direct from Sydney
[Music]
Jack Benny in Australia
starring Jack Benny
Johnny okie larae Desmond
Thank You brothers
and here he is Jack belly
[Applause]
do you think they mentioned my name
often enough ladies and gentlemen I want
to thank you very much for this
wonderful reception it's so good that I
actually feel like the fifth Beatle
now I must start right off by saying
that I have just concluded a three weeks
tour Sydney and Melbourne and I'm really
and truly sorry that I have to go back
tomorrow because we've had a most
wonderful engagement and there's been
excitement wherever I've been like the
week the week or eight nine days that I
played here at the Theatre Royal and in
Melbourne we had a wonderful 10 nights
in Melbourne and a lot of people don't
know about Australia but I want to tell
you this is actually an exciting place I
think Sydney is very very exciting gosh
I was only here a week and a half and 10
pounds went like that
next time I'm coming alone
but anyway I and you know I did the real
tourist bit to wherever I went you know
I was I was bound to see everything you
could see and one day
Lord Mayor Harry Jensen here in town we
got to be very good friends he took me
all around to see it the first place he
took me was to see that new Opera House
that's going up beautiful play oh that's
gonna be of course it won't be ready
dome for two three months yeah and from
what I understand when it's finished
this is gonna cost over a hundred
thousand pounds they'll never get their
money back and then I told him I said
mayor Jensen I said one place I've heard
so much about and I'd love to go there I
want you to take me to Bondi Beach
I've heard about bond I've never been
this which took me there and I met some
of the lifeguards they call them
lifesavers here you know and they
started to explain to me about the
Sharks here which I knew about you see
and they told me the explain to me was
just so funny about that
when you're all in swimming you folks
are swimming in Bondi you see when they
see the Sharks coming from a distance
they ring a little bell
that means you must all get out of the
water and give the Sharks a chance
now when you feel like going when the
sharks feel like going back and they all
go back then the lifeguard that you know
rings a second little bell and then you
all go back into the water of course I
wouldn't go back for a million pound I
probably run into a shark who learned
how to ring that second Bell I'm a
coward about those I remember one night
I was taking a bath I heard somebody
ringing a bell I jumped right out of it
and you know what kills me the thing
that they say they're absolutely killing
here's what the lifeguard told me the
lifesaver he said should you run into a
shark stand perfectly still
motionless don't alarm the shark
well I assure you I would not alarm a
shot I'm afraid of anything with a
receding chin but anyway I must say I
had a wonderful time and I'm glad that
I'm here I had a wonderful flight to
Sydney
now some people are nervous when they
fly but not me I slept right up to the
last minute
[Laughter]
[Applause]
now back home I had heard so much about
the Sydney Harbour Bridge I just had to
see it for myself and then after a bit
of sightseeing I decided it was time
that I checked into a hotel
overlooking the beautiful Menzies hotel
which I thought was better than paying
the Menzies prices and overlooked the
dump I'm living here
[Applause]
well so much for that and ladies and
gentlemen I'll see you in a few minutes
ladies and gentlemen the rudenko
brothers
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
my brother for being a wonderful
audience we'd like to do a trick we had
the pleasure doing with the Broadway
musical carnival we certainly hope that
you will enjoy it
we call it the blindfolded leap frog
thank you
[Music]
you know ladies and gentlemen I first
came on and I was talking about the
wonderful stay and the fun I had here in
Australia I incidentally just found I
was pronounced Australia but I I didn't
know but I I forgot to mention the
beautiful flight that I had coming in
here and also going from here to
Melbourne you know and I stopped
Honolulu and Fiji and just had a
wonderful trip all the way through but
the cutest thing that happened after I
arrived in Sydney you see and then when
I flew to Melbourne the cutest thing
that happened just as I was flying over
Melbourne all the lights went on in
Perth
[Applause]
I think they only did that for one other
person I believe color named Glenn
somebody
somebody Glenn I don't know somebody
that flew around I don't know now I'm
going to tell in this spot and there's a
story I want to tell and as a rule I
don't tell stories I just ramble along
and talk but this is someone you
something you might enjoy this is a
story about a panhandler
who was arrested for being drunk now a
lot of people in Australia they don't
know the term panhandler it means it's
some kind of a parasite or a beggar on
the street you see and this panhandler
was arrested for being drunk and he was
brought in court in front of a judge the
judge fined him and sent him back home
and the next day the same panhandler got
drunk again brought in front of the same
judge the judge admonished him sent him
back and this happened five days in a
row this panhandler kept getting drunk
brought in front of the same judge
luckily the judge couldn't stand it any
longer is he and he said to this
panhandler he said look aren't you
ashamed to be seen in this courtroom so
often
ladies and gentlemen ladies and
gentlemen miss Pam you are such a
wonderful audience during our act my
brother and I you know we got so excited
we forgot to do our encore so yeah so
with your kind permission we'd like to
do it now if we may right
[Applause]
this trick for this trick we need a
volunteer Oh anybody anybody will do huh
let's see uh you sir no you no you sir
you sir what about him
oh yeah real good
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
