the following program is brought to you
in living color on NBC
[Music]
chrysler presents a Bob Hope comedy
special starring
Jack Benny
Janet Lee
Nancy Wilson
Les Brown and his band of renown
special guests Bing Crosby an hour of
entertainment from Chrysler Corporation
makers of Plymouth Dodge Chrysler
Imperial Dodge trucks all quality
engineered by Chrysler Corporation and
now here is the star of our show Bob
[Music]
thank you very much how do you do ladies
and gentlemen this is our first comedy
special in colour we've been presenting
the Chrysler theatre dramatic shows in
colour but this is the first time I've
tried to be funny and gorgeous too
now the jokes may not be funny but
they'll be pretty now just think of it
from now on I'll be in your living rooms
in beautiful color every week I feel
sorry for those of you spend a lot of
money on expensive paintings
[Music]
I mean who needs hee-hoo
who needs gays birds Blueboy when you've
got Sarnoff's red blue and yellow boy
now everybody's doing color we had to
switch to color NBC figured that if you
can take stomach acid commercials in
color you're ready for me
[Music]
incidentally upon your set I'm on the
little fader just turn the knob mark
color and if I'm a little too red just
turn the knob mark tint and if you're
eating just turn the knob marked off
you know most of the stars have to use
very heavy makeup for color but not me
this is gun ight
[Music]
I look like a walking Hollywood
Boulevard don't I hey by the way you can
tell it's almost Christmas here in Los
Angeles the smog is turning green
and if you find a beautiful new Chrysler
in your Christmas stocking it means you
have very good taste very fine judgment
and a very big feet
[Music]
you should see Hollywood Boulevard by
the way it's beautiful all decorated
with Christmas trees and lights and
pedestrians hanging from the lights and
the Christmas trees
as you know in Hollywood everybody tries
out through his neighbor's with a
spectacular Christmas electrical display
last year the guy next door won easy is
house burned down nobody called the fire
department we thought he was showing off
and of course Beverly Hills is eagerly
awaiting Santa they've got some
wonderful gifts for him
[Applause]
and Santa's gonna skip Las Vegas this
year last Christmas they only let him
work the lounge and of course in
Washington they're decking the halls
with boughs of cactus
Washington and by the way we've had an
exciting month out here because we've
had a little rain little rain
welcome to Los Angeles the mud capital
of the world and by the way we found the
Los Angeles River go straight through my
living room
back east you know when it rains the
people rush in all directions to get
home before they get wet
not here in California that people keep
calm and the houses rush in all
direction
Thank You aquanauts
and remember all those expensive
hillside homes in bel-air well it's now
a condominium in the valley
remember the valley it's now in
Bakersfield
well the water really got up high out
here flipper was directing traffic in
Hollywood
and the rain caused a power failure in
Mickey Rooney's elevator shoes
[Music]
the three days he was stuck at four feet
one
[Music]
and did you read about the elections in
France de Gaulle didn't do so well I
understand he's wearing his crown at
half-mast now can you imagine the French
doing that to the girl now he knows how
a tourist fields
[Music]
he's still walking on the water but now
he's wearing water wings
[Music]
it's the biggest setback in French
history since Manischewitz started
crushing grapes
you know as I look around this studio
nicely gound women and well-dressed men
it's hard to realize that we got two
guys flying around up there in space and
one of them's in his underwear
[Music]
that's the military for they send up a
stripper with unit turns out to be
another guy
love alas ground control if he could
stay in his underwear a little longer
and they radioed back sure but remember
when you're over Russia keep your trap
shut
[Applause]
[Music]
introducing the 1966 Plymouth Fury
big new beauty in a great big hurry
[Music]
66 Plymouth Fury buy kind of a car
you'll want to take the long way home
with that's yourself go Plymouth Fury go
to your plymouth dealers now
[Music]
this is Palm Springs mecca of the movie
stars playground of the millionaires
champagne spa of the Jet Set this is the
beautiful Palm Spring City Hall
there you see the City Council in
session the mayor's the one in the
polkadot bikini and there you see a Palm
Springs landmark the Magnificent Witter
