give Monday at five now you know I used
to do half-hour shows all the time and
this show tonight of course is a special
that is they call it a special it's not
a special at all
it's an hour short they always make a
big thing that's it's all it is as to
half hours put together it's not a
special to me a special is when coffee
goes from 85 cents to 70
[Applause]
Jack Benny
sent with affection and gratitude for
the many wonderful moments he gave us
all posted by three of Jack's dearest
friends George Burns
and Johnny Carson
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
and from the Jack Benny specials Lucille
Ball Phyllis Diller Walt Disney
Dean Martin
Gregory Peck President Ronald Reagan dan
roll
Don Rickles Dinah Shore Frank Sinatra
this mother's brother's healthy summer
John Wayne Lords with and featuring from
Jack's old gang Phil Harris Mary
Livingston
Rochester's Don Wilson Mellie
strike Belgium's and Benny Reubens
[Applause]
[Music]
we we appreciate that but tonight the
applauses for Jack
this won't be a eulogy we did that years
ago now it's time to look back to Jack
Benny the performer the comedian who
made us laugh through a depression two
wars and three Indian uprisings no the
jacket looked easy but you don't sustain
a career for 65 years by just saying
well and not cut that out
that accounts for about 30 years out so
in the next two hours we're gonna be
talking a lot about Jack Benny and be
watching loads of hilarious clips and
those wonderful specials he did we're
really looking forward to it because
there's no one we love more than Jack no
one we admired more and no one would be
doing so many straight lines about okay
so what about the comedy of Jack Benny
when you hear those two words Jack Benny
the first thing you think of is cheap
the second thing you think of is cheap
wasn't just cheap he was the cheapest
that's because Jack knew that extremes
are funny having a safe in your house
isn't funny but an underground vault
with squeaky iron doors in a moat full
of hungry alligators that's funny
driving a ten-year-old car not funny but
a Maxwell with Petula strong through the
hood funny Jack sighs they weren't just
blue they had to be bluer than the
thumbs of a cross-eyed carpenter or the
thumb of an Eskimo hitchhiker
I love that better if you can say it
over the years jackass - at least they
don't like my timing
hopefully here's Jack establish that
stingy character so solidly that any
reference to it was good for a laugh and
the references were frequent take you
jack did you have complete communication
with your parents well come to think of
it there was a lack of communication
between my parents and me not that I
didn't love them you know it was a toll
call we called it when Disneyland first
opened I gave you a 14 karat solid gold
past lifetime pass to Disney yes you
didn't give me a solid gold pass well
where is it here
my friend that you'll want to be the
first today because to the first
customer today and today only we give a
free solid gold wristwatch I don't reach
for your wallets now unfortunately
although this is a very high-class show
we sometimes get a low class type of
person in our audience pickpockets we
want to warn you gentlemen in the
audience against pickpockets so make
sure your wallet is where it's supposed
to be I want to tell you folks at
luscious Lucille is the most fantastic
dancing girl in all history
[Applause]
Oh
[Applause]
you know that the Barker looks familiar
of course over the gags about Jack's age
I want to tell you I haven't been this
excited since Alexander Graham Bell said
can you hear me jack we call you mr.
Benny boy my brother myself outta
respect after all you are a little bit
older than we are a little a little
older well how old would you think I am
I don't know well guess go ahead I mean
I promise you I won't be offended
okay yes yes yes you always said I
wasn't looking yeah yeah
she always says he's 39 right so he's
gotta be at least 44 uh-huh that least
forever he couldn't be 44 because he
wasn't in the last war like maybe he was
a coward
could be something else something else
yeah did you ever notice the way he
walks
[Applause]
that was another thing Jax walk you'll
hear lots of kidding about that tonight
Bob what was it exactly about Jack
Walker
I don't know but Phil Harris once said
you put a dress on Jack and you could
take him anywhere
gestures of this as a vaudeville
monologist Jack carried a fiddle in
radio al descript but in TV he didn't
know what to do with his hands he felt
awkward so he turned a weakness into a
strength and developed all those
gestures that became his trademark
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
that one was too pinched color into his
cheese and then of course there was the
way he had of turning and looking out to
the audience like a wounded deer
[Music]
[Applause]
it was a reaction but it was also Jack's
way of getting a laugh he looked at them
till they laughed and if he had to Jack
would outweigh them the audience know
either they laughed or was the end of
the show now that was Jack's style
he looked he's dead he waited I think he
learned it from a title I once told him
he should team up with Perry Como and
make still pictures but Jack had a
routine with Mel Blanc that he used to
