[Music]
hello friends
welcome to this day in jack benny i'm
john henderson
this episode is from may 9 1937.
it was mother's day and the day after
the kentucky derby
they're up keep your eye on the horse
moving out from the inside rail into the
lead
that's war admiral beautiful son of man
of war
a horse in a class by himself the
galloping winner
of the 1937 kentucky derby war admiral
in this episode they mention man
mountain dean
a wrestler
gypsy rose lee a burlesque dancer
stoop nagel and bud a comedy team
colonel lemuel q
subnagle thank you andre good evening
friends hello bud hello there colonel
how are you
oh fine thanks you don't happen to have
a piece of chewing gum on you by any
chance do you well it's nice to have had
this little talk with you yes yes
well goodbye colonel
and fred allen jack benny's rival
broadcasting from the east coast
i'll read you the town hall bulletin for
tonight harsh wide
everybody's grocer says that nothing's
happened this week's folks so there'll
be no announcement
they also mention a couple of leading
ladies gene harlow
the platinum blonde you think you're
very clever don't you
and jean arthur who could be seen in mr
deeds goes to town
i'm from a small town too you know jack
benny's latest movie was college holiday
[Music]
oh hello there were some extra
incentives to go to the movies
local theaters held bank nights where
you could win a cash prize
plus before the feature you got a
cartoon short
like the current disney cartoon mickey's
amateurs
duck jack benny also mentions his very
first
orchestra leader george olson and his
wife and lead singer
ethel chute and oh by the way here's a
little news for you might interest you
mr pay is really mr george olsen
such a nice girl too i'm surprised that
she's married to olson
and now mr say will sing
[Music]
a more current song was a fine romance
romance with no
kisses if you'd like to contact me you
can email
jackpennypodcast gmail.com or on twitter
it's at thisdaybenny
so make yourself some jello ice cream
and enjoy the show
the jello program starring jack benny
with barry livingston
and phil harris and his orchestra the
orchestra opens the program with your
number one on my love parade
[Music]
bright colors are the keynote of the
season for color always adds a touch of
gaithy and charm to any occasion
that's why a great shimmering mold of
colorful jello adds a festive note to
your table
or jello's colors are so attractive
clear shades of cool green
golden orange and yellow and jello
flavors are so
delicious and truly refreshing as
delicious ripe fruit itself
you're sure to like jello plain and you
like it with whipped cream or fresh
fruit
or in an appetizing salad so serve gay
colorful jello
soon whether you serve it as a dessert
or as a salad
be sure you get the real thing genuine
jello look for the big red letters on
the box
they spell jello
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Laughter]
ladies and gentlemen if you don't feel
like taking a walk or going to a movie
and you're not in the mood for a nap
that is if you haven't anything else to
do you might as well listen to
jack benny
well hello again this is jack benny your
last resort speaking
and thanks john for that big build up i
hope you do a better job selling jello
tonight than you did
telling me i will imagine introducing me
that way
i know i'm better than taking a walk
zack there's a lot of exercise in
walking and besides it's strenuous
oh i suppose listening to me isn't hard
work
to get plenty of exercise turning the
dial and throwing books at the radio
and listen folks if you want to go to
the movies go ahead i hope you lose the
bank night
what's wrong jack when don introduced me
tonight he practically advised people to
go to the movies instead of listening to
me
don't worry it might be your picture and
they'll run right back to the radio
[Music]
is that so now listen phil one two three
four five two seven eight nine
ten hm phil if this wasn't mother's day
i'd punch you right in the nose
if you do you won't come to till
father's day
looks like i'm in for a rest oh well
that's life
uh what do we talk about tonight don why
not talk about mother's day all the
other programs are doing it
oh of course who are we to be original
well don what did you get uh for your
mother today i got her a box of candy a
box of flowers and a box of jell-o
well three smart boxes uh why'd you
mention yellow lads or just building up
suspense
why you little suspense builders oh
hello mary hello jack what are you
talking about
now what would i be talking about today
uh you mean beside yourself
yeah we're talking about mother's day
and you better be prepared
what did you do for your mother today
mary i sent my father ten dollars
you sent your father ten dollars on
