direct from sydney
jack benny in australia
[Music]
starring jack benny johnny o'keefe
lorraine desmond the redenker brothers
and here he is jack belly
[Applause]
do you think they mentioned my name
often enough
uh ladies and gentlemen i want to thank
you very much for this wonderful
reception
it's so good that i actually feel like
the fifth beatle
now i must start right off by saying
that i have just
concluded a three weeks tour sydney and
melbourne
and i'm really and truly sorry that i
have to go back
tomorrow because we've had a most
wonderful engagement and there's been
excitement wherever i've been like
the the week the week or eight nine days
that i played here at the
theater royal and in melbourne we had a
wonderful
10 nights in melbourne and a lot of
people don't know about australia but i
want to tell you this
is actually an exciting place i think
sydney is
very very exciting gosh i was only here
a week and a half and 10 pounds went
like that
next time i'm coming alone
but anyway i and
and you know i did the real tourist bit
too wherever i went you know i i was i
was bound to see everything you could
see
and one day uh lord mayor harry jensen
here in town we got to be very good
friends he took me all around to see it
the first place he took me was to see
that new opera house
that's going up beautiful place
[Music]
that's going to be of course it won't be
ready to open for
two three months yet
and from what i understand when it's
finished this is going to cost
over a hundred thousand pounds
they'll never get their money back i
don't think that's you know and then
i told them i said uh uh mayor jensen i
said
one place i've heard so much about and
i'd love to go there
i want you to take me to bandai beach
heard about bond i've never been so he
took me there and i met some of the
lifeguards they call them lifesavers
here you know
and they started to explain to me about
the sharks
here which i knew about you see and they
told me they explained to me it was just
so funny about
that when you're all in swimming you
folks are swimming in bandai
you see when they see the sharks coming
from a distance they ring a little bell
that means you must all get out of the
water
and give the sharks a chance
now when you feel like going when the
sharks feel like going back
and they all go back then the lifeguard
you know rings
a second little bell and then you all go
back into the water
of course i wouldn't go back for a
million pounds
i'd probably run into a shark who
learned how to ring that second bed
i'm a coward about those i remember one
night i was taking a bath
i heard somebody ring a bell i jumped
right out of the top
and you know what kills me the thing
that they say there
absolutely kill here's what the
lifeguard told me the lifesaver
he said should you run into a shark
stand perfectly still
motionless don't alarm the shark
well i assure you i would not
alarm a shark i'm afraid of anything
with a receding
chin
but anyway i must say i had a wonderful
time
and i'm glad that i'm here
i had a wonderful flight to sydney now
some people are nervous when they fly
but not me
i slept right up to the last minute
[Applause]
now back home i had heard so much about
the sydney harbor bridge
i just had to see it for myself
and then after a bit of sightseeing i
decided it was time
that i checked into a hotel
i got a room overlooking the beautiful
menzies hotel
which i thought was better than paying
the menzies prices
and overlooked the dump i'm living in
well so much for that and ladies and
gentlemen
i'll see you in a few minutes
ladies and gentlemen the radenko
[Music]
brothers
[Music]
oh
[Music]
i got it
[Music]
huh
[Music]
[Applause]
last time
[Applause]
for being a wonderful audience we'd like
to do a trick we had the pleasure doing
with the broadway musical carnival we
certainly hope that you will enjoy it
we call it the blindfolded leapfrog
thank you
[Music]
hey
[Music]
so
you know ladies and gentlemen when i
first came on i was talking about
the wonderful stay and the fun i had
here in australia
i uh incidentally i just found out i was
pronounced australia
but i uh i didn't know you see
but i um i forgot to mention the
beautiful flight
that i had coming in here and also going
from here to melbourne you know and i
stopped honolulu and fiji and just
had a wonderful trip all the way through
but the cutest thing that happened
after i arrived in sydney you see and
then when i flew to melbourne the cutest
thing
that happened just as i was flying over
melbourne
all the lights went on in perth
i think they only did that for one other
person i believe
a fella named glenn somebody
somebody glenn i don't know somebody
that flew around i don't know
something like that now i'm going to uh