estate of mr. Bing Crosby if you happen
to have a few dollars handy now's your
chance the house has just been put up
for sale
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
oh it sure gets dark in a hurry down
here when that big yellow kid goes
behind the mountain hey Bing it's me I'm
here your gate light is out and your
porch light is out I could have gotten
killed weren't you expecting me yes come
on in I suppose
hey I can't thank you enough for putting
me up on my place is being redecorated
got that my boy think nothing of it what
are friends are for let's for you to
sponge off of well I hope I'm not
putting you on I'm just here for three
or four days three or four days I made
out a lease for a week
Alysse success hasn't changed him he's
still the same lovable Fink
please doesn't friendship count for
anything
oh yes but family's count for more I
have a lot of mouths to feed so what is
my fault you gave up golf you asked me
to sign a lease that's so I'm protected
against damage
I don't ask the older people decide but
you young folks you know you give a lot
of wild parties you can wear on you
little whippersnappers where do I sign
it always works now Bob if you'll just
step up to the cashiers window yeah I'd
like to rent in advance if you don't
mind cashiers window oh yes Bing don't
you trust me I trust you just as much as
you trust me you ought to be ashamed of
yourself how much $500 $500 Oh does that
include the maid no no she's pretty
fussy thank you thank you one two three
four five thank you very much Bob I want
you to know that this money is going for
a very worthy cause singing lessons
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
pardon me Bob I think there's someone at
the door I can hardly wait to hear the
garbage disposal Oh what was that
that's the div' service
I thought capping the kids were in San
Francisco all day they mail it in hey
Bob here's the keys to the house right
here
Oh Roger there you are now if any
real-estate salesman come by just say
I'm out of town for a little bit and by
the way we have some very simple house
rules that I'd like you to observe
uh-huh
checkout time is 12 o'clock no toll
calls and we're not responsible for any
valuables any money left in the rooms at
night oh don't worry about that I sleep
with my watch in my mouth and takes a
licking but it keeps on ticking remember
no female visitors after 6 o'clock he's
been a spoil sport ever since going my
way hey what's a candle for I promise to
keep a light burning in the window for
Gary well can't he find this place find
it he's driven through it three times
this my dear boy this is the bedroom
yeah I have a hunch it might be and over
here this is the yeah you don't have to
tell me what that is
hey wait what man whose picture is that
on the wall I have a confession to make
that's your picture hanging in there
[Music]
boy talk about a coincidence you don't
mind I'd like to turn in okay Bob have a
nice sojourn I'm off to San Francisco
got everything you need now boy all I
want is peace and quiet okay
mind you hello mr. Crosby yeah this is
Clark Dennis down at the Indian sands
real-estate office
uh-huh look could you wait till all next
week sometime I'm just leaving
oh I wouldn't bother you mr. Crosby but
this one can't wait this couple just
arrived from Texas and they want a house
now ah a couple of live ones uh loaded
but they want to see it tonight and they
want immediate occupancy I tell what you
do send them right over while I tidy up
there's some debris in the bedroom I'll
have to throw out
[Music]
[Applause]
you called what's the matter I hadn't
realized you were so beautiful you take
one step in this direction in Austria
[Music]
hello I'm waiting wait just a minute Bob
wait a minute now don't you think you
can find someplace else it'll be a
little more comfortable thing really I
mean think I'm extremely tired and
fatigued from signing leasing so good
night mrs. calabash fine Bob quick come
on hug it out it come on Wow walk into
your double breasted come on I just got
the call what call from Frank Sinatra
they're having a wild gig over his cage
and the girls are all screaming for you
no thanks
why not I'm going to that party tomorrow
night just checked Oh huh in an
earthquake an earthquake run for your
life women in comics first I'll hold up
the room while you get out go ahead B I
saw you kick the bed well I'd better
confess I guess I should have told you
before this place is virtually infested
with rats rats there goes one now I
[Music]
can't believe this a devout coward like
