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it's the new Fred Allen show judge for
yourselves I like them let's get on with
judge for yourself and here is a star of
judge for yourself one of the most
lovable fellows in show business today
mr. Fred Allen here you
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thank you very much thank you thank you
and good evening ladies and gentlemen
and welcome to old goals new show judge
for yourself
well Labor Day is gone vacations are
over and I'm really sort of sorry to see
the summer ended I had a vacation this
year I went up to a little place up in
Maine along the coast of Maine it was
the sort of a summer resort the only
people were there were there in the
summertime because the winter population
was three people and two hundred
thousand lobsters lobsters can ever vote
in Maine the people will be on the
seafood dinners up there this place I
went to the the road map said that it
was a little sleepy town and it sure was
sleepy this town went to sleep in 1898
and forgot to leave a call people the
people were lazy there too there as far
as I know nobody who was ever born in
that town left the town because it was
uphill I'll go get a go-getter in that
town was the fella who would get up from
from where he was sleeping and go on to
bed even the animals and the birds were
were lazy in this little community you
wouldn't believe this but the katydid
didn't in that
and the whole thing we said the whole
place it became so dull actually it was
right on the shore one afternoon the
tide went out and it never came back and
that was good enough for me I went home
too and that's why I'm here tonight
ladies and gentlemen to explain judge
for yourselves and here's how it works
these three people from all walks of
life I hear a tribal skill at judging
Talent they can win $1,000 if they rate
three acts in the same order as this
distinguished jury of show business
experts the famous bandleader and
recording star woody Herman's the radio
and television editor of the Chicago
American Janet Kern one of NBC's finest
and most favorite stars they've garraway
that's our board of experts
I certainly want to welcome our experts
tonight ladies and gentlemen miss Kern
and Woody Herman and Dave Garroway this
is really the forenoon for Dave because
he'll be going to work on his way home
on it today so I'm sure but I'm positive
that we're going to get some gilt-edged
decisions from this excellent body of
experts and here is our first contestant
ladies and gentlemen Miss Georgia Loney
miss loaning we want you to have a
carton of old goals with our compliments
old gold is the only 14 karat cigarettes
as you will see when you try now Georgia
I want to want to wish you good luck
tonight of course before we start
because last week the winner of the
$100,000 prize was a motorcycle
policeman as I recall and he put this
money back into his work he bought a new
motorcycle and he also bought a new
billboard to hide behind he's doing well
now
a Georgia you don't mind if I party
tailor to do Georgia that is a peachy
name isn't it Cisco are you from Georgia
I am no I'm from Texas
oh you really are you live in Texas and
your name is Georgia well you must be
like a matzo ball and an Irish stew
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tell me George and how long have you
been up here in New York Saturday
morning from Texas really just some
Saturday guy who hardly been up here
long enough to brag have you George
Texas is the biggest state in the Union
isn't it yesterday I know I heard a
story a one time about a boy in Texas
who started to run away from home and he
ran in two years in one direction and
one day when he he stopped at a little
town and asked where he was and when he
found out he was still in Texas the boy
realized that it was certainly
impossible to run away in Texas so he
went back home and that boy was John
Nance Garner later ran and they gave up
to that but tell me is it is it true in
Texas people have monogrammed oil well I
don't know about the monograms all
worlds but there's a law of all there is
a lot of oil or especially in the Texas
conversation hi I wish you had a writer
we would certainly have a battle of wits
I read some paper about oil I read
there's so much oil edit that in some
town a gusher came in oil came in and a
cemetery and 200 dead people became
millionaires overnight that was - of
course it proved that if you didn't take
it with you you can't come back and get
it
tell me George is this your first visit
here to New York in today oh is it
really
how do you like our city one is it
really compares well to Texas does it
well its loses something and it's not
like I see well it's certainly been nice
talking to you Georgia and if you'll
take your seat with the other
contestants we'll show you our first
pack and you can judge for yourself
thank you
a headliner at the Roxy in New York a
star at the Chez Paree in Chicago a
delight at the Hollywood Bowl ladies and
gentlemen miss Cathy bar and the
raindrops i way miss rainbow high with
the promised on and wake up where the
clouds are far behind
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this Cassie bar and now our next
contestant mr. Howard P Abrams mist
Abrams we want you to have a compartment
of old goals and I want to compliment
you on the fact that you are not on the
firestone program tonight
you might have to leave the building
dragging an old in the tube with you the
old goals you just have a small tank
well mr. Abrams that powered P Abrams
isn't it does that P stand for anything
yes it stands for Phineas Phineas really
I always thought phineas was spelled
with an F it spell would appear well err
Howard Phineas Abrams well harry s
truman had that middle s and he said it
didn't stand for anything I guess he
didn't want to give the Republicans
another name to call him it's your your
middle name is is really interesting
Phineas PT Barnum was Phineas - when we
finished a land box
tell me what is it where there's Phineas
stem from where does it come from finish
is a really an old Greek name oh it's a
translated means mouth of breath mouth
of breath well I wouldn't go around
translating in
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thousand grant it sounds as though you
are talking to the fat end of a trombone
the mr. Abrams do you have a means of
livelihood what you do to fend off the
world I'm with a national retail drivers
Association huh and among other things I
compiled a calendar of special trade
weeks and pray days Oh the retail dry
goods association well what are some of
these festive dry goods events that you
live well such as national flood week or
volatile baby week national cotton week
baby baby week is that I've never heard
of a baby being associated with dry
goods that's what baby might take a
powder on you if you have them hey we
could that make it well tell me are all
of these weeks on the calendar connected
with dry goods
oh no that all sorts of other weeks - oh
really such as national wildlife week
national cat week wild night national
