from television city in Hollywood the
Jack Benny program brought to you by
Lipton tea
[Music]
[Applause]
thank you thank you very very much
ladies and gentlemen you know I wanted
to start right off by telling you a very
funny joke that I heard but before I do
I would like to introduce a very dear
friend of mine who is sitting in the
audience
he's one of motion pictures box-office
greatest he's the greatest attractions
and currently he's appearing in a
picture called lover comeback mr. Rock
Hudson
[Applause]
thank you I was awfully nice of you to
come in rot this joke that I wanted to
tell you but ladies are just be ladies
and gentlemen this joke take another
body
thank yo this this joke
come on
[Applause]
I really I want to apologize for
bringing you up from the audience
without any makeup on or anything I mean
with these lights in there and the
cameras and everything you must look
awful
that's all right jack I don't mind you
know do you have any makeup on I said
are you wearing any makeup me I mean
rock if the makeup that I've got on my
face was on my shoulders I'd look like
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
or rather were on my shoulders Medical
era but I am but you know I can't get
over everybody hollering we want rock we
want rock and didn't people ever yell we
want Benny well just once it was after
one of my violin concert
but anyway I want to tell you it's so
nice of you to come up here really and
come to I'm flattered that you came in
to see our show I really am
III mean please step back
no no that's the silliest thing night
really that's about the silliest thing
I've ever seen I think Jack I'm sorry if
I caused all this commotion well it's
not your fault
after all you're a big movie star but
he's happy to see you look at the
picture you've made magnificent
obsession giant farewell to arms
pillow talk come September and then this
this latest picture lover come back
thank you for mentioning yeah oh gee you
know I wouldn't be surprised
Rock that your pictures have made almost
as much money as mine well I don't pay
any attention to those things Jack but
yesterday my agent happened to mention
that the combined gross of my pictures
amounted to about two hundred and fifty
million dollars
how how much did you say they 250
million
I warned rock
how many have you made altogether well
including my latest one with Doris Day
lover come back I've made about forty to
forty two things you yeah how come I've
never seen any of them maybe because
they haven't been shown on television
yet that could be that could be Jack
it's awfully nice of you to ask me to
come up on stage and I really must
apologize for all the come no you know
wait a minute before you leave I want to
prove something you know now I'll admit
you're good looking
I'll give you that I mean all of these
women hollering we want Rock we want you
know I'm gonna prove to you that sex
appeal is merely a state of mind a state
of mind that's right because a kiss is a
kiss I don't care whether it's yours or
mine it's all the same I'm gonna prove
it to you now way I'd like to get some
young lady up from the audience up here
just you young you're the one that's
been screaming so much come up here just
a second that's right look at I want to
prove something now I want you to close
your eyes here I'll blindfold you first
I don't know look don't be and we're
each going to kiss you and I want to see
if you can tell the difference whether
it's me or Rock Hudson I don't know
don't he don't be and I'll and I
remember now
[Laughter]
you're like that it is only a state of
mind
let's be a state of mind cuz I'm a wreck
the ladies and gentlemen getting back to
this are we over yet getting back to
this joke I was
well Jack when the cameras were on the
audience here just a few minutes ago I
noticed a very good friend of mine
sitting out in the audience and if you
don't mind I'd like to introduce him
down we can't keep introducing people
from the audience we got a shoulder look
Jack he's not just a friend of mine he's
a colleague a really great announcer I
know you Hugh Downs will you take
[Applause]
when you come up on stage
[Applause]
my golly you know you downs don't you
James yes I met him when I was on the
Jack Paar show of course thanks for
coming in watch all your shows enjoy
every one of them never miss him well
thank you and I want you to know Jack as
long as I came up on the stage that
being an announcer I really appreciate
Don's work really it's a thrill I get
goose pimples every time he says brisk
Lipton tea is the great change of pace
it satisfies like coffee but refreshes
you better well he's been doing it for