tell
in this spot and there's a story i want
to tell and as a rule
i don't tell stories i just ramble along
and talk
but this is someone you something you
might enjoy this is a story
about a panhandler who was arrested
for being drunk now a lot of people
in australia they don't know the term
panhandler it means that some kind of a
parasite or a bur
a beggar on the street you see and this
panhandler was arrested for being drunk
and he was brought in court in front of
a judge
the judge fined him and sent him back
home and the next day
the same panhandler got drunk again
brought in front of the same judge the
judge admonished him
sent him back and this happened five
days in a row
this panhandler kept getting drunk
brought in front of the same judge and
finally the judge
couldn't stand it any longer you see and
he said to this panhandler he says look
aren't you ashamed to be seen
in this courtroom so often ladies and
gentlemen
ladies and gentlemen you are such a
wonderful audience
during our act my brother and i you know
we got so excited
we forgot to do our encore so
you know so with your kind permission
we'd like to do it now if we
well but for may strength uh for this
trick we need a volunteer
uh oh anybody anybody will do huh
let's see uh uh you sir no you know
uh you sir
you sir uh what about him
oh yeah sir
yes sir
[Music]
all right you ready
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
so this panel
he said why should i be said this is a
respectable place
that's the end of the job
naturally you know it doesn't goes over
much better when people don't come in in
the middle of
[Applause]
uh and now uh ladies and gentlemen
before i introduce my co-star
one of my co-stars i'd like to do
something that so many people
have asked me to do in australia both in
sydney and melbourne they say to me jack
you know we've been watching your
television shows
and you never play anything on your
violin you always take your violin you
fool around we have yet to hear you
finish a number so
uh i promised them they told me would
you please do it on this television show
so with your approval i'll get my violin
and
play it you know
could i have my violin please
well that's his opinion
well i promise you
ladies and gentlemen yeah i doubt that
isaac stern could play it now
you know i promise you that later on in
the show i'm
actually going to get my own violin and
play a number for you
and now i would like to present one of
my co-stars
young lady i heard so much about from
here in austin from
australia very very talented very
beautiful your own
larae desmond
[Applause]
i meant every word i said i'm so happy
that you're with me on this show
and through the whole engagement now um
let me ask you something
uh i didn't watch your rehearsal you see
what are you going to
sing what is your number what's the
number you're going to do well i thought
i'd do great day
great day now i'd like to ask you
something
and this you're on your own you know i
don't want to interfere with your act or
anything like that and you can say yes
or no
but do you think it would add anything
to your number
if i got the violin because i know the
number you see
and i played a sort of an obligato to it
would it
mean anything to that particular song i
mean
well jack that's it's very sweet of you
to suggest it
uh but you see the numbers all rehearsed
and i
i think the added violin would only
conflict with the
arrangement i see you mean you'd rather
sing it
alone you remember that well it was just
uh you know a suggestion that's all
maybe you know thanks anyway for even
considering it you know maybe we'll do
it
some other time huh thanks again very
much
[Applause]
[Music]
if you're down and out
lift up your head and shout
there's gonna be a great day
angels in the sky
promise that by
there's gonna be a great day
[Music]
is gonna be a great day
coming there's a clue coming
[Music]
catch up
[Music]
a great day
[Music]
[Applause]
well ray come here please
you know i watched you while you were
doing
this oh let's give her a hand
[Applause]
doing that song and dance and i thought
you were wonderful of course you're i
think you're always wonderful
oh thank you very much jack you know i
want to ask you something now i get
nervous sometimes when i appear in front
of an audience
uh particularly so many miles away from
home or it's an
opening night or a television show and i
have friends
in the audience that makes me a little
bit nervous but you know i watched you
work for three solid weeks on our show
and even here
and i don't know you it seems to me
that you haven't got a a
a nerve in your body don't you ever get
nervous
certainly jack of course i get nervous
but you don't show it
well i may not show it but i i get
nervous