so this panel he said why should I be
said this is a respectable place that's
the end of the job
[Applause]
naturally you know it does it goes over
much better when people don't come in in
the middle of
[Applause]
and now ladies and gentlemen before I
introduce my co-star one of my co-stars
I'd like to do something that so many
people have asked me to do in Australia
both in Sydney and Melbourne they say to
me Jack you know we've been watching
your television shows and you never play
anything on your violin you always take
your violin you fool around we have yet
to hear you finish your number so I
promised them they told me would you
please do it on this television show so
with your approval
I'll get my violin and play it you know
[Applause]
but I have my violin please
well that's his opinion yeah well I
promise you ladies and gentlemen yeah I
doubt that Isaac Stern could play it now
I promise you that later on in the show
I'm actually going to get my own violin
and play a number for you and now I
would like to present one of my co-stars
young lady I heard so much about
from here north from Australia very very
talented very beautiful your own larae
Desmond
[Applause]
all right I meant every word I said I'm
so happy that you're with me on this
show and through the whole engagement
now let me ask you something
I didn't watch a rehearsal you see what
are you going to sing what is your
number what's the number you're gonna do
well I thought I'd do great day great
day
now I'd like to ask you something and
this is you're on your own you know I
don't want interfere with your act or
anything like that you can say yes or no
but do you think it would add anything
to your number if I got the violin
because I know the number you see and I
played a sort of an obligate Oh to it
would it mean anything to that
particular song I mean well jackets it's
very sweet of you to suggest it but you
see the numbers all rehearsed and I I
think the added volume would only
conflict with the arrangement I see you
mean you'd rather sing it alone you mean
with that
well it was just a you know a suggestion
had no baby you know thanks anyway for
even considering it you know maybe we'll
do it some other time huh thanks again
[Applause]
[Music]
if you're down and out lift up your head
and shouts there's gonna be a great day
angels in the sky promised that by and
by there's gonna be a great
[Music]
let me shout they're gonna be a great
day
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
gonna be a great day
angels in the sky they're gonna be a
great day
[Music]
[Applause]
Ola ray come here please
you know I watched you while you were
doing this whole let's give her a hand
[Applause]
that song and dance and I thought you
were wonderful car sure I think you're
always wonderful thank you very much
Jake you know I want to ask you
something now I get nervous sometimes
when I appear in front of an audience
particularly so many miles away from
home or it's an opening night or a
television show and I have friends in
the audience that makes me a little bit
nervous but you know I watched you work
for three solid weeks and our show and
even here and I don't know you it seems
to me that you haven't got a nerve in
your body don't you ever get nervous
certainly Jack of course I get nervous
but you don't show it well I may not
show it but I I get nervous and
particularly when I'm working on the
same stage with America's greatest
comedian
now wait a minute I didn't say that and
you shouldn't have said it either I know
you meant well but I can imagine calling
anybody the world's greatest comedian
but even then even then that is nice you
know a people don't you know you'll have
people hating me before the television
show is over
I mean America's greatest comedian Howie
antistick oh can we get for heaven's
sakes Jack you are America's greatest
comedian aren't you well yeah
it sounds so awful coming from us I
think what are you going to do now mind
you now three weeks are over here is a
television show
what are you going to do when we're
through here well Jack I'm gonna have a
little short holiday and then I'm going
back to work again yeah well so um I
have to go back and do some more
television films and what do you think
I'm going to do in a few months I'm
going to makeup takes you know I made a
picture since the horn blows at midnight
you know what they're laughing at that
one lousy picture I made they'll never
forgive me for but I've made some good
ones however I am going back to a couple
of films and then I'm gonna do a picture
with Doris Day
and you want to hear something they sent
me the script
I just got it about three days ago and
the picture is so the part for me is so
exciting you've never read anything like
it right at the very start of the
picture just as it opens I'm found dead
in the back
then of course the whole picture
revolves around my death you see a man
it's only a day's work but it's exciting
and you know what I'm making him change
the story a little bit because when I'm
found dead I'm found lying face down
naturally you know nobody'll know who I
am so I'm making them turn me over see
if I'm lying face down the only one who
would recognize me would be my masseur
but listen you know I want to ask you
something you're a lovely lady you
probably could answer this why is it in
all branches of show business I've done
very very well and yet there was
something about me on the screen that
wasn't right even though I made good
pictures there was something wrong there
was something I didn't have for the
movie screen you know I didn't have that
that oh what am i what am I trying to
say sex appeal I had that
[Laughter]
still have it if you want to know
something our day isn't over yet
you know as long as you mentioned sex
appeal let me tell you some you know
that sex appeal is actually a state of
mind that's all it is just sex appeal as
a state of mind
you're kidding I'm kidding oh wait a