switch around and then never missed
watch this it's not only a comedy
classic but it's a perfect example of
Jack's unique pacing
[Applause]
you you are the Tijuana string G then I
take it you're all from Tijuana
si am i right in assuming that you are
their leader G what's your name
shy
Tijuana strings that seems awfully close
to the Tijuana brass I mean didn't they
ever object to it he what do they do
soupy heaven says go ahead and play
something now what are you going to play
deeply I'm afraid to ask this next one
the flea yes sir
did you say yes sir he
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
do you object if I play your second
number with you this is my dumb show and
I'm going to do it now we'll start at
the count of three 3c and we want I want
to play this real fast
you know mucho Largo
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
the jack the important thing was how
funny his show was not how funny he was
he never counted his own laughs and I
suspect that that quality alone goes a
long way toward accounting for the
longevity of his career one season on
his opening radio show Jack let his cast
through the entire half-hour without him
he just came on for the last line I
couldn't do that I'd be afraid they
wouldn't get me out of the straitjacket
in time to get in that last night but
that was Jack and he didn't think twice
about letting this fella
open his birthday special
[Applause]
thank you
I'm Jack Benny and I welcome you to my
special I'm so glad you tuned in because
on tonight's show I'm celebrating my
birthday we'll get started in just a
minute God do you believe that Jack not
only left lawrence welk open the show
but he gave him his voice too then
during his monologue he called walk out
again I'll tell you I can't get over how
great you did that impersonation why jag
I do a lot of impersonations you do a
lot of impersonating Liam get a load of
this Edward G Robinson Edward Z Robinson
I love you guys you keep muscling in on
my territory and I'm gonna let you have
it see
that's one great anybody else I can also
do carry grand you can do Cary Grant
let's hear it judy judy judy look at I
must ask you something though what's
that you do such great impressions do
you do them on your own show
oh no on my show we don't take any
chances
Jack Club working with straight dramatic
actors in fact the offer would get
bigger laughs with them than with other
comedians well that's the way you felt
what are we doing here leave me out here
alone four million dollars
but there were times like in those
flashback scenes shag did so often when
he felt the straight act that gave the
comedy an extra dimension one of my
favorite scenes was this one where he
goes over to Gregory pecks house to ask
him if Greg would make his place TV
appearance on Jack's show
[Music]
I'm Jack Benny mr. Peck is expecting me
oh yes mr. buddy won't you convinced
funny I'm mr. Peck secretary I'll tell
him you're here thank you very much
who's this valet oh oh yeah can I get
you anything sir
well it's uh it's a little it's a little
early for dinner that I meant to drink
or to drink no no martini no no no glass
of milk milk yes with a dash of nutmeg
[Music]
Gregory Peck best actor to kill a
mockingbird gee I don't remember that
one
I gotta watch more television
[Applause]
oh just looking at this Greg this is
pretty nice
I didn't know you had one of these
tuners oh did you have ones I know but I
was a rod steiger's how so he has one
well Jack come over here and sit down
I'm sorry I kept you waiting that's all
right bone just won't stop ringing
pretty busy yeah oh there just aren't
enough hours you know meetings picture
deals and the new campaign for the
motion picture and television Relief
Fund and scripts to read would you
believe it jack
if i told you that i was happier when I
was an usher at the Radio City Music
Hall no I wouldn't believe it
what's on your mind well Greg now look
at you and I we've been friends for
years
we have
[Music]
yes and I was wondering if you would
like excuse me hello
oh yes hello George aha
yes I I received the rendering and the
plans for the new wing for the motion
picture country house and it's just
perfect perfect but George with
financing the way it is today it will
cost us a fortune
we have to figure it'll cost at least
$20 now what I suggest is that we shop
around and get another estimate okay yes
I think that's a very good idea when you
get the information
I suggest we have another anytime you
want right thanks George
and my best to Ruth bye oh sorry jack
great did that painting all that ones by
Ben go Oh van Gogh yeah did van do this
one - that one's by Mike Angelo Oh
Michelangelo I thought he only did
ceiling
Williams would like to talk to all right
sir I can't seem to find the car keys
for Angela
oh you want the car key as well let's
see I found it don't beg
oh good good
I feel like I'm in the valley of the
Giant
I know how the world looks to Mickey
Rooney
[Music]
[Applause]
what kind of a car do you drive a folks
bargain
where were we just sit up
well Greg as I was saying I'm doing a
television show and I hope you don't
mind
why should I mind Farraday in the Pete
[Applause]
yes yes I see yes
[Music]
yes exactly what is each person's
function I see well all right Lou I tell
