[Music]
hello friends welcome to this day in
Jack Benny I'm John Henderson this
episode is from April 28 1946 when you
could spin the latest novelty record by
Spike Jonze in this episode they
mentioned a couple of violinists Fritz
Kreisler and Jascha Heifetz
they sound similar because they're both
playing violins made by the world's best
violin maker Antonio Stradivarius
Diamond Jim Brady was a wealthy
businessman from the turn of the century
who loved the nightlife and of course
diamonds Freddie Bartholomew was a sweet
child star in the 1930s and now was a
lanky awkward teenager all right think
about it that more a neuticle it gets
Hedda Hopper was a Hollywood columnist
with her own gossip and revue radio show
Hedda hoppers Hollywood Jack Benny's
last movie didn't get the best reviews
it was about a guy who falls asleep and
dreams he's an angelic trumpeter it was
called the horn blows at midnight
his previous movie was about a man who
pretends to be mean in order to be taken
seriously as a lawyer it was called the
meanest man in the world
Bing Crosby was starring in a movie and
making records and Bob Hope was starring
in a movie and had his own radio show
other than the odd charity golf game
they were pretty much doing their own
thing still people thought of Crosby and
hope as a team because of their popular
Road movies starring the two of them and
featuring Dorothy Lamour the way you
handle her in those so-called romantic
interlude what do you mean my love seems
a very tender all I know is every time
you get ready to shoot a kissing scene
the director Hall is right aminah
wonderful in this episode they also
mentioned some older movies the drama
random harvest and the Lost Weekend
where Ray Milland plays an alcoholic in
the gutter Shirley Temple had been in
over 30 movies as a kid and now she was
becoming a lovely young lady married and
this week she celebrated her 18th
birthday gosh loving people makes life
frightfully complicated doesn't it at
the theaters before your movie you could
see the latest film of news and oddities
from around the world in the news
at the theaters now Danny Kaye could be
seen in his third movie for Samuel
Goldwyn studio it was called the kid
from Brooklyn how did the chat get
knocked out well when I was a little boy
listen do you have to go back that far
please don't interrupt me and all the
kids used to pick on me you know they
throw things at me bricks shoes old
tomato cans huh
I learned to duck - what - duck you know
that that's exactly what happened his
last movie was Wonder Man where he
played a guy possessed by the ghost of
his wild twin brother if you laugh till
exhaustion at his merrie mad antics in
up in arms you'll double up with
double-barreled laughter as Danny Kaye
keeps body and soul together his own
timid body and his brothers adventurous
soul and he also had his own radio show
[Music]
I really appreciate the 5-star ratings
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calm this one is a really fun and unique
episode so enjoy the show
remember in a cigarette it's the tobacco
that count and Lucky Strike means fine
tobacco so long so firm so fully packed
so free and easy on the draw
LS MF t LS MF t LS MF d you said it yes
sir Lucky Strike means fine tobacco so
smokes that smoke a fine tobacco Lucky
Strike and he'll and out of 849 American
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco
yes year after year the makers of Lucky
Strike consistently select and buy
that's fine
like that naturally mild tobacco and
this fine Lucky Strike tobacco means
more real deep down smoking enjoyment
for you so smoke that smoke of fine
tobacco Lucky Strike so round so firm so
fully packed so pre and easy on the draw
The Lucky Strike program starring Jack
Benny with Mary Livingston Phil Harris
Rochester Dennis day and yours truly Don
welcome
[Applause]
[Music]
ladies and gentlemen last night Jack
Mary Phil and Dennis went to a
neighborhood theater to see a special
showing of Danny Kaye's new picture the
kid from Brooklyn so let's go back and
pick them up as they leave the theater
[Music]
oh gee that was a wonderful picture
wasn't it Bella yeah that Danny Kaye's a
panic he's really clever you said it
fell he had that audience in stitches
yes me that guy's one of the funniest
comedians and Chopard hmm what's the
matter with you nothing nothing I can't
figure you out Jackson every time
another comedian gets laughs it burns
you up I'm not burned up the least you
could do is say your life I liked it I
liked it we came to see the picture we
saw now let's forget
[Laughter]
Oh for heaven's sake jack every time you
see somebody else in the movie you'll
get mad I do not do two even got mad at
that 74 year old man who married a 16
year old girl and he was only in the
newsreel well he didn't have to look so
smug
let's forget oh come on Jackson snap out
of Bill there's nothing to snap I don't
believe me if Danny Kaye's picture was
good I'd be the first one to say so the
matter of fact just last week Mary and I
went to the movies and when we came out
I raved about it that was your own
picture and you were mad halfway through
that until he put on your glasses and
found out it was you Dennis Dennis did
you think Danny Kaye was funny I don't
know I could hardly hear him with all
