Ironside will not be seen tonight in
order to bring you the Bob Hope
Christmas special now a special program
in living color on NBC from West Point
Lakenheath England Hannah Germany and
the USS John F Kennedy and Souda Bay
Crete from poo poo and up on Thailand
from Camp Eagle Danang and long been in
Vietnam from the USS sanctuary in the
South China Sea from Jung Joo gall and
Osan in Korea and from Elmendorf Air
Force Base in Anchorage Alaska the Bob
Hope Christmas special
around the globe with the USO starring
Ursula Andress
Johnny Bench Lola Falana the gold
diggers Gloria Loring Bobby Martin the
ding-a-lings this world
Jennifer husband this United Kingdom
ebon Ora and Les Brown and his band of
renown
brought to you by Chrysler Corporation
makers of Dodge Chrysler Plymouth and
Dodge trucks with extra care in
engineering and by roll a four relief of
heartburn and acid indigestion Rolaids
consumes 47 times its weight in excess
stomach acid
[Music]
Sesame Street isn't the only one with a
big bird that's our c-141 crammed full
of equipment luggage cue card sets props
costumes and a gang of happy gypsies who
do anything to get out of Christmas
shopping
that's our mayor Sam your tea making one
of his rare appearances in Los Angeles
my leaving town is part of his
anti-pollution program and that's Jack
Benny playing Santa Claus what a switch
when he went home his bag was full
actually we had a tough time getting
Jack to go home when he smelled the
grease paint and heard the roar of the
crowd he wanted to join the show ham
that he is oh what a delightful man
these tykes showed up claiming to be my
grandchildren what a blow to a handsome
young leading man okay stand by for
takeoff
wheels up flaps down and finger
cross what alone our aircraft commander
major Merv Kaiser had to put both feet
on the instrument panel to lift this kid
off the runway at a West Point which
isn't easy because they don't have a
runway actually we settle for Stuart Air
Force Base in ours I see bribe from the
point rehearsal at the point was
scheduled to start at 1400 hours here
the cadets and route to the field house
using their unique form of bustle these
cadets march in the footsteps of some of
the great heroes of American history
generalize McCarthy Brandon men whose
dedication and integrity give direction
to the long gray line and here's some of
the older cadets general Alfred grunther
director of the Red Cross general Lyman
Lemnitzer former head of NATO our host
to the point General William a Knowlton
and his lovely wife Peggy Knowlton and
of course the boss of it all chief of
staff general Westmoreland and the head
of the USO former Air Force general
Emmitt Rosie O'Donnell originally we
were to start our trip in the
Philippines but the captain of the Cadet
Corps Tom Piers wrote me a letter saying
why don't you do your dress rehearsal at
the point I called Jenna Westwall and I
asked him what he thought he thought a
lot like cadet first captain Tom pears
who suddenly became our travel agent and
emcee was a little over three months ago
but I sent a letter to a man we all know
and love very deeply in the letter I
made a request to mr. hope that he come
to West Point to share with us a portion
of his Christmas season a thing that mr.
hope is done with servicemen around the
world for many years and in response to
this loan request it gives me great
pleasure to introduce to you this
afternoon the one the only mr. Bob Hope
[Applause]
and I've only been in 15 minutes
[Applause]
six stars huh
you know I use westmoreland for a
bellboy
I can't tell you ladies and gentlemen
here we are at West Point with all the
cadets I just want to say I just want to
say it ease laugh if you like I hate an
audience to salutes jokes
[Applause]
but it's a beautiful sight I haven't
seen so much grace since I passed out at
the letter carriers convention
[Applause]
and I love those collars they were
there's something else from the back
this place looks like the whiplash ward
on Medical Center
[Applause]
they have a kissing Rock here and legend
has it that when a cadet doesn't get a
kiss from his date the Rocko cave in
that legend was spread 200 years ago and
the rock hasn't caved in yet
I don't think any troupe ever had a more
enthusiastic audience to rehearse to the
entire cast worked for 2 and 1/2 hours
even the power fade he got an encore
after the show we dine with the cadets
at Washington Hall 4,000 seats no
waiting after a hasty steak and eggnog
pie
well we took off from Stuart field and
spent the first of many long nights
pretending we were sleeping in our c-141
if 6 and 1/2 long dull hours across the
North Atlantic to Lakenheath England
which we broke up with radio broadcast
to our weather ships ocean station
Charlie and ocean station Julia and here
we are landing at Lakenheath receiving a
typical rousing english welcomed several
the generals cleared their throats after
an hour of privacy for painting and
powdering we headed for hangar 6 for
9000 Air Force jet jockeys and their
crews waited for me to buy hey I have a
message from your wives and sweethearts
back in the States
go home yank
