the Armstrong Circle theatre will not be
seen tonight but will return two weeks
from tonight the Jack Benny hour with
Bob Hope and mitzi gaynor will follow in
just a moment Phil Majesta stand there
and request number you know you wouldn't
mind if they had an orchestra like Guy
Lombardo or every day yeah but I know a
Hutton
[Music]
you sound like you're going to be a real
real good audience and that's why I like
to come out ahead of time ahead of this
the show and do these warmups
you see them you know it gets the whole
audience oh you want a picture please I
don't mind your taking pictures now see
but don't take them during this show you
know because it upsets their it upsets
everything it's a now ladies and
gentlemen I want you to sit back and
relax enjoy yourself and have a good
time positional and Latin you know laugh
out loud you ever want to get in here it
30 seconds oh we have 30 seconds what's
gonna I must tell you something about
they show you know when you do an hour
show it exactly like this everybody
expects a great big tremendous opening
you know they want something big as a
matter of fact I had a terrific argument
with my producer about it you see he
wanted one of those great big production
numbers with all kinds of people and and
music and pan fares and everything and I
said to him look mr. York it was his
name at the Miss New York and I said
this doesn't fit me as I'm Jack Benny I
generally walk out quietly and tell a
few jokes and you know very quiet and
everything but he insisted upon this big
opening so anyway we argue for about
three or four hours and even though I
didn't win my point I did get him to
compromise I really did I got him to
compromise well we got five seconds so
we're gonna be on right away so don't
forget relax laugh have a good time you
know
enjoy yourself
[Music]
the Marquis de calais David rose in his
orchestra his special gas bomb
[Music]
today the watch with a movement
unconditionally guaranteed for free to
take the bus and leave the driving to us
and now here's the Jack Benny our
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
well that was the compromise
ranee sir originally wanted to do with
absolutely ridiculous
ladies and gentlemen on behalf of my two
sponsors Ben Russ watch and the
Greyhound bus company I want to welcome
you to our special our show now I must
tell you another thing
that's my producer
oh okay if you were supposed to be in on
the opening I mean that the whole thing
is over over yes
gladly turned him around
[Music]
they've given me a nice simple little
opening like I always have why do they
have to go through such a big thing look
lady I don't know I don't know where you
were supposed to be in this opening you
see but the whole thing is on you when
you told that young man on the camera to
take the bus of assorted size you know
traveling by greyhounds cost much less
than you think
I know I know and the gray on that is so
comfortable and convenient that whenever
I take any kind of a trip
I always keep my car and garage and take
the bus really as a matter of fact today
I'm taking a Greyhound bus all the way
to Buffalo
to where
kill them
that's a beautiful dog you have there
what's her what's her name oh I better
hurry or I'll miss my greyhounds ah yes
a long name for a dog travel alone could
I go by greyhound not by car
I need the nicest people on my bus
it's so boring in a car oh look why
don't people keep their cars home and
leave the driving to us goodness we're
almost there
I have to put on a new face you know you
safely drive safely young man Greyhound
is such a nice way to travel and leave
the driving to leave the driving to us
[Music]
now as I started to tell you before it
see my producer wanted this to be a real
classy show so instead of my coming out
in a street scenes like this he wanted
me to wear white tie and Tails and he
had perfectly good reason or because he
figured that white tie and Tails you see
what AB dignities in the show and make
me look a little more sophisticated plus
the fact that at my age the stiff shirt
would sort of help hold me up arguing
about that too and we compromised you
see he left me where the Clean Sweep
suit but he made me put starch in my
underwear so I do feel kind of held up a
little bit you know and our ladies and
gentlemen it gives me great pleasure to
present my first guest star a young lady
who is making her debut in live
television miss Mitzi Gaynor
[Music]
yes time is normal
I know Morris mom little girl with no
heart
[Music]
conventional star in my eyes and you
will know there's a lump in my throat
but I see how that one