those peanuts cracking cracking cracking
who was eating peanuts I was well you
didn't miss anything Dennis what a title
for a picture sent in from Brooklyn
look Jackson I remember last year when
you and I went to see Danny's other
picture wonder man you didn't like that
either wonder man of course I didn't
like it a plot was ridiculous man
expecting people believe that a man can
die and a ghost and come back and talk
to his twin brother Jackie they're gonna
pick stories apart what about the
picture you made call the meanest man in
the world well at least in that picture
I didn't die you did tonight I saw it
don't change the subject we're talking
about Danny Kaye's no specialty numbers
on his radio program oh brother what do
you mean oh brother I'll ask the way he
sings but it's got get a lot of dick
shots and if that diddle in a detox and
some talent he's got dealing McGee's got
time to deal is he's got time I my
program I've got two guys that do that
and sell tobacco at the same
[Applause]
and he thinks he thinks he's got
something new wonder man what apply
imagine a ghost coming why don't you
watch where you're going you taxi
drivers think you're on the whole street
I got a good mind yeah calm down for
heaven's sake don't pick a fight with a
taxi driver well alright
okay driver get going get going yes sir
patting watch for their driver well I'm
gonna leave you here Jackson hate you
alright I'll see you tomorrow oh by the
way Jackson did you hear what Hedda
Hopper said about me on her radio
programme last Monday night yes bill I
heard her yeah she said I had charms
talent personality she said Alice had
charm talent personality community
property father community father they'll
go home well yeah okay
so long Jake so uh I'll walk as far as
the next corner with you mr. Benny all
right kids come on you know Dennis I
hate to be critical of other people's
pictures but I was certainly
disappointed in any case well the people
in the audience were sure laughing I
know but you can't always go by Dennis
stop jumping over the fire plot
you can't always go by an audience
reaction now Danny Kaye had nerve enough
to make another picture after wonder man
what a fantastic plot that way imagine
us ghosts coming back to this world well
you were a ghost and you came back and
the horn blows at midnight well at
midnight is possible when did you see my
picture kid I thought about five years
ago five years ago I only made it two
years ago I didn't even like it then in
the first place Dennis Dennis stop
jumping over fire plop Jack just like a
kid why don't you grow up look at
Shirley Temple look at Freddie potala
mule come on walk like a man well here's
where I have to leave you mr. Benny see
you tomorrow Herzl oh you forgot your
lot okay well
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
that's funny dennis mayder I guess this
is a bigger hydrant can I help you up
with some island I'm not mr. mile and I
can get up myself
yeah I need a dum da da da down down I'm
dealing it down Jack huh
it's me Jack Danny Kaye Oh Danny
[Applause]
God Danny this is a coincidence running
in the eye I just saw that special
showing of your new picture oh you did J
how'd you like it
Danny I thought it was the greatest
thing I ever saw my life nor your
sensationalism I want daddy Polly fee I
haven't enjoyed anything that
year my side still hurts from laughing
that's funny what's funny well I just
ran into Dennis day and he said you
thought it was lousy Oh Dennis days
where'd you see I caught him in midair
over fire and Dennis told you that
I said it was lousy yeah
surfing's amazing what kid will will
repeat repeat
I mean make up look Danny what he
probably heard me say was that even
though I thought this picture the kid
from Brooklyn was Timothy it still
wasn't quite as sensational as your last
picture wonder man he told me you
thought one the man started to well tell
me Danny
have you made any other pictures yes up
in arms and that's your last chance
well of Danny you know Dennis of the
silly kid doesn't know what he's talking
about
now Mary and Phil were with me and if
you want to know when I thought I ran
into them too
Oh Danny they were only getting your new
pictures or riot see I thought it was
funnier than random Harvey
wait a minute jack random harvest wasn't
funny that's what I mean that in fact
you have so much talent that I thought
what huh
and you just tell me what a poison a
national bank is the First National Bank
yeah you go down to the next corner and
it's one block over thanks bud
you're welcome I wonder what he wants to
the bank this time a night I don't know
he must be a doctor with that black
satchel yeah yeah I thought I recognized
them but I thought I recognized but I
couldn't tell with that mask over his
face oh well what are we talking about
jack me are you misty oh yes now Danny
don't let this go to your head but
you've got so much talent that you and I
ought to team up and make a picture
together why you and I can have comedy
all soda
you ignite you and I can be the biggest
thing in pictures I can see our names
and right right now I am you
[Applause]
what happened
that is not important the main thing the
main thing is that a and Benny K and
Benny would be the greatest team in Show
but what about crosby and hope those
