the George Burns and Gracie Allen show
presented by carnation evaporated milk
hi everybody our curtains about to go up
on George and Gracie but we have a
moment here and I'd like to tell you
this about George you know typical of
most husbands George has a favorite dish
yes sir fried chicken not just any fried
chicken mind you but fried chicken the
way Gracie fixes it
fried chicken fiesta with gravy it's
really something very special and I can
show you right here on the screen how
Gracie goes about fixing it first of all
the chicken is dipped in milk and then
into cornmeal and then placed into the
skillet to brown of course that's the
usual thing but there is a big
difference here it is not ordinary milk
racer users this is carnation evaporated
milk undiluted now this is very
important because the best way to get a
good rich brown crust and still have the
inside moist and tender is to use
carnation undiluted then of course the
chicken goes into the oven a moderate
oven for 30 minutes or until tender now
you come to the gravy and for a really
smooth gravy again Gracie uses carnation
mixed with an equal amount of water you
see carnation being heat refined blend
so smoothly with the other ingredients
that there's less chance of lumping and
again carnation brings out the full
flavor of your other ingredients see how
smooth that is and believe me it's
really delicious now how about that
isn't that a dish to smack your lips
over fiestas fried chicken with gravy
and folks this marvelous dish is just
another of those cooking miracles not
possible with ordinary bottled milk the
secret is right here heat refined double
riched carnation the milk from contented
cows imagine Oh curtain going up it's
time for George and graces
oh hey pretty classy a manicured moon
yeah wasn't that nice the match to come
over manicure my man bet
Oh Harry von Zell is outside on the
patio he wants to talk to me all right
I'll be outside
mm-hmm well good as you say oh yeah I
said now Clarence you're my kid sister
and I'm telling you to see your own good
don't marry that no-good bum ha ha and
what if Lord say mind your own business
you jealous busybody oh well I'm sorry
Madge I thought you wanted to tell me
oh no no Lawrence that that's a me Oh
anyhow I said okay Little Miss
smartypants you go ahead and marry the
guy but I'm telling you this the father
was here you wouldn't marry him
Oh big loafer Madge what a way to talk
about your own father
Oh why mrs. fiancée was a loafer
Oh well what happened to him well you
know after he married Florence he
straightened himself right on he went to
Texas and got a job in an oil well he
quit drinkin too and you know what today
he's worth a million dollars and the
nicest guy you ever wanted to meet Oh
doesn't it make you mad when somebody
lets you down like that
I just passed you our job in the patio
you know every time I see him like he's
working on scripts oh yes you see our
television a show will go on every week
they're getting it October oh and so
poor George is working awfully hard I'm
so glad he's getting a secretary today
he's getting a secretary yet Gracie
you've had a bead therap he's getting a
secretary hmm why he'll hire some gal
with more cars than a rollercoaster yeah
and then proceeded to chase around the
desk oh no not my George he's too fine
too decent too old you're wrong George
is at the dangerous age right now Oh
what is the dangerous age for husbands
hmm from 18 to 110 is that true magic oh
of course not mrs. burns
I know 112 I wouldn't trust you Delta
just teasing me oh we are yeah
now listen Gracie when my husband hired
his first secretary I didn't worry
either and then about a week later he
was sitting in his easy chair relaxing
and I came up behind him and kissed him
on the neck and he said take a letter
dear that's terrible well of course it
is imagine having a secretary and
wanting you to take a letter
you don't understand no honey you don't
understand oh well I'm not worried about
George he's the sweetest most innocent
man who ever lived ha ha there isn't a
husband alive who could be trusted out
of your sight yeah they're all a bunch
of wolves just a lot of casanova's
Casanova is right they marry it when
you're young and gay and pretty yeah and
then when you're old and broken down
they don't look anymore
yeah they throw y'all go through it
every time and George is no exception
wait a minute oh don't try to defend him
I'm not finished with your nails yet oh
well while you had a Chopin I'll show
him it's a very funny script George
thanks Harry
ok I notice that the finish of the
script Gracie finally gets me married
yeah wouldn't be a bad idea if you
really did get married
well I've thought about that a lot
George but I don't know if I'm ready I
mean when I get married I want my wife
to have everything you know a beautiful
home nice car furs jewelry plenty of
money everything it's a fine ambition
yeah so far I can't find a girl who's
got all that
stop with the jokes herring it's a great
feeling to have a devoted wife who loves
you
trusts you believes in you I wouldn't be
single again for all the tea in China
you know I hello sweetheart
oh don't you hello sweetheart me good
woof woof you to time in Casablanca
that's a plank around there you must be
tired chasing around the desk all day
hmm