I'm happy to be here at Lakenheath with
the men who are in the front line
protecting Elizabeth Taylor hi guys love
it here because it's so well located
it's a stone's throw to beautiful
downtown mildenhall
[Applause]
I hear it's a real wild town on Saturday
nights they sell fish and chips til one
o'clock in the morning
I love these World War two RAF faces I
keep expecting to see Trevor Howard and
David Niven and white silk scarves
[Applause]
must be great to have a real Old English
Christmas the Yule Log blazing on the
hearth plum-pudding bubbling in the oven
and the beer heating on the stove
[Applause]
gentlemen today we are blessed with a
plethora of beauty we have with us not
one but two international beauties and
here is a girl from Cheshire Yvonne
Armas miss United Kingdom right here
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
yes sir from Cheshire huh
you're a pussycat aren't you yes sure
Corsica I know I now why they call you
miss United Kingdom you certainly put it
all together on one time how does it
feel to be Miss United Kingdom well it's
better than being called miss common
market how did you go about becoming
Miss United Kingdom well first you have
to be a girl go on to second your way
past first and you have to win your
local contest and I was born in
Nottingham really what part
hey why string it out I say
we all want to thank you though for
visiting with us today it's very kind of
how did Oh bub
I was delighted to meet these wonderful
audience who are all these fellows well
some of them are oil Air Force and some
are American Air Force oh they're all
fliers not all of them some are married
but isn't this nice British and
Americans did I guess one well together
never a harsh word never no they haven't
been introduced
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
next stop Hana Germany when they told us
we were working to flee your horse
concern I wasn't sure Phil is a strudel
or a lampshade turned out to be a field
house we'd work four or five years ago
our hosts were the fifth Corps and the
third Armored Division dig those
shoulder patches they look like Chrysler
buyers here's a lovely willow a
long-haired blonde a nice part is she's
a girl in a few short season she's
climbed high on the record charts but
she's not only a recording star with her
look so to be ashamed to waste her on
wack she's appeared all the way from the
Persian room in New York to the Playboy
clubs all over the world not to mention
just about every television show miss
Gloria Loring right now
[Music]
you feel that you can't go on because
all your hope is gone and your life is
filled with much confusion and your
happiness is just an illusion in the
world
darling reach out
reach out for me I'll be there with a
love I'll comfort you I'll be there to
see you
[Music]
[Applause]
each year when we plan this trip we rack
our collective minds trying to figure
out how we can get the most exciting
glamour gal to present to you and this
year we got one that fits all the
categories and what a fit
she's an international star who makes
pictures in Rome in Hollywood and stirs
up excitement at all the places in
between the star of dr. no Blue Max and
Casino Royale Miss Ursula Andress right
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
never mind about eyes right or left just
get them back in the socket
[Applause]
all these men an inspiring sight funny
we're thinking the same thing you're
very attractive thank you
but Switzerland is full of girls like me
really no wonder they're always yodeling
I don't know what I'm doing here Bob I
can't sing and I can't talk no I'll just
stand there they'll do the singing and
dancing
[Applause]
I hear you just made a picture with
Rome's loverboy marchello Mastriano is
that right that's right though and now
you're here with me and believe me I can
use the rest you know that I'm one of
your most avid fans I've followed your
career from your first picture to your
latest thriller perfect Friday all of
them there isn't a thing of yours I
haven't seen
[Applause]
let me reword that what I mean is I've
looked at everything they've ever shown
of you
[Applause]
I gotta find a better place for my foot
honey I think we're a natural for a
picture together a rare combination of
fiery smoldering sexing whatever you can
bring to it view that we're a team I've
written an intimate little scene that
will bring out the best in both of us
what's the thing about well it's a
subject that's near and dear to every
serviceman his country and protecting
its secrets from a beautiful enemy spy
feeling sorry for our country already
know this vignette is called the GI and
the spy I'm your typical average red
bullet G on a weekend pass searching for
cultural activity
[Applause]
okay I've just come back to my hotel
room and I find you going through my
things you look up and you see me
standing there huh what are you doing in
my room sir sir oh oh you're a girl well
if I'm not that wasted the fortune in
pantyhose I'll forget look I'm losing my
patience our talk or I'll freaking I'll
forget you're a woman I will tell you
the truth I caught a glimpse of your
