell you it is not
oh what's the use mr benny
my money please
then every once in a while on my travels
i have to take a train
and at the railroad station again you
hear mel blank train leaning on
track five for anaheim
and cope then sometimes i decide
and sometimes i decide not to take the
train and go by automobile
and when i get my car and step on the
starter does the motor start
no again it's smell blank
i
you mel blanc and good luck with that
wonderful novelty song you wrote big
bear lake and that's a wonderful
recording you made
of it with the sportsman quartet well
folks the program is almost over it
looks as though we've brought on
everybody
except there he is now
hello hello mr billy this is rochester
[Music]
oh hello rochester have you got my car
ready for my trip almost boss i'm
looking for a piece of cheesecloth so i
can strain the oil into the crankcase
but rochester the last time you poured
the oil right out of the can
you didn't bother to strain it i know
and when you drove away the exhaust
pipe kept spitting sardines
oh yes i remember well anyway it'll be a
long automobile trip to new york so be
sure and put my charlie's aunt costume
in the back seat
your charlie's that costume yes the
skirt the blouse and my sheeress nylons
oh boss why go through all that if you
get a flat fix it yourself
i know what i'm doing anyway i'll be
home right after the broadcast so have
everything ready
okay goodbye goodbye oh say boss what is
it
i happen to glance at the road map and i
notice that you're driving east the same
way you always do
that's right i'm going straight to the
mississippi river then i turn north go
up to canada through toronto across to
quebec
and then down the east coast you don't
have to do that this year boys when you
get to the mississippi river you can go
right across now i can yeah they took
the toll off that bridge
good good well so long rochester
well i guess that just about why well
jack
jack yes don while you were talking to
rochester gentleman dropped in to see
you he's from washington
oh from washington
yes my name is vernon clark and i'm from
the united states treasury department
the uh treasury department
jack get up off your knees he's here to
give you something
oh oh i'm sorry i mean i mean i'm happy
i mean what is it mr clark
well jack i'm here to thank you on
behalf of the traitor department
for the motion picture short you made to
spur on the opportunity drive
well thank you very much and i think the
title of this picture the spirit of 49
is very appropriate and when it is
released in all the theaters in the
country
i'm sure it'll be very successful in
stimulating the sale of savings bonds
well i hope so too and by the way mr
clark i can appreciate the
responsibility you have in the treasury
department because uh
i happen to be the treasurer of the
beverly hills beavers club
that's fine jack because i'm going to
present you with something that you can
keep in your
beavers club house what's that mr clyde
well it's a citation
and uh sydney williams replica of the
covered leg in which is symbolic
of the spirit of 49 and as a symbol of
this year's opportunity drive
thank you very much mr clark it's a
great honor to receive
a moment
in a cigarette it's the tobacco that
counts yes it takes fine tobacco to make
a fine smoke and lucky strike means fine
tobacco
at auction after auction independent
tobacco experts can see the makers of
lucky strike consistently select and buy
that fine that light that naturally
mild tobacco no wonder a recent survey
shows more of these experts auctioneers
buyers and warehousemen smoke lucky
strike regularly
than the next two leading brands
combined yes and each and every lucky
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makes lucky strike a truly finer
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ls mft ls mft lucky strike means
fine tobacco tobacco that gives you all
the real
deep down smoking enjoyment you expect
in your cigarette
so for a finer smoother smoke light up a
lucky
light up a really finer cigarette lucky
strike
so round so firm so fully packed so free
and easy on the draw so next time you're
at the cigarette counter
ask for a carton of luckies in all the
world there's no
finer cigarette than lucky strike
ladies and gentlemen starting next week
at the same time our summer replacement
will be a great lucky strike program
called
your hit parade on parade be sure to
listen in as i'll be playing second
violin
on today's broadcast you met nearly
everyone associated with my program but
before we leave the air i'd
like to also thank my two sound men jim
murphy and gene quambley
my engineer george foster my cbs contact
man lucian davis
mr bert scott oh jack and hillary uh you
better speed it up we're running late oh
yes that's my producer i'm just going to
do some hillard mark
thank you for mentioning it jack but
you'll still have to pay me i know i
know
and now my entire cast joins me in
wishing each and every one of you a very
pleasant summer
good night
[Applause]
[Music]
ladies and gentlemen the united states
treasury department is conducting an
intensified drive the opportunity drive
to sell more united states savings bonds
it's a terrific opportunity for you to
create financial security and
independence
if you haven't been buying savings bonds
regularly start now
put more opportunity in your future
invest in united states
savings bonds and be sure to hear the
new lucky strike summer replacement
your hit parade on parade starting next
sunday in the jack benny time slot
this is cbs the columbia broadcasting
system
[Music]
you