and particularly when i'm working on the
same stage with america's greatest
comedian
wait a minute please now wait a minute i
didn't say that
and you shouldn't have said it either i
know you meant well but you imagine
calling anybody the
world's greatest comedian did you say
world
america oh america
but even then even then that isn't nice
you know people don't you know you'll
have people hating me
before the television show is over i
mean america's greatest community how
egotistical can we get for heaven's
sakes
but jack you are america's greatest
comedian
aren't you well yes
it sounds so awful coming from us i
think you know
what are you going to do now remind you
that three weeks are over here's a
television show
what are you going to do when we're
through here well jack i'm going to have
a little short holiday and then i'm
going back to work again
yeah well some i have to go back and do
some more television films and what do
you think i'm going to do
in a few months i'm going to make a
picture i made a picture since the horn
blows at midnight
you know what they're laughing at that
one lousy picture i made
which they'll never forgive me for but
i've made some good ones however i
am going back do a couple of films and
then
i'm going to do a picture with doris day
you want to hear something
they sent me the script i just got it
about three days ago
and the picture is so the part for me is
so exciting
you've never read anything like it right
at the very
start of the picture just as it
opens i'm found dead in the back
then of course the whole picture
revolves around my death you see i mean
it's only a day's work but it's exciting
and you know what i'm making him change
the story a little bit because when i'm
found dead
i'm found lying face down naturally you
know nobody will know who i
am so i'm making them turn me over
see if i'm lying face down the only one
who would recognize me
would be my masseur
i'm waiting for that one
but listen you know i want to ask you
something you're a lovely lady you
probably could answer this
um why is it in all branches of show
business i've done very very well
and yet there was something about me on
the screen
that wasn't right even though i made
good pictures there was
something wrong there was something i
didn't have for the movie screen
you know i didn't have that uh that
oh what am i what am i trying to say sex
appeal
i had that
[Laughter]
i still have it if you want to know
something
our day isn't over yet
but um you know as long as you mention
sex appeal let me tell you something you
know that sex appeal
is actually a state of mind that's all
it is
just sex appeal is a state of mind
you're kidding
i'm kidding oh wait a minute you wanted
me to say something after that
and i can't think of the word
oh yes all right now repeat you say
you're kidding
you're kidding fair binkum
[Music]
oh yeah that sounds so much better
though
that's the silliest word i've ever heard
in my life
but do you know as i said before sex
appeal
fair dinkum sex appeal as i said is a
state of mind has something to do with
environment
atmosphere you know i can prove that to
you oh
now look at i want you to close your
eyes and forget that i'm jack benny
you see now close your eyes and think of
me
as someone else standing in front of you
like a glamour boy like rock hudson
or gregory peck or tony curtis you see
and i'll kiss you and while your eyes
are closed
i'll kiss you and while you're thinking
of them my kiss and theirs
it'll be the same
now when you do it now i'm going to
prove to you all right now close your
eyes
and kiss me like this that's right now
think of some glamour boy
[Laughter]
how was that i didn't know i didn't feel
a thing
that's funny i'm a wreck
i mean who are you thinking of red
skelton
[Applause]
jack who were you thinking of well who
are you thinking of
sophie tucker
i don't know how i got that way but i
guess
oh jack you know i was only kidding
really i like you very very much
and you know i do you do would you like
to know how i
how i really feel about you yes
once on the show i said no and she
didn't know what to say
never saw anybody get so mixed up in my
life
i want you to tell me what is it all
right if i sing it to you
it's fine
why this feeling
why this
[Music]
it's a strange and tender magical
[Music]
wonderful
[Music]
there's much more
i could say
but the world keeps sleeping and
[Music]
mr wong huh
[Laughter]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
ladies and gentlemen it now gives me
great pleasure
to introduce a young fellow with a lot
of talent
who also comes from here and the short
span
of five years he has become a legend
in australia johnny o'keefe
[Applause]
i've been walking down this street
before