you what I'll talk to my
[Applause]
[Music]
thank you thanks terribly sorry Oh Hilda
would you hold all the phone calls until
I notify you please
yes held ahold of pole Greg there's no
sense of our beating around the bush you
see the reason I'm here is because gee I
don't even know how to start this really
I wanted I want to ask you if if you
would appear as a guest on my television
oh well Jack I'd be delighted to be on
your show well why not and it's easier
work that I was doing I I said I'd be
delighted to be on here Shirley gee
well Greg see that's nice but there's
just one problem
you know Greg I know that you demand a
lot of money you see and I have such
expenses on my show between the scenery
and the people and everybody I don't
think I can afford no no Doug listen
Jack forget all about the money I'll do
your show for nothing
[Music]
I said I'll do your show for nothing
Williams will you get mr. penny a drink
no no it's just that I haven't had
dinner yet fact I didn't even get my
milk Gregg anyway
gi thanks so much not only being on my
show but to come on for nothing I I
don't know what to say no um thanks
thanks thanks very very much
korto thanks ray I look forward right
thanks very much for supporting these I
could cry
[Laughter]
[Music]
you forgot your ball and Jax Greg you're
coming on my show for nothing
[Applause]
a love letter to Jack Benny will return
in the moment there was one trick that
Jack and his writers often used and with
great success when Jack was out on that
stage he was constantly being
interrupted I don't know of anyone who
has the problems with the simplest
things my friend if I go in
[Applause]
that the telegram telegram for you yes
well thank you but why didn't you wait a
minute you know you look exactly yes I
read scale yeah your 10th person said
I'm a dreamer inna
[Applause]
but I make the most um
[Applause]
what are you doing here Jack this is
your 20th anniversary and I I want to do
the anniversary waltz with you back then
that Dean Vance is close he has to pull
them up
sometimes interrupted jack in the middle
of a joke
so the first drunk said a poodle
so the other rock said this'll kill you
the other frog said look at if I
[Applause]
I thought it would be funny well it is
funny to everybody else but you just
don't say soccer to me to guys like
Cassius Clay
[Applause]
so this other drug
I wish I could make a trade like that
that's the end of the joke
[Applause]
sometimes the interruptions came from
the audience
I mean what's going on here let this man
perform I don't understand
my aunt Finn should get along away from
Hoboken New Jersey to see her Idol Jack
Benny sit down lady
from Hoboken to see our Idol Jack Benny
not to see Gunsmoke these on the train
my aunt Fanny was with cheese and
crackers the one in Fanny darling you're
comfortable whatever you want wait a
minute do you stop this woman loves you
I'm on your side jack don't you
understand man you're the Dean of comedy
you're the greatest you're the elder
statesman of humor you deserve attention
and respect love now you shut up man you
should have seen this guy years ago when
he was a lot younger
he walked regularly sure in the kitchen
and I should sign it signatures to
mobile for anything either sit down or
get out that's it nobody insults me
nobody
I'm gonna take my Fanny and get out of
it
only people that interrupt a Jeff only
people that interrupt a jack we have one
of the most exciting musical groups in
our business today I told you 10 times
I'm sending you the check next week I
sent you the Jack
[Music]
[Applause]
he drives me nuts
you know on my last television show I
had a group of penguins and this one is
their agent and that's not all
monkey see monkey do
[Music]
this let's see says farewell Jack come
here
[Music]
I try to explain this is not look at
this
look fellas
I'm trying to explain look at this is
not listen to me
this is not my farewell appearance this
is my first farewell appearance
believe me poor Jack had trouble with
everyone on that show we all thought it
was this farewell special I remember I
came out at the beginning and praised
Jack to the skies told him that he'd
been my idol since I was a kid how I
tried to emulate his styles his moves
aren't even tried to copy the way he
walked and how that was the only time I
was ever arrested then I guess I got a
little choked up now the Jack Benny is
doing his final farewell show I I feel a
personal sense of loss a kind of
emptiness if you will and I don't really
know how to explain
[Applause]
Johnny yes yet what are you doing I mean
what do you talk me about I mean why are
you crying Jake I'm I'm just honest I
can't help at the thought of you doing
your farewell show it's it's not a
farewell show it's my first farewell
shoot Jack Benny's first farewell
special that's what we advertise that's
what we're doing
you mean I stood out here and said all
those nice things about you and you're
you're not quitting why why should I
quit next time I'll do a second farewell
show then a third I may do a whole
series of parallel he thought you were
stepping aside for someone younger
like who anybody well I want to ask you
something if you're not quitting why am
I here working for free because I'm your
ID
and I'm your friend who got you out of
