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from Hollywood the Jack Benny program
with his special guests The Smothers
Brothers
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with rare and magic you know that's not
right I said it wasn't the tree I know
you said it wasn't the trees but then
you said oh no it isn't the breeze
well you said it wasn't a breeze well
Edna first it wasn't a breeze it was the
trees oh yeah well if it's the trees
that camp it can be the breeze and I
said oh no it isn't the briefs of that
so how I'm awful right
all right but just forget just forget
everything I've told you just say can it
be the trees that fill the breeze please
okay can it be the trees
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I thought I had a good enough idea and
it didn't work so if you leave now I'll
introduce you later don't you want to
try together no no you tried it once
well I'll introduce you and you'll do
something later
of course ladies and gentlemen you know
those are the smothers
the reason I had them out here at the
opening is I thought for a change it
would be kind of nice to have someone
else do my theme song instead of that
Orchestra of mine see it's not that I
have anything against my musicians but
when the brass section blows through
their instruments and those fumes fill
the breeze believe me it's a rare but
not magic perfume
having trouble like that at the opening
of a show would upset me but not anymore
I feel that these things really aren't
too important you know I found out that
the only important thing in life is your
health yes sir that's that's the
important thing but fortunately I don't
get sick very often because I keep
myself in real good condition you know
physical condition and the way I do that
is by getting plenty of exercise every
morning I used to get up at 7 o'clock
and turn on my TV set and do all those
exercises they show you on television
but after about eight weeks I had to
stop and you see I found out that those
exercises were for women and my whole
shape was changed
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as a matter of fact I didn't notice it
myself until one day I well I better
save that for the Johnny Carson show
ladies and gentlemen getting on with the
show I'd like to bring on my guest -
very fine entertainers The Smothers
brother
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down boy
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holy song my evidence
down for the cabbage
I'll get round the
i evidencing this bullet cabbage down
take it Tom no take it you a folk singer
yes but I but I said no cuz I didn't
want your folk singer have you read the
folk singers guidebook yeah but I didn't
what and what does the guidebook say
says all folk singers are obligated to
do what you're you're obligated to take
it without without hesitation without
thinking yeah but like a reflex Tommy
take it Tom boom boom boom yeah why they
take it hop to it
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and lots of years ago the railroad start
in America rugged men of yesteryear went
out in the wilderness with vision in
their eyes and big nine pound hammers in
their hands when I'm the wilderness to
build a great spiderweb of steel rails
the Transcontinental Railroad to span
our country as these men went out in the
wilderness and twirls and inch their way
across the vast bosom of America sex in
the show
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this wasn't just a fun job there was
dangers in this job as they built the
railroads up the mountains and down the
mountains and in across the deserts and
all over raging rivers and their disband
crevasses deep crevices in the ground
and in the and in the bottom of the
crevasses there was puma s-- humans with
claws and foam coming out of humours
maxima and the rail men there going
there were no Pumas in the crevices
because we don't have Pumas here there
are no humans in America well maybe some
came over to visit they don't visit now
if you want to keep her story truthful
you get rid of the Pumas right now I not
going down that crevice
then there was east there was these
vicious beasts in these deep crevices
and these these these rare men said well
look at those bitches beats in their
practices to look like humans
but they weren't and they were so afraid
yep the railroads were completed yes the
Transcontinental railroads were
completed in a big feat a big feast but
transpired for these rugged railroad men
in the sole subsistence for this big
feast for these rare men the sole
substance was hot cakes boil and cabbage
juice not so popular now
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- at all in pieces came from the only
song I evidence seems more like cabins
down all working on the railroad
take it you did have you ever read the
folk singers manual it says when someone
says a ticket you're supposed to take it
I said it take it take it very sorry
really I'm sorry don't get belligerent
I'm sorry that's all I could say I'm
sorry that's okay then don't don't make
any more mistakes
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taken working working working working
working working working
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bolla cabin full of garbage down boy
okay ground
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that
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no Paula that was very very good thank
you you know you boys have been quite
successful the last few years must make
you very happy yeah well it makes us
happy but it really makes our family
very happy especially our little old
grandmother or your grandmother yeah we
have a little little little gremlin she
lives up in Barney Gulch a little town
in Northern California and since we
things have been going well huh nobody
ever hardly knew her and but now they
refer to as a Smothers Brothers mother's
mother
No yes she has a mailbox this long Oh
tell me tell me something about yourself
where did you where did you go to school
well we went to high school down here in
Redondo Beach California and then we
both went to college oh you went to
college both you what'd you study well
I'm studying a Business Administration
and Tommy was studying medicine
it looks like a puma to me
you were studying medicine yeah I was
gonna be a brain surgeon
a brain sir yeah I couldn't be a puma
there's no cure
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you're starting to be a brain stuff yeah
yeah but I just I decided against it I
mean you know I was 18 years old my
mother's daughter was cutting my meat
