[Music]
percent over radio doing back there at
Bergen yeah
that's what we started out on that kind
of a radio yeah yes but this is not just
an ordinary radio now yeah it has an
attachment you see scientists have
insisted that sounds do not die
the vibrations keep traveling through
space are they dying yes and if we have
an instrument sensitive enough we can
pick up sounds of the past this machine
will do it sir don't say yes well don't
give this such a long commercial just
turn it on all right I will I think it's
this one we'll do it there dude now we
listen
[Music]
we bring you the great radio comedians
19 memorable minutes of your colony
favorites
[Music]
you know radio
[Music]
it's the great radio comedians starring
Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy George
Burns Jack Bening Jim to the Maggie
Jordan Bing Crosby and the famous
original denizens of Allen Sally
Kenny Delmar a senator clock horn
Minerva Pius is pansy Ness pal Parker
Finley is Titus Moody
and Peter Donald as Ajax Cassidy you'll
also hear from Fred Allen Bob Hope
Gracie Allen Mary and Molly Maggie
Jordan
Eddie Cantor Fanny Brice and others
[Music]
your announcer Ken Roberts as the 1940s
ended a real live radio drama was being
played in 10 million American homes the
true-to-life story which asked the
question can a homely wooden box with a
knobby front and plain cloth speaker
continue to find love and success after
20 years in competition with a younger
more attractive medium the 1950s
answered that question
and radio as we had known it virtually
disappeared but when the 1940s began it
was a far different story
this little invention had already
changed America think of it for the
first time in history a single voice
could speak to the entire population
simultaneously suddenly we were all
sharing the same telephone party line
[Music]
my
[Music]
by the 1940s radio was America's most
popular art form everyone loved it
people arrange their lives so they
wouldn't miss their favorite programs
they listen to drama commentators music
quiz shows but the sounds they preferred
year after year after year were the
voices of the people who made them laugh
the great radio comedians its Maxwell
House coffee time sorry
George Burns and Gracie Allen
[Music]
[Applause]
with yours truly bill Goodwin and the
music to Meredith Wilson in his
orchestra
oh gosh honey I feel like a damn fool
going to college at my age I dread that
first class what did you think proud
American history and I'm terrible when I
should have been studying history I was
in vaudeville oh I'll bet you're very
good in history you do huh
yesterday the professor asked what great
American state longest in the capital I
answered Al Jolson even I know better
than that
certainly was Eddie Cantor you should be
proud to be going to college and running
things honey my friends are laughing at
me last night the fellas called up and
wanted me to go to a burlesque show with
them I had to say I can't guys haven't
finished my homework all right but when
you do go to a burlesque show you'll
enjoy it more because you've studied
Anatomy I tell you honey I'm too old to
go to college yesterday we were
discussing the Battle of Gettysburg and
the professor called on me well what's
wrong with that he wanted an eyewitness
account no I need the radio practically
in its infancy the big stars of radio
then was was Eddie Cantor Jason Sam
Barnard Rudy Vallee and Amos and Andy
and then Gracie and myself we came into
radio in Jack Benny and Fred Allen and
everybody was in the first 10 all the
time because there were only 8 act some
radio so we're all in the flesh then all
the time all the fellas that woman radio
and the women that one radio you
couldn't keep them out of show business
or take edwin let's say and when went
from radio and the television it was the
same Edwin he resumed the same character
he did on the stage Edgar Bergen II
wasn't radio and he did that same thing
with Charlie McCarthy and what though
she'd cut that all with him and we did
the same thing so I don't think anybody
really makes the change I don't think
there's a big change the difference
between vaudeville and raid
material was the fact that in in
vaudeville you did the same things every
week you were positive that the laughs
were there because you had 17 minutes
you know where every joke was you know
where the timing was you know where
they'd laugh and radio you didn't they
had to do new things every one you had
to have a good delivery you had to have
a personality who had had some sort of
charisma some magic that came through
the box the goal of the day someone wait
[Music]
the mound
Gracie how's your cousin and the people
at state a radio all habit but they
changed material everyday and the
difficult thing it wasn't so difficult
you read it you'd read the jokes or
you'd read the dialogue and the property
man or the sound man would slam the door
he'd pick up the telephone you could say
hello and you'd a good phone
conversation and he dropped the phone
and everybody was working and you were
taking buzz radio was much easier than
television television you got to pick up
the phone yourself that's not easy I
loved all the show business but I
started when I was six or seven years
old I sang that the peewee quartet used
to pass the hat around and then I played
football and I was a small-time bought
the life until I was 27 years old and I
was very bad but the Thetas were worse
than I was and finally I met Gracie
Gracie was looking to do something cuz
she was an Irish actress before that she
was working the fella called Larry Riley
in doing Irish sketches she was a great
Irish dancer and a great Irish actress
and Gracie took up a look at us and
I asked her whether she'd like to work
with me and she said she would from then
on I turned out turned out to be a very
very good act because she was very good
well I made myself the comedian and I
came out on the stage with my hat turned
up in a big red bow tie and wide pants
in the very short coat and Gracie came
out dressed beautifully she was the
straight one and we played boom New
Jersey and there wasn't much of an
audience out there but the people like
Gracie the minute they saw and they
laughed when she asked the questions and
they didn't laugh when I told the
answers you know I've smoked cigars and
I wanted to continue smoking so I gave
her all the jokes when Gracie took over
the act when she got to be the comedian
I had all kinds of jokes I had sarcastic
jokes I had wisecracks and I also had
jokes that were off-center that was sort
of on the dumb side as well I can't like
you push you're a nice little dizzy girl
and the audience loved the dumb jokes
and they didn't laugh at the wisecracks
and they didn't laugh at the sarcasm
because Gracie was a very dainty little
thing and they wouldn't accept that from
Romeo and Juliet
there's a book written by Shakespeare
where a man makes love to a girl on a
balcony yeah well that's why I didn't
read it because I feel the fella can't
afford to take his girl in the orchestra
he shouldn't make it to a theatre at all