sure brisk Lipton tea is the great
change of pace it satisfies like coffee
but refreshes you better da when he says
it it's a thrill is it
well I I think he does it adequately
Don's way isn't bad in fact I think he
was very good in that opening
announcement remember when he said when
a vacation for two to Hawaii in the
change of pace vacation contest the
tonal quality look you I just wanted you
to come up and take a bow that's all
thanks listen to this by Lipton tea it's
better tea in the flow through teabag
enter the Lipton change of pace vacation
contest look for details and lift and
store display you may win a glamorous
vacation for two in Hawaii
what are you trying to do this is my
bread and butter this is my job look Don
this is a competitive business either
you've got it or you haven't
that's right he's right well that's a
fine way to treat a friend I bring you
up here on stage just to take a bow and
are you trying to take my job but pal
pal I'm leaving
yo you you let them go I'm so sick of
fat announcer look at you you why don't
you he's gone anyway why don't you be my
announcer they let you and I do a show
oh you won't have my show today check I
don't know how to do your show I'm used
to the Jack Paar show where we sit
around an ad lib well we can do what
I'll do a Jack Paar show if you want it
on this version you won't know the
difference
are we I'll do it right after Dennis
days song Oh Dennis Dennis where are you
Here I am mr. Benny
that is what are you doing in the
audience I figured on this show it was
the only way to get introduced
nevermind that come up here on the stage
and sing your song not till a holler we
weren't in it
nobody's gonna holler come up here and
sing I'll sing it from down here
oh no you won't in fact you're not gonna
sing at all we're gonna do the Jack Paar
show right now
[Applause]
the Jack Benny par show with his guests
herb cups in it and Sullivan's Nicky
Rooney Dorothy Kilgallen truly do Dow
and now here's jack
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
thank you thank you very much ladies and
gentlemen and I I think we have a real
good show for you tonight a Hugh you
what's what you told me to remind them
oh yes yes to new sponsors are joining
the show tonight Jeff to lose sponsor in
that great to new sponsor how many
sponsors have we got now 748 five more
will be all filled first it's time to
play the mystery relative game Jack's
only make your funny at the dentistry
Bella now now this is this is the game
where they bring out a relative a
relative of a of a big star and I have
to guess who this you know I'm very good
at this dude all right would you please
bring out bring out the mystery guest
please
this is the daughter of a famous
television star
the daughter of a famous television
staff I'll close my eyes and you let
them know let them know who it is okay
this is a tough one this is let's see
how many I television was she was she
ever in in in pictures yes yes she was
tell retired she was she shows on Sunday
night son oh it is on Sunday Oh on
Sunday night that's right it's Sunday
night that's right let's see sunny I
think I've got it
I think I've got it I think I've got it
Sunday night Sunday night I I think I
got the relative but I don't know
whether it's Huntley or Brinkley
on the wrong track it's her mother oh
it's her mother
oh well let's see you said she's been in
pictures yeah she's been been pictured
does she she doesn't say I see and she's
in television though she's a she's in
television I think well give me a hint
look at give me a hint
Oh Jack I'm afraid I'm gonna have to
tell you this is the daughter of Lassie
the daughter of all for heaven the
daughter of lassie light of her gee she
doesn't look like that you hate this
show don't well lassie I want to tell
you something when it comes to acting
nobody can carry a stick back like your
mother
I must get Miriam the fur coat like that
let's see what's next what's oh yes oh
yes I have to sell something I have to
sell something now now this is an Otis
elevator shoes you see this is and when
you press the button it raises you to
whatever height you are you see
now you this is good tell them about it
very good I don't know if you know jack
but the comfort of leather is largely
dependent on the success of the tanning
process and this is quite a complicated
procedure years ago they had to depend
largely on vegetable material that
contained 10 and ER tannic acid but
modern technology has developed a whole
range of chemical agents that help in
the processing of pleasant things like
elegant tannins
ladies and gentlemen the next I would
like to present now as someone who has