minute you wanted me to say something
after that and I can't think of the word
oh yeah all right now repeat you say
you're kidding you're kidding
fair dinkum
Oh fair dinkum it's not fair beam come
it's fair dinkum oh yeah that sounds so
much better it's the silliest word I've
ever heard
but do you know as I said before sex
appeal
fair dinkum sex appeal as I said is a
state of mind has something to do with
environment atmosphere you know I can
prove that to you now look I want you to
close your eyes and forget that I'm Jack
Benny you see now close your eyes and
think of me as someone else standing in
front of you like a glamour boy like
Rock Hudson or Gregory Peck or Tony
Curtis you see and I'll kiss you and
while your eyes are closed
I'll kiss you and while you're thinking
of them my kissing theirs it'll be the
same
now when you do it now I want to prove
to you all right now close your eyes and
kiss me like this that's right now think
of some glamour boy now how is that I
didn't know I didn't see another thing
that's funny I'm a wreck
I mean who are you thinking of Red
Skelton
[Applause]
Jack who are you thinking of well how
are you thinking of Sophie Tucker I
don't know how I got that way but I
guess I'll check you know I was any
kidding anything I like you very very
much and you know I do you do we did ice
know how I how I really feel about you
yes once on the show I said no when she
didn't know what to say man
never saw anybody get so mixed up in my
life I want you to tell me what is it
alright if I sing it to you it's fine
this feeling why this school
why
News
it's astray
listo
[Music]
there's much more
I could see
[Music]
mr. one
[Music]
[Laughter]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
ladies and gentlemen and now it gives me
great pleasure to introduce a young
fellow with a lot of talent who also
comes from here and the short span of
five years he has become a legend in
Australia Johnny
okey
[Applause]
this
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
Oh
powering
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
hey you know you were real hot tonight
felt like it I sure did thank you very
much mr. Bennet listen Johnny let me ask
you something
how long have you been in show business
about five years now mr. Benny about
five years gosh I've been in practically
all my life I can't remember when I
wasn't in it but you're a very talented
young fellow
thanks mr. Benny that's a wonderful
compliment coming from you because even
though you know over the last three
weeks on the tool you've been clowning
around a lot and cracking jokes with me
no matter how much you clowned around
with Laroy Desmond you're still my idol
looking let's not go into that again
mr. Benny and Lina I mean every word I'm
saying I watch your television show
every week and every time I see you I
feel like sort of I'm watching a real
master at work a true genius
well now Johnny now you're embarrassing
me you know sorry mr. Benny I want you I
know you know after all the damage is
done
what were you saying I would say exactly
what I sincerely feel you my idol pals
II and I would never miss your
television show you mean your see you
watch all my shows and everyone mr.
Benny would you mind if I made a few
little suggestions to you you want to
make some suggestion well some
constructive criticism I see how long
did you say you weren't children five
years five years
what are these suggestions that you want
to make well it's one thing mr. Benny
and I'm sure that it could be very
easily corrected
oh I'm sure what references well it's
your pace it's not exactly right now
it's a little bit too slow just a little
bit I mean you don't like you know how
long do you say you weren't showbiz how
you don't like my timing is that it well
let me put it to you this way I guess
it's all right to be slow sometimes but
you're an intelligent oh you're not
playing a game of chess
have you any other suggestions well I
mean don't keep anything from your Idol
well mr. Benny there there is one thing
but it's that long vacant stare you
always give to the audience that sort of
goes on and on and on you mean after I
get through with a joke the way that
kind of gaze and stare yeah I would get
the impression that you're amazed that
they're still there
[Applause]
you've been in show business by well is
there anything else well Jack Jack what
happened to mr. Benny Oh
I think if I'm still allowed to I'd like
to sing an encore well I'd like to do a
song it's been pretty popular for me
called she where's my ring she where's
my ring now let me ask you would you
like if I got my violin
[Music]
companied you on that number would you
like that well I don't know quite how to
say it mr. Binney I mean it's the end of
the show and all that but I prefer you
didn't well for someone who didn't know
how to say it you phrased it beauty
[Applause]
[Music]
where's my
[Music]
able to introduce to you in person the
world's most frustrated violinist once
again Jack Betty
you know he's the kind of a guy that
makes me glad we won the Davis Cup well
I told you I was gonna bring out the
violin fine now here's a violin this of
course is not the one that was thrown
out on the stage this violin has been in
our family for years and years and years
my great-grandfather gave it to my
grandfather my grandfather gave it to my
father and my father sold it to me
[Music]
he was meaner than I am it's that way
that's right
now you know I give concerts in America
and I think I'm gonna play a little
encore from one of it some of the
concerts that I do Oh Tommy
let's do the Chartists one thing all
right
[Music]
what is it move oh I'm terribly sorry to
bother you mr. Beeney but may I have
your autograph please
I mean you came out of the audience for
the autograph yes I D well darling I'm
right in the middle of a number I could
I go to give it a tea after the show you
know I can't wait as long as you're here
where I'll give it thank you
all right I'll write the way to mrs.