jail when you were arrested for walking
like gee whiz look Johnny yes the title
of the show is an all the ass
plain as day if you can't read that
you're pro you told what it is it's
called Jack Benny's first farewells the
mind is the first example
why would I say the minds the first
thing to go
it could be another part of the anatomy
believe it or not this went out on the
air just as you're actually seeing it
but I had done the pants fit the day
before in rehearsal you know to get a
laugh out of the crew and without
telling me those sneaks tape it and put
it into the show and I'll tell you
something else waiter I'm not coming to
your party Saturday night either you
weren't invited how would he find us
how did I find out I'm catering it
try to be a nice guy you know he doesn't
realize what a tough time I had finding
you know something I never forgot one
letter of complaint or praise what I
said before about Jack being my idol and
patterning my performing style after
Jack was really true and Jack's writers
use this as the basis of a very funny
sketch in which Jack played the owner of
the Cobell ski carnival troupe Lucille
Ball played his wife and I played well
you'll see now all troops sleeps in this
trailer in there now in corn Creek New
Mexico Cobell ski has just gotten
everyone up and out to work time to wake
up go to work
are you sure he's an Iroquois
as long as it brings in the wall hey
Jackie
Jackie get up will you there's work to
be done I don't know what's the matter
with that son of ours he just doesn't
have carnival in his blood
maybe nothing seems to excitement yeah
how many kids get the opportunity to go
to corn Creek New Mexico do you think
he's got a girlfriend are you kidding
girls cost money his idea of a good time
is sitting around a licking trading
stamps is cheap I can't understand who
he takes that
hey where is that boy Jackie
well I guess I'm ready yeah Jackie
what's this all about well I'll tell you
what it's all about
I'm 21 and I'm leaving he's 33 if he's a
day what do you mean you're leaving well
I'm sick of this car you know I don't
have to do this I'm gonna change my name
and be a medium tell jokes on television
that's where all the money money money
there are more important things than
money how can you even think of leaving
in the carnival you're my son
well it's some day this will all be
yours it's already mine who do you think
holds the mortgage you might as well
take this I'll never be able to keep up
the payment
you know you can't return merchandise
after been used for 30 days but this
plane belongs to me and this clock it's
mine too
and this is mine
now open your mouth
[Music]
I will
like that we raised a human claw machine
you know you ought to be ashamed in all
my life I've never seen such an ingrate
you are without a doubt the skinniest
cheapest guy that has ever walked this
earth well
and I'll tell you something you're
making a mistake son going out there you
know to leave you this carnival there
are millions of comedians but I'm not
just a comedian I can also get them with
it
[Music]
I always had fun doing sketches with
Jack here's some highlights from when we
did it was sort of a Mary Poppins of a
typical earth the Italian movie Jack
played the husband Rossano whose wife is
leaving him and the kids for a
three-month vacation mama she's a whole
agency they're gonna send over a
governess take the bambinos honor you
while I finish packing come on it's hard
to believe he followed an organ grinder
around for three weeks learning that
accent comea my cello
they took a gamble calling me marchello
millions of people could have thought
that was Master Ani I was the chauffeur
and this was one of my duties
[Applause]
without the moms I love wherever I work
it's the same thing
please you messy mustache
what's come over you the first three
years it was such a nice time well I had
to do something you didn't have a car
ordinarily I like doing this sort of
scene with Sophia Loren Jack thought I
should do it with this lady
so did Sofia Loren anyway I drove over
to the airport and the governess arrived
honey did there's a nobody
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
that's pretty good trick and that
governess isn't bad either
[Applause]
did you say your wife was going to be
away only three more
Rossano was so excited he ran out to buy
pasta for two that was his mistake he
should never have left her through
traffic with a hundred eighty pounds
sitting on your lap
who are you I'm at the show phone for
you
I'm the governess and I thank you cute
there goes Sunday no please have a
respect for the uniform what kind of man
do you think I am I cannot achieve on a
boss's wife myself you are so attractive
and so handsome and so strong and so
exciting and so masculine I never take a
guest spot without my own writers and we
kissed I hated myself but with an elke
sommer Who am I to care about my opinion
I don't know what you wanted these are
wines to serve his moustache was
wrinkled and I was pressing you
you cannot do this to me Cheeta mine my
sword first yeah but I have a better
accent there was more to the sketch but
you didn't tune in to see great acting
Jack had some big shows but his 20th TV
anniversary was a blockbuster everyone
turned out for that one and halfway
