[Music]
christmas
[Music]
is
[Music]
merry christmas santa claus goodnight
fellas merry christmas
[Music]
oh boy i'm glad this day is over
1200 kids today and everyone on the left
knee
i've always picked the left knee
i may never go down another chimney
hello santa claus ho ho ho ho
oh ho indeed what are you doing here
little girl the store is closed
i know i'm lost you lost what's your
name joe
you want my telephone number it's a good
idea i can call you mommy what is it
it's give me four 4099. oh
yes get me four 409.
all right four
[Music]
hello is this jones mother this is santa
claus
hello hello hello they do this all the
time
hello john's mother this is santa claus
down at macy's
yes your little girl is here she was
lost
all right good you'll be right down then
huh
first you have to stop and find your
little boy at wanamaker's
yes all right i'll keep an eye on it
your mommy says to hold you here will
you tell me a story then
sure i'll read your story um alice in
wonderland
i've read that oh well the ugly duckling
read that too
hands breaker in the silver skates read
it
hansel and gretel didn't read it i saw
the picture
oh pinocchio reddit heidi
what do you do spend all your time
reading instead of watching television
like a good healthy normal child
here's a pretty one oh babes in toyland
yeah i remember the children's digest
gave us
four lollipops this is a real good one
come on we'll read this
1201 i guess that won't matter you're
sure you haven't read this story now
well part of it the part that goes once
upon a time
now you tell me the rest first is easy
once upon a time there was a place
called toyland
and when you've grown up my dear and are
as old as i
you'll ponder on the years that rolled
so swiftly by
that move so swiftly
[Music]
and of the many lands that you will have
journeyed through
you'll often recall the best of all
the land your childhood
[Music]
well who's that santa why that's tommy
tucker who sings for supper
[Music]
happy
[Music]
once you pass it
you can
[Music]
return
[Music]
hi
[Music]
[Applause]
you are
[Music]
once you pass
you can
[Music]
return
[Music]
oh this little boy blue
[Music]
where to find them
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
cobble shells and pretty manes all in a
[Music]
row
[Music]
yes
the queen of hearts she made some tarts
[Music]
away
[Music]
no more
[Music]
the cow jumped over the moon blue dog
last season
oh there's humpty dumpty
[Music]
oh
[Music]
three
[Music]
so
[Music]
step
[Music]
it away
now
[Music]
friends i have a surprise for you
i have asked you here today to celebrate
the announcement of jane's engagement
she has decided to marry the most
eligible man in our community
the charming tommy tucker
[Music]
[Laughter]
who's that horrible looking man santa
that uh horrible looking man my dear is
silas barnaby
i want you to know he was miss jane's
number one suitor but your childish
apprehensions are fully justified
mr barnaby holds the olympic record for
open and freestyle
villainy why in last year's finals he
won a solid black cup
for making pullman windows stick and he
took first place in such important
events as
making keys break with sardine cans only
half open
and causing telephones to ring just as
people step into showers
man of many diabolical achievements well
do you know he originated the ketchup
bottle that one squirt
and uh salt shakers that won't shake and
ice cube trays they won't ice cube
and do you know what his greatest
achievement was why he invented
castor oil oh well if he's so mean
why was he jane's number one suitor
elementary my dear joan
it's because he's ugly arrogant selfish
loathsome and rich very rich
why he owns the toy factory
well if it isn't the old lady in the
shoe tell me why you all gathered here
i have just announced jane's engagement
to tommy tucker tommy tucker tommy
tucker
that's a funny way to pronounce silas
barnaby no mr barnaby
my daughter is going to marry tommy
tucker madame i warn you i could get a
shoehorn and dispossess you all
i'm thinking over my dear your
daughter's future's at stake just a
minute sir i'll take care of jane's
future
and you're sorry now consider that a
sneer
but tom was promised a raise by his boy
he'll never get it why cause i'm his
boss
i don't care i'll starve with tom i'll
take in washing
we'll live on love
if that's a song to you save your breath
there's no song in history
you're a cruel heartless man mr barnaby
man for a woman
who lives in a shoe you are a very you
have a very loose tongue
mr barnaby be merciful don't ruin the
happiness of these two young people
happiness romantic twiddle twirl who
needs it what does it give you
uh peace of mind normal blood pressure
why that's downright unfashionable
but look what i have to offer instead of
a cottage covered with vines
we live in a castle smothered in orchids
with extra heavy doors that keep out the
sound of laughing children
and as for you my dear how would you
like a brand new custom-built shoe house
with wall-to-wall souls and your own
private boot black to keep it shine