mother's day don't worry you'll get it
well that's silly now why don't you send
it direct to your mother
oh she has more fun picking father's
pockets she has
well is your father does your father
ever suspect anything
does he last year he didn't take his
pants off for a week
mary mary laughed ahead of times he knew
the joke was funny
say jack not changing the subject but
uh uh how did you do on the kentucky
derby not changing the subject
why phil all my life i've heard subjects
changed but never in such a crude
fashion imagine changing a subject from
mother's day to the kentucky derby
well my mother's from kentucky oh and i
suppose your father wears a derby
well last bit it does not it comes clear
down over his ear
well let's drop it what'd you ask me
phil i said did you win anything in the
derby yesterday
no no i wasn't very lucky i had two
dollars on
uh i say i had i i mean our syndicator
we had two dollars on sunset trail
sunset trail huh i had two dollars right
on his nose
i guess that extra weight held him back
if he'd put one of your chest on his
nose it'll bounce in first
yeah my own fault
that horse must be a fugitive from a
merry-go-round
hello jang oh hello kenny say jack do me
a favor will you
ask me what day this is all right kenny
what day is this it's mother's day
jenny that's marvelous how did you know
it was mother's day i've been saying it
every sunday and today i was right
well well what'd you do for your mother
today kenny or tonight i'm gonna take
her out to dinner in a movie and then
we're gonna have some ice cream
and it isn't gonna cost her a cent well
that's
sweet send me five dollars will you
dance
no it's not going to cost me a camp
either some chivalry
no teddy fighter won the derby yesterday
i'd have been glad to help you out
answer the phone mary hello yes
yes yes thank you i'll tell him
oh jack what is it mary your horse just
came in
wow i knew we've come through that bus
any luck never fails play phil
[Music]
so
[Music]
so
[Applause]
brown played by phil harris and his boys
and very good phil
but i did notice that well maybe it's
because it's getting towards the end of
the season
but i did notice that several of the
boys showed a very careless
attitude during the number i mean they
weren't on the alert
ah they're always that way when they're
rehearsing
rehearsing i feel we're on the air i
told you guys that they talked me out of
oh they did well what are you a man or a
moose
hey that's pretty good yeah but you
sprained your brain on that one
oh well let me tell you something yeah
don't start trouble with still again
yeah especially on mother's day listen
kenny i don't want to disillusion you
but get this
phil is not a mother
[Music]
i told mary that but she talked me out
of it
oh kenny don't be so gullible i'm not
gullible you are too
isn't he married yeah eats like a horse
oh what i go through for radio
and now ladies and gents in an effort to
bring real art into the homes of america
and also to pay tribute to the mothers
of the nation
tonight we will uh come in
telegram for jack benny oh here bob
bud my name is stupengle
well give me the wire and get back to
your own program
[Music]
you meet the freshest people in this
business uh who's it from jack
you read it i forgot to have my glasses
washed okay
uh jack benny nbc studio hollywood
deer curve let me see that
that's sir not kerr you can't full
western union oh okay go ahead
dear sir this wire comes from one of
your real fans
i am a mother and have six children stop
uh they listen to your broadcast and
imitate everything you do
well now here's my problem my children
refuse to go to school
but if you did a school room play and
set them a good example
i'm sure they would change their mind do
not fail me
yours truly mrs otis elevator ups and
downs kentucky
[Music]
now that is a touching wire what are you
going to do about it jack
naturally we're going to take care of
this request we can't turn down a mother
on a day like this so tonight folks
as a special favor we will present an
original school room drama
titled the bump on teacher's head or who
threw that desk
in as much as i am the nominal head of
this program i will be the teacher and
i'll throw the desk
bill that's just the title nobody's
going to throw any dead oh no wait do we
get rolling
[Music]
phil you have a wee dash of the heel in
you tonight
what's the matter with you anyway well i
don't see why you always grab the best
parts i want to be the teacher
oh you do eh well i'll be the teacher
and that's that'll
come in well
wow hello gigbani oh hello
passes hey i haven't seen you in a long
time well i'm an individual who keeps
busy
well what are you doing these days
patrick what am i doing is asking i'm a
live guy
a lifeguard oh how you make it now fine