through the proceedings that got a real
surprise at this time I would like to
introduce my next guest this great
harvest
[Music]
in here
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
laughs all right Frankie did you fly in
from Palm Springs no I was having a cup
of coffee across the street
[Music]
you through over here from across the
street in the helicopter somebody stole
my elephants
well that I don't understand at all look
Jack who we kid night wasn't just across
the street having a cup of coffee oh
then you did fly in from Palm Springs
yes I did fly in from Palm Springs oh
then nobody stole your elephant oh
that's part is true
now what are you gonna sing Frankie well
I thought I'd just ad-lib something for
about them that Olivia
that's from the Latin I know Cesar
Romero
[Applause]
[Music]
well
[Applause]
Frank was great and then I had a little
surprise for Jack that was done in fun
too but I think you see some of the deep
affection we had for each other come
true what is this well you got them this
is just a plaque given to you by your
staff the network executives your
sponsor and everyone that has been
associated with you including myself
that's freely you know I could cry no
that's right what does it say well let
me tell you thanks for the memory your
flair for jollity your fiddling so
off-key with just a bit more practice
and a Youngman you could be thanks for
the memory of love that you inspire as
birthday cakes grow higher the candles
for each year could cause another frisco
fire
[Music]
you never get any older
at least from your head to your shoulder
don't try to get any bolder and make a
date cuz it's too late for the pari of
friendship you and I have shared through
years come by I've been your pal and
you've been mine
[Music]
[Applause]
like to sing something for you can it be
the plaque that set you back at least a
buck and a half
[Music]
I was in lots of Jack shows and I still
don't believe some of the things I did
to him well let's see what this is oh
this is a telegram from my closest
friend George Burns says dear Jack this
is a talking telegram hold it up to your
ear and listen carefully
talking telegram
look if everyone else could drive him
nuts
why shouldn't his closest friend I
shouldn't have done that I'm ashamed of
myself but Jack got even with me how he
talked me into this one I'll never know
why shouldn't his closest friend I
shouldn't have done that I'm ashamed of
myself
but Jack got even with me how he talked
me into this one I'll never know
[Applause]
you drive dad's over
a Neptune Neptune I'm not through yet
I use normal
I guess when your plumbing that's old
you keep going
[Music]
[Applause]
hey watch it it's not me it's from that
fountain across the street oh yeah
Hannibal and his elephants Rome should
be ashamed of itself with that water
making mistake could be worse we could
be standing somewhere in Tijuana
between the water and having to look
down at those coins in the fountain is
driving me crazy
leftie guess what Wow
come Friday I'll be 500 years old and
droppin e your 500 you don't look a day
over 380
are you kidding it's been that long
since my toes fell off yeah I really
miss those toes well you've been here as
long as I have you'd be surprised what
you can get along without
Hercules over there just lost his nose
lucky him
it's boring standing like that so after
a while and and drop when he started the
same and neptune couldn't take it be
sweet to me my heart is free is the key
lock up they've gotten Gator hunting on
bigger weight under the ramblin rose
trees Victor pink you better play your
poppers fried beggar Bernie blossom
[Applause]
to ask you finish can I tell you
something most pigeons were not
well-trained you're gonna see a thing I
had the most fun doing on a Benny show
bushels in effect
by the way Gregory Peck is a tall
[Applause]
[Music]
shining just for you for you for you
[Music]
Oh
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
we'll cover all my dreams
[Music]
look into my eyes Marlow uncie
all the lovely things
[Music]
whistle was
[Music]
[Applause]
a teardrop kiss your lips I'm soda
[Music]
I remember
[Applause]
[Music]
that
I will be remembering
[Music]
[Applause]
just what is wrong with the girl of
today is a problem this world has to
face they blame it on this and they
blame it on man
but they don't seem to get any place our
isn't the lipstick the cocktails the jam
that causes the girlie to fall it's the
mother who said if you're not all the
tens then yet don't have to come home at
all
[Music]
there's many a girl at whisky a go-go
tonight who would even could have been
good and each one of them is a living
mistake of a parent will misunderstood
Omega make a pal of your daughter tell
her what's what and don't hide that book
on the shelves
force the girls who are wise to the ways
of the world who make it tough on guys
like myself
[Applause]
[Music]
enjoy that love
we will be rain
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
it's hard to believe I was 94 years old
and I'm a country singer too
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
a love letter to Jack Benny will return
in a moment
back in 1951 Jack came on an Ed Sullivan
radio show with this opening line hello
folks this is Jack Benny there'll be a