and peter i'll give you a complete
cowboy outfit with guns spurs and horses
and throw in the state of arizona and
i'll provide for you
your own private entertainment daily now
i ask you
where can you find a clown like this
[Music]
wow oh
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
hmm
oh
[Music]
hey
oh
[Music]
hmm
[Music]
wow
[Music]
wow
[Music]
wow
[Music]
wow
[Music]
wow
[Music]
oh
[Music]
me
[Music]
wow
[Music]
wow
[Music]
well piper family i'll give you a rough
idea what i have to offer
well kitties who do you want for a
brother-in-law now
well if that's the case here's a wedding
present for you tommy tucker
you're fired
[Music]
i want to thank you all from the bottom
of my back black heart
[Music]
what's going happen next santa is that
bad mr barnaby going to hurt jane and
tom and all the good people
you really want me to tell you if that
bad mr bottom is gonna hurt jane and tom
and all the good people
no don't tell me i want to be surprised
all right that's the right spirit so do
i well i'll just see what happens next
here
to my too homework
wait a minute not so fast how do you
know your answers are right
we always get them right teacher says
we're perfect
well i wouldn't exactly give you a plus
and modesty
suppose i give you a few problems and
we'll see how smart you really are all
right
all right ready ready
if a steam ship weighed 10 000 tons
and sailed 5 000 miles with a cargo full
of over
shoes and carving knives and files
if the mates were almost six feet high
and the bows are near the same
would you subtract or multiply to find
the captain's name
[Music]
till your brains are
[Music]
all right i'd like to do arithmetic
[Music]
ready ready if a pound of prince cost
13 cents i'd have passed one today
and the groceries
[Music]
on his head
[Music]
is
[Music]
[Laughter]
[Music]
oh hi kids
good night kids good night at four in
the afternoon
um don't you think it's
time for a nap
good night uncle tommy all right
i'm tired
i think you'll be as understanding when
we have two little geniuses of our own
i'm afraid that problem won't be coming
up too soon i should think not
no i i mean unless barnaby ralenson
gives me my job back oh who needs
o'silas barnaby you'll get another job
yeah sure i'll get another job but but
where
i don't know the bus company yeah the
bus company the barnaby bus company the
barnaby power company the bonnie b
department store
the barnaby telephone company gee that's
right
ah jane look don't you worry about it
we'll work this thing out some way
believe me in spite of barnaby
oh we live in a castle in spain
on the side of a hill
all our days will be not but a dream
of wrapped your end roses and blisses
till life to us only will sing
the song that is
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
forever
[Music]
oh
[Music]
going away
[Music]
me
[Music]
so
[Music]
this is a wonderful story is it really
true of course it's true every word of
it
if you don't believe me you just ask
anybody who's ever been to thailand
but where is thailand did you go to
thailand well let's see you go over to
the west side highway and you go
due north for four miles uh make that
two miles
and after you've gone three miles uh you
turn right on the left-hand road there
and you go until you come to the old
stone church you know
except you never get to the old stone
church because two blocks this side of
the old stone church you go left under
the overpass
and then you go up to the fork in the
road except you can't go that way
because that's all torn up now so you
turn around and you go back to the west
side highway and
you look dear why don't you call the aaa
okay okay good i'll ask my mommy when
she gets here
yeah you do that but what happened after
tommy tucker lost his job
well uh just turn the page here and
we'll see what's in the little old books
he does
now that's silas barnaby's toy factory
and there's grumio he's the
superintendent in charge of puppets
that's where they make the electric
trains and daddy trips over in the
morning you know
and the pop gun that hits grandpa in the
eye is made right here
and that junior model chemistry said
[Music]
ryan clyde where are you come here
oh clyde now stop smoking you know the
rules here
come on hey let go hey they ain't
dignified
hey i gotta fix your shoes clyde oh you
can't do that
only leprechauns fix shoes i used to be
a leprechaun before barnaby got a hold
of me
oh ow ow
now let's see if you can do your dance
okay
[Music]
foreign
[Music]
ah
[Music]
say have you seen them jack and jill
during your journey up the hill
they're not in the hilltop not in the
woods they may have met with red riding
hood
don't cry hope don't
[Music]
don't
[Music]
we'll see
[Music]
hey
[Music]
okay
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
foreign
[Applause]
[Music]
ah
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
give us
[Music]
we have found yours
[Music]
how many times have i told you you are
here to make toys not play with them
i'm i'm sorry mr barnaby but both people
needed help she'd lost her sheep again