and she told the wildest kind of jokes
we call them illogical logic they made
sense but only to Gracie
those were her best jokes
[Music]
and a sense of concentration was simply
marvelous
- Gracie there was that there was no
audience and there were no footlights
that was a wall as far as Gracie was
concerned we're just four walls and if
anybody needed a straight man it was
Gracie because she'd never wait for
anything she she talked natural you know
when you talk you don't wait for laughs
unless somebody says something you know
that container which was my job I
wouldn't not with very big lines my
lines were old well I did all kinds of
great stuff
here's a nice little water pump number
onii-sama nobody uh yeah say you know my
brother went in swimming yesterday
stayed under the water six hours six
hours yeah if you stay under the water
five minutes you die yeah I know he
found that out he found that out how do
you like this happen I said we were
swimming and died women you're Irish
yeah believe me there's a lot of fun
yeah and it'll even be better tomorrow
when they put water in it water in it
yes we went on the Rory Valley show
and we did very well and about a week
later we went on the Guy Lombardo show
it was Guy Lombardo and His Royal
Canadians the sweetest music this side
to heaven and then Lombardo left the
show we took over the show and that's
the way we started radio
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
I can also tell you what you're thinking
about I'm a mind reader
listen Gracie is there anything that
phases you I don't think so no I think
of something all right I'm thinking the
green is what great does it hang from
the ceiling and whistle hang from the
ceiling it wishes does it run along the
flooring thing listen just a minute I
thought you said that you could read my
mind
well how can I read your mind if you
keep on asking me all those silly
questions
listen let's talk about something else
how is your brother my brother well I
think they ought to open up all the
prisons it would help prosperity wait a
minute that's the wrong answer
no that's the right answer but you asked
the wrong question and when she was
about 34 or 35 years old she said to me
I can't do this character anymore I'm
too old to be that silly and I said no
you're not because if you're born stupid
you stay stupid all your life you're
stupid when your one year old and when
you're ten years old and when you're 80
years old but yet just your your your
dialogue your your routines I have to
fit your age like when we first started
we did a joke with Gracie and a little
whistle and I said I'm gonna kiss out
and she said that's a policeman's
whistle that's a fellas get fresh or try
to kiss me I blow that and the policemen
come yeah from last night I says now
that joke you can do in your 22 but you
can't do that when you're 35 I says now
you do jokes like you're putting two
roasts in the oven a small roast and a
big roast and the little roast burns you
know the big one is done I said that
fits you wouldn't get 35 so funny she I
convinced her and she went oh
for the rest of her life playing that
character when your rating drops when
you drop five points at a time six
points are three points that then
there's something against you that night
and that means your next rating will go
up some big event is taking place but
when you start to drop a point at a time
and a half a point and a half a point
and a point you're in real trouble that
means you are losing your audience and
we were then together about oh I would
say about eight or nine years we had two
children Ronnie and Sandy but we were
still doing a street corner actor on
radio in other ways Gracie would plate
with the announcer when our rating
dropped I went to all of my friends I
went the Jack Benny and I said Jack I
want I wish you'd listen to our show
there's something going wrong i rating
is dropping he says well he says you're
not doing enough double routines I went
to Georgie Jessel and Jessel listened
and he said you're doing too many double
routines then I went dad he can't do and
that he can't this says Gracie isn't
laughing enough somebody said grace he
was laughing enough
then somebody said you better use the
eight-ball mic which was out of style
he says the ape when you use the
eight-ball Mike you had a great rating
but something happened to you after you
stopped using the 8 ball Mike
so put back in obsolete Mike and Nate
well Mike did everything nothing else is
ready why me at Florida o'clock in the
morning we're thinking I wanted you and
I didn't want to I wanted to stay the
show business I loved it and it finally
dawned on me I says our jokes are too
young for us were much older than the
jokes were telling with married people
and that did it and the next show I went
on Isis Gracie might be married for 8 or
9 years they have two lovely children
and from then on we wrote different
jokes they were older and they fit of us
our rating went up I dropped by to wish
you luck tonight Jenny out I know you're
gonna win the award
well I wouldn't be too sure of that
Gracie my competition will be very stiff
well I'll take a few drinks yourself
heaven was awfully good in the snake pit
oh but Janie she had such an easy part
an easy part
Gracie she had to play a crazy girl I
could do that with my eyes sure you
gotta win that Oscar tonight ionize a
crazy honors nervous as a bra I know
just how you feel
I remember my wedding day imagine
getting so keyed up over the
possibilities of getting a little
lifeless imitation figure of a man what
I married him and the funny thing is
after grace he retired and I didn't
wanna retire as I was retired but the 38
years while I wiped the Gracie
I said nothing all I said was for 38
years how's your brother you'd have died
this man then when Gracie were tired I
had it going to show business and I had
open oh no career for myself which I did
you know I started to sing and I started
to for Terron come on my knowledge is
make fun of my cigars and Here I am it's
the new Edgar Bergen hour with Charlie
McCarthy
I'll clip you they're gonna say Oh me
Elmo you know
[Music]
[Applause]
Rydia made it possible for a wooden
dummy to realize Pinocchio's dream of
becoming a real live boy Charlie
McCarthy became one of the most popular
stars of all with a little help of
course from the unique comic genius of
Edgar Bergen you know yes Charlie I've
never made a will is there anything I
can do yeah would you think this down
yes of course I shall make I see being
of sound mind yes otherwise in the heck
of a mess
do hereby decrease my telephone book of
numbers to skinny Dugan my pal
and do you birdie I leave all the money
you owe me
well thank you also my pet rat what
would I do with a pet rat well maybe for
teaching the park I see that all your
possessions are disposed of well honey
if I died only if you die don't go out
of your way
no no I I didn't mean it that way
Charlie because if anything should
happen to you why I I don't know what I
would do no no I I just hate to think
about it is the sort of work really that
