and the Wall Street Journal oh that's
for me tell me do you own stock I'm not
do shares mr. Benny he incorporated
himself Oh 39 that's been there for ten
years well I got to be running along is
this all there is for mr. Benny no I'm
still carrying that letter around with
the postage due on it but I guess
there's no use going through that again
by the way was that letter mailed and I
don't know it was handed down to me by
my father
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
it's another letter from the California
Bank it's about that loan again what are
you gonna do boss I'm gonna turn them
down there's one for my barber I wonder
what he wants here mr. Benny were
writing to all of our customers who got
shaved last Saturday
are you missing an ear if it does not
call for within 30 days we will put it
with our collection round that's fair
boss would you like some eggs No thank
you Rochester I don't want to eat
heavily before going out to play golf
you wanna play again today yes sir
you know there's nothing more relaxing
being out on the golf course especially
when the weather is so nice you
certainly were happy when you came home
yesterday why wouldn't I be played in
the 70s I know what the temperature was
but was just you 103 on the last night I
had a couple of lucky pets do me a favor
will you and bring my golf clubs yes
[Music]
well it's starting I see you likewise
I'm sure come on in
come right in make yourself at home come
in sit down what do you what are you
doing in this neighborhood I'm just
coming from my nephews you know he just
opened up a brand new dental office
right here I'm Beverly heel oh I didn't
know that would you care join me in a
cup of coffee you know thinks you're my
joy is still waiting me oh you you had a
tooth pool five of them
mr. kitchen you had five bad teeth only
wrong bear well then why'd you let him
pull the other four he's not beginning
out he needs the experience
[Music]
but he is going to be a very wonderful
dentist you know he's wants to
specialize in stopping pain so he's
studying the nerves of the teeth really
yes and you should see how delicately he
wakes he removes the noise from the
teeth and he hangs them up on tiny
little rocks say that must be quite a
job it's nerve-wracking let's take it so
you went through all of that just to
make up a joke yes I guess I'm still a
little silly from the laughing gas he
gave me oh he gave you laughing gas as
an anaesthetic and it's the silliest
thing he would supply us in my mouth
swings on the gas and then it starts I'm
laughing he's pulling he's pulling I'm
laughing I've never had that how long
did you keep laughing till he handed me
the bill
Thank You
May with a happy household you're going
to play Gao and you're going to play
tennis no no he's gonna play golf I'm
going out the back and beat the rugs
[Music]
he beats dogs with a tennis racket
well it is confusing see the other day
forgot himself and jumped over the
clothesline well mr. Kissel if you don't
want coffees or anything else I can get
you no no no I appreciate you but I got
to be running along I just dropped in to
invite you to me and my wife's
anniversary party Saturday night
oh you're having a wedding anniversary
which one
18:13 isn't that unlucky Oh what was so
fortunate about the other 12
[Music]
mr. kit so you have the most wonderful
sense of humor and I shall be at your
anniversary wonderful and you'll have a
chance to meet my uncle wat doc yeah
everybody falls Intex oh he's from Texas
no he's in the textile business
well mr. Binney I got to be learning
along I don't want to be late for my
boss wait a minute you don't have to
take a bus I can drop you off on my way
to the club oh excuse me just a minute
yeah hello okay put him on only be a
minutes my manager Oh fine
hello yes Joe now but I want to play
golf Oh everything has to be an
emergency all right wait for me I'll be
in the office about 20 minutes
what's the matter mr. Bennett something
is wrong yeah it's always in show
business an emergency I have to be in my
office
I'm sorry Rochester will you please put
my golf clubs away there's an emergency
I gotta go at the office what are you
laughing at
I'll just think about how lucky I am
what do you mean you have to give up
your golf game but I can still go out in
the back and beat the rugs
mr. Kissel my car's alright
no I can't make any final decision until
Betty gets here I'm here I'm here I'll
call you back all right Joe what's the
big immerses so that's the same old
saying you're supposed to do your show
next week and we don't even have a
script yet
where are my writers I've already called
them they'll be here any minute you know
jack I don't know boys you know I can
get into a lot of Jack let me handle
this
now look fellows I've been trying to get
you on the phone all week where've you
been
um Springs
boy you've been writing for me for a
long long time and every week I have to
wait till the last minute to get a scrip
oh I mean you're not being fair to me or
fair to yourselves
after all you've got the ability you
boys are without a doubt the most
talented the most original and prolific
writers and the entire television
industry gee do you really feel that way
about us well of course I do
then how come you cut our salaries I
don't let sentiment interfere with
business that's why we don't let
business an affair what pleasure right
that's why we went to Palm Springs
[Music]
now will you please go on the other room
and start on the script okay you go
first
you're talented no no you go first
you're prolific no but you don't stand
there
you don't know what to do plus according
we ain't got one oh yes yeah I forgot
you just came back from Palm Springs
boys would you do me a favor going the