cable hari word to the catch I mean it's
a having a week scat
so tell me do you think these campaigns
stimulate business Oh certainly do take
a national wine week for example it
makes everybody conscious of better wine
oh I've seen though your some of your
people lying around in the double bed
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National Wine Week I hope you stand up
these people who are working for you
after the week is over now if you could
combine wine week with a wine week
rather with wildlife week and then
invent hangover week it really be doing
something because millions of people
have hangovers and have no week to
celebrate them you know but every time
we really miss Abrams everytime I hear
about these weeks
I remember what bugs bear once said this
is a strange country when we have
national pickle week and Mother's Day a
whole week to pay tribute to the pickle
and only one measly day to honor our
mother I want to thank you for for
stopping here for a moment and that if
you go back to your contestants a seat
will show you our next act and you can
judge for yourself thank you very much
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Oh
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[Applause]
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Oh
mr. Nicklaus Gaffney I have at this time
at this time in the program a ladies and
gentlemen I have always had a nerd just
before the commercial to say Dennis
anyone but I've always I have always
suppress the urge until tonight but
we'll be back with another contestant
after this next work
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well Thank You Dennis here's our next
contestant ladies and gentlemen on judge
for yourself
mrs. Mafalda Doyle mrs. Doyle would like
to have you have a carton of old gold
old goals are like old friends there
they're the best actually mrs. gold your
first name I see a mrs. gold I am
overdoing the product mention I'll end
up with old gold all people named gold
on the thing before we're through here I
said tell me your first name is Mathias
Ald aim of Mafalda yes it is I heard it
too often here I always thought that my
mother gave me that name because it was
the princess of Italy although I found
out later they also LaRose also has a
long curvy macaroni called Mafalda oh
you don't think you were named for the
macaroni do ya know I know a fellow I
knew some years ago used to eat so much
elbow macaroni that he looked as always
always coming out of his sleeve and it
was very embarrassing but Mafalda could
be something that spelled backwards
it isn't though is it
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tell me mr. Goyal are you a kitchen
practitioner well don't say housewife
I'm a so we have another word for yes
but I also have a profession well good
for you what is your profession I'm a
lawyer a mouthpiece a now that should be
an ideal profession for a woman that
wouldn't require much training
accurately tell me in your law practice
what cases do we specialize with yeah
well domestic relations mostly divorce
unfortunately divorce that is a thriving
business these days isn't it well it is
right now statistics have it in this
country that one out of every three
marriages end up in divorce one out of
every three marriages in spite of stop
it
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impossible if every every third marriage
is a failure because it's one of our
these shores known as Adi Shah wrote a
book recently it's quite good have you
seen it the couple is Cinderella you
haven't seen it well I don't know how
it's telling but it seems to me it ought
to be a big success if only are these
former wives by the book edition well
tell me have you handled any interesting
cases you can tell us about well we're
not allowed to discuss cases but I have
one interesting thing you might I'm also
a justice of the peace oh and I have
married people and later divorced them
and still later remarried them to
somebody else
other people say you've got a pretty
good thing going
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say you can only just get for married
people dissatisfied and keep shuffling
them around who are you funny busy but
it's been nice to talk you miss mrs.
Doyle I'm sorry that I can't speak at
length because I had some legal
questions I wanted to take up with you
and I'm sorry that I'm not going to be
able to do it if you will go back to the
contestants seat that will kill you our
next act and you can judge for yourself
I'm sorry we died after six weeks in
Cuba's pain in the West Indies that for
a long run at the Radio City Music Hall
ladies and gentlemen Rudolfo and Juanita
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it's judging time I'm mo for the experts
to rate right back 1 2 & 3 if any of our
contestants can rate the axe in exactly
the same order as the expert he will win
$1000 if there is more than one winner
the contestants will share the prize we
will be back for the ratings after this
well I see the decisions are in so back
to Fred Allen hell alright Dennis let us
see how our contestants have voted I
miss Loney I see your list is made out
will you tell me please
hi you afraid of the axe 1 2 & 3 we're
also in Juanita 1-1 malkos Daphne
whoo-hoo Kathy bar please that's Rodolfo
and Juanita Nicholas McCaffrey and Kathy
ba miss Abrams how have you raided the
actually healthy bar 1 and also Juanita
to the postdoc III happy by Rodolfo Nia
and miss Cathy thank you very much mrs.
Doyle how have you rated the act
Nickelodeon one Cathy bar 2 and Rodolfo
and Juanita three dancing
did any of you see looking we're looking
at the same show by any chance
well now let us see if any of our
experts as any of our contestants rather
has matched the experts now mr. Carraway
have you and your colleagues been in
discussion and arrived at a decision we
have the Bombers do you have the bomb
ready go to set it off and I give you
this q1 has a witch active you selected
first miss bar this box
and second second was mr. Gassman second
was mr. Gaffney and third of God
Rudolfo and this is the results on our
scoreboard show that none of our
contestants match the experts
next week's prize is $2,000
well I'm sorry that none of you
contestants won tonight but the makers
of old gold cigarettes want you to have
a consolation prize of fifty dollars a
piece I want to thank you very much for
participating in judge for yourself
tonight and next week ladies and
gentlemen our prize will be two thousand
dollars I'm not very quick at arithmetic
and next Tuesday night ladies and
gentlemen if the days are in the same
order next week we will be back with
this same program I imagine up to now
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and Saturday night if you're sitting
around the house don't forget my good
friend herb Shriner on another network
with his excellent old gold show two for
the money
herb Shriner and our show next week
judge for yourself thanks a lot for
being with us tonight we see you next
week
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