I'm not good enough for you anymore when
you married me I was young and gay and
pretty but now that you're old and
broken-down you don't love me
you kiss the back of my neck I will not
take a little oh great I'll talk to you
later I'm busy
you George Burns I hope you'll be be
happy with your new secretary secretary
again as long as I live and if I had to
do it over again I do the exact same
thing oh so you were saying George if
there's nothing so wonderful as having a
wife who loves and trusts you yeah I
read that someplace I'll see you later
George
Oh Harry your scripts oh yeah that's
what it came for why why are you going
I'm going down to the matrimonial Bureau
and throw rocks through the window you
know that secretary that Gracie is
jealous about it's a piece of furniture
that stands about this high sort of a
desk she heard me on the phone ordering
a secretary we're using it not
television show so here we go again even
if I hide a girl there's no reason to
get jealous
I'm us know at least 100 men who have
secretaries and not one single manners
has ever tried to romance them fact
that's why a lot of secretaries won't
work for single men the warrant for
jealousy married people would be very
happy now there's a couple that live
down the street they just celebrated
their golden wedding anniversary
this man has loved the same woman for 50
years now if she had been the jealous
type she'd have found out who this woman
was and would have spoiled her happiness
people aren't the only ones I read about
a dog that ran away because you were
jealous it seems that the woman that
owned this st. Bernard they treated her
husband more like a dog than she did the
st. Bernard and the dog couldn't stand
it so Gracie is now jealous of a piece
of furniture the average man would the
average husband would explain that to
his wife I'm an average husband what I
haven't got an average wife I'm gonna
leave it alone she started this let her
find out a mistake the hard way it might
teach her a lesson
mrs. burns yes my name is Montague I'm
the private detective you sent for you
wanted me to follow your husband oh yes
you see if I followed him he might
recognize me come on Ian is there anyone
with you yeah
miss burns I mean can we talk
confidentially oh sure the garlic thank
you
now as I understand it we suspect your
husband of being interested in another
woman yes in secretary oh it's the same
old story husband I is a cute baby a
secretary and boom the eternal triangle
no you're wrong about this baby she's
too old to wear those of course no just
what is it you want well I want you to
follow my husband and watch him every
minute and tell me everything he does
don't worry I will I'll put a tail on
him Oh that'll make them easier to
follow this is burns that's a
professional expression meaning that
I'll observe him very closely do we get
the evidence you need the evidence you
want me to dig up the necessary charges
don't you oh it would be wonderful if
you would otherwise I'll have to pay you
myself
this is burns are you sure that it's
another woman that's making your husband
leave you hey would you like a cigar
thank you yes we'll go right over there
and take a pill right three or four I
will now mrs. burns I'd like a picture
of your husband where's your hat I beg
your pardon
where's your hat right it's funny I left
it right please oh why don't you look at
the hall all right oh I know I could
have told you that you know where it is
sure I hid it
why I wanted to see how good a detective
you are mrs. burns look I'll give you a
little clue look under a red chair I
guess you do all right but when you went
when you bite into the holes and look at
it boy well you had me a little confused
there you know I've got to have a
picture of your husband so I'll know who
to follow Oh oh yeah I was so mad at him
I burned it up well it wouldn't have
helped you anyway it was just from here
up and I want you to follow all of him I
still got to know what he looks like
oh I'll bring him in he's probably out
back no no no don't don't do that if he
sees me You Know Who I am
tell him you're somebody else oh excuse
me I was looking for my wife I was just
talking to your wife
oh really what about insurance insurance
oh now look if that's you don't talk to
my wife about it she never gets anything
right I know what's your name I'll tell
you what you come down to my office and
Myrdal my secretary write out a check
for Myrtle does everything for me I know
oh yeah have to go find my wife I'll see
you at the office by the way don't I
know your secretary isn't she sort of a
blog well she might have been once but
her hair is white now why myrtles over
16 I'll see at the office over 60 this
guy's nuttier than his wife oh excuse me
I thought you were a detective I am and
you didn't recognize me on account of
the moustache my goodness that I've been
gone that long
mrs. bird your husband was just in here
and told me all about the secretary
really you know she's over 60 no you
mean my husband my husband is chasing a
woman over 60 oh my goodness this is
worse than I thought
today sure he can catch her
no there's going to be a lot of
surprised people when this thing gets
straightened out Gracie thinks a piece
of furniture is a woman
the detective thinks Harry Morton is me