face in the lobby
I know fellow hopelessly madly in love
with you here's I believe it I know you
have the microfilm I'm gonna have to
search you nothing to hide
could be but if I didn't search you I'd
never forgive myself
oh the old microfilm and the hippie
trick
I'm sorry I'm gonna have to take this
one with me what for she's a spy and
we're gonna shoot her at sunrise yeah
but it's 8 o'clock in the evening what
are you gonna do till then you stay out
of this bill think of something
[Music]
[Applause]
this morning I told my son please keep
your hat and galoshes on but I should
know better I just can't keep them dry
or I still worry about the colds because
nothing is going to stop them but this
year I have a system plenty of sleep and
good food of course and this cold season
he gargles twice a day with Listerine
antiseptic look I'm not asking for
miracles but if it'll help keep him in
school I'll be happy this cold season
fight back with Listerine antiseptic the
John F Kennedy is the newest carrier in
the Navy and one of the largest right
now she's cruising up and down the
Mediterranean with the 6th fleet in a
frenetic game of tag with the Russian
Navy
we landed in Souda Bay Crete and in the
middle of the night were choppered out
to the flight deck of the Big John at 8
o'clock the next morning the weather
forecast was not great the windows in
the north and the temperature was
somewhere close to freezing but for
hours before the show the deck was
jammed with crews some nearby destroyers
Hamill barges tankers and there were
three frogman who addressed me as to
barge by Showtime it looked like
everybody in the Sixth Fleet was on deck
here we are bought the aircraft carrier
John F Kennedy and Souda Bay Crete
[Applause]
before snows
yes sir we're on the Jolly John the
biggest bird sanctuary in the Navy
golf courses small earnest
it's amazing I didn't know Texas would
float can develop the thrust of 200,000
horsepower but the Navy doesn't take
chances in case of a power failure they
also carried two dozen pairs of oars
[Music]
this ship has a tremendous crew 5,200
men and 23 girls from Naples who hated
to say goodbye
[Applause]
very happy to welcome to their board
tours from the USS Bane the submarine
[Applause]
yes sir he's here and the USS nitro the
ammo ship the USS
yeah USS Lahey the guided missile
destroyer
USS Caloosahatchee the oiler
well oil now you can't
USS Brumby destroyer escort
USS you Barbossa destroyer
the USS loan the destroyer welcome in
hope you swim back delightfully thank
you but expect to be here and for the
benefit of the other ships in the area
this show is being broadcast in Russia
[Applause]
there there there are a few Russian
ships out here a few thank you Kinnear
Red Sails in the sunset all the way to
Jabbar
I don't like to brag but I'm one of the
few guys who ever came away from Las
Vegas a winner I talked the Sands Hotel
into letting us borrow a hurricane Lola
for two weeks I'd loved her seeing the
Russians when their radar picked up Lola
Falana
[Applause]
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[Music]
how about that gal
nice fresh cherries mrs. Tate cherries
Oh Pete they'll stain my dentures don't
you know about evident evident
well is the tablet I use watch it's
turning blue
that means evidence bubbles are
scrubbing away its stain and odor when
the blue disappears dentures are cleaned
out route Pete your evident really
cleans cherries are still em how take a
balk effort and remove stubborn stains
between teeth and minutes I don't show
it but sometime underneath I do get
irritated the hard burn an asset that I
get I have to reach for my Rolaids
fighting new york city traffic it's a
challenge if a nervous passenger rushes
mean I work up a little tension and
heartburn if he says something I'll say
have one of my Rolaids it's a wonderful
relief the Bob Hope Christmas special
will continue after station
identification
it's over 7,000 miles from creaked in
our second home Bangkok
here we were greeted by our ambassador
Leonard Unger and commanding general and
golfer James Gibbons and some lovely
ladies with Garland's of flowers our
first assignment is utter pow Buddha Pao
is a Royal Thai Air Force Base one of
the largest and one of the business our
tankers and b-52s take off from here I
don't know where they go but it can't be
chartered flights you never see any
tourists ah
native girls everybody down alright
let's go here we are a Thailand a place
called the Powell case you're wondering
where Oda power is it's just a few miles
from Sattahip so much for educational TV
now that I love this place the OODA
Powell Hilton look at that jar look at
that cliff dwellers back there you know
I can't believe this place is over here
though with all these buildings looks
like downtown Peoria was drafted and
they have a wonderful mess hall here
though it's the first time I've ever
seen
all right let me finish this line have a
wonderful mess hall here it's the first
time I've ever seen spam wrapped in a
banana leaf
hey actually glad you waited yeah
preload these ship Merry Christmas
thanks Bob okay Duncan you're kidding