[Music]
we share coming true I'm grown man
and brighter the moon happy night
Mamadou corny dancing August is applied
on the fourth of July an expression are
you
No
[Music]
I'm
[Music]
listen that was lovely
and I can't tell you Missy how thrilled
I am that you're on the show oh thank
you but you know live television is so
confusing and new to me I I hope I don't
do anything wrong
oh you oh it's awfully awfully
frightening with all these different
cameras and all the people running
around with those little things
secondary er we don't have complications
like this when we make pictures I know I
know
see I have made a picture in year you
mean nothing see ya now the reason I
quit I think when I made pictures a
Missy now you know I always can one of
you know that one that I always
mentioned but I really have made a lot
of good pictures the only thing is when
I was making movies I didn't have that
oh I didn't have what am i what's that
word I'm trying to think of
[Music]
no in those days I had
no I'll tell you what you see I was more
of a comedian and an entertainer than an
actor you see I didn't have that thick
emotional maturity the support tray a
motivating character you know I was
amateurish and stiff and awkward Oh Jax
I haven't think you're your own worst
critic I was quoting Louella he at that
time she was my best friend
yeah I want to tell you something when I
was making South Pacific I asked the
studio to put you in the picture with me
you didn't found the city well I was
very sweet of you really but I wouldn't
have considered it unless of course it
was the leading role the part that
Rossano Brazzi
played you know then I would have
considered the part of the planner Oh
Jackie would have been wonderful and
surprising really I understand you grow
rice in your swimming pool
[Music]
I will told you that I grow rice to my
swimming pool
oh well so what
but I but I don't believe it
oh what a story yeah but last year a
chicken fell in here pool you turned on
the heater and had the whole
neighborhood over pursuits
yeah it was such a high-class affair
Johnny Weissmuller was the head waiter
yes speaking a party on April the 6th
I'm giving a dinner party for the
Academy Awards would you like to come
for the Academy Award No No thank you I
wouldn't be a really thank didn't know
jack fer I can't understand why you
wouldn't be interested I mean that's a
night of great excitement some
excitement I don't know why everybody
makes such a fuss about the the Academy
Award I mean two days after they give
out the award the whole thing is
forgotten certainly who remember that
last year Alec Guinness won it for the
bridge over River Kwai but you get or in
1956 died Yul Brynner won it for the
King enough or that 1953 William Holden
won it for Stalag 17 remember cool
remembers that in 1946 Frederic March
wanted for the best years of our life
for in 1942
any one little thing we didn't Yankee
Doodle dance
or 1922
having won it before the way of all quit
I mean who remembers those things well
then how come you remember because my
psychiatrist is doing a lousy job
anyway let's forget about the Academy
Award
now look Miffy you know what I'd like to
do I'd love to do a song you know I
really what and I have a number here
here's a number that I think we could do
together it'd be kind of a cute number
so I'll tell you later why I wanted to
do okay do you know this song yes I do
know it jack but you see it's not a duet
it's a summer for a girl
Oh what's the difference nobody will
know the difference we can say could we
have a little news
[Music]
why this feeling why this blows fight it
thrilled when you say
it's a stranger
that's me
why this trembling when you see why this
joy when you such much I must say
[Music]
much more but the word keep slipping
away
and I'm left with only
mr. wonderful
[Music]
to me
I like the show so far what is a very
rush today what they rush today 17
jewels and 3G guarantee three years
today today and three year from today
yes education especially $25 that is the
rate you waited a tomorrow all right
this is today the new men response
unconditionally guaranteed for three
years
this is today the new Penrice watch
unconditionally guaranteed for three
years
[Music]
Andras watch with a movement
unconditionally guarantee for three
years
[Music]
I'll watch that cost less can't be made
like today
with 17 jul 7 2014 4 3 years you won't
spend one cent for repairs this is today
in advance press watch in a beauty watch
in a waterproof watch insist on today by
Fenriz at $25 the only 17 jewel watch
with a movement unconditionally