short pause whether one says who cares
well somebody must occur because of the
few weeks Jack had his own show and
before long 30 million of us we're
switching on sets like this one every
Sunday to hear Jalal again mr. Jack
Donny talking there was some pretty big
radio hits in those days modesty
prevents me from mentioning wood on the
top 10 we had to be there only eight
shows and that's County girls Potomac
but Jack became a national habit with
dialogue like this guy envy you that
took the hollow Lilith are you going to
stay there all summer
I'd like to Don but I have to be back by
the end of July to start my new picture
oh that's right that's the one you're
going to make with Fred Allen isn't it
that's what Paramount thought but I
straighten that out in the first place
how would they ever photograph that they
say is what's the matter these face I
could talk for an hour on that but you
know Don when we were in New York last
month the bags under Alan's eyes looked
at Phil haras and said my son my son
yeah who's gonna be your leading lady
only lovely beautiful Mary Martin that's
all
Mary Martin oh isn't that the girl that
used to sing my heart belongs to Daddy
Oh have you ever been to Honolulu Phil
no I sure wish I could go oh boy how I'd
like to sit on the beach in the
moonlight with a couple of those cute
little papayas in my arms
cute little wat papaya you know Pharaoh
stains papayas George don't you speak on
aluminum
[Laughter]
from the start
Jack had that unique format that kept
him at the top or near the top of every
radial Pole for 20 years and why he cast
Mary Livingston Don Wilson fellow Harris
Dennis de Rochester who else had that
kind of talent on the show and that was
Jack's first team how about all those
other great characters like mr. Kittel
and that racetrack talent and of course
the old guy guarding Jack's ball from
the Year 100 their friend or foe brand
what's the password old soldiers never
die
oh it's you general Benning and those
who wacky telephone operators Gertrude
give shift and Mabel flap saddle what is
it guys here mr. Benny's mind working
yeah I wonder what the brave bold one
now and we can't forget the train
announcer that of course was Mel Blanc
who also played Jack's French violin
teacher his parrot and everything else
from that lousy car motor to an English
horse
in 1950 Jack went into television and he
had mixed feelings about it there were
some big advantages to radio rehearsals
were at a minimum there were no retakes
you could wear the same suit year after
year let's see I was in radio 18 years I
had three sponsors and four suits no I
had four sponsors and three see I must
admit I we was worried when I first went
into television I'll tell you why you
see in radio the listening audience has
created their own pictures but on
television now let's take my fault you
see that look different my living room
wasn't what they expected I didn't
really look cheap
the only true picture was Phil Harris
who else would lead an orchestra lying
face-down on television Jack had to lean
more on himself and his guests and the
old gang appeared less frequently but
they did show up from time to time like
in this scene at the airport I want you
to check these bag to make sure they're
not overweight all the way yes you see
you have to be very careful because when
they're overweight they charge you extra
you know like 88 cents a pound of Mexico
City that's where we're going the 64
cents a pound of Acapulco and 52 cents a
pound to Tijuana I've got an idea what
you go to Mexico City and then you blow
this was a Rochester had recovered from
a stroke but never did regain that great
delivery of this Jack knew it but he
never let Rochester know that he knew it
he continued using him whenever he could
there were all the familiar faces of the
airport
[Applause]
Dennis day uh hi hi my goodness is this
a surprise meeting you here yeah what a
small world
gee Dennis it's so good to see you I
can't tell you how many times I thought
about you these past few years I missed
you
I really have hey Peggy look who's here
it's what was that name again
under that name again Deniz hey what a
coincidence that's my name too Danice
now stop with that silly talk again you
know you know my name is Benny Jack
Benny oh yeah
you see Peggy I told you it doesn't look
any better in person and you know there
had to be this character Oh mister
mister
[Applause]
are you are you the ticket clerk no I've
a 747 with the moustache
now stop with that will you please I
remember you either listen I want my
ticket validated here
Mexico City what are we running away
from this time I'm not running away from
anything just validate my ticket there
Thanks hey wait a minute I gave you a
roundtrip ticket you didn't give me the
return here Frank Nelson what a riot and
good old Don Z for a big occasion who
else but Don Wilson to give Jack a
proper introduction
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
gentlemen I'm Don Wilson and I'd like to
say what a great personal thrill it is
for me to have the honor of introducing
the star of our show tonight on his 20th
television anniversary now as most of
you know I had the privilege of working
with Jack since 1934 first in radio and
then on television until he concluded
his weekly series since then of course