Neil Armstrong's home yes sir just two
of you huh they drafted the mayor and
the sheriff now that's the only base in
Thailand that has a beach but something
you've been complaining it's just not
like the beaches at home so every six
months the Navy's gonna dump an oil
slick on it here's a gal Les Brown told
me about ordinarily that's not much of a
recommendation but in this case
everybody wigged out she sings it all
from barefoot country to contemporary
pop and here she is with though lonesome
me miss Bobbie Martin
[Applause]
[Music]
everybody's going out and having fun I
have a nun say I can't get over how a
set me free me God will make it about a
hanging around
well and all that I should go on and go
to paint the town well most sickle
planet just can't see me yeah I bet he's
not like me that guy's having a fancy
pretty girls for the holy sháá I love
him so like all the way up from him back
in my you're from Texas
let me hear those hand
[Applause]
if you're from Detroit City let me hear
your
[Applause]
well we're those for me let's go home
man
[Music]
that's all y'all
[Applause]
it's back to two-a-days our second
outing for the day is a supper show up a
boob on for Colonel Larry M kill packin
his wolf pack like a good mother colonel
kill fax sent a couple of babysitters
down from the 8th Tactical Fighter Wing
to look at us it's a great comfort to
have these phantoms protecting those
time mosquitos are murdered our diggers
never waste a moment here they are
between gigs autographing fan pictures
in the usual sentimental manner over
8,000 jet jockeys have been waiting
since noon to see the gold is not
willing to brave it alone I sent for the
best legs in the cast ladies and
gentlemen I know you'll get a kick out
of this next cat at the ripe old age of
22 he was voted the most valuable player
in the National Baseball League and was
also named Player of the Year he led
both leagues by slamming out 45 home
runs and knocked in 148 run he batted
293 for the season and here he is the
catcher for the Cincinnati Reds mr.
Johnny Bench
[Applause]
[Music]
welcome to our little junket thank you
Bob but I'm even surprised you asked me
to come with you why are you surprised
now I'm not a girl you're see-through
pants fool me I want to tell you that
Jonny the gold diggers are mad about you
but you've ignored them why is that they
are adorable but they're all married who
told you that
you did I did Yeah right after you told
me to wear my catcher's mask all the
time
I almost starved to death
I just wanted everyone know who you are
it's your identification I guess you're
right I noticed you never go anywhere
without your nose
[Applause]
along with the girls it could be better
Bob but there's no privacy by the way
were you ever a nun Peyer what gives you
that idea
you're always looking over my shoulder
your batting average I'm not taking any
chances
yeah do you think that the players
nowadays are smarter than they used to
be well look at it this way Bob right
now I can be sitting on the beach and
Nassau daiquiri in one hand a blonde in
the other instead I'm here in the jungle
with you yeah when do you first notice
that you were simple well anyway you're
23 good-looking and you're hitting and
throwing has made you a lot of bread how
come you're not married I can run too
haven't me Nancy John why do they call
catchers gear the tools of ignorance
well you got to be a little flaky to be
a catcher which reminds me of a question
I've been meaning to ask you
mm-hmm why did they call him idiot cart
if there's anything I hate it's a cocky
little leaguer you know what I wouldn't
give to be built like you believe me I
wish my muscles were as big as the
muscles your muscles give birth to what
do you think of this one here feel like
it's cute all right so I haven't got a
big muscle but look at that chest look
at that
gee I'm sorry about that Bob how did it
happen what you think everybody wonders
what you talk about when you walk to the
mound to confer with a pitcher well
mostly I just try to relax them and ease
the tension why don't we get our
uniforms and Sean okay
[Music]
take a breather lefty get a load of
chicken a fifth row I did why do you
think I walked the last farm in WoW is
that a skirt she's wearing or a belt
party poopers
well we gotta think about the game we
gotta think about the game maybe though
the original and the wait while we think
about the game there was his waitress
back in Kansas City built for comfort
dumb but pretty yeah yeah London built
and looking down the aisle
[Applause]
and she was wearing nothing but a smile
and then I thought about the game though
my heart says stay 14 all I said was
pardon me cuz I thought about the game
cyber side with ya radagast three miles
from Philly and I just want the skies of
Dilli
I suggest we stop for just a while
and no one else around for least um bar
[Applause]
there we are
sitting side-by-side in the dark for
minds with just a single thought I look
at my girl and I look at mine and with
one fell swoop
[Music]
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[Applause]
don't miserable come poor baby