golfers I mean what would they be
without Dorothy Lamour you don't say
come to think of it jack you're right
they started to make a picture without
her but Crosby looked so bad in a sarong
no damn Pam I warned them too if they
tried that trick again their next
picture would be the road to Warner
Brothers I know what you mean I made
that trip myself in fact paramount made
the San Fernando Valley my home they
didn't even you know they'd only give
you a bus ticket
but anyway dandy what was that explosion
run it's the First National Bank how do
you know the Nightwatchman just flew by
oh yes anyway Danny if you and I could
all buzz good huh where's the second
National
go straight daba the next corner and
then three blocks to your left
he must be a stranger in town every
Danny's I said before I'm convinced then
you and I ought to make a picture
together oh I think you're right jack
and you know what I've got a wonderful
song that will fit right into it
it's called concerto for tongue and
office insert over time an officer yeah
yeah would you like to hear it right out
here on the street sure that's why I
carry this phonograph I never know when
somebody's gonna ask you to sing oh oh
yes go ahead Danny let's
[Applause]
oh don't go away Jack French horn Oh Tim
salmon stomach static static static
static static static atomic attack
Athena compelling approximate speed yeah
yeah yeah yeah look at that academic
academic integrity cathodic anodic
offense did you get meeting of that
Academy so does that exude a get up
Digga Digga Digga Digga Digga
[Music]
[Applause]
[Laughter]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Laughter]
[Music]
[Applause]
tiny that would swell I'm sure it'll be
a big hit well thanks Zack look I've got
a run along and I'll see you later okay
come on Danny
so long Oh Jack before I leave since you
just saw my new picture as a matter of
professional courtesy I think it's only
fair that you shouldn't have to pay so
I'd like to return the price you paid
for admission oh no no Danny I wouldn't
think of it oh but Jack I insist no no
no you thought that out a lot I went to
your picture nobody horst me and it was
well worth the money which including the
tax came to 65 nope I'm sorry I let it
slip well that's I'm glad you did Jack
and here's your money 65 cent thing and
Danny I know that you saw I know that
you saw my last picture so I'm gonna
return the price you paid for admission
oh you don't have to do that Jack
the manager already did and we're even
well so long Danny Oh jack okay there's
only one thing when we make a picture
together let's not do a fantasy like
Wonder Man why what was wrong with
Wonder Man well now that we're partners
I can talk frankly Wonder Man was so
unbelievable a ghost coming back and
talking to his twin brother you can't
get away with stuff like that
no no I believe in ghosts you do sure
but daddy a ghost can't actually come
back to earth and walk around and talk
almost like a human being what about
Fred Allen a ghost looks that bad well
thanks good now we're really partner so
long Danny
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
no sarnath doors locked I forgot my key
Rochester open the door humming bars
I'll have to hang up now on it
goodbye honey I'll talk to you tomorrow
goodbye Roger open the door
sorry boss I was busy on the phone
I heard you who are you talking to
milkman
remember Rach did you expect me to
believe you were blowing kisses to the
milkman why do you think we've been
getting butter lately hey boss how was
damages oh it was all right much
better than another one you know that
Wonder Man hmm
what upstate for one who believes in
ghosts Oh leaves in which go you don't
believe in ghosts ears not exactly but
when I shake hands with somebody and say
give me a little skin I want to feel it
[Applause]
Rochester that's not what I'm talking
about you're not afraid of ghosts I am
I'm afraid of anything that's overdrawn
at the blood thing that's being silent
maybe so forth but that's one of my
idiosyncrasies well if you don't need me
anymore I think I'll go to bed go ahead
Rochester I'm going the library to relax
for a while
to the poni graphing there yes pause
okay good night
good night well hello Polly
now let's see where's that record but I
always like to play oh here it is
can't you hear me call him Caroline
[Music]
Colin Caroline American ah yes Caroline
where they grow the finer the lighter
the naturally milder tobacco so
beautiful yes Caroline remember that day
in the woods when I carved that heart in
the tree and put in the initials LS
love's MFT how romantic
and from that day on we knew that LSM ft
stood or lucky strike means fine tobacco
so round so firm so fully packed so free
and easy and easy and easy and easy and
easier these are the honesty on the draw
that's that so smoke that smoke combined
of a call Lucky Strike
what a wonderful record I always had a
girl here if I could dance good well I
think I were really the Eddie Eddie
Eddie Wow on the draw
[Applause]
I gotta sleep Ollie it's getting late
I think I'll read for a while before I
go to bed let's see what books have I
got here here's one I stand condemned oh
I read that a few weeks ago about the
man who went to the electric chair and
he had three lovely children Apple