other room and start writing okay give
me the pencil Harry well you got it Sam
I gave it to you yesterday no no I give
it back to you I put it in your okay
well let's hope that Shakespeare and
Hemingway come up with something good
are you kidding those two nitwits not
only can't write they don't even know
how to add I cut their salary two years
ago they just found out about it anyway
Joel they don't come up with anything we
have nothing to worry about because we
can always revise one of our old scripts
I must have about 50 of them here in the
cabinet I saved them all I can look over
a few of them hmm that's funny it's it's
bear well what now Mother Hubbard had
over 50 scripts nice secretary miss
Avery who you come in here please I
don't know what could have happened to
her it's not bad it's jack in fact it's
mr. Benny can't forget she used to be a
waitress I know what you mean yesterday
she typed a letter for me at the bottom
instead of putting respectfully yours
she wrote please pay cash here
you men are all alike every time you see
a pretty Dame you start whispering
Sabian I had over 50 scripts in the
cabinet now where are they my office
what would you please go and get them
okay hey I understand why she keeps
moving things around here I had all
those scripts in perfect order
classified us to subject matter and
everything yeah yeah thanks well good
why were they in your office I have
something and you won't buy me a chair I
bought your desk I'll get you a chair as
soon as I know you're gonna work out oh
come on Jack let's start reading these
scripts mmm this one is still warm
all right let's look them over
mr. Bonnie hey fellas have you have you
got an idea yeah we got an idea but we
couldn't write it down why don't I give
you a pencil I know but it ain't got no
lad nut see oh it ain't got no letter
give me this look all you do is turn
this and out comes the lab you see it's
an automatic pencil that's all it is an
automatic test yeah it looks a doorknob
and the leg comes out
now would you please go out and write
okay I turned them Jack I don't know why
you keep those guys on I don't know
either I think they'd be a little more
grateful I brought him over here taught
him English in two meals a day the name
is mr. Bennet you didn't mind me calling
you Mac last night well that was on
Mulholland Drive okay
say Jack look here's a script you were
nuts about we've never been able to do
it this one let's see oh yeah I remember
this yeah this will be fine sure all you
when you're writers have to do is cut it
down to time and polish it up a little I
don't know Joe you and the writers are
gonna do that I'm going out and play
golf but Jack and another thing I've
been working too hard so I'm gonna miss
the first couple of days of rehearsal
you can get me a stand-in but we won't
know how the show is going to work out
with a stand-in you've got to come down
to the studio and rehearse I got to do
this I got to do that I don't gotta do
anything I'm going out and play golf
what's with him
oh I don't know it's hard to believe
that he's the same man that I discovered
what you discovered Jack Benny
well yes didn't you know no well let me
tell you about it was many years ago I
was driving through Arkansas and my car
broke down I had to stay overnight so to
kill a few hours I went to the local
theater they didn't even have a marquee
I can still remember the Masters
ceremonies walking on a night stick your
favorite and mine from your old local
community seat Benny and his Ozark
hillbillies
[Applause]
[Laughter]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Laughter]
[Music]
[Applause]
you are my son
[Music]
you'll never know
[Music]
don't take my sunshine away
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
our thank you folks now I'd like to have
you meet my boys fella standing back
there with the concertina his name is
Charlie Bagby he's the smart one of the
group hey BAE how much is tuned to
[Music]
he's our business manager
[Music]
this fella here with the clarinet his
name is Wayne Sanger stand up we you
know we're mighty proud of we last week
at the county fair he won first prize
and the fly attraction contest wasn't
even entered
this is my way
[Applause]
as our son he said
Bell here with the bass fiddle his name
is Don writes that ain't exactly a
crew-cut
see the reason his hair stands up like
that is because he was pardoned 30
seconds after they pulled the switch
number boys they tried the gas chamber
but he kept eating the pellets
[Music]
fella sitting down here my guitar player
that's Frank Remley Gladys he is
standing up rim you know he never had a
guitar lesson in his life took it up by
accident he figured as long as his hand
was shaken anyway might as well have
something behind him he's the fella
makes his laugh all the time - he's
quite a card Hey Ram
say something funny
[Music]
[Laughter]
inaho we're gonna pay them I got a bone
to pick with you I don't like what
you've been treating my daughter how
come
man you took her out last night well
I'll brought her back that's one of me
[Applause]
[Music]
take off your hat son
now we're gonna play a real hot tune for
you called fascinating rhythm boys
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
more hey MA
[Applause]
[Music]
hello Roger
wait you must work behind the office no
I didn't say at the office I went over
to the club played some golf had dinner
play gin rummy with the fellas
you know after all these years in show
business leave me on I think I'm
entitled to a little relaxation I think
so yeah I wish my manager felt the same
way he thought I was ritzy just because
I asked for a stand-in you ripped it
yeah
believe me underneath I haven't changed
in 30 years
[Music]
so goodnight folks
[Music]