try these halls mentholyptus for your
coffin watch out all says they present
exclude the raw stroke to help your
cause
yeah I don't feel stuffed up either
direction again it penetrates deep to
make nasal passages feel clear Paul's
mentholyptus with vapor action if he
kissed you once will he kiss you again
be certain with certs the delicious
candy means that stops bad breath
delicious candy mint perfect breath mint
searches two to two minutes in one we're
headed for campy you'll near the ancient
city of way it's just a stone's throw
from the DMZ and we hope that this state
Charlie isn't Frankie one hundred and
first Airborne is one of our favorite
audiences who in show business could
resist the screamy eels are not only one
of the most responsive audiences but if
you can't come to them they jump in
their calmness and come to you
well I see the girls aren't ready yet
and Gloria stolen my makeup mic Michelle
oh so I guess I'll have to go out and
fake it on naturality okay Eagles start
screaming
thank you very much here I am at Camp
Eagle I was here last year and I came
back to hatch the egg I laid this is the
home of the famed 101st Airborne
Division they've seen they've seen more
action than a traffic cop on the Ho Chi
Minh Trail
[Applause]
this has been a great trip we've been in
England the Germany then the creaked and
the Thailand Vietnam Korea in Alaska and
we're going to keep on going till we
find Howard Hughes hey I guess you read
that Howard here as it disappeared and
the next day Jack Benny showed up the
police station claiming to be his only
Son
they say he went to the Bahamas but they
don't know how he got there the last
time they saw him he was walking across
the Gulf of Mexico
[Applause]
we have four Dazzlers from the be marked
and show the ding-a-lings right now
[Applause]
[Music]
and I want to show you all this exactly
what I'm talking about the funky chicken
you ready goes your left and your right
arm to do
[Music]
after the show at Eagle we had some
unexpected guests his John trying to get
an extra donut from the Red Cross donut
Dolly's I think that's what he's trying
to do and his vice president and a
Vietnam marshal key came backstage to
thank the cast for coming tonight
he also gave the band the number of a
bathhouse that gives Green Stamps here
we are heading for freedom hill and
Danang we've played here many times and
there's something about this bowl that
makes it possible for 26,000 people to
see the show at the same time usually
it's raining but today we just
shoehorned in between the showers I love
coming here it's always a blast
this is our seventh visit here is an
amazing the pool I have with the
Department of Defense now this is the
only base in Vietnam with Rapid Transit
there's a rocket going anyplace you want
few places you don't
at night they don't say halt friend or
foe here they say where do you want it
[Applause]
look at the audience it's a jar of solid
caviar
listen to them in Bobby Mark and I do a
scene about a GI coming home after a
year in the boonies home from the wars
all these long months I've been waiting
for this kiss give it to me what we have
here is a breakdown in communication
what's that all about
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
they're gonna try to sleep who's
thinking about sleep
daddy Archie car there's gonna tell you
[Music]
I swear to you baby you're the only one
I ever thought of yeah
then who's that silver you were always
talking about in your letters Sylvio
that's my sergeant Sylvia's his last
name what's his first name
Shirley his mother wanted a girl suppose
he tucked you in and kissed you good
night yes he did they'll do anything to
get you to re-enlist see today
[Applause]
they're gonna come on power in Boston
he's gonna call my car honey you got it
all wrong I spent all the free time in
the library with my nose stuck in a book
your nose was like that before you left
[Applause]
well you sure you're my wife you mean
you don't remember me after two years
old you round eyes and look alike to me
[Applause]
yeahwe I do big for your cheating heart
it's gonna break the news to you how can
you accuse me of cheap oh you went with
other girls didn't you yeah and you
danced with them didn't you yeah and
y'all hug dumb and you kissed them
didn't you yeah well what do you call
that strike an hour
[Music]
well I got to keep my promise I told lo
la dance for this so the fellas will pay
attention but why do you work so hard I
mean surely it's not the grand course
not it's much too fattening well you
know in the world over so it can't be
fame and glory
oh no I've had it with fame and glory I
only keep the shrine open two days a
week then why are you knocking yourself
out well honey for the same reason you
are what is it that we're living for
applause applause nothing uh no brings
on a glow like sweet
you're thinking you're through
that nobody care and then
[Music]
and you're in charge again I know
trumpet our theme
[Applause]
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[Music]
you
our target for this Christmas Day long
been general McCaffrey's ranch largest
single military installation in