you aren't you afraid of rats why should
I be I made six Road pictures with one
come on now Bob you got to get out of
here I'm in trouble come on please Bob
you're bending my moon we'll watch it
now look bean you forced me to sign a
paper that says this place is mine now
get out before I call this young dog
[Music]
howdy mr. Crosby holidays I'm a text
pastor from El Paso we're looking to buy
spread out here well come right in folks
you're sure we're not disturbing anybody
well we can try this is the living room
here you'll notice the how casual it is
it's informal has the beautiful picture
windows looked right out over the patio
is that nice now come right in here
I want you to look over the master suite
see it's very simple easy to clean
conveniently arranged you know for
comfortable desert type living I think
you like it very much
[Applause]
don't you bother the pollen and Junius
can't you see he's sick
say I know that face he's on television
I may adopt that boy prove did you diss
that you're really him tell him some
funny jokes at these prices huh he's
gonna be drafted in ten years you can
get a head start
[Music]
that we just love the house I really do
like good anything that please the
little woman yeah
now mr. Crosby yep but you'll have that
vagrant removed from the premises I'll
be happy to give you my check well I I
could get him out tomorrow oh no tonight
sir you see I'm just like Linda I just
don't like no strange birds in my nest
[Music]
Hey come on come on hey will you get out
of here there are no co-stars in my
dream come on Bob you gotta listen now I
got some people out there that will
it'll buy the house if you'll get out
well all you have to do is tell me yours
I'm a reasonable man bless you my boy
here's your 500 back no no I'm not that
reasonable a thousand do you have any
idea how fast property is going up in
Palm Springs I'll make it 2500 but take
it early oh that's great I've always
wanted your autograph
get you stopped come on here we go
forget your house rest of the gas
station all right
holy what's this whatever the people
gonna buy my house well I guess they
want to get started back to Hollywood
back to Hollywood
yeah you mean to tell her they went from
Texas no they're from central casting
[Music]
here is Miss Nancy Wilson
[Music]
it's lonely and I'm such a fabulous
dream
[Music]
there's really
[Music]
I'm not lonely a pity it's only a dream
fabulous dream that I feel
[Music]
hey I was just great thank you Bob and I
caught you on the Johnny Carson show how
do you like working commercials agogo
they sell everything I was singing hello
young lovers and between the first and
second chorus they did a pitch for
Holiday Inns well you're lucky the last
time I was on with Johnny I walked on or
right in the middle of my bow like I
checked by granny goose so what are you
gonna do for your not a second number
Nancy I'll only miss him when I think of
him but please I haven't left yet
[Applause]
[Music]
introducing the 1966 Plymouth satellite
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
half the world wants a performance car
the other half a beautiful car
okay everybody let yourself go
Plymouth Satellite go to your Plymouth
dealer is now
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
this is a man called Benny
this man is a fugitive a loner Brandon
yeah
the once I pinch the farmer's daughter
[Music]
he's a criminal number four on the
wanted list not bad
liz is number three this is the face of
a vicious sadistic brute a man who is
guilty of every was guilty of every
crime in the books I've been up the
river more times than an anxious stamp
[Music]
and look at those eyes those mean piggy
little eyes I'll give you a dollar if
you can find a pig with blue one there
he goes
a desperate hunted man known to the
police around the world where will he
hide this time
[Music]
everybody back to work he comes back
[Music]
don't wait up tonight I'll be out late
like that about she doesn't believe in
Santa Claus all right back to work let's
jump on those toys huh okay Herman sad
is ready for today's big batch of mail
santa's mail is sure falling off since
the democrats got into office
please send me somebody to love sign
Fidel Castro
all right nobody move or I'll let you
have a blessing I brought a piece pardon
me I forgot to take off my rubbers
[Laughter]
you're gonna get it you're not even in
the sketch
[Applause]
brownies elves look you a visitor to our
enchanted workshop
well welcome wandering mistral have you
come to play us a tune on this oh thank
heavens I was afraid it was your violin