guaranteed for 3 years
[Music]
commit see the reason I kept you out
here all during this commercial is
because well I want to explain superior
you know as a rule I never butt into
anybody sad or work with them I let him
do their act and that's all you see but
I'll tell you what happened this is Bob
Hope's fault if a Bob Hope gave me this
advice I was over to his office about a
week ago and he told me to do I'll tell
you exactly
[Music]
now that's what I call a massage Oh a
gelatinous tournament the hope well I
didn't exactly have him as sure I let
Jose Greco rehearse on my back hello
today he'll mark I thought they would
simple
[Music]
cold hands aren't enough he's gonna tell
jokes
yes Benny is here to see you Jack Benny
what's in it in hi bye oh yeah well I
never expected to see you in my office
what a surprise
well what's so surprising about it well
I'm on the second floor and there's no
elevator
nextdoor have I came across the roof
I'll see you next Tuesday
ah fine bye mr. Benny goodbye dr. Burton
dr. Burton yeah he's no doctor but you
know that 911 T but until the Blue Cross
finds out they're paying for all my
massage
when you're through with that brain cell
it to me
like everybody else
the reason I came over to talk to you
was about the kids me Jack excuse me
hello this is Bob Hope coming to you
from Hollywood California
Hollywood the only town in the world
where when you hear high heels coming
down the street it's a cowboy
you're making a lot of westerns out here
we are bothered by smog it's Gunsmoke
Budi was no bad I can hardly see that
side on Hollywood and Vine it says curb
your horse
who's that wrong number and I don't let
anybody get away then why we should hang
up he's still laughing
thank you very much and don't forget to
go see alias Jesse James playing in your
neighborhood sitter and if your
neighborhood doesn't have a theater
right in was anyway
the reason I came over to talk to you
was because you know about your
appearance on my show my hours show on
Wednesday night
now did you read the script you know I
didn't get a chance to finish it but
Jack why don't you make yourself
comfortable
well I glanced through the rest of it
huh okay be that I don't sing I haven't
been well
at the Bob Hope with deep appreciation
for the way he entertained us while he
was overseas I was that from or the
girls at the folies-bergere oh no do
nothing Jack most them are in the other
room
[Music]
ah what was that it's a little souvenir
I brought back from Russia if you're
gonna have a beer in the office at least
have it stuff you're taking one more
step but what a bit
[Music]
McCoy end
they have around when your dickering
with a spot
what about rehearsal would Wednesday be
alright when Xena
well I think that might be a wait I look
at my calendar
[Music]
I mean I've seen calendars with pretty
good but alive once dad told me to make
every day count
[Music]
when this when this shut up rudder power
you mind if I you know just put in your
bid like everybody else
when CBR Jack Oh fine fine okay jack
[Music]
no peeking in the upper berth
if wisely is alright what what at what
time would you like to rehearse well
anytime in the afternoon abhi alright
because in the morning I have to do it
go to the studio into a walk-on bit for
cross doing a remake of the picture
going my way
Oh paramount remaking going my way yeah
but this time thing is playing Barry
Fitzgerald
hey this is the script yeah that's it
mmm as the sponsor Cena no no I haven't
shown right through it yet oh good then
we can still say what are you talking
about this show is gonna be great I've
got a wonderful care Zack I know you've
got a wonderful cat but you're supposed
to be the star and you're not doing
anything in the script
I'm not well listen to the lines you've
got in the script hmm
[Music]
yeah you're a dialogue in this entire
script wouldn't make a 75 cent telegram
but ba-bye
they're not gonna pay you just to stand
there look at your audience
fluttering those baby blue eyes my
trademark you know you know the way
nobody looks at an audience like I do
these days I've been nobody out there to
look back
I want you to do things you got to be on
the stage every minute on the stage
every minute well this might funk
ridiculous the Bob don't you think
there's a remote possibility that they
might be getting too much Benny what are
you saving yourself for now wait a
minute there isn't that much different
than our ages all I know is I can still
do a monologue in a soft shirt
lady Jack I know what I'm talking about
you gotta go out there and give this I
know for you that's a dirty word but