been with me for all
ever since I've had my show you see and
he's my very good friend and my
orchestra conductor Jose MELAS
[Applause]
well they will play cumin
[Music]
[Applause]
I was very I was very good very good
Jose Jose why were you late for
rehearsal today I will tell you why I
was right
what are you hurt and they found out the
motor she had fell out so I had to push
the car all the way to the studio 17
months well Jose wasn't that silly kind
of pushing the car with no motor all the
way to the studio without my Katia how
would I get home
you know you say drives me crazy you
know he really does he he upsets me so
what makes me you you know how sometimes
and so the most what makes me what makes
me so
[Laughter]
what what makes me what makes me so
emotional well Jack a question like that
ordinarily requires more than a capsule
answer proving at the subconscious and
that sort of thing but I think it's safe
to say that this pattern of persistent
emotionality and sensitivity parts back
to some traumatic childhood experience
that currently manifests itself in an
inability to react to ordinary outside
stimuli objectively so that the
predictable response is one of
self-identification and subjectivity
what does that mean
you're sick
[Applause]
two words two words they make such a big
thing out of it now let's see what's
what's next yeah yes oh yes I guess I
guess together this I guess you know
ladies and gentlemen I I pride myself on
the fact that many people were
discovered on this show like Betty
Johnson Jean viev Alexander King Gregory
Peck Jack Lemmon penicillin streptomycin
and polio vaccine Jack I don't want to
be difficult but everybody knows that
dr. Salk discovered the polio vaccine no
no he discovered the one that works he
knows everything
well anyway there's a young fellow this
will be first time on his show on this
show and he's an amateur but I think
he's really going places and I hope
you'll enjoy him and he'll get his start
here and he's a harmonica player a young
would you come in sir would you
come in please
[Applause]
me nervous is you know you never have to
be nervous
on this show doesn't you never have to
be never have to be nervous you never
have to be nervous on this show
now tell me tell me
what don't be frightened no don't be
what
okay what is what is your name Hudson
Hudson I see I mean what is your first
name
Irving Irving Irving well now I told him
you were harmonica player so why don't
you go now and play something for him
window
go ahead play something be nothing don't
be nervous just just play and don't be
this kind of a show you don't have to be
nervous he doesn't
[Music]
[Applause]
beautiful tone how how long have you
been studying the harmonica for years
and your what did you say your name was
Irving Irving Hudson Irving Hudson you
know that doesn't seem like an exciting
name to me you ought to get more a name
that would mean more name like like what
an exciting name like rock say that does
sound exciting
Irving Rock
yeah yes that would be good now tell me
will you practice how much how much have
you practiced let's say today well today
I practiced just for an hour just for
now and respected just for just
pronounced yes because why well I I just
went down to see that new wonderful
motion picture called lover come back
starring Doris Day was just great that's
why you're only getting three hundred
and twenty dollars
Irby I saw that picture lover come back
and it really was great I I found it not
only entirely enchanting but as I left
the theater I had a feeling of
exhilaration that I all shot up
now let's see what else do we want to
talk about something else
what'd you say you're losing Hudson
Irving Hudson or being Hudson that fried
think of it well thank you very very
much
Riverton for coming over and it was
certainly nice and I wish you a lot of
success and remember ladies and
gentlemen you saw him here first
and now
evidently you see and now what do you do
besides play the harmonic well in my
spare time I'm a twist instructor at the
schlepper mint lounge
but I don't know I think it's a terrible
dance I don't know how anybody can even
learn that easy it's easy I can't I can
teach anybody how oh really
he'll come here could we have some music
but I don't want it on this show
[Music]
I'll be back to tell about it but first
we're a little late but I want to remind
my friends that in the next 10 days I'll
be in Miami Hartford and Baltimore as
violin soloist with their symphonies
hope I'll see you at the benefit
concerts good night
the Jack Benny program is a jam and
production this is on Wilson saying good
night this program is pre-recorded