when I play the B on this it really
stings I didn't know Mickey Rooney had
this many relatives hey you guys gonna
quit smoking hey what's this frostbitten
Disneyland a front door well don't you
recognize me yeah you look like a fat
Mary Papa where did you get all this
loot
well I'm Santa Claus these are gifts
that I give to people all over the world
you mean you're giving this stuff away
certainly don't you believe in the
spirit of givin oh oh
let me see what you're hiding in this
bag the solid gold zipper what's that
for Cassius Clay's mouth
[Applause]
wait a minute you call is a gift it's
Christmas dinner for the Adams family
what's that a new football for the Rams
what's that oh it's time for my rounds
you ain't going nowhere Ringo oh but if
you stop me from making this you stopped
me from making this trip there be
heartbroken children all over the world
what are you a TV repairman but eat that
vicious exterior there must be a touch
of humanity one spark of decency
are you kidding I'm so mean I bought two
lovebirds and they're brothers
yeah but don't you see it's the night
before Christmas and all through the
house not a creature was stirring not
even a mom now cut that off the
stockings are hung by the chimney with
care in hopes that st. Nicholas that's
me Oh break this are you there
the children are nestled all snug in
their beds while visions of sugarplums
danced now we got to him that came
straight from the heart
the world it's all started the first
time it all started the first time I
went to see Santa Claus well what
happened I don't know how to say it
well let's relive it as it happened come
come here and sit on old Santa's me I
believe he's serious look like a poster
for Sun City
with your nose we won't get any sob
get everything I haven't got my support
hose on well it all started that
terrible Christmas Eve what happened I
saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus well it
wasn't me it must have been commander
whitehead oh when I woke up Christmas
morning it wasn't there
well what wasn't there what was it you
wanted with all your heart a fuzzy panda
bear 1 what a traumatic experience for a
little child how many years ago was that
last Christmas you got your wish
oh thank you Sam there you are well I
must go now the whole world is waiting
for me I better check my reindeer Oh
down there Blitzen dancer Prancer Cupid
and vixen - you're in comics here we go
[Music]
here we go these boys are your reindeer
that's right
I've been rocked by girls to me well let
me explain on Christmas Eve I waved my
magic candy cane and they turned into
reindeer okay time to go hold it you're
not going anywhere what happened I
thought you were reformed I am I'm gonna
spend the rest of my life
spreading goodwill and happiness let's
get started we got a long way to go hey
hey well wait wait oh you're making a
terrible mistake
you'll never be able to turn those girls
into reindeer
how about man
well
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
Hollywood known for so many years as the
glamour center of the country is fast
becoming a political capital of the
nation more and more the denizens of the
Late Late Show are throwing their Berets
into the ring first there was the
dancing senators in California who
tapped his way into the hearts of his
constituents
then came the rootin tootin two-fisted
cowboy who would like to move from Death
Valley to the Statehouse then came this
high trend action series Thank You Lucy
and now a new star on the political
horizon Rodney Hart binder you loved him
in the watercress file you laughed at
him beans or birth of fame you cried
with him in ship of mules and you will
adore him in the United States Senate no
I can't give you anything until he
cleared with Rodney now then that was
50,000 campaign posters big head shots
oh no no no no only his left side
announcing mr. Rodney Hart binder you
don't have to announce me my own home
you fool rocky Hawk finder
who turned off the applause machine oh
what a season the state's going wild for
me people are kissing my bumper stickers
Oh quickly some tokens of admiration
how's the campaign doing any news of the
opposition
well now Charlton Heston's doing pretty
good he says that if he's elected he'll
get rid of the small ah him and his
miracles you know I think you're a
shoo-in if you could get your wife the
help she's such a great stock yeah you
think she'll do it course she will ours
is the greatest love affair since Romeo
and Juliet she'd do anything for me why
Audrey would die for me her name is