you're supposed to lose your sheep can't
you get things straight well
yes but but but but it always makes you
cry makes a cries he's supposed to cry
what are you gonna learn to leave things
as they are you did the same thing last
week
giving humpty dumpty a parachute yes but
i thought that idiot don't you ever read
signs
now remember romeo idle minds make busy
fingers
tell me something now are the new toy
soldiers ready um yes sir would you like
to see them you know i would let's get
going now please won't you hurry geez
[Music]
well how do you like them like them i
hate them they're terrible they're all
wrong
oh but they'll make the children very
happy not so strong with them i don't
want them to be happy did they ever make
me happy now
they laugh to me i'll teach them that
they can laugh at me
ah oh comedian eh now listen to me you
fool
i want you to build a soldier to end all
soldiers in fact to end all children
shoots real bullets troubles everything
in this pack and won't take hulk for an
answer
oh but you don't want to hurt the
children what kind of a villain do you
think i am why of course i want to hurt
the children
now get to work
romeo romeo don't you pay any attention
to mr barnaby
he only he only owns this place
g i think you're a wonderful toy builder
thanks a lot clyde i admire your
judgment yeah
everybody else does too you've got an
awful lot of friends here romeo
we'll show you come on show em fellas
[Music]
so
[Music]
wow
[Music]
i'm
[Music]
uh
so
[Music]
[Applause]
what are you applauding for i haven't
said anything yet
stop that you see these there are two
special little breaths that i'm gonna
take care of right now
[Music]
i told you this toy soldier was all
wrong
[Music]
don't be upset santa it's only a story
it's not the story it's that left near
mine you're sitting on
here hold the book for a minute oh
that's much better now let's get back to
toyland here that barnaby is on the
warpath you know and anything can happen
gee that size barnaby does mean things
yeah it's because he's a nasty man i
think it's because he's basically
insecure due to an unhappy childhood
those are the modern three r's reading
writing and rationalization look uh
let's go back to the scene of thailand
here shall we um
oh look looks like there's a big party
in progress oh i love
parties
congratulations mr piper i know they'll
be very happy oh thank you my dear
do help yourself just ready for
everybody here's one for you
there's one for you susie there you are
and here's another one
here's one for you now whoever has the
longest stick gets to play the part of
my fair colleen
alana hold them up now let's see
the winner is there it is
it's you and now are you sure you know
you're part
uh-huh well let's you and i be after
getting over to that bench and we'll be
trying
[Music]
cold
[Music]
far between
[Music]
both they're ryan helen and venice
excellent
they'd never hold a rush light to you
my morning
[Music]
sure one kiss would be
your slaves
[Music]
would be
oh that's the most beautiful kiss that
i've ever gotten
i'm sure you're the loveliest little
kalian in all of thailand
would you be after doing me the favor
now to dance with me
dance with me
[Music]
is
[Music]
is
come on smile for your sister
oh jane what's the matter oh it's
nothing she just wanted to do barney or
flynn with you
oh well look susie you and i will do it
some other time
but right now i tell you what why don't
you and i go over and watch the clown
concert huh
okay
[Music]
um
[Music]
you kind of be quiet please
[Music]
food
[Laughter]
[Music]
two
[Music]
oh i'll do it i'll do it
now tell me what do you want now i want
to work for you
work for me yeah right you're hired okay
hey wait wait out of that i'll get you
another one
oh i'll play anything how about this one
here look
what guitar i thought
look at that mess you made up
[Music]
i know
how about playing thank you all set i'm
gonna start with
[Music]
that's fun breaking the furniture now eh
what are you doing
put it down i'll come back we'll play
from the beginning no more fooling
around eh
now you all ready yeah what's the matter
with you right
what's happening is
oh can you play that thing uh-huh let's
play a duet
[Music]
never mind never mind come on let's get
going yeah it's all right now you ready
yeah all right
i got it
[Music]
up
[Music]
is
[Music]
hmm
[Music]
oh not again what are we gonna do
there's only one way to handle you my
[Laughter]
on all right boy right hey charlie what
do you want this time
[Music]
you mean you want to come back here will
you play nicely
no more fooling around all right i'll
give you one more
chance you ready come on
come on
i'm sorry
[Music]
hello
[Music]
hey everybody humpty dumpty just fell
off the wall again
wait let's play house okay
greetings our little friends boys and
pals as citizens of tomorrow
this is your old friend lovable silas
barnaby and look what i have for you
oh goody kristen and it isn't even
anyone's birthday yeah well goodbye now
have fun i'll be seeing you
sooner than you think