unpleasant to you Charlie McCarthy
caught on in such a big way the fact
maybe that they couldn't see him they
couldn't be sure that he was a dummy you
know because for three years I was
answering letters is it true that
charlie is not a human being that you're
talking for both of them well Charlie
became famous so famous that there were
many articles with his name on them
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
we had the good fortune of receiving
quite a few awards and now I'm going to
suggest in all the patrol members here
indicate their vote for you as an
honorary member
and a good round of applause for Charlie
McCarty the schoolboy patrolman
you got to save yourself with this
decoration well it's a long story thank
you
is a long story an attorney one plus we
went to the World's Fair in New York and
appeared there Oh charlie how do you
like the fair I think it's wonderful
mayor wonderful that you bring sorry
go out with you yeah but mayor come come
come I love you exhibits would you like
to say Wow
[Music]
maybe afterwards have rolled maybe down
ovation after wife
[Music]
Wow
he spends his time on
[Music]
I had my first dummy I made it from a
mask a Halloween mask and and it worked
fairly well as a start
when I was in the eighth grade and that
was the beginning of of my ventriloquism
in my senior year in high school I got
Charlie McCarthy
I saw newsboy outside of the high school
building their little Irish mousse boy
from the Lakeview high school in Chicago
and I sketched a picture of him in my
history book I took that to the wood
carver who made ventriloquist dummies
and I got Charlie from the wood carver
Owen about mayor so earlier May last of
April and I appeared on a student
recital we called it in Lakeview high
school itis for all the students and the
faculty well I was booked on Chautauqua
that summer so I felt pretty cocky
anyway and I knew there was a career
ahead of me when I went to buy the bill
in the fall and Charlie was a newsboy a
little urchin with a little beanie on
and the short pants and and he was
selling newspapers we did this for 10
years all over America England and
Canada and then in the 30s part of it
started dying out so I was booked to
play the Helen Morgan Club in New York I
didn't think a newsboy was quite the
thing for the nightclub I guess it would
have worked but I'd asked Esquire
magazine if I could make a dummy of eski
they thought it was a good idea but then
they changed their mind they thought
they'd rather have Eskie be known as a
magazine rather than a ventriloquist's
dubbing so there was nothing for me to
do then but to make Charlie the man
about town so that's how we got in
monocle top hat and tails when the head
of T Walter Thompson heard that they'd
booked a ventriloquist on that the Rudy
Vallee show had been truly wish he says
well he damn well better be funny that
was the stuff the idea was ridiculous
you know of a ventriloquist on radio my
own show and originating in Hollywood
started in about May of 1937 and that
was an hour show he was a big show and
we had down there meet she'd our killer
more
and WC Fields and another guest star
every week being on the air for 20 years
we had to cover an awful lot of subjects
and Charlie got into about everything
that a boy could get him to as years
went on I had to add to the cast she
said all night that's a good trick city
slicker so I created the character of
Mortimer and Mortimer fortunate choice
was that he was a direct opposite of
Charlie he was not a good-looking aide
he was afraid of the girls he was
bashful and he was stupid but he was
lovable Marta Mary do you do you know
the name of the stars oh no I don't know
their names that's a turd over there oh
yeah
over there is Mars the s'mores yeah and
did you know that Mars and the earth had
the same Sun boy didn't even know they
was married then as time went on I
introduced a third character which was
Effie clinker Effie clinker is a
bachelor girl her life has not been
without love it's just been sad love
it's a it's just been tragic tell me
miss clinker IRA are you married no no
I'm not no darn it no comparing anyone
yes anyone I don't
well now what must this man have to to
be your choice well first of all he must
be a minute he must be a man and then
those were the three characters are used
on the radio show candy accepted
Charlie hey Charlie resented candy a
little bit because she he had to move
out of her room because Charlie had his
own room but they were very good friends
so when she was about three years old
she would sit on one knee and Charlie
would said I'd buy other knee and they
would talk back and forth and she would
play along with the thing and it was
just fine so I said to myself I'm either
an awfully good ventriloquist or my
daughter's a little stupid so I pressed
my luck and I said candy isn't it
wonderful how Charlie can talk and she
says yesterday's daddy would you do move
your lips a little Charlie style in
silent comedy was he was fresh he didn't
show respect either for me or for our
guests and that made for the fun well I
think the fact that he that he was a
puppet made it harmless you know but
also I could say things through Charlie
that I could never say myself
what's your outstanding memory of radio
Charlie your favorite guest
well of course WC Fields has to be none
there one I guess he does yeah all the
fights we had yeah remember when he said
he said to me come over to my house I'll
let you ride piggyback on a bus all yes
that's right here
and I said is that your nose mr. fields
are you leading a tomato
yes yes it's WCPO right oh can you see
him well I could just see a little of it
yeah I can see him sticking his nose in
at all thinking his nose in it are ya
oh well then it'll be five minutes for
he gets here hello hello mr. peels hello
who would take her snack bar
bill I I can explain everything about
that incident you see he was he was
setting a skunk trap that's what he was
doing okay the other evening as i was
traversing my garden search of flora and
fauna flora is my cooking a likable
young lady makes wonderful crepes yes i
believe all that but that's really none
of my well I was working wrong when I am
expecting Li tripped and the next thing
I knew I was prostate on pair of farmer
Hall which was not unusual in itself but
let's get back to this contract remember
experienced hospital
after two days my hospital I took a turn
for the nurse my leg six wheels of the
big sphere that feature I wear what they
find bill in the artist I expected the
foul my lake was power
good evening mr. fields why are you
saying I said good evening at all let's
not jump at conclusions Charlie I've
been telling mr. field that you want to
apologize now isn't that right yes it is
yes I do mr. fields I do I remember how
we used to fight mr. feel foolish wasn't
it
I said I'd slice you Whittle venetian
flying remember how I talked you by
saying that makes me shudder
I taught you yeah why only laughs you
ever got was the sneer from a
disgruntled per mine why
please please gentlemen ergonomic mr.
