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from Hollywood
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the Jack Benny program
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in fact special guests Johnny Carson
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thank you thank you very much ladies and
gentlemen and welcome to the show now on
various occasions I have walked out here
on the stage and talked about the fan
mail that I have received you know some
good some bad but there are other ways
besides fan mail where people show their
appreciation
like for instance well how do you like
this this beautiful blue tie that I'm
wearing this came from a fan see and
think these these shoes they're a gift
to see and these shoes are made of real
a genuine alligator skin and well they
didn't actually send me the shoes when I
opened the box there was a live
alligator in
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and you know it was it was a species a
dangerous species of alligator I don't
know the name of it but it had a long
blue tongue one of his tonsils mister
people have sent in yeah oh so soon
yes right now right oh well I didn't
expect oh all right
ladies and gentlemen I didn't expect to
do this so early in the show but you see
Don Wilson is on the corner of Hollywood
and Vine doing one of those you know man
on the street interviews good evening
ladies and gentlemen this is Don Wilson
speaking to you from the corner of
Hollywood and Vine I'm just going to
chat with some of these good people
passing by here and ask them what they
think of our fine sponsor mr. I don't
try to hide it
hey I know that you're doing your Allen
Funt that I'm on candid camera
I'm not kidding me
boy you look a lot fatter in poisioning
you're doing a TV show gonna go on but
mister well hello Alice Elsie
you know mr. Funt they always want your
protein that's just what I'm trying to
tell you you're not going to be on
candid camera I'm not good enough you
don't think I'm important let me tell
you something brother I used to be a
very big man once I built a railroad
well it seems that Don is having a
little musical trouble so we'll get back
to him later and now ladies and
gentlemen to get on with the show it
gives me great pleasure to present a
young fellow who was doing a marvelous
job on his own Tonight Show in New York
City mr. Johnny Carson
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I want to welcome you to my program and
welcome you back to Los Angeles thank
you jack you know I can't tell you how
this is exciting it is to me to be here
because I started right here in
television about 12 years ago right here
in Los Angeles well not only that but
strangely enough right in this very
studio I used to be an usher you you
were an usher in this studio right you
mean you used to be one of the fellows
who would let the people in to see my
show
no no they the other fellows let him in
I had to keep him in I was sort of the
opposite of a bouncer well now Johnny I
know you're kidding you know I know you
are you're just making this whole thing
up well you know I am Jack can I tell
you something honestly though when I was
an usher here
well that 12 years ago I used to watch
you all the time really man you were my
idol and watching you do your shows like
kind of going to school and I started to
emulate you you know I've pretty soon I
was moving my hands like like you do
mm-hm and after a little while I was
even walking like you do and before you
know it I was no longer an usher what
happened
they made me an usherette
now Johnny getting back to you you know
I know how a custom you are who working
in a certain set on your own show so I
wanted to make things as comfortable for
you as possible
really yeah now I'll show you what I did
open the curtains please sir well Jack
I'll tell you one thing you were right
you know it does make me feel more
comfortable and more relaxed just like
home well I'm glad because Johnny you
know I have I'm glad to hear you say it
because I have a few suggestions that
I'd like to make now I watch your show
all the time you see I have some
suggestions to make that I think are a
value I hope you won't mind mine Jack
are you kidding I mean suggestions
coming from a man who's been in show
business for years and years and years
and years years Jack aren't you gonna
stop me why should I
my career hasn't even started yet now
Johnny I think you're a great comedian I
really do but I have a suggestion to
make if you want to remain in show
business and stay up there I mean you
better start to develop some other kind
of talent instead of just sitting behind
that desk talking there's a question how
long you can get away with it I know
what you mean no you for example you
just weren't satisfied with being a
comedian and a monologist you also
mastered the violin
exactly that's that's the point I'm
trying to bring up on it you should
learn to have something else to do well
Jack now I've never capitalized on this
but I I can do some card tricks car
tricks
yes I have a deck of cards here with me
oh yeah I can show you I'll show you
what I mean mm deck of cards you see
I'll mix them up a little bit here and
we'll cut them
like Johnny look everybody does car
tricks that's how they do it at parties
they drive you nuts I think you should
take up something you know perform like
with a musical instrument or something
like that well I would see how about 20
years ago I used to fool around with the
drums a little bit now I suppose I could
you know get him out of the attic and
brush up that's what I mean that's the
thing people wait a minute
you can try it right now if you'd like
now certainly hey fellas would you bring
out the drums please well you got
everything here yes sir
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alligators
I had some left over now go ahead jack I
really don't know it's been it's been so
long since I played well do the best you
can
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[Applause]
how was that Jack well I don't know to
me without the Fife and flag it's
nothing Jack I'll tell you what maybe I
should just don't forget about the drums
they're very noisy anyway and I'll just
stick with my singing in my dancing oh
well don't bother you know
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first you put your two knees closed up
tight then you sway them to the left
then you sway him to the right step
around the floor kind of nice and light
then you twist around and twist around
with all the Eagle wrought with a style
and grace swing your foot play around
and bring it back now that's what I call
ball in the jack
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pushed around and twist around with all
your might
let your lovin arms
- brace swing your foot play around
bring it back
all in a jam
