things I play lousy you know why that's
because as a comedian I deliberately
play that way just to get laughs I force
myself to play badly like this let me
show you what I mean
see see how badly that's a now but for
myself or alone with my music musician
friends you see when I'm not trying to
be funny then I play like this
see okay notice the difference you know
I have always felt that if I had studied
the violin diligently the way I was
supposed to and I mean this that I could
have been what I always wanted to be
treasurer of the musician junior mr.
penny hmm what is it honey
well I was with my father he's working
in this building too he told me you were
here so I thought if I'd come in
well maybe give me your autograph my
autograph well I I think that could be
arranged
yeah I bet I know your father is he that
nice-looking accountant in the back
office
no well he's either the tall lawyer
across the hall no oh then he must be
the janitor no he owns the building
oh the owner I don't believe we've met
no but he said you sent him a
threatening letter well actually nothing
I get them all the time you know
threatening letter I don't give them a
second thought it's the package as I
worry monogrammed so what's your name do
you on a Jensen
Delana Jensen that's a cute babe I just
put de Lana
that's cute I'll write that dude well
it's kind of awkward for me to write
will you hold a violin be careful though
the strata very you know strata baby I'm
sure it's about it and the hole is and
you mustn't touch the hair out right des
Lana I'll put two de Lana
give me that vial
now go back to your father before he
gets another letter
waiting weymouth come here here here's
your autograph you can iron it out what
a kid how come she isn't playing a
guitar like the rest of them oh well see
where was I oh yes it's funny of all the
things I do today and you know I get
very good money for my TV specials or on
nightclub engagement but the thing I
really get the biggest kick out of are
my charity violin concerts and I don't
get a nickel for them you know no
expenses no parking nothing not even
rosin money but I've done these concerts
in every major city now playing violin
solos with all the major symphony
orchestras when such eminent conductors
as Wallenstein Zell Burnside and many
others who are so modest they begged me
not to mention their names
but they've raised literally millions of
dollars with my conscience you know when
I play they get from $2 to $100 a ticket
not to now it's done you see the $2
seats are down in front and the further
back they go the more expensive their
seats and the last three rows there are
a hundred dollars a ticket matter of
fact if you paid $200 a ticket you don't
have to come in at all those tickets go
like hotcakes but I've had some very
very nice reviews a fern sense a critic
in New Orleans said when Jack Benny
walks out on the stage dressed in tails
with his violin he actually looks like
the world's greatest violinist it's a
damn shame he has to play
his autograph you gave me he spelled
Alana wrong
oh I spelled your name wrong oh I'm
sorry honey let's see where did I do
that oh oh I see what you mean yes at
last those last two letters there
thanks mr. Benny I'm sorry I bothered
you because I really love you especially
the way you play the violin really yes I
listen to you all the time and you know
that number you do with Gisele Mackenzie
oh you mean that no I used to do on
television with her yeah I'm getting to
know you
yes I can play that I always practice it
at home no kidding you mean you watched
us do it then you practice it jizz out
Mackenzie's part uh-huh well what do you
know how old are you honey
9 9 years old
gee I could be your father
yeah you've been practicing how long the
violin for years for years and you play
like I do
I used to even answer that if I was Don
Rickles this you said you know getting
to know just out McKenzie's pardon well
would you like to play it with me just
for the fun because I've got another
violin here you know I always keep - in
case something happens would you like to
play it you wouldn't be nervous or
anything no all right put this down and
I'll get here you take my violin take
this one I'll get my other violent and
we'll play it just for the fun of it huh
all right now Narmer I've one thing I
want to explain to you when I used to do
this with Gisele Mackenzie she always
spoiled it you know why she's a fine
musician so she would add a lot of notes
that didn't belong there now when you're
playing a counter melody it should be
just straight nice legato notes you know
so don't add anything just play it the
way it's supposed to be supposed to be
played give me a would you please what
all right I won't play you say you've
been studying for years well for years
and one week oh oh that's different
all right now let's play getting to know
your member now straight don't fool
just play straight
now honey another half of course played
like I asked
come along with me sister
put your mind to it you can really do it
and you can play - that was fun maybe we
can do it again tomorrow
I love to but I'm doing a concert oh
you're doing a concert all right go
ahead and do your concert there take
your autograph goodbye goodbye goodbye
nine years old she's 28 if she's a day
try to fool you you know what their hair
goes well