but the payment always stayed with my
feet
[Music]
can you
no it's just on the street where you
[Music]
live
[Music]
people stop and stare they don't bother
me
well there's nowhere else on earth
[Music]
feeling but any second you might
suddenly appear
people stop and stare they don't bother
[Music]
me
[Music]
[Applause]
all right
[Music]
on the street where you
[Music]
live
hey johnny you know you were real hot
tonight i like it
as i sure did thank you very much mr
benny listen johnny let me ask you
something
how long have you been in show business
uh about five years now mr benny
about five years gosh i've been in it
practically all my life i can't remember
when i
wasn't in it but you're a very talented
young fellow
thanks mr manny that's a wonderful
compliment coming from you because
even though you know over the last three
weeks on the tour you've been clowning
around a lot and cracking jokes with me
uh no matter how much you clowned around
with lorraine desmond you're still my
idol
look at let's not go into that again mr
benny i mean it i mean every word i'm
saying i watch your television show
every week and every time i see you i
feel like
sort of i'm watching a real master at
work
a true genius well now johnny now you're
embarrassing me you know
sorry mr benny i won't go on no no
you know after all the damage is done
what were you saying i was saying
exactly what i sincerely feel you're my
idol palsy and i would never miss your
television show
you mean you see you watch all my shows
everyone
mr benny uh would you mind if i made a
few little suggestions to you
you want to make some suggestions yeah
well some constructive criticism
i see how long did you say you weren't
show business five years
five years let's see
well what are these uh suggestions that
you want to make
well there's one thing mr benny and i'm
sure that it could be very easily
corrected
oh i'm sure what what for instance well
it's your pace
it's not exactly right now it's a little
bit too slow just a little bit
i mean you don't like you know how long
did you say you weren't
five shoulder five years he said you
don't like my timing is that it
well let me put it to you this way i
guess it's all right to be slow
sometimes but you're only telling jokes
you know
you're not playing a game of chess
have you any other suggestions
well i mean don't keep anything from
your idol
what else well mr benny there there is
one thing one it's that long
vacant stare you always give to the
audience it sort of goes on and on and
on
you mean after i get through with a joke
the way i kind of gaze and stare and
know the answer
i always get the impression that you're
amazed that they're still there
[Applause]
you've been in show business
well is there anything else well jack
jack what happened to mr
benny well yeah
well i think if i'm still allowed to i'd
like to
what sing an going to sing for your eyes
boy johnny well i'd like to do a song
that's been uh pretty popular for me
called
she wears my ring she wears my ring now
let me ask you something
[Applause]
would you like if i got my violin
[Music]
and accompanied you on that number would
you like that
well uh i don't know quite how to say it
mr benny i mean it's the end of the show
and all that but
i'd prefer you didn't well for someone
who didn't know how to say it you
phrased it beautiful
she was my reign
to show the world that she
belongs to me she wears my ring
to tell she's mine
eternally with loving
[Applause]
to show my love
for all the world to see
this tiny ring
[Music]
is
[Music]
will
[Music]
this tiny rain
[Music]
is
[Music]
she swears
[Music]
that's why i say
because she wears
and now ladies and gentlemen it's my
pleasure to be able to introduce to you
in person
the world's most frustrated violinist
once again jack betty
[Applause]
you know he's the kind of a guy that
makes me glad we won the davis cup
well i told you i was going to bring out
the violin finally now here's a violin
this of course is not the one that was
thrown out on the stage
this violin has been in our family for
years and years and years
my great grandfather gave it to my
grandfather my grandfather gave it to my
father
and my father sold it to me
he was meaner than i am incidentally
that's right
now um you know i give concerts in
america and i think
i'm going to play a little encore from
one of the
some of the concerts that i do oh uh
tommy
let's do the chartis one the thing
all right
[Music]
what a little girl i'm terribly sorry to
bother you mr benny
but may i have your autograph please
when you came out of the audience for
the autograph
yes i did well darling i'm right in the
middle of the number i could i could
have given it to you after the show you
know
okay mr finney well as long as you're