southeast asia general Wyatt is out
there doing my warmup he gets pretty big
laughs nobody stares the four-star
general I tell you I've had a lot of
people tell me about how they love you
men and they support you but this guy
for 28 years that I know of has put his
money where his mouth is and you can't
help but love a guy like that
right there that guy's a real peace
symbol
so help me now wish a Merry Christmas
and welcome him and all of these other
wonderful people that have left their
homes to come over here and Entertain
You on Christmas Bob
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
I'd like to get a seat like that for the
RAM game
thank you very much gentle wine they get
another show going back there
they tell me the Cardinal cook said Mass
here last night and that some of the
guys slept here all night
still on your feet
[Applause]
I want some of that Jarrett Oh daddy
anyway I just want to say that here we
are in long Binh long Binh it sounds
like Dean Martin's wine cellar the
biggest military installation in Vietnam
with 25,000 men and with all the troop
withdrawals I'm surprised to see anybody
here
it was nice to you guys to stick around
just for me
my seventh time here which may explain
my codename schizo though I volunteer to
come back and the Pentagon was very
impressed they said we once had a
general like you Custer this is
Christmas Day not quite the same at home
but still Christmas complete with the GI
version of sand on his sleigh and you
haven't lived till you've seen an MP in
a red suit and six sergeants with
antlers
[Applause]
Laurie I understand you were married
recently right yes I just told all the
guys about it just a little bit ago when
did you find out all right after we
signed you want to apologize for
breaking up your honeymoon that's all
right it's no fault of yours Bob and you
certainly were very generous to provide
transportation for my husband all the
way from Los Angeles I just don't know
what's taking him so long
[Applause]
well those non-scheduled balloons just
aren't reliable
[Applause]
he has to fly right over the Rose Bowl
huh
glory aren't you aren't you awfully
young to be married no I don't think so
what do you think this is the perfect
age Bob well I would say for a girl 22
for a man 97 two years after the funeral
whichever comes first
oh you know it's all in gesture you know
that underneath this harsh exterior
there beats the soul of a pussycat a
solid love child love is the reason you
were born
[Music]
we will suddenly me people suddenly fear
[Music]
person my little love is a kick right in
the pain
love is the aspirin you Bob
if you're clapping you're climbing a
wall
[Music]
love me is the night you can't recall
love is the night you can recall love is
the extra drink you tried love is the
extra drink shop Miyagi love buying
bottles
[Applause]
[Music]
establish an old established trap 10
million suckers walk to play 10 million
suckers walk the planet you land on your
tail your landlord let you
oh wait a minute here one minute Gloria
there's one guy down here who looks very
skeptical you would you come up here
please huh come here
[Applause]
what's your name
[Applause]
try to read my lips what's your name
absent right what do you hear from
Delilah right what do you know about
that this is Gloria Laurie
don't you want to shake hands
I'm already shaking just saying hello
they're making about it much headway as
the Paris peace talks
what do you think of this fella Gloria
well I don't know he kind of acts as if
he doesn't care but I think he just
needs someone to put their arms around
him and give him a little heart
[Applause]
hey Samson is that true yes
don't stare at me
[Applause]
you better
[Applause]
we went out there to Indian wrestle
alright break it out classification
programs over how do you feel now like
all I had one potato chip
I know the feeling
[Music]
[Applause]
I don't know who the head masochist is
at the Department of Defense but he sure
has a wild sense of humor Christmas day
we were sweltering in a hundred degree
heat five hours later we were young
Chico and Korea putting anti-freeze in
our deodorant Les Brown and his band of
renown are out there warming up the
audience as they have been doing for the
last 16 years that's why they get out
there before they steal the show
[Music]
[Applause]
what a thrill to be here yesterday I was
in Bangkok it was a hundred here we are
with my suntan goose pimples
now it's wonderful to be in Korea when
the kimchi and the slicky boys are in
bloom hey I finally found a way to beat
the slicky boys
I had a 6-foot MP with a red moustache
I'm now offering a $50 reward for a
6-foot MP with a red moustache and
stepping off the plane was a big
surprise somebody has stolen the ramp
fortunately it wasn't too big a drop
they got the landing gear before that
the way that this morning was brisk
that's a Korean expression that means
chop me a glass of water while morning I
bumped into the sink and broke my
pajamas
[Applause]
[Music]
Osan Air Force Base in Korea this is one
of our most strategic bases they air
left Sony tape recorders from Hong Kong