fields just doesn't love me anymore
that's all
he'll come here I don't love you're a
break every knock your body away people
often ask me whether a WC Fields really
hated Charlie you know and resented him
getting laughs and things there's no
truth and land at all Fields was a
wonderful a wonderful character because
he was a harmless villain it was
harmless synthetic age and and you could
see through it he was a great man to
work with and of course we both agreed
this would be the script and we would
assemble it and then of course we would
both go and dirty it up or or sneak in
little toppers that we wouldn't tell the
other one about him sometimes we'd get
so far off that they would have to come
and give us the sign you know one minute
you gotta quit or two minutes
oh then there was another one of course
that you feuded with yeah mr. Lawton
Charles Laughton hello Charles oh boy
you had one fight to Bill one week and
then the next week you both agreed to
apologize and Lawton says I apologize
for what I said last week I remember
that and you know what I said no I said
mr. Lawton I not only apologize for what
I said last week before what I'm gonna
say to you today oh yeah and then you
asked him mr. Lawton is it true that you
played the Hunchback of Notre Dame
without any makeup Yosh that was a good
one yeah yeah oh there were so many of
them like with Clark Gable
so you're Charlie McCarthy uh yeah so
you're a dealer
well I'm Edgar Bergen so what yeah
between us jolly to what do you
attribute your great success as a
Casanova would you tell me well I really
come on you could be frank with me yes I
know but the Gobbo tell Dietrich I think
I've got a picture of one of your
favorite lady friends yeah yeah Oh Oh
Marilyn Monroe oh yeah
yes indeed yeah remember when you were
engaged to Marilyn
yeah Prime Minister Churchill he said
this is America's darkest hour yeah if
Charles McCarthy insists on marrying
miss Monroe I have only this to say
never before has one so little taken so
much from so many well then there was
one other girl Charlie
yeah yes one that really was excited Mae
West was on the show oh boy we went into
hiding afterwards yeah
when she said hello it kind of sounded
sexy oh wow shaaka handsome
hello tall blond and terrific hey
Charlie did you smell that perfume yeah
isn't it ravishing yes it is ravishing
its weakness so help me I'm swimming mmm
why it's my favorite perfume ashes of
men
man Holy Smoke you're not gonna make a
singer out of media tell me miss West
have you ever found the one man in your
life that you could really love sure
lots of time
you look pretty good for me Charlie come
here we're gonna play that through
you're wrong
well now that you ask oh you're right
out through you're right well I'm
finally confused but I need time for
that one day that's all right I like a
man what takes us time oh they may don't
be so rough to me love is peace and
quiet
love that sleep of course the unusual
thing most unusual broadcast we ever had
was it was at Fort Ord Northern
California we did the broadcast oh there
must been 20 or 30,000 men there and
after the show was over I do an after
show for the men for with Charlie and I
was doing a routine having fun than they
were laughing and an officer came in and
he says company 22 48 seconds to report
to your barracks immediately and choices
very funny very funny so I finished the
routine and I anything goes you know so
it was through and I said what was the
gag he says japan has just bombed Pearl
Harbor were at war yesterday December
7th 1941 a date which will live in
infamy the United States of America was
suddenly and deliberately attacked by
naval and air forces of the Empire of
Japan Oh
send the word send the word over there
that the yanks are coming the yanks are
coming the drums from coming everywhere
so prepare to prepare send the word send
the word to beware will be all we call
me
and we won't back over
in the United States see these
presidents greeting know either
proposing special trust and confidence
in the fidelity and abilities of Charles
McCarthy I do hereby appoint him
honorary Master Sergeant US Army Air
Corps army of the United States hey
pardon me I think I got caught in a
dress Oh over there that the yanks are
coming the yanks are coming the drums
from coming everywhere so prepare to
prepare send the word send the word to
be where we'll be all
and we won't
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
the mercury theater welcomes all you
servicemen to an hour or two of magic
hanky-panky hocus pocus and humbug we
trust you like to be fooled
we hope we fool you these are Army
Signal Corps and Air Force pictures of a
USO camp show bringing Hollywood to the
boys in the South Pacific yes sir GI Joe
sure loves his boat sedae z uq you're
cool aw shucks
[Music]
look who's here Bob Hope I just want you
boys to see what you're fighting for a
[Applause]
jungle fighter shows Bob a trick now you
grab his hair Bob oh yeah
a grapefruit has more hair than that
honey new head the boys love autographs
now Frances Langford and Maddy Thomas
anybody care for an autograph autograph
yeah they love autographs of Frances
Langford and Patty Thomas so Bob dots
colonna's gee I
I got here last night so I had to sleep
in the barracks for the men you know
what barracks are two thousand cots
separated by individual crap games today
one of them pulled off his shirt handed
me a tattoo needle and said okay make
with the autograph boy and these Marines
stick together and have a wonderful
esprit de corps esprit de corps that's a
French expression meaning see if she's
got a sister
[Applause]
you know during the time they stay in
boot camp these Marines have to forget
completely about girls in fact at
midnight the sergeant goes through the
barracks with a flashlight
waking up anybody that has a smile on
his face
[Applause]
he likes to hear those big laughs those
big belly laughs it sounded good on the
radio you know somebody's flat I've seen
Bob lots of times when we'd be on the
road and be up late and traveling and
tough schedules and he'd be exhausted
and we'd arrive at the particular
cantonment or military installation we
were going to work I need would walk out
in the stage and get that big burst of
applause and those big laughs and you
just see him pick right Oh
physically it was like a shot in the arm
or we were old friends from vaudeville I
worked vaudeville with hope when he did
an act with the young lady I think he
was kind of a straight man for the young
lady about and he did a little stale
dance very fresh then and still it was
kind of the popular impression of the
boy down the street you know the smarty
I like the wise guy with the straw hat
and all the jokes and they the kind of a
fella that pop in a neighborhood full of
zip and full of beans and can get away
with things that hardly anybody else
could get away with because he had a lot
of personal appeal we paired together on
the radio many times before the road
picture Jack doing these kind of jokes
which led paramount people to believe
that they could create a comedy series
[Music]
[Applause]
yeah head was any smaller you that he
was a plumber's friend for an umbrella
then all this evening days junior what
do you expect me to get you for
Christmas
Miss America wrapped in cellophane or
something stop bragging you couldn't get
within a mile of Miss America with Errol
Flynn on a leash to all concerned just
who is the biker who has the generous
heart of this team now for your
Christmas gift from me I want you to
pick out anything in the place the very
generous ad-lib me no I mean it
[Music]
the Lucky Strike program starring Jack
penny with Mary Livingston Phil Harris
Rochester Dennis day and yours truly Don
Wilson
Fred Allen said about Jack Benny he was
the first to realize that the listener
is not in a theater with a thousand
other people but is in a small circle at
home Jack Benny was not only the most
successful comedian in radio he also
revolutionized radio comedy until he
came along it was pretty much vaudeville
with a microphone
[Music]
Jack Benny was a new type of comic on
radio with a new type of delivery
he was suave and blind and anxious were
previously probably some of the company
