from television city in Hollywood the
Jack Benny program with Jack's guest
Ernie Kovacs what do you buy Lucky
Strikes
just genuine articles get the honors
days of a Lucky Strike
men like this go for fine tobacco and
no-nonsense that's what you get with
Lucky Strike
here's honest tastes fresh smooth and
unforgettable when a man like this wants
a cigarette
he goes for the genuine article Lucky
Strike
this one is what smoking was meant to be
never was a man who could forget the
taste of a genuine cigarette
imagine like beyond the state of the law
is sight get the genuine article get the
honest taste of a Lucky Strike
thank you very very much ladies and
gentlemen and welcome to the Lucky
Strike program now to those of you who
tuned in to my show two weeks ago you
will remember that you finally saw our
parody of gasps life now those of you
who didn't tune in I'd like to claim
that gasps life is that psychological
murder mystery that murder drama in
which I drove Barbara Stanwyck MGM and
the Supreme Court nuts and I do want to
thank MGM for allowing me to release
this picture is a course although I felt
they do it anyway because 80 years ago
they released me they didn't they didn't
exactly release me they put me in a
basket and left me on Warner Brothers
dork
anyway that's in the past knows to Guam
with a future I like to say that tonight
or tomorrow sometime in the next day or
two I am going to Miami Beach Florida
where I'm going to appear as the
Fountainbleu hotel for two weeks
starting February 3rd you see then after
that they want me to play two weeks in
Havana Cuba we've already been bickering
about you know my working there but I
don't know I'm kind of afraid to go
there because you know what all the
commotion and the excitement and the
shooting and everything you know I was
Lively get killed if they meet my
prize
I'll figure away something and now
ladies and gentlemen I'd like to present
my guest stars CV a young fellow I think
is one of the most versatile comedians
and all of show business mr. Ernie
Kovacs
nice to have you on the show early thank
you very much for that introduction mr.
Benny mr. Benny already we've known each
other too long it'll have to call me mr.
Benny and they can how they're just
standing here in the presence of Sun for
such eminence in the field of holiday in
extra humble ancient tradition of the
Orient I feel that I should fall upon my
knees with Harry Caray
miss Perry Perry on my television show I
wouldn't hurt anything I believe in
black and white
that'll be something first television
but early I must say that I do
appreciate that compliment and modestly
in all modesty I must admit that I have
been very very fortunate in television
I'm not only television radio pictures
you made your last picture
15 years ago people people are still
talking about
wait a minute that could be that could
be taken either way you know could I get
to give their own inflection
listen Ernie I didn't bring you out here
to argue with you or anything I I was
very very serious when I introduced you
is one of our most versatile comedians
because I used to see all of your
television shows and I don't know your
dialogue with also it's always so
sparkly and and witty and original
everything I I wish my writers it could
be that funny
you used writing
don't you use right only for suicide
notes
I wish I loved them commit Harry Caray
Bernie you know you interest me because
I've learned so much about you since
you've been out here you you do so many
things you're always so busy and as busy
as you are you still find time for a
hobby I understand yeah yeah I I guess
I'm just about the world's most renowned
mustache collector Encyclopedia
Britannica
it's called the puzzle Molitor buzz
homologa all for heaven's sake you just
finish the crossword puzzle I've been
working on for two weeks
have you ever considered what a mustache
would do for you no no I never gave it a
thought
really oh yeah I found mine and be a
real big influence of my life are
there's a time when I was shy and
withdrawn you know when I grew a
moustache my whole personality changed
really yeah I was the most popular eight
year old my block who wore a mustache
when you were eight years old on my way
to school ace the point of being safe
how about an old man across the street
what do they I don't never wear a
mustache and that happened to me
yesterday I think that they used to
change your whole personality yet let me
stretch out my mustache collection right
here let me look I'll bring it out with
you mustache collection come on
I mean I've heard of
touching my picture Burkhart later had
enough to drive you to shave you know
nothing you take this if you were Jack
now what kind of mustache would you
prefer
you're gonna shave yours I'd like that
one
oh I think we got something field here
something more for your personality
I look like Colonel blimp
no I wouldn't like this one I don't
think no no no this does nothing for me
at all I think oh here here something is
becoming very popular
mmm
what's this
that's a smog filter
mob builder yeah you can put it on your
nose or your exhaust pipe
coming to the bacon brother knife there
Wallace mustache what do you think this
does something for me the one
immediately put a fish in your mouth no
never
he empathy
now this one this one I like this one I
could wear all this I think it's
spotting to work already look
that's the one that helped me across the
street well I don't know earnslaw pardon
me Trevor there's a phone call from this
callback into mr. Sherman oh that mr.