Linda really I've got to get a filing
system she'll be a big help here
campaign when you were married to Linda
the fans went wild they did
don't you remember I wasn't at the
wedding I sent a tape but she'll do
anything I tell her
[Applause]
fans fans know if there was only more B
to go around it's your wife she's coming
home oh yes she visits here often yes
she does
[Applause]
you make with Sonny and Cher in their
room oh it's so good to be home
wait to see how she greets me she's one
of my biggest fans big pardon madam your
husband is here
[Music]
no wonder the Fuller Brush man always
leaves here smiling I'm over here oh I'm
sorry
but he was standing in your spotlight
now you are staying for dinner aren't
you I live here
Oh wonderful Milford they'll be two for
dinner set another place next to my
pedestal for the Sacramento crowd
remember we need her support in the
campaign she's in my pocket she'll be
thrilled when she hears I'm running for
the Senate Oh Rodney it's so nice to see
you again I'm looking wonderful how have
you been the same as ever adorable
darling I've got wonderful news
Oh your application for Medicare boy now
really marvelous news they're moving
your star on Hollywood Boulevard away
from the hydrants
course not this is something that will
affect our whole future well whatever it
is it can just wait because I have
sensational news for you I'm running for
the United States Senate what did you
wanted to tell me oh you left your
electric toothbrush running and 1/8 the
shower curtain
wait a minute how could you run for the
Senate you don't know anything about the
issues you think of depressed areas
phyllis diller certainly do I know a
great deal about politics
I've studied history all right who is
our civil war president Raymond Massey
lucky guess
Rodney I do want to talk to you sit down
a minute hmm now if you know Rodney you
could be a great help to me in my
campaign there are a few people who
still remember you from motion pictures
Oh would you mind changing seats I get
sick riding backwards
[Music]
darling if you go into politics that
means we'll have to be apart and we've
always been so close do you remember our
honeymoon how I rescued you from the
crashing surf and carried you in my arms
to the glorious sunset to our Bower of
love that wasn't our honeymoon that was
the finish of your last picture yes good
to must do that scene live sometime oh
why are we Vickery can't you see what
your political ambitions are doing to us
goosebumps goosebumps Oh white dumpling
you haven't called me that since our
honeymoon and you called me dumpling oh
well what else could you call it oh I
never knew I never knew darling give up
this madness you're running for the
Senate actors don't belong in politics
oh you're right I'd forgotten how much I
mean to you I withdraw from the race and
we'll enjoy our family life together oh
wait a minute
what are you doing my pictures not on
The Late Late Show for an hour yet the
following is a paid political
announcement this is America's Idol
Rodney - your support in my latest
starring vehicle
Rodney goes to Washington as your next
United States Senator so you're running
for the Senate well I I must have been
drafted oh don't you lie to me you
double-crossing egomaniac how could you
betray the loyalty of a lovely trusting
child well a delicate ethereal beauty
who has worked her fingers to the bone
slaving to make you a star yeah but
Linda Webber wait a delicate ethereal
beauty who has worked two things to the
bone just to make you a star that's the
last one
the candidate are here right here use
the two-inch limbs keep the camera at
eye level and use a pistachio spot it
brings out the bloom in my cheeks
anytime you're ready miss luscious
for your information this program is
interviewing me your next senator get it
I think I've been getting it all along
to make a guest appearance endorsing me
no thanks my image is too big for
television besides I've got a golf date
for five seconds to airtime is luscious
three seconds two seconds will me air
good evening ladies and gentlemen and
welcome to meet the candidate tonight's
guest the nation's number one screen
siren and candidate for the United
States Senate
miss Linda lucious has already
demonstrated some outstanding
qualifications what are your plans are
collected to the United States Senate
well I'll go to Washington and serve two
years but as senators elected for six
years
oh but darling that's why we have
standings
[Music]
your husband has a very fine sense of
humor oh yes yes he kills me or
vice-versa