had been a little baggy pants a little
knock about different he was different I
don't think that anybody a comedian or
an actor of any kind says to himself at
anytime I think I'm gonna develop a
style I don't think he would know I
don't think he would know how to do that
I think you just find it innately
there's something that you do that you
find out works for you some comedians
talk very fast they go from one joke to
another joke to another job maybe
topical humor now I discovered when I
first started to talk on the stage that
that would not have been my style my
style was to talk on a subject and stay
on the subject mr. Benny do you think
daylight saving time has benefited us in
any way well yes in many ways of course
it has it's bad points to one is the
time table situation for instance you
look at a time table and find that your
train leaves at 6:00 p.m. but when you
arrive at the station you find they mean
standard time so it really leaves
etcetera you get on the train at 7:00
and arrive at your destination which has
no daylight saving time at 6:30 of
course your watch now shows 7:30 so you
rush to keep a dinner apartment with
your girl which you made for
daylight saving time then she shows up a
half hour later standard time and not
seeing you there breaks off her
engagement becoming despondent and takes
part so in that case the only one who
benefits by the daylight saving time is
the fellow who sold her the party he's
renting out now this I found out very
early in my career that's the way I seem
to start years and years and years ago
when I found out on the stage I found
out invulnerable but that's the way I
must talk I found out it was my style to
talk slowly to stay on a subject to make
a conversational and not to make it
jokey we never did anything that we
thought was going to last
we never framed anything we never
started anything that we said for
instance I've never gone to my writers
and they never went to me and it came to
me and said let's make you a stingy
character let's make love and bloom your
theme song let's have a few between you
and Fred Allen see if we'd have framed
all of that ahead of time it would have
never worked out it always started by an
accident by accident we wrote a couple
of stingy jokes and then they got big
laughs so we each week or every third
week we would put in a few stingy jokes
and before I knew it I was a stingy man
sure is dark tonight no moon oh well
yeah hey put what huh you got a match
yeah yeah that one right here I'll make
a move this is a stick-up so put down
that gun get out I said this is a
stick-up now come on
your money or your life
but I said your money or your life I'm
thinking it over
[Music]
I didn't start out by saying I want love
and bloom as my theme song I would have
hated Louisville is my thing so I don't
like it today is my fear so I like it as
a song
[Music]
I was 36 four years when I was 37 and 38
then we stopped at 39 even 39 is a funny
number 40 isn't
[Music]
the feud with Fred Allen started by Fred
Allen insulting me on his show knowing
that I was going to be listening and so
I answered him then he answered me then
I answered him we were in the few for
eight or nine months before we even
discussed it with each other that's why
it was successful Jack Benny handled
radio as good a better than anybody than
any of the comedian's because he knew
just the things that he did he made use
of of horses and weights like Jack Benny
going over to Ronald Coleman's house to
- he borrowed a cup of sugar and he went
over to run alone Jack Benny ghost
around with Coleman's house he goes
there he goes now I'm eight steps he
walks on the sidewalk and he's carrying
the cub and after that as a man passes
him and drops ten cents in the cup and
here the ten cents drop at Jack's us
thank you
then he walks again and walks up eight
steps rings the bell mister there was no
hurry with Jackie he he knew how to use
these weights and knew how to use radio
nearly every good comedian has good
timing
they couldn't be good without it Burns
has great timing
Edwin had the greatest Gracie Allen had
probably the grapes which he was the
great of all time when we came to timing
you have to have real good time you know
you can't exist as a comedian everything
Jack Benny did he think he'd hold on to
he had the Maxwell car and he had the
bear I won't forget the Bears name and
he to things like when he went down into
the vault and he had this crocodile down
there the man living there for 60 years
that never steal the most the worst
buddy it was fun now not getting back to
your expense accounts I want you kids to
be more careful in the future but I'll
pay you off now right here I'll go into
my vault and get the money
please turn your back
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
Oh
who goes there friend or foe friend
password password oh yeah a pool of his
money are soon parted
oh it's you mr. Benny that's right take
out your gun and I'm going to open the
safe yes there
[Applause]
see and radio you could visualize
everything yourself like my balls scenes
were easier to do on radio than in
television now the reason my character
sustained over so many years like you
say how could things go on and on well
because I played a character that
included all the faults and the
frailties I think that's the right word
in the frailties of mankind see every
family had somebody like me either they
had an uncle who was stingy or one who
thought he was very sexy and he wasn't
so every family has that kind of a
person the different characterizations
you know we made Phil Harris a sort of a
smart aleck a guy he either left a pool
room or a bar or a girl about all I can
take I'm going to the bar and start
warming up for New Year's Day when
Dennis came in you knew he was always
vague about something now let's go in
the other room mr. Penney what you see
this tie I'm wearing my girl knitted it
for me for Christmas that's high what
are those things hanging on the side she
started to make a sweater and change to
mine
Mary always sort of ran my life even
though she wasn't supposedly married to
me I'm in my late 30s or my early
forties you were in your early 42 the
gay 90's and I would see to it that the
material I gave them almost fit their
characters personally and particularly
their speaking voices
Oh mr. Barry what are the Rochester I
baked that cake like you told me to good
Oh Rochester will you please take these
Christmas tree lights and fix them
that's them yeah I fool around with
electricity what are you afraid of I
don't want to get hit by nothing I can't
hit back
Rochester played my Butler my Vallot my
chauffeur who had a right to insult me
because I was the kind of a fella that
was the cause of it you know again
there's a Jack Benny the lone wolf
talking you can't get a date I can have
a date every night in the week if I want
to oh I didn't mean anything jacket just
wanted to start out with a laugh that's
all well it's very little humor getting
laughed at other peoples expense and
that reminds me come here a minute Don
did you did you hear Fred Allen last
Wednesday night Oh George was a swell
program it was really great
don't reviewer Don just answer yes or no
did you hear Alan make those innuendos
you know those slurring remarks about my
violin playing yes yes I did pretty
caddie wasn't it oh I don't know he was
just hitting and you're taking it
seriously
well so what - or any other musician
well as I live and breathe and stand
under a strong life so people won't
mistake the wrinkles in my face for a
washboard
[Music]
we'll be heard that what's the matter
with you Jack plenty
did you hear Fred Allen Wednesday yeah
t-that with a funny program what laughs
Wow don't elaborate the little traitor
the way you talk about my violin playing
I ought to sue them
you ought to sue your teacher too that
man is saying that I couldn't play
flight of the bumblebee at the age of 10
I played flight of the bumblebee so
often I got the hi I'll bet you're hung
up the whole town with it
this I actually remember start of the
feud because the feud started the week
before when a little ten-year-old boy
played the violin and when he got
through Fred knowing that I always