back to the generals in Honolulu
but as our project officer said you must
go to Osan it's a hardship base all the
Penguins that are complaining I hope
you'll forgive this next outfit is not
really me I'm just sneaky it past
customs from my brother Helen
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
you remember me the Oriental charlton
heston
[Applause]
hushpuppies huh
that's for sneaking past papasan de
mamasan
Oh Shawn Korea where the men fly faster
father and higher and many of them use
airplanes
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
infiltration is a big problem at this
space I think I had a nearsighted spy at
the barbershop this morning he shaved
the back of my head and braided my nose
in a pigtail
[Applause]
you remember me the fellow that sells
postcards here
we're gonna funny your hat
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
we're finally getting to the fuzzy stuff
[Applause]
we had a nice flight in here but I'm a
white-knuckle flyer myself and always
amazing me when I see a guy get on a
plane in ten seconds later he's fast
asleep it amazes me especially when he's
the pilot I was nervous when we took off
two signs went on no smoking and our
Father who art in heaven
[Applause]
and now it's time to meet the GAO chosen
by the experts in London as the most
beautiful girl in the world
Miss World of 1971 Jenifer Hostin
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
Jennifer what do you think of this
reception it's lovely but why are they
whistling bar that they're not we're
seing that steam escaping it just came
to a boil I understand you used to be an
airline hostess yes Bob I love traveling
going from country to country I feel
that each one gives you something yes
and I see you only took the best I don't
like to get personal but may I ask your
age of course I'm 23 23
I must say you're certainly
well-preserved for a woman of you year
let's not keep these men in suspense
what are your statistics 37 23 36
[Applause]
that's not remarkable it's not
remarkable it is when your sergeants 48
48 52 find a way Jennifer that was quite
a wild night in London when you were
crowned Miss World oh yes
that angry women's lib group screaming
throwing things then charging up onto
the stage I thought they were going to
crown you yes I haven't seen that many
angry women since my press agent let it
get out that I was married
[Applause]
but one minute you are there and then
you disappeared where did you go
[Applause]
you get away to one of the duller lines
where did you go Bob what's that
after this shoe you know you seem to
have disappeared all of a sudden
well I hid behind missed Israel why mrs.
Rio well I was warned I didn't want the
thing to last over six days hey what is
this woman's liberation movement all
about well for years men have kept women
enslaved use them as sex objects
and turn them into second-class citizens
no women are rebelling oh I see now you
mean it's your turn to be rotten men
tried to create the impression that
they're the Sibelius X no we do not try
to create that impression however the
truth leaks out we don't try to suppress
it you can't change nature manners
traditionally the hunter the provider
and when he wanted to go over to
sheriff's cave he grabbed her by the
hair and dragged your home those days
are gone you're right if you grabbed a
woman by the hair these days you'd wind
up in the cave with a wig
Jennifer Houston
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
several years ago at a Christmas party
we heard a chorus of Korean orphans who
were delightful on the show this year
the 2nd Infantry Division brought us
their course from Quang tan orphanage
they did several numbers for the boys
ending up with this one I got a standing
ovation
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
or you guys go anywhere you're gonna
gargle with Listerine I haven't got the
head breath it's for fighting cold too
we can't stop them but with lots of
sleep good food and Listerine twice a
day and might help keep you guys in
school Oh No now last one to the
bathroom is a big a 50-game stirrer of
the gargle this cold season fight back
with Listerine antiseptic not sure we'll
have a class today
Oh throats gonna soar what do you need
Listerine gargle out here know this
Listerine their medicated to soothe sore
throat pain fast these dryness to good
taste lemon mint flavor soothing
Listerine lozenges from the people who
put Listerine in the bottle medicated
throat lozenges in a box I don't know if
the Air Force was putting us on but they
convinced us that the quickest way from
Korea to Los Angeles was to make a pit
stop in Alaska anyway we arrived in a
beautiful clear day and really was clear
there was no mercury showing in the
thermometer at all and now that I've
been there I'm glad I never really did
meet ten fingers in a moment of wild
abandon we did all the things that
tourists us in the last scheme
snowmobile having your leg bit by a sled
dog anyway this was our last show on one
of our
what applause I think it was applause
maybe they were just trying to keep warm
but it's nice to be here in Alaska where