Sherman the movie producer
yeah it's casting inspector so my
pleasure yeah don't some of them so I
can't take it okay get out
so while Ernie is gone to use the phone
I think I'll bring out Don Wilson and
we'll have our commercial now Oh Don Don
Wilson would you come out please
dawn I know that we've had Ernie Kovacs
we have him as a guest and he we talk a
lot about mustaches but this is
ridiculous
oh man this guy not to do with Kovacs
all us boys the coffeehouse where beard
me how my chair you hang around the
poppy Express oh man Express home done I
never thought you'd become a beatnik a
fact Nick yes
hey man your melon got horns off now cut
outfit with this silly thing you
certainly must have something in mind
it'll go ahead and go through with and
I'll see you later
feed me feed me listen to the beat beat
beat beat beat listen to the beat if
you're bugs with your business if you're
weary of your wife don't be dull or
dejected there's a better way of life
just forget responsibilities prepare to
have a tree fan like we do my coffee
house they listen to the beach and we're
the generation hog horny aggregation
before obligations oh we won't conform
just read a lot of operations with a
king nation bias very little sore
lend an ear to my story Chum if you're a
working man take a break fly to lucky
which there's no soap better than get
the taste is true and always rich a
taste just filed enough you gain the
taste of Lucky Strike when you begin to
top top top top you begin to pup rocky
tore it up hey Don yeah man if you want
to be beat first thing you got to do is
communicate like man you got to talk the
language you know like all big is what
you're smokin jazzing means it Greg
Pratt is one who's on the beach and our
gets the game so don't be an outer just
be a cat and puff on a lucky while you
chitchat but I so when you're smokin if
you're talking on the BTCC smokin on the
photography side is very little Tommy to
the west coast Lucky Strike is really
instead could nip on your lighter and
prepare to have a treatment like I have
for lucky and your fall
times are certainly changed I used to be
a menu ethnic anyway I started come on
but it's all settled I owe the picture
they offer you the picture Oh but yeah
you turn down the people but why it's a
prison a prison picture and it has the
old jute mills and the leg irons of the
rock path well what's wrong with that
I say prisons are like that anymore the
scientific approach they have
recreational facilities and visiting
privileges in the honor system say you
know Ernie I was reading an article
about that in the paper what they're
doing in prisons now they seem to
emphasize rehabilitation they're being
very very nice to prison I can imagine
what they'll be like at the present
trend continues I certainly can citizen
unless you and I show the audience what
prisons will be like in 1970 okay let's
do that little prison we might please
ladies and gentlemen
this is Fairmont prison affair of the
federal penal institution of the Year
1970 Clermont prison typical of many
institutions throughout the country is
located on Nob Hill in San Francisco
overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge here
taking their cards of Correction are
such notorious criminals as Mugsy McGurk
mr. McGurk how long have you been in
Clairemont prison oh let's say I've been
incarcerated in this rehabilitation
center niot the 16 years to be here
yeah another four years and they give me
a gold watch would you like to meet
somebody at a boy yes yes I would well
standing right over there is the
country's number one counterfeiters so
you're the country's number one
counterfeiter no he's a counterfeiter
I'm his model
oh then you're the counterfeiter that's
me Enki dream
what made you take up counterfeiting
when I used to be a shoplifter but one
day my conscience bothered me and I
figured I'd better begin paying for this
stuff well all I can say is you're all
heart stinky that's inky now ladies and
gentlemen having met some of the inmates
we bring you a day in Clairemont prison
or black house night e-mail calls me
fall hey I got some letters here for
killer Kovac and Benny the love I'm thin
the point the dude y'all know did you
warden
can they come now
well killer you sure played a great game
today your drives are improving
yeah much better than yesterday yes sir
hey I just thought of them we forgot to
pay the drive at the caddy
oh you don't have to run over hey Warren
take care when you get through with that
take care of these clubs with it yes