listened to his radio show he made some
derogatory mark he said to think that a
boy 10 years old can play the violin
like that Jack Benny ought to be ashamed
of himself
and I jumped on him and then he picked
it on from there
[Applause]
[Music]
look at they want me to play wrong they
don't want you they want you not to play
Levin Klum
mr. Benny killed vaudeville today the
murderer returns to the scene of his
crime I have the ad right here in the
paper mr. Benny
it says the biggest show in town 14 days
only due to mr. Benny's prior
commitments you have to put it in
they're going back with the Good Humor
people I mean
[Laughter]
it says the biggest show in New York
you will die laughing now the show is
over and I'm still alive
yes I would like to have my money back
if you want your money back you'll have
to go to the box office they've told me
at the box office you're taking it out
after every show I should they told me I
should come to you direct they'd wait a
minute
80 cents it'll cost a TV show look what
you got for 80 cents
you got the sportsman quartet Marjorie
rebel Rochester Phil Harris and myself
now you do like the sportsman for very
good very good
is that worth 15 cents 15 cents of
anybody's money for the 15 marjorie
reynolds that were the quarter murderer
let me see
you drive a hard bargain
[Laughter]
[Applause]
[Music]
a quarter watch rochester very good
certainly worth 20 cents is it yes yes
20 cents that's sixty seven sixty cents
all right there's not phil harris's
worth a dime is that right eight cents
of all right that's 68 cents that leaves
your 12 cent 12 cents I would like to
have 12 cents
[Applause]
can I remember this is my last quarter
that I got with net didn't get it paid
yet I got a half dinner I got to have a
sandwich I have something to you any
well I got it I'm gonna be here all day
but I haven't even got money to ride
home not even on the bus nothing nothing
I'm sorry well how are you gonna get
home with you I don't give away about
9:00 o'clock you'll never be able to
have it well if you could just let me
have a dime so I could get back on the
bus that's right that's all thanks very
very much family balance humor was in
the tradition of Mark Twain and Will
Rogers so you can see why he liked this
quote by George Bernard Shaw if you want
to tell people the truth you better make
them laugh or they'll kill you one of
the most fondly remembered features of
the fred allen chill in the 40s is
Alan's alley reunited in this studio the
original members of the alley to
recreate their roles in a script written
especially for this show by Harry Bailey
who wrote for Fred Allen in the 40s the
voice of Fred Allen will be impersonated
by alberni
well it's time for another visit to
Alan's alley this week the government
announced that it may be necessary to
raise the income tax so what our
question for tonight is what is your
reaction to a possible rise in the
income tax here we are at senator
cleghorne 's house I see the senator is
home his team of mules is hitched in the
guest room
well let's knock somebody I've seen
somebody thumped my poor old flag on the
name senator clack on at it oh it's you
yes yes good evening since dawn I got no
time to be standing here filibustering
with you I'm busier than a one tooth
Mouse in a room full of chatter the
Senate has you hopping anything that
aims a half of its own this session has
the whole Senate upset just today in the
cloakroom I heard senator bird singing
the blues you mean any yes bird singing
that's a jokes I'm sorry I I keep
checking am at you you keep clubbing
them look alive son on your toes I'll
try senator what what are you up to
these days in the center a big medical
research projects on my committee has
appropriated the money to cure
come on Cole you found a cure for the
common cold no narrator rabbit in that
laboratory with the sniffles why that's
wonderful senator you've eliminated the
common cold not so fast son but you
sister won't work for people you mean
what have you know a rabbit with a cold
you just sent him to me senator our
question tonight is about a rise in the
income yeah well it's car saying it's
got to happen son
we got the Ways and Means Committee Ways
and Means Committee yeah no matter what
ways you figure out to keep it we'll
find the means to take it away from you
so long son so long that is you know now
let's see what mr. moody thinks about
the rise in the income tax
howdy bub well mr. moody you're looking
chipper well every reason I should I
just got a clean bill of health
you went to the doctor no no the vet
come here you were examined by a
veterinarian yeah he come to look over
their stock yes so I sneak down to the
barn and stood in one of the stalls
I see the vets nearsighted after feeling
my withers and counted my teeth
what did he say said our winner
blue-ribbon didn't expect that one did
you
actually no I ain't all rube you know
well mr. moody what do you think about
the proposed rise in the income tax told
me nothing to me you mean you don't care
if the tax rises or not I've always
ready for them Felicia you are every
year when it comes income next time yes
every year when it comes income tax time
yes I drop whatever I'm doing and I go
deer hunting but what is going deer
hunting have to do with your income tax
well no matter what I owe no matter what
you owe
I can always send them a couple of bucks
so long bob well let's try this next
door
no well mrs. Nussbaum you're expecting
maybe Shapiro Agnew you're all dressed
up mrs. hen are you going to a party
coming from a wedding I see a relative
perhaps mine second cousin once removed
on my mother's side Anastasia Pincus by
name did the father give the bride away
gladly you see a beauty Anastasia is not
then how did they find her husband
oh they employed the services of a
leopard the matchmaker a miracle worker
I see that part looked high and low
finally he found the boy and he
introduced him to Anastasia oh not yet
he's afraid one peak and all is lost you
understand so he arranges that he not
see Anastasia until after the ceremony
when she removes her veil did the bride
wear something old her mother Snickers
something new a genuine simulated
rhinestone love earlier
compliments of Corvettes something
borrowed the money for the license and
something blue oh this is the color the
groom is turning when he sees Anastasia
well mrs. Nussbaum what do you think
about them raising the income tax oh I'm
glad you asked me because the income tax
is leading to the biggest mistake of my
life
just what was that big mistake event to
an expert excused expression are your
excuse in the window is a shine reading
taxes prepared but also free snacks so
you went in naturally and over the lox
and cream cheese he filled out nonfarm
yes and over the borscht he totaled mum
income I see and when it came to the
kreplach is adding mine deductions and
when he finished we held hands through
the cheese cake crumbs
you mean the tax expert became mine
husband Pierre thank you well I see Ajax
Cassady his home his Sam rock underwear
is drying on the line
now who's causing all the ruckus whose
beat their disappointments disturbing
the peace oh it's you me boy how do you
do how do you do
well mr. Cassidy how are you terrible
terrible terrible I am suffering from
Brannigan's complaints Brannigan's
complaint you see I own aku Brannigan
$5.00 last night he asked me for it well
I told him I didn't have it yes he
registered his complaint with his fists
say that's too bad well mr. Cassidy what
do you think of the rise in the income
tax me boy tis of no importance to me at
all at all with 17 dependents you
support 17 defending oh you do that
would be mrs. Cassidy and and the
bartending staff at McCaffrey saloon
goodbye dear boy I didn't actually copy
anybody in the news for the senator I
had played a character that I called
dynamite Gus and Dada say dynamite had a
Faculty of repeating because you might
not have heard I say you might not have
heard what he said we're saying that is
you know because we're very important
that you hear what he was saying that's
a joke now laugh it up be alert girl
well that was that was my dynamite Gus
that's the character that many pious