that's what you gotta do
anyway ladies and gentlemen lunch is
ready
now would you please make it for two all
right you Bob thank you
let's start with the desert
[Music]
anyway ladies and gentlemen
that's the advice that Bob Hope gave me
and that's why I buttered into mitzi
gaynor that and now it is a great
pleasure to introduce that
internationally famous and twi'lek West
senior win
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
what I am very hot I will tell you pride
i have my record my god i record do you
record - this is all right all right
14 days for children and for advanced
people nice every time your design is
difficult for you easy for me what you
make a change i really up and up
no oh yeah oh yeah no all right do you
want to see the audience all right
[Applause]
remember tomorrow morning so very very
different okay all right
you referred see like that we can
quickly alright okay
[Music]
okay
are you alright if you insist in welcome
I got a leash right
[Music]
I stopped using my work
okay
[Music]
my knees all right watch this next time
they deep-fry it
I don't have to be quiet myself
[Music]
oh let me out there's no answers let me
out now ladies and gentlemen this
production them in a beautiful face
lovely figure beautiful a nice thing
over here in this box
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
hi and at someone's birthday party
everyone was talking about the beer
dad and I are so proud of you and we're
so happy that your wishes have come true
[Music]
no business messy so exciting and
glamorous oh I can just see you in all
those pretty dresses
[Music]
and that way dear you remember this myth
on your dancing teacher but she was at
the party and she told me that at your
very first lesson she knew that one day
you will be a big star on Broadway
oh we're all so thrilled for you darling
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
very
[Music]
[Applause]
this is a schoolteacher learning a
lesson learning it's a long lonesome
road when you drive yourself but now
those long lonesome drives are gone
forever
now she lets great on plan her entire
vacation transportation hotel
reservations sightseeing the works while
she makes new friends relaxes in
air-conditioned comfort
enjoys the convenience of the fully
equipped restroom and the peace of mind
that's always yours with Greyhound
scenic Cruiser service remember it costs
less than you think
when Greyhound plans your vacation join
them you can't go with us to do that you
gotta take up well I haven't won but I
don't sorry man but if I left you in
there without a ticket yes would give me
a long vacation perfect eyes and legs
great house planet for you but ladies I
think you're too often these wonderful
Greyhound folders and let Greyhound do
the rest I suggest that you both write
down your Greyhound top of your own
mouth good idea
yeah good I wish I had a name for you
[Music]
and now ladies and gentlemen I'd like to
present
[Music]
star that Senor wences and our ladies
and gentlemen I'd like to present
perhaps the most novel act in short the
Marquis
[Music]
they could even review it around you
might see someone you know
all right come over here and sit down
sit down there - don't move thank you
okay good boy you all a trick right we
need the money I've got two governments
to support
[Music]
we don't your profession of Elvis
Presley Elvis Presley quickly
don't overact unknown overnight yeah you
come over here and sit down the other
one go
[Music]
you're gonna blow down a woman today I
hope download if we the girl's bedroom
don't look down the whole loam or go
down here to sit down
[Music]
the aligners don't you clear right
device all right don't play around am I
thinking a monkey
[Music]
that'll do what I'll do don't make it
look easy
[Music]
they tell you on you
I hear sound about picture where you
guys look where you're going where
you're going
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
I want to thank the producers for this
spot
[Music]
and in following four monkeys
see no evil do no evil and do no evil
like a monkey right in the eye
I thought I was the only one working for
peanuts
anyway I want say that that's the way
this month has been for me anyway Jack
Paar's on the cover of Life magazine
Steve Allen has three articles and Look
magazine and I end up as an X ray in the
medical Joe
I got an offer from the Auto Club no I
asked him to show me the x-ray of my
brain but they said it wasn't developed
yet
I got back here to Los Angeles just in
time for the big charity premiere of my
new picture alias Jesse James we held it
out in Westwood Village and I wish you