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now Johnny I didn't look I don't know
why I had to drag all of these things
I'll be if you're that versatile why
don't you do some of that stuff on your
own show well I'll tell you why Jack to
be honest I'm too busy acting you call
that stuff that you do sitting there
behind that desk you call that what kind
of acting is Jack remember the last time
you're on the show with me yeah
do you remember what you said or what we
talked about I think I do well now let
me show you something now as long as you
went to all the trouble to bring my set
here why don't you go backstage and I'll
reintroduce you and I'll recreate that
portion of the last show when you were
with me and I'll show you what what
acting go backstage I'll give you the
regular introduction like they'll show
me that you can man I'll show you
exactly what I mean
just please I'll give you the big
introduction and you come out to sit in
the top now Jack thinks that I can't act
I don't have to on this show but you see
what the audience doesn't realize half
of the time is that well they don't know
what I'm really thinking
you know the thoughts to actually go
through my mind when I'm talking to one
of their guests I'd like to show you
what I mean by acting
are you ready jack okay and I'll ladies
and gentlemen I come to one of those
rare moments that makes this entire
program worthwhile to me a chance to
introduce one of the all-time greats of
show business a man who's not only
talented but tremendously versatile and
certainly one of the sweetest and most
lovable individuals in all of show
business ladies and gentlemen the one
and only Jack Benny
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look at him no petting bars he's doing
everything but curtsy
thank you thank you Charlie I I want to
thank you for that wonderful wonderful
introduction well Jack you you certainly
deserved it
hmm why should he thank he wrote it
himself you know Johnny and I came to
New York to relax and see a few shows
you know and enjoy myself and I was
hoping I wouldn't have to make any
personal appearances on television shows
and how you found out that I was in town
now I'll never know well Jack let's just
say it was one of those happy accidents
happy accident he's been in town three
days called me 29 times Johnny I'm sure
you didn't ask me to come over here just
to sit down so what would you like to
talk about well Jack I don't think makes
any difference in the world
I think my audience would be interested
in well in whatever you have to say I
think that hang on every word well
alright let's see what shall I talk
about you know I've had a lot of
interesting experiences oh I hope he
doesn't bore us with that story about
what happened to him in Chicago oh I
must tell you a story about what
happened to me when I was playing at a
State Lake theater in Chicago
wonderful you never get tired of that
story I've heard you tell it at least a
dozen times parties and benefits you do
it so beautifully please please tell it
again for this alone I should get an
Emmy in order for you to appreciate the
story I have to read your review I got
on my ass oh you see it the state late
huh I got it right here
I carry it with me in that factory view
yes that's it right here
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or stars on the other side some reveal
I've got a shower curtain smaller than
that now I have to read the whole thing
because every word is them cause I just
want to I just want to clean my glasses
a second oh I just gotta stop I know
I'll fake a commercial now there we are
Jack Jack I know you'll forgive me but I
have to interrupt here it's it's time
for a commercial
Oh business before pleasure listen
handsome in this business I know I know
you'd understand try to read this after
a while ladies you know there are times
when you're just too tired you don't
want to take out the vacuum cleaner and
yet there is dust dirt and lint on the
floor sometimes even scraps of paper
take out the old lures again are
go ahead jack great guys sake look what
I did
I tore a urethra I'm sorry well that's
all right Johnny I just happen to have
another one here sometimes I have to
how do we dislike it is rather play the
violin you know I brought my violin I
put it here late I'd rather play the
violin I don't think it's necessarily a
pile and the only reason I wanted to do
this scene was to show you how much
acting I have to do on my show and I
think we've accomplished that I have a
feeling that you don't want me to play
the violin exactly all right all down
with the curtain fellas
now Johnny you've proved to me that
you're a very versatile young man and I
want to thank you for being on my show
well Jack thank you it's been a lot of
fun and may I say one thing to the
audience yes but I don't want him to
feel that the scene we just did anyway
reflects how I feel about you I think
Jack man is one of the greatest artists
of all times and a wonderful performer
Jack I I'm amazed how you go on a year
after year never seemed to change at all
I know how you do it but whatever the
secret is you found it thanks jack
he's sweet but I don't know what's so
amazing about it I mean practically
every gesture I have says the same thing
you know when you love show business
like I do you stay in it some way or
another and our ladies and gentlemen I'd
like to play for a change something
classical the Wieniawski concerto
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oh hi mr. Carson oh excuse me fellas I
don't know anybody was in here oh that's
all right we're just waiting for mr.
Benny to come offstage
oh you only been in a couple of minutes
he's just winding up the show now well
I'd borrow little of his cold cream to
take the makeup off how'd the show go
great as usual you know something that
Jack Benny is absolutely amazing I mean
the way he goes on year after year he
never seems to get any older he looks
the same year in and year out I can't
imagine how he does it well that wraps
up another one
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thank you thank you ladies and gentlemen
and welcome does it must have press the
button
how long has this been going on we don't
know we started 15 years ago
well Johnny don't breathe a word of this
to anybody will you
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I'll be back as soon as I can pull
myself together but first
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thank you thank you very much ladies and
gentlemen and I hope you enjoyed the
show how about that finish we had wasn't
that the most ridiculous thing you ever
you ever you ever you ever you ever you
ever you ever heard of
I want to thank Johnny Carson for being
on my show and I'll be seeing you folks
soon
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