men are men and women are women
but it's too darn cold to do anything
about it trouble landing the ground was
so cold the plane refused to put its
tail down I like the weather this
morning I took a brisk walk this morning
made me feel so good tomorrow I may try
it outside
nobody gets colds here though it's hard
for a germ to get knee to your system
when it's wearing mukluks
banker Ajay want to tell you the real
swing in town a couple of years ago it's
swung all the way to Fairbanks
and the wind really blows here that's
why you've never had a visit from
President Nixon he ever went like this
he'd wind up in Kodiak
and that oil strike on the North Slope
has made everybody rich it's really
something yesterday six Huskies got
together and bought a team of Eskimos
I want to tell you the food here is
great for lunch I had a steak I don't
know what it was but after I left the
mess hall a caribou came up and licked
my face
we borrow them for the Dean Martin show
again and I've a great honor off the
stage here they are for the third year
in a row with gold diggers
[Music]
[Applause]
to me suddenly
[Music]
now
something special to me
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
this was our last show and we called all
our entire group up on stage all the
technicians and production crew who
volunteer each year to make this trip
with us then with everybody on stage we
close this show as we get all the shows
with Gloria Loring leading us in silent
night would be joined on film by all the
guys who joined us around the world
[Applause]
[Music]
night holy night he's right
[Music]
Merry Christmas and God bless you
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
rather way home now with memories of a
great Christmas Christmas the season of
Gibby
it wasn't long before we realized we
weren't on the giving we were on the
receiving end we journeyed once around
the world and came home convinced we got
more than we gave yes sir a lot more
than the day I only wished a lot of you
mothers dads wives and sweethearts could
have shared the good times we had with
your favorite fellas I wish we could
have shown you the entire show but no
chance in an hour and a half the show
ran over two hours at every stop
but the important show wasn't on the
stage the real show was out there in the
audience the faces of the men no matter
how many times you go you still get
excited about meeting this kind of
audience the greatest in the world on
Christmas Eve we flew from des neighing
to the hospital ship sanctuary in the
China Sea here we had our most
enthusiastic audience about 300
convalescents being matched up before
being sent back into the field also
quite a few who couldn't be patched up
that well so while every sent home to be
near their families this is not the sort
of scene that makes the seven o'clock
news but in terms of the future it is
vastly more important
these are Vietnamese children suffering
with all the ailments that come with a
disaster malnutrition disease and some
with wounds inflicted by a ruthless war
these dedicated doctors and nurses cure
not only the physical oils they also
help heal the spirit of these innocents
who have taken such a beating in this
conflict these youngsters will have to
rebuild and live in the Vietnam of
tomorrow and everything we can do to
keep them sound in mind and body is an
investment in the future of the world
everyone agrees that this most unpopular
of wars has lasted too long but now for
the first time we can see the light at
the end of the tunnel
they are coming home although never fast
enough when someone you love is involved
the president's troop withdraw a plan is
working we are getting out of Vietnam
but we can't run out with a little more
patience and unity here at home and with
God's help this war will end within the
next year and we'll have the
satisfaction of knowing that we've
preserved the freedom of not only South
Vietnam but also of Southeast Asia
45,000 of our Americans have paid the
full price and a quarter million more
have been wounded in this conflict and I
think the least all of us Americans can
do is to work together for a lasting
peace in peace as in war nation's
greatest resources unity one purpose a
single goal in our hearts and minds we
must know where we're going or we'll
never get there and in the eyes of the
world we must remain the leading nation
and councils of the world not only in
military might but in wisdom
the world still looks to us for
leadership an awesome responsibility
which we can accomplish only if there is
national unity these boys deserve the
full support of all Americans we had a
Merry Christmas with her
goodnight
[Applause]
hope Christmas special has been brought
to you by Listerine antiseptic who
remind you to make sure your family
fights back this colds catching season
with plenty of sleep good food and
Listerine twice a day and by Chrysler
Corporation makers of die by slur
Plymouth and Dodge trucks with extra
care in engineering this is don rickles
inviting you to stay tuned to the Dean
Martin show next over most of these same
NBC stations
[Applause]
you