i was safe three times yesterday
well you're some lifeguard why don't you
learn to swim hey it's only us so much
uh
oh i don't blame you but patsy you're
just in time we're going to do a little
school room play tonight
sort of uh reminisce you know of course
yes uh would you like to uh
but would you like to join us and go
back to your little old school house
i wouldn't get on that boat again for a
million dollars
i mean in this country you want to join
us okay but on one condition what's that
if the teacher keeps me after school
well i'm going to be the teacher but
i've been conditioned
and we're all set we'll do it right
after kenny's song are you ready kenny
yeah my mouth open and everything
fine notify your tonsils and go ahead
loving you was all that really mattered
i don't know why you ever went away
even though my every dream
i keep hoping you'll come back
someday
are you where have you gone
without me where have you cared about me
[Music]
where is the dream we started
[Music]
when we said goodbye love
[Music]
when i gave you my love
[Music]
must i go on pretending
where is my happy ending
[Music]
[Applause]
uh where are you sung by master kenny
baker who doesn't know
but really kenny it was very melodious
can i close my mouth now
yes
not so loud next time and now folks the
time has come for our school play
are you excited ah friends picture your
little red schoolhouse
of course if you went to a green one
don't repaint it just for this broadcast
let's go curtain music
[Music]
come and get it come and get it get your
red hot education here you can't tell
one subject from another without a
textbook
come and get it
morning children
come to order kitties i will now call
the roll
don wilson here mary livingston presents
phil harris now phil don't be a sore
loser
kenny baker here teacher i brought you a
nice rosy apple well thank you kenny
that was very thoughtful save me the car
i will andy divine hi you buck
handy i didn't recognize you with those
curls i am kind of pretty
ain't i yeah happy flick here teacher
i brought you a nice rosy heading a
herring
save me the car mary jean arthur
here author gene here gene harlow gene
harlow
she's not here shocked and i wanted to
keep her after school
[Music]
man mountain dean
gifty rose lee wow fred allen
i am a new york war admiral
our children will have our usual morning
exercises will all the boys get on the
floor and stand on their heads
what do we do quiet come on boys be as
quiet as possible
andy andy why aren't you standing on
your head i ain't gonna reroute my blood
just for one gag
now now back to your seats everybody
now first we'll take up our arithmetic
mary livingston
yes teacher how much is three times
three twelve that's correct
it is not oh
well i'll find out kenny baker how much
is three times three six
wrong three times three is nine well i'm
still standing on my head
oh then you're right patsy flick
yes poopsie here's a rather
don't poop see the teacher there's a
rather difficult question
[Laughter]
in stocking stockings cost 50 cents a
pair and you have two dollars how many
hairs
how many
ask me ask me again this question please
fancy
if stockings cost 50 cents a pair and
you have two dollars how many pairs
could you buy
wholesalers retail i'm not interested
fine answer ow who hit me with that spit
ball
i did i learned you to be teacher oh
you're well hey when you say after
school phil
it's a date
a fine romance quiet now donald
johno
not donald duck or donald
yes teacher donna let me hear you recite
the alphabet a b
c d e f g h i j e l
l o correct and what are the colors of
the rainbow
strawberry raspberry cherry orange lemon
and lime that's right what do you find
at the end of the rainbow
a dish of jell-o
donald you're twice as sharp as ever
before look for the big red letters on
his report card
yes now andy andy divine letter flicker
buck
now if your hand now get this if your
hand laid an egg a day for seven days
what would you have at the end of the
week stew chicken
soup chicken wine cheese lamb
oh well let me put it this way supposing
your hand changed her mind
and did lay an egg a day for seven days
what would you have
i still have stewed chicken why cause i
ain't got no gratitude
a leader have i saved me a drumstick ow
phil harris why do you keep hitting me
with those football
you got a face like a target i have not
those are just circles under my eyes
well they go clear around the fine
school rooms
candy peanuts popcorn and slingshots
candy
get back to your seat you're a student
here quiet i got a sideline
well you better have an answer too you
study your history lesson yes peter pie
all right who said give me liberty or
give me debt my uncle
your uncle why you should see my aunt
well maybe you're right now mary yes