Jack is kept busy with specials concerts
new clubs and personal appearances and
you want to know something not once did
I ever hear from
Jack's just doing great and really I'm
very very happy for it but what about me
sitting out there in Palm Springs
waiting for the phone to ring well he
knows I could be starving
well I'll admit Jack has a lot of
talented but there is such a thing as
loyalty devotion a spark of humanity
[Applause]
what is what's the matter you're
supposed to introduce me that's all
introduce yourself
[Applause]
the old radio gang the only one missing
was Mary jag begged her to come on
but all those cameras made her nervous
really I thought you just didn't dig
working for scale on that too anyway one
time Jack trichter while the show was
going on he called her at home Mary who
were you just talking to nobody I told
you a thousand times for $2 bar we can
have a private line
alright I'll think about it
now aren't you sorry you're not on my
show I don't know I'm not watching it
what Mary I know you too nervous to be
on the show but what excuse have you got
for for not watching it because you're
too sneaky now what is that supposed to
mean it means that if you knew I was
watching the show
you'd have hidden the camera in this
room and I would be one of your guests
pop-up the last time you asked me to be
on your show he sent me a PDF Betsy Ross
making the American flag that was a gift
what are you what are you laughing at
some gift Betsy had a camera hidden to
the flag
well it looks like Jack had the last
laugh until he got home Phil Harris Oh
Phil see came on one show and it was
quite a reunion that we started to sing
that's what I like about the south Jack
ran out and told him he couldn't sing
that song have made no sense
Phil insisted that it did Jack told him
to continue he'd proved that it didn't
he come old Bob with all the news got
the box back coat the buff shoes but
he's all caught up with him you didn't
do sense what I like about stop it come
all right now I think he would rather
sleep to me that's one of my club stuff
telly but Flatow do what did it will it
ain't no town that ain't no City it's
awful small but awful pretty we'll do
the one I've been waiting the one I've
been way thats the one he's been wait
- oddity that okay fellas bring it in
bring water bring this map in bring it
in
I want to prove something now Phil here
is the latest map of the United States
look at I want you to show me one place
on this map where it says do auditing so
I can see Walla Walla Muskegon Ashtabula
watch the hacci but where in the name of
aristotle onassis if you I did like you
told me why here's what I told you I
said did I tell you about the place
called do odd day ain't no town it ain't
no thing
it's awfully small but oh so pretty
where is it what it is in a real place
look what he is what are you talking
about do you think I'm nuts when I'm
telling this stuff like this it's not a
big leaf or by imagination
- awesome
listen I don't care I want you to find
me one thing what if do wah Diddy ain't
no town and ain't no City yes what is it
is it a hamlet is it a village is that a
gas station is it a washing machine you
know I love you would you get mad you
know the Bloods almost up to your chin
one question where is do wah Diddy
Jackson I can't tell you why not an hour
solo where I've been for the last 4 Jack
had a theory about the violin if and
that was his bet
imagine if he wasn't trying let's not
overdo this I've been spoiled by Henny
Youngman but you know Jack really did
love the violin he joked about the one
he played it was a stradun Joe Strad
we'd say his great-grandfather handed it
down to his grandfather and scram father
handed it down to his father and his
father sold it to him
but it was a very expensive instrument
I don't think Jack got a bigger charge
out of anything he did then those
benefit concerts he did in his later
years with the Philharmonic Orchestra's
all over the country he actually loved
playing with the Ormandy as mr. cow skis
and he raised millions yeah the chief $5
seats were upfront to sit in the back
row you paid $100 and for $200 you
didn't have to come at all when he
played with the Israeli Philharmonic
they say that Moishe Diane took the
patch off his eye and put it over his
ear well his great friend Isaac's turned
the great concert artist once said when
Jack Benny walks out in white tie and
Tails in front of those 19 musicians he
looks like the world's greatest
violinist it's a shame that he has to
play
funny line on it from time to time Jack
like to do movie takeoffs so when the
graduate was a big smash he had to do
his version of it naturally Jack played
the Dustin Hoffman part and he looked
very carefully to find just the right
person for the Anne Bancroft role of
mrs. Robinson the one who seduces
Benjamin when he comes to power
[Music]
yes Benjamin you remember me don't you
yes mr. Robinson well then why are you
ignoring me like this I'm I'm thinking
about my future so much but I'm thinking
about five 10 years from now I'm
thinking about tonight
here have a cigarette no no thank you
don't you smoke no don't you drink no
well
[Music]
Benjamin why are you fighting me don't
you think I'm attractive well do you
think I'm too aggressive look mrs.