Pandowdy
to see what else is there here's one old
ghost tales jelly pogo stick let's see
what it says no for those who do not
believe in ghosts
this book is respectfully dedicated in
the hope that the authenticated evidence
contained within these pages will dispel
all doubts on the subject but as they as
the last dying gas leaves the body the
spirit is released into the cosmic
atmosphere this ectoplasm when returning
to its terrestrial habitat often takes
the form of an apparition clothed in
white ah Rochester I'm just changing the
bedsheet
[Applause]
[Music]
well you don't you don't have to wear it
over your head now go to bed
okay good night laws good night hmm
it was in 1887 on the night of January 4
in the old McPherson mansion and the
secret of the returning Squire first
came to oh I don't know why I'm reading
this anyway there's no such thing as a
ghost I wouldn't be too sure of that
Betty well I know what uh what who am I
talking to
for you I'm you me yeah I'm your ghost
the ghost of Jackson but but I'm not
dead yet all right I can wait you can oh
what's the matter with me first thing I
know I'll be talking to myself
serves me right for even reading him but
then let's see I wanna third is anything
to this story the McPherson mansion have
been vacant for 15 years when suddenly
one night a light appeared me Eddie that
was the beginning know who's that who
are you I'm the ghost of Diamond Jim
Brady Diamond Jim Brady yeah and I made
something out of life I ate well and
drank well I was surrounded by beautiful
women night Upton Cabaret is true open
their doors to me because I always
picked up every check in the house
I had fun is that fun
you don't understand that do you Jax
let me tell you something Jim Brady if
you didn't stuff yourself with that rich
food you might be alive today like I am
I'd rather be a ghost like I am get wise
dear self diction money is made to spend
[Laughter]
[Music]
[Laughter]
[Applause]
I should have him in my audience maybe
he's right maybe I ought to oh no I
don't want to start an inflation but
then oh what's the matter with me I
don't believe in ghosts anyway this is
all in my mind
imagine that goat I think I'll go
upstairs
wait a minute that sounds like music in
the distance
violin music that's all right mr. Benny
extra what is she's beautiful violin
music well who you I am the ghost of an
attorney or Stradivarius saraberry is
the greatest violin maker that ever
lived
yes mr. Benny all of my life I work I
leave my tie just to make it that the
violin a beautiful instrument for 19
years I put my heart and a soul in it
and in a five minutes are you break but
I'm Tony mr. Bennet I beg you I plead
will you give up the violin but if I'm
turning over into my grave
what are phenomena try to various you
can't go through that door claw hmm he
went through it anywhere see I know I'm
not a Fritz Kreisler or a - but I'm not
a Spike Jonze I this serves me right for
going to see Danny Kaye's picture who
are you you saw me in wonder man but but
what are you doing on earth Goldwyn
picked up my option but even so why did
you leave him some guy kept blowing a
horn at midnight and drove me nuts
oh this must be a trick I still don't
believe you're the ghost of Danny Kaye's
twin brother oh yeah hey do you want me
to prove it yeah what's the matter with
you Danny Danny Stradivarius Diamond Jim
Danny yeah awesome ham cheese and
Bologna what I her dad company so I made
some sandwiches no no Roger it was just
me in three goals Oh in that case I'd
better
that's ridiculous
what are they afraid of I'm gonna finish
this book
so my first mansion had been vacant for
15 years when suddenly one night a light
appeared in the Attic
then a terrible scream recognized and
they knew that Olmec person and her
[Music]
[Applause]
here's my good friend American you know
cigarette it's the tobacco that counts
and today tomorrow always Lucky Strike
means fine tobacco take a tip from the
indie time in tobacco experts men like
mr. Joseph H Burnett and defended
tobacco auctioneer Buffalo Springs
Virginia who said as a tobacco
auctioneer I have sold over 240 million
pounds of tobacco and year after year
I've seen American buy that fine leaf
that makes for fine smoking I personally
have smoked Lucky's for 12 years
in a cigarette it puts a backhoe that
counts and independent tobacco act first
like mr. Burnett can see the makers of
Lucky Strike consistently select and by
that light that's fine that naturally
mild tobacco
yes Lucky Strike means fine tobacco so
smoke that smoke of fine tobacco Lucky
Strike the famous tobacco auctioneers
redundant nice programmer mr. la speed
rigs of Goldsboro North Carolina I'm
happy boon of Lexington Kentucky at 49
out of a little 49 American Rossdale
speaking for the makers of Lucky Strike
LS MF t LS MF t LS MF t remember Lucky
Strike means fine tobacco so for your
own real deep down smoking enjoyment
smoke that smoke of fine tobacco Lucky
Strike so around so firm so fully tax so
free and easy on the draw
thanks very much Danny but I got a rush
now and I'll see you later alright dad
but I have to run over to another studio
you know Louella Parsons yes thank me to
be on our program tonight sometimes I
wish I weren't so irresistible
this is NBC the National Broadcasting
Company