here i'll give it to you oh thank you
yeah all right i'll write the
wait and this is awkward hold this a
little bit will you be careful you're
not supposed to touch the hair
you know carol is a good violin too
what's your name your first name
tourney that's a cute name for a girl
tony
how old are you tony i'm 15 mr benny
15 years old gosh i could be your father
tony with love jack benny there you are
thank you very much mr benny you're
welcome honey thank you
um
i hate to interrupt again mr benny but
you spell
tony wrong i spell tony wrong yes
when tony's the girl's name it's spelled
with an i and when's the boy's name it's
spelled with a y
oh and i spell it with a y no with two
e's
well all right here i'll write it over
again i'll just change the words only
here
hold this again be careful now don't
touch the head the hair there
do you know how you hold the violin now
yeah all right i'll just change
tony the word tony you know tony i'll
subtract the two e's
give me that vial
that whole thing was a trick wasn't it
and what you didn't even want my
autograph at all
you did not you just wanted to play the
violin no i didn't
i mean why didn't you tell me you played
the violin you never
asked me there's an answer isn't it i
suppose
everybody who asked me for an autograph
i gotta say first do you play the vile
i must say one thing though you you
sounded awfully good there for a little
girl
god you must have studied quite how long
have you studied the violin
oh about three years about three years
yes
do you play like i do i used to
[Applause]
i wouldn't answer that if i had my
writers with me listen as long as you
played so well would you like to do a
little duet with me
oh i'd love to mr benny would you well
what what could you play with me i think
well i can play the number you and
gisele mackenzie used to do on your
television show you've been getting to
know you
yes i used to watch you do it and then
i'd practice it oh you mean the
the counter melody part and you really
can play
the counter melody and you wouldn't be
afraid if i got a violin
a little bit but i'd play it you weren't
yes
well all right i'll get a violin we'll
play it then you can play it by heart
though yes all of it
uh tommy could i have the violin please
right here thank you
now you can go back to town
you're not hall to touch the hair i know
all right we'll play getting to know you
and i want to tell you something it's
only good
when it's played straight and beautiful
it's a beautiful counter melody
you see giselle mckenzie used to show
off with it and
improvise and play a lot of things extra
notes and cadenzas
and she spoiled the whole number it's
only pretty play it straight
just nice and straight really huh okay
give me a will you please
hey
[Music]
that's fine
all right tommy
[Music]
honey just play it straight
[Music]
wow
[Music]
oh
tommy another half a quarter now play it
like i asked you to
[Music]
foreign
[Music]
we have
we've had a lovely audience i want him
to hear this number played
just once the way it's supposed to be
played would you do that for me please
okay okay okay now please just straight
huh
ready
[Music]
roses are red carnations are white and
you are fired as of tonight
hey
[Applause]
so
i want to tell you something now about
this little girl her right name
is cynthia o'brien and she comes from
sydney australia and when i tell you
i never met her before in my life till
about three weeks ago
a day after i arrived and i must tell
you
the kind of a gamble i took shows you
the nerve i've got
i asked my representatives here i said i
want you to find me
a little girl in sydney
who can play the violin real good she
must be young
and small and she must
be able to talk with me on the stage and
she must be an amateur
[Music]
how's that for finding somebody and i
swear
i swear that until the opening night
at the theater in sydney she had never
appeared in front of an audience in her
life
on the stage
so cute imagine 15 years old guy
she's 31 if she's a day
well ladies and gentlemen that about
winds up the show
and i want to say i had a wonderful
wonderful time here
i'm leaving tomorrow and i think i
deserve a
medal of some kind because here i did
an entire television show in australia
and didn't do one joke about a kangaroo
i wish we had time to go on and on and
on but i do want to thank
uh johnny o'keefe lorraine desmond the
rudenker brothers
and little cynthia o'brien for being
on the show and and i want to thank all
of you folks
for being here at this show and for
coming to see me
in the theater and it's been the most
delightful engagement
one of the most delightful three weeks
i've ever had my entire career
in show business thank you
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
you