awkward homeless a little bit with it be
careful you're not supposed to touch the
hair you know that was a good violin too
what's your name your first name
attorney Tony as a cute name for a girl
Tony how old are you Tony I'm 15 mister
peeny 15 years old god I could be your
father
Tony with love Jack Benny yeah yeah
thank you very much mr. Feeny you're
welcome honey
[Music]
I hate to interrupt again mr. Beeney
would you spell Tony wrong I spelled
Tony wrong
yes when Tony's a girl's name it's spelt
with an eye and went to boy's name it
spelled with a why well when I spell it
with a wide know with two E's
the law right here I'll write it over
again I'll just change the word phony
here hold us again be careful now don't
touch the head of the hair that the
gavel how you hold a violin now yeah all
right I just changed Tony the word Tony
you know Tony I'll subtract the two E's
[Music]
give me that
that whole thing was a trick what what
you didn't even want my autograph at all
you did not you just wanted to play the
violin no I didn't I mean why didn't you
tell me you play the violin you never
asked me yeah there's an answer in this
I suppose everybody will ask me for an
autograph I gotta say first do you play
the violin I must say one thing though
you you sounded awfully good there for a
little girls he wants to study Klara
how long have you studied the violin
about three years about three years yeah
you play like I do I used to
[Applause]
I wouldn't answer that if I had my
writers with me long as you played so
well would you like to do a little duet
with me Oh mr. Feeny would you know what
what could you play with me I think well
I can play the number you and Gisele
Mackenzie used to do on your television
show you mean getting to know you
yes I used to watch you do it and that I
practice it oh you mean that the
countermelody and you really can play
the counter moment then you wouldn't be
afraid if I got a violin a little bit
but I'd play it you would yes well all
right forget a violin we'll play it then
even played my heart though yes all of
it Tommy could I have the violently from
here thank you
now you can go back to town hall
attached to him I know
I will play getting to know you and I
want to tell you something it's only
good when it's played straight and
beautifully it's a beautiful counter
melody you see Gisele Mackenzie used to
show off with it and improvise and play
a lot of things extra notes and
condenses and she spoiled a whole number
it's only pretty playing straight just
nice and straight with it yeah okay MEA
will you please think hey that's fine
all right Tommy
[Music]
and just play it straight
[Music]
[Applause]
we've had a lovely audience I want them
to hear this number play just once the
way it's supposed to be played would you
do that for me please okay okay please
just write huh
[Music]
but it's a blue I'm beginning to sound
like you
roses the red carnations are white and
you are fired as a knight
[Music]
[Applause]
I want to tell you something now about
this little girl her right name is
Cynthia O'Brien and she comes from
Sydney Australia and when I tell you I
never met her before in my life till
about three weeks ago a day after I
arrived West earlier the kind of a
gamble I took shows you the nerve I've
got I asked my representatives here I
said I want you to find me a little girl
in Sydney who can play the violin real
good she must be young and small and she
must be able to talk with me on the
stage and she must be an amateur
[Music]
I swear that until the opening night at
the theater in Sydney she had never
appeared in front of an audience in her
life on the stage
[Applause]
so cute imagine 15 years old she's 31 if
she's a day well ladies and gentlemen
that about winds up the show and I want
to say I had a wonderful wonderful time
here I'm leaving tomorrow and I think I
deserve a medal of some kind because
here I did an entire television show in
Australia and didn't do one joke about a
kangaroo we have time to go on and on
and on but I do want to thank ya Johnny
O'Keefe larae Desmond the rudenko
brothers and little Cynthia O'Brien for
being on the show and and I want to
thank all of you folks for being here at
the Shaw interpreting to see me in the
theater and it's been the most
delightful engagement one of the most
delightful three weeks I've ever had my
entire career in show business thank you
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]