told Fred about and he heard it and
loved it and made him a senator in the
alley I played pansy Nussbaum it was a
character that I'd played from time to
time before the alley was formed and
then when when Fred when the censorship
got tight with the war coming in Europe
it was always there in fact he decided
on these characters for the alley and he
gave the the same woman
the name pansy Nussbaum this foul means
nut tree in German well I was born old
and I'd been doing it man and farmers
mostly for many many years since I was
quite young perhaps you'd guess I'm from
and he he was yeah
a small-town New England that's what the
character was but Fred had the character
that was called Titus Moody I mean Titus
Moody was Fred's name
I'd like to interrupt to say that I was
playing on The Ellen Show me Alan's
alley a little Irishman by the name of
Ajax Cassidy this phone call one day man
said he said I represent the Irish
people in New York and we're gonna pick
it your show unless you cease and desist
immediately doing this spoof of the
Great and honorable Irish people I say
exactly how many of you are there well
he says there's millions that all kinds
of he said that there's a large group
and when they said subscribers to the
Irish echo or the pilot in Boston or are
you are you a national group like the
Irish Republican Army
well noisy this is when in the
neighborhood there's a quite a bunch of
us I said what comprises this bunch well
he says there's a friend of mine and a
widow ready the alley was an important
part of the show but the fred's opening
was just as important his but it was
very important commentary and there was
the alley then there was an interview
with the guest then the guest sketch and
then that would that was the show I
think Fred opened up the whole idea of
topical commentary I think until that
time everybody was depending pretty much
on sketches a lot that had been brought
up from vaudeville and review and so
forth and Fred began to mention action
actual people actual places actual
events and to do use them as takeoff for
comedy
Fred red nine or ten papers a week and
we all read all the local papers and
we'd clip clippings that we thought
might have some bearing or might have
possibilities Oh Joe he was constantly
on the lookout for something in news
earlier in the evening this telegram
arrived from Washington
it says dear Fred Allen be careful what
you say tonight remember what happened
to me sign Henry Wallace
now many people wonder why over a week
elapsed before Henry was asked for his
resignation well the truth is that the
president didn't know what to do until
he heard from Drew Pearson well enough
about politics ladies and gentlemen it
is nice to come to Minneapolis where
things are so quiet and orderly when I
left New York last week a Nimbus of
havoc hung over the city but everybody
in New York seemed to be out on strike
the stock market went down meat was
selling for more than General Motors
when I left meat was so scarce the city
put up a sign in the lion's cage at the
zoo
do not throw meat out to people
[Music]
[Applause]
the reason they call radio a medium is
because nothing's well done on it
a conference of radio executives is a
meeting at which a group of men who
singly can do nothing agree collectively
that nothing can be done a network vice
president is a man who comes into his
office every morning and finds a
molehill on his desk he has until five
o'clock
to make that molehill into a mountain I
have just returned from Boston it is the
only sane thing to do if you find
yourself up there all the sincerity in
Hollywood you could stuff into a fleas
navel and still have room enough left
over to conceal a caraway seeds and an
agents harm
[Music]
[Applause]
I've just finished a picture called it's
in the bag aren't you forgetting further
- I too have in your picture Rudy how
can I forget after all I wrote that part
for you I'm all set now I'm staying at
the home of one of the big producers at
the studio Rudy you should see that
house what luxury even for Hollywood
that guy is overdoing it this is really
that luxurious Rudy it's the first house
I've ever seen where the mouse traps are
baited with cheese to play and those
furnishings the rugs are the softest
I've ever seen why you sink so deep in
them that you can entertain dinner
guests in your shorts without them ever
knowing it I stayed a Jack Benny's house
for a while that was murder I lost 20
pounds in my watch the first week listen
Jack have any food around his place food
the mice run through Benny house with
tears in their eyes Rudy well $18
European plan and it's the same American
plan I mean there's no difference I know
you get the same amount of food but with
the American plan
Benny hangs a flag in your room
Fred worked in a piano store in Boston
where he was from and then he worked in
a library and while he was in the
library had a chance to read and he
loved reading and he read so many things
diversification of things and then he
then he went into portable and did many
many different acts he was a juggler the
world's worst juggling ventriloquist -
Freddy st. James II - John Florence
Sullivan is ISM squared
Portland joined him and the act went so
badly that he finally put a flag up on
the screen and played Columbia Jo she
was a beautiful chorus girl and fell in
love with him the show show she was a
little girl a little iodine girl almost
almost a Gracie Allen Carol mark yeah
Fred wanted to go into television with a
show and it's a real sadness with a kind
of a show that has become increasingly
popular on television he want to go into
television with the talk show but in
those days the rigid the formulas
working in and so they put in NBC put
him in a show called the Colgate Comedy
Hour one hour show with with
choreographers and dancing girls and
everything and if you remember the times
the time this was during the Cold War
and it was a time when you weren't to
rock the boat so you you you couldn't do
anything controversial or anything like
that and that was Fred stock-in-trade
not controversy necessary but but
topical so he went back and adapted some
of his old radio spots and they didn't
adapt very well when you got them up on
their feet in front of the camera they
just didn't turn out to be too too great
entertainment there was a certain type
of imaginative comedy that could be
written for and performed only on radio
but we are living in a machine age and
for the first time the comedian is being
compelled to compete with the Machine
the successful comedian is on a
treadmill to oblivion television
inherited situation comedy from radio in
the 30s the most popular show of this
kind was Amos and Andy Freeman Gaston
and Charles Carell started it all the
program the Goldbergs
close second in the 40s the top
situation comedy was fibber McGee and
Molly here's Jim Jordan who played for
the McGee he no longer lives at radios
most popular address seventy-nine
wistful Vista but he's about to go back
there now the Johnson wax program with
Federal McGee and Molly
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
the makers of johnson's wax products for
home and industry present fibber McGee
and Molly with Bill Thompson Gale Gordon
not the cube Ryan and me Harlow Wilcox
the script is by Don Quinn and Phil
Wesley music by the king's men and Billy
Mills Orchestra
[Music]
[Applause]
Oh McGee it's merely trivia hello mr.
mayor hello mommy
McGee I sit down briefly according to my
schedule I can give you one minute and
ten seconds boy I'll settle for the 10
seconds McGee I've had it good day don't
go you just sit right here and visit
with me awhile himself ears on a tighter
schedule than the Berlin Airlift but I'm
loafing I'm putting housework on a
business basis latreille of everything
on schedule efficiency boy you ought to
try that at the City Hall sometime I'm
trying to get several efficiency
measures through the City Council now
McGee Oh fact I had lunch at the hotel
with president Bates at the council
yesterday to talk about it
Thanks isn't he the man who bought you
so hard the last time you ran for mayor
mr. mayor
and you had lunch with him yes yes if it
will help to improve our government mrs.