could have seen the stars arrive there
they were wonderful read it bill Holden
pulled up in his Buick Jim Novack drove
up in her Buick Tony Curtis and Janet
arrived in their Buick that's what they
came in unless I wanna walk
Victor alias Jesse James of paramount
that's my first picture there in years
when I walked in there with a big
celebration they built a huge bonfire in
the middle of the lot and my makeup man
threw himself in
[Music]
we knew this picture would be a hit from
the beginning because we previewed it on
a rainy night in a drive-in movie and
three cars had their windshield wipers
work
[Music]
let's get the monkeys back
no I get the picture but if you get a
chance drop in and see it it's fun for
the whole family especially by my only
regret is that alias Jesse James was
released too late for this year's
Academy Award and speaking of the
Academy was how do you like the pictures
they've nominated Gigi to the firemen
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof separate tables
and he named personally I was a little
disappointed that the blob didn't get
nothing I can just see it now
the name is drawn out of the envelope
and down the aisle comes the massugu
that swallows swallows not only the
Oscar but the man from Price Waterhouse
but they do have a wonderful wonderful
selection of
doing doing Kelowna what is this one
supposed to be well I'm doing what you
told me to do when I was in your office
you told me to get into everybody's act
so I got into yours
Zach I've changed my mind so why you
yourself told me that it was impossible
to get too much Benny I have been that
wrong since I went on that blind date in
Denmark
Wow I even went into Senor wences act
when I stuck my head in that box I was
tremendous I know I've seen better heads
thrown away at the Fulton fish market
all I know is I got a lot of laughs sure
they laughed I told you what to do oh
you told me what to I've been doing
these things all my life I think you're
flipping your linkage or the water yeah
yeah well what about you what have you
got to say well I only wanted to say
everybody he loves to take a box now
this is my show so let's be sensible
Jack you know I'm indispensable what I
gave you made you what you are please
don't mind if I resign miss Gaynor son
[Music]
take up
critics symphony i make motion picture
history alias Jesse James will prove
that's true the box-office poll and an
Oscar when I'm 42
[Music]
why not
[Music]
how
[Music]
somebody tell Abbi rents to stand by
you know you take them all
[Music]
this is today the new Penrice watched
unconditionally guarantee for three
years
this is today the new Penrice watch
unconditionally guaranteed for three
years
you Andras watch with a movement
unconditionally guaranteed for three
years
[Music]
watch that cost less can't be made like
today with 17 jewels 17 points of
protection a watch that cost less can be
guaranteed for three whole years
today's three-year guarantee means that
for three years you won't spend one cent
for repairs this is today in a beauty
watch in a waterproof watch insist on
today by Penrith at $25
the only 17 jewel watch with a movement
unconditionally guaranteed for three
years
thank you thank you very very much
ladies and gentlemen
and I would like to announce now that
the he should have taken the job here's
the know how to swim
oh it's a shame wait well this is
wonderful
Odile alright well I don't know about
him but the watch is still running
I mean at the been Russ today watch 17
jul 25 2013 4 3 years 3 Oh
this children's only guaranteed for one
year
ladies and gentlemen I want to thank Bob
Hope mitzi gaynor in your wences the
Marquis family and David Rhodes in his
orchestra for their contribution to this
show and next Sunday night on my own
show on my Sunday show my guest stars
are going to be Edgar and Frances Burke
thank you very much
[Music]
our company mitigators latest albums
records are being able to record it
he's going for the marching band scene
up tonight show as they possibly with
the cooperation of youth in California
[Music]
has been brought to you by the Greyhound
corporation it's such a comfort to take
the bus and these driving
then rose makers
guarantee for please hold here the best
underground with a thump old failed the
care and intrigue is the background for
the West the same station he told failed
the care and intrigue of the background
of US Steel hour and March 25th when
Roddy McDowall Victorian para Lauren
star in night of the trail produced such
a theater guild because of this special
broadcast the Armstrong Circle theatre