now where were we we're trying to get
your views on the issues how do you feel
about the president's war on poverty I'm
in favor of anything Truman likes I was
referring to LBJ isn't that a baby
powder lyndon b johnson has declared war
on poverty oh well then I'm all for it
I'll burn my unemployment card I hate to
intrude on it pace to be ignorant but
there's a call you get it darling
no it's for you it's that get out of
Vietnam rally you want to know what time
you're gonna show up you go darling they
need someone to throw himself in front
of a troop train ladies and gentlemen
this is the television first this
program is bringing you both candidates
tonight mr. Hart binder would you like
to make a statement oh well I I don't
think so I don't wish to intrude on my
wife's program actually there's only one
candidate for the Senate oh oh here let
me help you dear
I'll get that I'm expecting a call hey
hello speaking are you sure
Oh wonderful news friends I have an
announcement to make
I'm withdrawing from the race please
vote for my dear husband Rodney Hart
binder oh now wait a minute what kind of
a trick is this oh it's no trick darling
we are honest which proves he'll make a
great senator folks he'll do anything to
get another boat
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
your plymouth dealer is preparing a
pleasant surprise for you
a totally new kind of plymouth it's
called the VIP what's so surprising
about VIP well it's a luxury car yet you
can afford it outside an optional vinyl
roof gives VIP a true limousine look and
that's just one of many VIP luxury
details inside fine furniture elegant
fold down arm rests ornamentation with a
look of fine wood thoughtful reading
lips
and a handsome instrument cluster 1966
Plymouth VIP auto jury car you can
afford nice surprise let yourself go
Plymouth VIP go to your Plymouth dealers
now hey on our next Chrysler theater we
have a great show excuse me Bob yes Jack
I just bought your new album on the road
to Vietnam and it's great
wait a minute jack you bought the album
yeah well of course you know all the
proceeds go to the USO and there are a
couple of jokes that I might even be
able to use myself if you want some
jokes why don't you call your own
writers call my writers around Christmas
ho ho
thanks for being with us there's a guy
who deserved a real hand he's been
making trips for the USO since Valley
Forge two weeks from tonight ladies and
gentlemen were drafting you for an hour
hitch aboard a carrier on a combat
mission in the Pacific as Chrysler
Theater presents the admiral starring
Robert Young and Robert Reed it's the
dramatic story of a courageous man who
has choose between his family in his
country let's take a look at the combat
zone from a safe distance
[Music]
ruch where's your mother it's kind of
you to ask what do you mean what do you
mean she's gone where she's dead if I
pass the word that you scrubbed me for a
state dinner with my old man this whole
outfit will come apart at the seams
yeah but you're not gonna pass the word
I'm not oh well you're a regular chip
off the old block
I hope not you better hope so turn him
in not right now why not I came aboard a
pilot I'll leave a pilot you can't leave
him there to ditch nobody will blame you
ever if I make my life's work pay off
you'd never leave any of us to ditch
there are 30,000 men in this sweep make
the signal big boy big boy keep clear a
point option keep clear big boy we're
taking evasive action
I hope father knows best we'll see two
weeks of a night when Chrysler theater
presents the admin less folks your
Christmas seals do more than look pretty
on your holiday gifts in mail their main
business is to save lives not just
during the holiday season but 365 days
of the year so join me in using lots of
Christmas seals this year and in
answering your Christmas see a letter
quickly and with an open heart good
night
[Applause]
introducing a new car just
made-to-measure for a young family on a
budget
the 1966 Plymouth Valiant a neat trim
inexpensive solid little saver
[Music]
if you're a growing family on a budget
valiance made the measure for it let
yourself go
Plymouth Valiant go to your Plymouth
dealers now
[Music]
[Applause]
we hope you enjoyed this hour of
entertainment from Chrysler Corporation
makers of Plymouth
Chrysler
Imperial Dodge trucks Oh quality
engineered by Chrysler Corporation and
now this is Frank Parton
inviting you to stay tuned to I spy
starring Robert Culp and Bill Cosby next
over most of the same NBC stations this
program was pre-recorded
[Music]
you