McGee I can work with him politics you
know make strange bedfellows how is that
again Lafitte hmm oh I'm in a remark
that politics makes strange bedfellows
you see did you have to stay overnight
mr. mayor
overnight we're at the hotel where you
had lunch you said there was a strange
fellow in your bed so next time
no no McGee I didn't mean McGee found a
horse in his bed one day yeah you found
a horse nice bed one time at a Legion
convention mr. mayor but a bed full of
strange politicians is worse yeah you
can shoot a horse for the politician
have please just a minute when I said
politics makes strange bedfellows
usually get a mouthful boy I went to a
political rally in Chicago on time and
had to share a room with two fat
senators an award healer named Beeler
was there a healer named Beeler in your
room at Derby because oh no there wasn't
I didn't have any room I didn't say I
had a room there wasn't any room at all
you understand I'll say we understand
boy the way them hotels rammed six or
eight politicians in the room that was
built for three brooms in the bucket
there ain't room in the room for anybody
how could you sleep that way look
trivial but I didn't creep that way I'll
eat that day hey I mean
mr. mayor don't shout gays noise won't
settle this sir be calm boy where are
your friends look at it
heaven help me now you said you went to
a luncheon mr. mayor
yes and then you said politics makes
strange bedfellows yes but I was tell me
one thing
was there a Ward Heeler named Beeler
there because of all the strange
bedfellows he snored louder than our
words - rain red fellow a sprain Abed
Bello know when I said politics makes
strange heart for you strange bedfellows
full of business full of philippine sea
mullet patient
[Music]
McGee
yes boy I'd like to ask a favor the
police department pistol team is
shooting target practice tomorrow
morning
would you help them out Oh he'd love to
mr. mayor I'll be there boy hey what do
they shoot at Latrell you'll find out
Gale Gordon who did mayoral a trivia
always the same way always great sir
McGee and Molly was was there was a lot
of fantasy took place in a mythical town
of course called whistle Vista this town
was mythical and street they lived on
was mythical whistle Vista was not a
small town either
hey Brewster's huge metropolis if we
wanted it to be it was anything we
wanted it to be you know the basis of
all humor in the back in the beginning
of the theater and so analyst was the
lie mr. McGee gave me a great deal of
pleasure to inform you that you're now
the champion of the world
it's always a liar and a bum he had he
never did anything he never worked and
just a guy that caused trouble
you always got in fights with his
friends and he in salt them and they
wouldn't play fair with him or anything
else but oh how he kept his friends
nobody knows but he did that's what was
amazing and this is what people enjoy
doc gamble he shouldn't have been a
friend of a bum like this guy was but he
was because he enjoyed him and he felt
that he was better actually we all think
we're better than that guy which we are
I hope goodness sakes McGee look who
just came in hello dr. gamble
hello my dear hi doc and what are you
doing in the magic shop fumble thumb if
you're trying to find out how to make
yourself disappear please do so and have
them send me the bill and may I ask what
you're doing in here doctor are you a
magician is he a magician you ever see
his wizard thermometer he sticks it
under your tongue impose 300 bucks out
of your pocket
Wabble jaw I'm an even-tempered man and
I just like to brawl in public but a few
more of your snide comments and I shall
be forced to throw a few knuckles into
your unpaid-for teeth
why you creepy old has-been that never
was you make one move toward me and I'll
stop your mushy old flame right under
the woodwork oh yes don't forget I've
seen your muscles such as they are and I
happen to know you couldn't go two
rounds with Margaret O'Brien Suzanne the
obbligato - mother machree oh my
goodness after all well I don't think my
character came from me III mean I don't
think I was Farah McGee in the least I
think I was a direct opposite from
Pierre McGee I didn't have a dirty
closet I I wasn't a liar I was very I
could I couldn't tell a lie and get away
with it if I wanted to I don't think I
was the same as fibber McGee I think
that was just a character that I played
that's the way I've always felt about it
the bell would ring and that would be
the entrance cue for whoever it was of
course hello there mr. wimple oh hi when
hello taking a little stroll mr. wimple
yeah in a way mrs. McGee anything but
mostly I'm sort of a refugee you sweet
face that's my big old life you know yes
we know she's giving a bridge party for
a lot of matrons what do you mean
Nathan's older women no I mean matrons
from the County Jail hey what you doing
with a rope around your neck Johnny oh I
don't do a Chinese can't be that bad boy
[Applause]
[Music]
won't you have a chair and a cup of tea
No thank you mr. McGee I can't Steve in
a moment I just dropped in to say
goodbye
Oh my lawn mower what about your lawn
mower
McGee never returned it and I'm gonna
need it in summer beef now wait a minute
Gildersleeve you know very well that
ain't your own lawn all this to you bar
it it was mine and you borrowed my fries
by my well I'd go to answer the phone
and and or go to take down the phone to
get a number and I'd say operator give
me the residents of not important people
huh oh that tumor I'll give a little
thing work and I say oh is that you
murdered well how's everything where is
that so what he did what oh you're
beautiful Afghan huh lost it
well what happened oh I see you went
back to Afghanistan I never thought that
your man
you either work like fury for a few
minutes or you sit down doing nothing I
know I'm a member of a sweater set I
either sweater set it up Molly I says
I'm a member of the sweater set ain't
funny McGee we grew up together we were
young teenagers together in the same
town you are yellow a lot that's
and that's where we were married and
then we went into show business after to
go back to the early days of radio there
very few women that really could speak
and be heard and like she had the voice
with it
she was the balancing influence that
kept him from going to jail or having
somebody beat him up she kept things on
the kind of an even keel well the
material would come from our own lives
and it would come from the lives of the
people on the show and the more real it
was the the better it was the more
believable a situation could be why
leisure was to get last with it hey
remember when we were kids in Peoria and
I built that big hollow snowman with a
tunnel hundred and I draw into it at
night and talk to people then they walk
past
yeah Wow we went on some beautiful
sleigh rides in Peoria - yeah in fact I
think the first time you ever kissed me
was the night you rented the cutter from
the livery stable now I have to kiss you
Tootsie had too much investor to waste
the evening nights only hands is alright
in the summertime it when it comes
mitten weather a man has to establish
better contacts javed tonight would be a
beautiful night first may ride mcgee I
know where I can get a sleigh
farmer friend of mine out on route 62
Mel has his name is Mel of 'his but they
call him Mel for Carl a well I'll call
Oh Mel then huh what's his number dearie
I don't know I got it wrote down in a
little book here simple oh I know it's
right here in the hall
Oh charlie yes they can if you had your
life to live over again
what changes would you make well let's
see if I had my life to live all again I
I would make two same mistakes you only
start sooner this time get the point
yeah
[Applause]
[Music]
they with you
as friend of friend
I'm sorry
I'm telling
just know why
I hope
that way
let's make a deep
[Music]