some letters for you guys is one filled
killer the one popping eat alone boom
sousaphone I don't kind of dark in here
I can't see I get some light yeah I get
some light for me with it
Oh's for my wife look how she starts it
dear loud thank you hail our do me a
favour with you this is claremont prison
why don't you change your name if you
change my sheets I'll change my name
three times a day you're always
complaining always comparing fine clean
a club drug call the governor sectors
sectors all the time catchers what's
that effort they're not bothering
anybody they're nice guys like all I
know is when they sent me up here they
promised me a single room thinking judge
I got the week's activities posted up
there next to Z the polo match will be
delayed a half hour in order not to
conflict with the chocolate we will need
chocolate there's a layers if you
stepped all over my feet when you desert
me wearing a dress with that silly
mustache that would be data hey what's
going on here
the wardens bringing in a new prisoner
in the same cell on another one on this
thinkin's judge now this this they
clearly are commissioning and this dims
the lot restful isn't it
and this takes care of the high price
and here here is your color television
set I hope you enjoy your stay hey
fellas and this one of those prison lani
bars no no we have bars all the way of a
barn the lounge bar legassik bar in the
gas chamber yeah you know one for the
road
hey fellas when we eat around here on
cars well I wish you'd imagine that my
turn
hey wrong sir so 785 we have a standing
order to have dinner here every night at
5 o'clock now where is
right let's come back here hey killer
thank you I have our picture thing or
either what my pictures oh come on I
want something to remember you by this
your last day you're being released the
problem suppose about them a killer come
on let's have our picture whether you're
cool with there another yeah Britney
Kate I didn't have ready in a few
minutes
thank you thank you very very much
you'll never call back your time has
come
killer take it like a man looking I mean
the other prisoners are using you that
exam killer control you're going on the
bike with a killer well Vicky
hey come on killer we're waiting
distract me
Wow
I never thought the killer would crack
we all got to go sometime there stranger
has some caviar oh thanks
by the way love how long you in for ten
years ten years what did you do nothing
I wanted on a quiz
with his desk Ernie Kovacs the first
here's a word about the honest page
strike
you can be awfully busy and still have
time for a cigarette a lot of men like
this one like this Lucky Strike
it's the genuine article outdoors you
can taste it when you smoke Lucky Strike
the honors taste - fine tobacco that's
what you get with Lucky Strike Oh
quantum C never was a man who could
forget the taste of a genuine cigarette
get these are the same
a man and like beyond the sake of Allah
he strikes a spike get the genuine
article get the honest taste of a Lucky
Strike
I like to bring out my desk our Ernie
covet
just wonderful on the show is nice kind
of fun doing that prison scene was yep
you don't think we started a crime wave
no I think the comic-book beat us to it
sorry that last scene when you were so
dramatic and you had to leave the prison
she did a great job I don't know it got
me right here that's the place where you
keep the wallet we got it listen I'd
like to compliment you jack on your
wonderful performance and bells book and
candle blamin Ernie I wasn't in Bell
book and candle no you see but I was and
nobody's even mentioned it well I'm
sorry I won't forget and thanks again
very very well now you got to go with
the half hour rather well ago five
minutes I've been on over
gentlemen next Sunday be sure and watch
bachelor father starring John Forsythe
and I'll be back in two weeks when my
guests will be Danny Thomas and also but
don't tell her marry living
appearing on tonight's program where a
fella can't crystal endless water park
and the beatnik appeared to the courtesy
of the Billy Barnes review remember one
week from tonight on the same station
returns you back forefathers hiring John
Forsythe and make cleansing emotion
sensation what's exciting Western series
track down starring Robert Culp brought
to you by Lucky Strike product of the
American Tobacco Company remembers
tobacco is our middle name Jack Betty's
next television program will be in two
weeks when he's guest Danny Thomas and
Mary levy this is our most insane
tonight
you