Robinson I just got home from school I
want you to stay away from me please
look it's Robinson up please Robinson
okay mrs. Robinson where is all of this
speaking truth to the sycamore hotel at
fifth and grand
Jack was my best friend but I'm not sure
but I think Dustin Hoffman did it a
little better
Dobis killer and bankrupt a toss-up
that was the graduate in another of her
shows
Jack did just the reverse he played a
wolf Jack a wolf I didn't know he was in
a Little Red Riding Hood
I think he's got talked about a whole
different Jack back in the days when he
was a dashing Hollywood heartthrob Jack
none of us ever knew including Mary that
was one of the seal ball was to getting
her first chance as a Goldwyn girl and
one day Jack met her on the movie set a
golden girl and one day Jack met her on
the movie set you're cute
what's your name Lucille Ball that's
what it is I'd show that
well permit me
[Music]
oh sorry that's alright honey it always
Oh
I'm just a chorus boy on this picture
and I hate to interrupt well then don't
it's alright what can I do for you well
I'm a big admirer of yours mr. Benny and
it make my day if I could have your
autograph well certainly what's your
name kid
Mary and Michael Morris
[Applause]
Marian Michael Morrison no wonder you're
a chorus boy you'll never get anywhere
with a name like that I have been
thinking of changing it mr. penny to
Wayne Wayne that's not too bad
Wayne how about windy John Wayne Newton
that's worse than Marion Michael Morris
right now let me give you some advice
you're too big and tall and clumsy to be
a chorus boy yeah you're a klutz hey now
listen kid why don't you buy yourself a
horse a cowboy suit put a black patch
over your eyes and you'll be invisible
you mean you want me to sell shirts
lxo like no BS cowboy get into western
and you'll be a star but that takes true
grit when it came to guest stars Jack
never believed milking them and then
trying to figure out what to do with
them he felt the idea came first then
you try for the guest that fits it
that's why the Gregory pecks and John
Wayne's people ordinarily wouldn't do
comedy shows didn't hesitate to do the
Benny show you wouldn't believe the
people Jack got on the show when Harry
Truman came on even Jack couldn't
believe it but there they were just the
two of them trading lines for the entire
half hour
he wasn't even plugging his book
speaking the president this one came
home that farewell special TV TV thought
Jack had been insisting all through the
show that he wasn't retiring when Ronald
Reagan who was governor then appeared
and gave Jack a very big problem Jack as
governor of the state of California it's
a great privilege for me to be here to
represent all your friends in show
business what well because Jack when
they heard this was your farewell show
that you're retiring but governor we all
got together the stars the producers the
writers the sound my stage hands with a
in their hearts they all chipped in and
bought you this farewell gift
this magnificent rose
[Applause]
Jack since you won't be working anymore
you will have plenty of time to enjoy
this specially built car with as many
unique features the telephone the color
TV Center the bar the stereo and your
name your initial set in diamonds on the
door
it's our goodbye to you this beautiful
$48,000 automobile planning 48,000
that's 10 million yen gold solid gold
ignition key
[Laughter]
besides those you've seen them I here
are some of the stars who appeared on
Jackson TV shows through the years watch
closely
you're gonna see a lot of your favorites
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
well the kid from Waukee can that fight
at Korea 65 years how do you cover that
in two hours
and how do you sit here and find the
words that can begin to convey Jack's
incredible stature not just with the
fans but in the industry the affection
and respect he had from his peers maybe
that roster of guest stars we just
showed says a forests from Humphrey
Bogart and Marilyn Monroe to Billy
Graham sooner or later they all showed
up on the Jack Benny show Lucille Ball
came on so often she was like a regular
and she made one unscheduled appearance
Jack was saying goodnight and thanking
his guests
[Applause]
smooth state what are you doing here how
dare you do a special without me
she did that bro laughs but that's the
way we felt or Jack had to do was ask
we would have come on a show for nothing
and frequently did you know he was the
term pretty loosely these days but Jack
was truly a show business giant he
didn't just stand on the stage he owned
it for years now the network's have been
trying to come up with a new Jack Benny
type series the format is there the
writers are still around but there's one
slight problem how do you come up with
another Jack Benny I once saw Jack lie
down on a stage and let a full-grown
elephant place a foot on Jack's head it
was really scary after the show I said
Jack you really shouldn't have let that
elephant put his foot on your head you
know what he said gee I thought I got a
good laugh George you were really the
closest to Jack was there was there
anything that meant more to him than
getting a big laugh getting too big
laughs show business was Jack's life
sure he had interests he loved Mary
daughter Joanie we were important to him
but hearing those laughs that kept him
young and vital that's why I'm so glad
about this evening
Jack would've loved it yeah I can just
hear him up there saying what took you
so long
good night a night I hit everybody night
good night