how sneaky can you get
oh look at my tail look at my tail
there's a no pin to his tail
you are quarterly
invited by your friend barnaby to a big
party up on ice cream mountain
ice cream mountain oh boy in order to
get there
count three look at the setting sun over
your left shoulder
say anti disestablishmentaryism
and then consult the attached map
there's the path we follow goes along
candy
stripe road around mississippi lake and
then through the spider's forest
[Music]
um
[Music]
so oh
[Music]
so
[Music]
oh
[Music]
um
are you scared peter gosh no
i'm brave so much but
why are you shaking i always shake when
i'm brave
me too let's go back
okay
which way i don't know but where's the
map
right here
[Music]
so that it would fade out after we get
into the forest
[Music]
so
[Music]
so
[Music]
i want to congratulate you on doing a
very wonderful job i'd like to shake
your hand
[Music]
this
[Music]
romeo are you sure the children are in
here i'm positive
how did you figure it out well i did
something dreadful i disobeyed barnaby
roomie what did you do i thought
it's this way i think
[Music]
me too me too well come on
hey wait a minute i think maybe we
better wait until daylight before we try
to find our way back again
you're right now i'm scared again
me too me too i think
[Music]
no that cannot
[Music]
that is
[Music]
lord
[Music]
oh
[Music]
i shall spray them with this instant
sleep
for fools that'll teach him to gang up
on an innocent self-respecting villain
santa wake up wake up wake up
we can end the story with all the good
people in trouble
[Music]
we can't well i don't see why not what
are you doing holding out for a happy
ending on me
uh-huh wow i thought you were different
from all those other girls
but i guess you're like them all and a
good thing too to tell you the truth
sweetie i
wanted to spare you from some of the
terrible things that happened next
you mean barnaby shoots them all to the
moon in a flying saucer
and little men with horns in their heads
put them to indescribable torture
and then they burn out their arms oh i'm
dying to know what happens next
i'm dying to know when your mother's
gonna get here to pick you up oh she'll
be here
come on tell me the rest of the story
okay but don't rush me now there's a lot
to get to in here
what a silence barnaby do to tommy
tucker well
now this is a torture scene uh you've
seen this type of
old-fashioned torture scene a million
times i know
come to think of it though you may not
have maybe you're too young to stay up
stay up and see the late show are you
i guess you are well it does look as
though some terrible stuff is going to
happen in your eyes silas barnaby is
going to do something simply awful
i
and always on the straight lines too but
i'm a desperate man i
asked you for the last time will you not
go dancing with me
never never a thousand times never well
then
will you marry me no really i could well
i should be forced to carry on with my
dire plot
[Music]
what are you squawking about think of my
electric bill
well poker face if that doesn't get a
rise out of you maybe this will show
and tomorrow i'm shipping them out on a
christmas mail and they'll never be seen
[Music]
ha i'll again you
[Music]
what a printed diabolical fiend i am
time magazine will name me the menace of
the air
unless some politician beats me to it
i asked him for the last time do you
love me i love you
i hate you i love you i despise you
tell me give me my name well if you
refuse to go through with this marriage
it's only because you run away from
[Music]
something
[Music]
oh
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
a beauty by my old man
[Music]
crazy
so
do
so
[Music]
so
[Music]
foreign
[Music]
now we can get on with the wedding about
time
[Music]
is
[Music]
and
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
and they lived happily ever after
why do stories always end they lived
happily ever after
i want to know how they lived happily
ever after
all right so i'll tell you how they live
happily ever after
tommy tucker organized an orchestra and
uh he's happy because jane's the
vocalist with the band see
by the way there's a fiddle player in
that band who was always playing love in
bloom
and not too good either that little bull
peep
she found her sheep and she's doing very
well in the sweater business
and uh romeo old grumio is doing
extremely well
he became a school teacher and now he
has his own television program
what about silas barbie silas well
silas is a very very unhappy man but of
course that makes him
very happy oh there you are joan i'm
sorry to be late santa
but the doors were locked downstairs and
i couldn't get in perfectly all right so
you found your boy too that's kind of
nice
thank you very much for letting me read
that story there merry christmas
good night merry christmas merry
christmas
gee i hope she believed that story
i did peace
[Music]
yes
[Music]
this
[Music]
um
that's
[Music]
babes in toyland has been presented by
your oldsmobile dealer
the dealer who brings you famous general
motors rocket engine cars
you