for me
I can see where that might lessen your
confident Asperger with a fork but a
knife us lousy
how did you how did you kids happen to
get into show business you know we were
watching television a program and there
was this guy that came out he just he
didn't do anything he just kind of stood
around they stared he stared at the
audio me Tommy he did - he just went on
he stood out there he could stare at the
audience you didn't do it why the way I
figured if he could go out there and
stand around do nothing I guess
I took a week and maybe good job
she looked a lot younger on television
he doesn't know we're talking about
that was years ago anyway I'm glad I was
responsible for you going into show
business now I know you're going to do
another number so what's it gonna be how
does he know we're gonna do another no
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when he pays he knows past plenty cos
brain surgeons don't work cheap
just just
we'd like to do a song of a young man
who just lost his sweetheart it's
feeling very sorry for himself it's
entitled I never will marry some say
that love is a gentle thing but it only
has caused me pain for the
liquor
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gone on that
Nightrain I never will
I'll take me
I expect to live singer
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Oh
when I was very young I remember this
little girl who lived down the street
from me and we always used to say that
when we grew up we'd be married and it's
sort of a childish thing in a puppy love
yet as years went by this puppy love
grew into something very dear and very
precious to me
you know they tell us that love is a
gentle thing but I think each person
here
was truly loved and been loved they shed
a tear an experienced heartache and the
girl I learned in love so very much
broke my heart
and left me for another man yet I love
her still and I swear by all the stars
in the skies as long as I live
I never won't marry unless I can marry
her I mess around oh yeah
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there's something about those boys that
that's very familiar they remind me of a
couple of fellas I met when I was in
London in 1944 it was during the war and
I was over in Europe entertaining the
servicemen and while I was there I also
did a few shows at the London Palladium
well one night the enemy planes came
over and put on one of the most
devastating air raids of the entire war
I'll never forget it I had finished my
show at the theater and I was walking
back to my hotel when the siren started
to wail the bombs dropped and the
searchlights were crisscrossing the sky
my job my name is a bitter one for
tonight
hello this one's even worse than the
hour here's something cool laughs attack
sounds car took on a real noise over our
enemies that's opinion I will go get the
bomb defusing squad Thunder yeah
what are you doing there what am i doing
I try to pitch this for a souvenir
he's an edgy one in America you know
Derek ticking a slightest little joke
--will selling the whole thing off
you mean let me put it this way cut that
if you sneeze y'all never hear the
gesundheit
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say can't you see I'm trapped on their
brevin sakes Kate deceased wrapkin Tommy
go ahead and get started
not until he closes his eyes why should
I close my eyes I don't like anybody
looking over my shoulder while I'm
working mistake you go blabbing it
around everybody if you make a mistake I
won't tell anybody believe me not even
the guy who picks up my lips
okay in that case you can watch first
we've got to locate the exact area of
the mechanism first we've got to locate
the exact area the mecca yeah I heard
all right Tommy you could hook it on
that in all looking this it it's getting
louder it's getting louder good sounds
hollow it's talking to me hey the bombs
talking to me because my name it said
Tully
I never knew a bomb before
now let's get this cover up look at this
clock beautiful mechanism that's a net
that that's an XK for anyone that's a
Swiss movement no no that's okay for you
went happens to be a German movement
it's a Swiss movement a German movement
XK forty-ones German it's a Swiss no
care walking and work Lloyd the fellas
are just lying around there to keep
Russian
why wouldn't I Russia I don't even think
you fellas know what you're doing
we do I just defuse the bomb just Lube
I'll go right over there
over there
I thought you said you diffused that
bomb I did what I always do I detach the
white wire from the blue wire it's
supposed to be the green wire from the
blue wire just a little mistake I mean
yeah me everybody makes a mistake
you know nobody's perfect gee if
everybody was perfect if you were
perfect and if you were perfect and I
was perfect what kind of world would
this be this be some world believe me
look if I want philosophy I can listen
to Bertrand Russell well according to
this clock we've got about two minutes
before the bomb goes off so we better
hurry
y'all get behind this coghill here and
I'll detach this wire right Tung I just
noticed something do you know who this
is
no that's Jack Benny you mean the guys
where to point him yeah Jack Benny are
you really
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hey nice to meet you don't get up
go to the truck and get the guitar
guitar we'd sure like to do a number for
you but there's no time you said
yourself there's only two minutes left
on the bow
great let's do that special song we've
been working on yeah that's better
we've only got two minutes that's all
right the song takes a minute I have a
funny number if you feel like laughing
go right ahead look and boy what tempo
Jimmy crack corn I don't care that's not
the way it goes I don't care
behind fine how about an encore little
mind bianco we've only got a few think
get it let's do it again
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fellas I'm sorry if I told my producer
once I told him a thousand times when we
do a sketch don't use a real bomb
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hey Dickie you know I can just see you
in tomorrow's headlines in the papers
Benny's bomb Smothers Brothers
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yes this hunters brother
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thanks very much for being on the show
just you know you know this is when a
dirty show has ever been
ladies and gentlemen well that's the
show
good night folks and I'll be seeing you
soon
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you