teacher tell me who was the father of
our country
uh well uh uh i'll give you a clue who
threw a dollar across the potomac
mary who threw a dollar across the
potomac nobody on this program
this is exasperating kenny baker you
tell me who was the father of our
country
uh come on now the father of our country
was george
george olsen that's fine george olsen
then who was the mother
ethel well that clears that up
now children we will take off our
spellings it's your own teacher
what is it andy bradley blake
frankenstein coming my
girl kathy why did you put gum in andy's
hair
he put ham in my lunchbox
well what's the matter with that it was
such a small t
[Music]
stop this nonsense let's go on with our
spelling kenny baker spell fog
swan belfast f-i-g
i said bob he's been in one all his life
and can't spell it
gee mary that's good ow two hit me with
that spit ball
i did i gotta have some fun too now andy
spell hippopotamus what
spell hippopotamus ipam buy me cash pass
i open for two dollars
i'll say now wait a minute
[Music]
the word is hippopotamus it's no good
you gotta have jacks or better
mary can you spell hippopotamus no and
neither can you i don't have to i'm the
teacher the bell teacher
quiet q-u-i-e-t very good kenny
traitor he studied now children it's
almost three o'clock and time to go home
so i want you all to
uh
huh what's the matter andy i just sat on
the dumpster
kenny don't leave your hat laying around
you should kick i'm under it
oh well children it's almost three
o'clock and time to go home so i want
you all to study tonight and take your
homework with you yeah
oh teacher look what's on the blackboard
look what's on the backside
[Music]
children this is shocking
who wrote that on the blackboard who
wrote teacher as a loose i did i can't
spell laos
oh you did huh yeah man
well just for that everybody in this
room will have to stay after school
why do we all have to say i ain't going
to be alone with that gorilla
[Music]
teacher teacher
is a dairy cat teacher hey what am i
doing
class kitty
so
[Music]
so
[Music]
so
red hot and blue played by phil harris
and his orchestra and now ladies and
gentlemen
ow phil school is over i had one left
now ladies and gentlemen i want to
announce that next sunday night we are
going to present the play which you
selected by a majority of votes
as the most popular sketch in our 1936
series
the winning play is ah wilderness
the results are as follows our
wilderness 28
643 emperor jones 23
378 charlie chan and radio city 19475
those are votes folks not last i also
want to thank those listeners who voted
for why girls leave home way down east
and mutiny on the jello which also
received many requests
the next sunday night we will present
the winner our new version of eugene
o'neill's masterpiece
ah wilderness and before the season is
over we hope to do
the other two runner-ups emperor jones
and charlie chan in radio city
and now ladies and gentlemen as a teaser
for next week's show
we will give you one of the dramatic
highlights of that outstanding play
ah wilderness
[Music]
father son no
father no son and very little maw
what's that
i knew it what i must tell him
the facts of life
[Music]
this ladies and gentlemen is only one of
the many thrilling scenes
in our next week's production but don't
let that discourage you no
play them
it's a cinch to make grand homemade
desserts nowadays just listen
how about ice cream ice cream made with
jello ice cream powder
you'll be simply delighted with it or
jello ice cream powder makes rich mellow
ice cream with that old-fashioned flavor
and you actually use less cream and get
more ice cream
all you do is combine one package of
jello ice cream powder with milk and
cream and sugar
and you'll have a quart and a half of
smooth really creamy ice cream
and you make it right in the freezing
trays of your refrigerator or if you
prefer
you can use an ordinary hand freezer and
get the same wonderfully smooth results
and talk about economy why jello ice
cream powder makes more ice cream than
most other such products on the market
so ask your grocer tomorrow for jello
ice cream powder
this is the last number of the 30-second
program in the new jello series and
we'll be with you again next sunday
night at the same time when we offer you
your favorite play
eugene o'neill's ah wilderness jack
what's a wilderness
well mary a wilderness a lot of trees
and shrubbery maybe a hermit or two
what's a hermit well uh hermit is a man
who lives in the wilderness
why well because he doesn't like the
city what city
oh good night
[Applause]
the tune i'm bubbling over is from wake
up and live where are you from the
picture top of the town
the jello program comes to you from
hollywood over the red network of the
national broadcasting company