Harry Morton thinks the detective is an
insurance man and my writers think
they're going to get paid for this no
there's only one man around here that is
not confused so just to keep things
normal let's have a few words from him
all right bye George
well folks last time when I showed you
Gracie's baby picture in the Allen
family Alvin it got a very big response
first you know Gracie is only one of
millions of babies in our large
Carnation family now we have pictures
here of carnation babies from all over
everywhere let's see oh here are some of
my favorites these are the ciphered
quadruplets of Sleepy Eye Minnesota
Sleepy Eye there isn't a drowsy lid in
the crowd but here
here's another wide awake group the
Hargreaves quadruplets of Seuss Ann
Marie Ontario Canada and another bunch
the Mortensen triplets from San Antonio
Texas now all of these babies mind you
and millions millions more all were put
on carnation right from the very first
just as the doctor is recommending here
you know doctors have many good reasons
for recommending carnations so highly
for baby feeding for one thing it's very
easy to make up a formula with carnation
but of course the most important reason
is the babies thrive on it so little
tykes like this need carnations milk
minerals and vitamin D to develop strong
straight backs and good sound teeth then
two doctors will tell you that carnation
is the easiest kind of milk in the world
to digest oh yes indeed mother's know
their babies are safe on carnation so is
it any wonder that 8 out of 10 mothers
who use carnation say their doctor
recommended it I don't think it's any
wonder at all carnation is the milk
every doctor knows oh here we go again
boo funny you scared me
oh I'm sorry Harry I was waiting for
Tracy she for music I've been following
me all afternoon somebody following him
who is he no probably the fella I sold
that beach house - how was I to know
that the grunion were going to be going
through his front room at high tide
get upset about it Harry its Harry if
it's all the same to you let's go out on
the patio a lot safer in the open hit me
so nervous I had a chance to set my
teeth into my work Oh see what you -
Gracie what's up what is it well George
is running around with another woman
George yes well you can read it right
there in the detectives report detective
well what does it say well I don't know
see I can't read it I'm his wife and
there might be something in there I
should know let's see what the old gray
wolf has been up to he certainly has
been busy well I'll be darned
I would never believe this of George
what'd he do what'd he do he went to the
follies burlesque show this afternoon no
well that sneaky old goat one read the
whole thing from the top well I don't
understand let's see here
dear mrs. burns it is my unpleasant duty
to inform you that your husband is
apparently carrying on a romance with a
married woman married woman if she goes
for George her husband must be something
she found under a rock why I started
following mr. burns as soon as he left
his home he went next door to the Morton
house where he let himself in with a key
my hat that's what it says I looking
through the front window I observed the
following mrs. Martin greeted mr. burns
warmly they talked a while then Harry I
don't think I ought to read
one real amana matter would happen you
wanted sure-sure worry mrs. Martin then
gave mr. burns some chocolate cake after
eating it he embraced her and kissed her
what Harry I told you I shouldn't read
get my hands on Blanche our killer no
Harry please
she told me she didn't have any more
chocolate cake
okay but what about George kissing your
wife in broad daylight
yeah what about that even upset darn
right I'm upset oh how do you do mrs.
Lamar well I suppose you come over here
to see your broken-down boyfriend your
warmed-over kazanova oh no Harry I
didn't even know you were here no I
don't want to get mixed up in anything
I'll leave this with Gracie
Oh mrs. Morton might as well confess I
know all about your romance are you
crazy
there hasn't been any romance in my life
since the day I married you right act
innocent I ought to take a gun and shoot
you what are you talking about you know
first your lips inscription yeah I'm
just George yeah go ahead
hug him kiss him oh no shoot me
perhaps I'd better leave I'm sure you'd
prefer to be alone with your kazanova
alright that's Casablanca please tell me
what this is all about Blanche I know
all about George kissing you yes sing me
yes I don't understand it
I have to but you hairy hairy come back
here relax
you see Gracie hired that detective to
follow me but he thought you were George
Burns so he followed you then it was me
overtime
well I straightened out the Mortons
now I can just straight not graciously
everything I mean about the secretary
being a piece of furniture I
straightened Gracie out altogether we'll
have a panel show you next week well I
think I'll go in and talk to her yeah oh
hello man come on
oh no thanks mrs. Perez I just came by
to see if I left my gloves here this
morning oh yes you did they're right
here
oh why don't you come in and help me
pack / yes I have
I'm leaving George oh oh no no I don't
think I better than gee I'm awful sorry
oh well don't worry about it
I'm gonna keep this gay you know like
Alfred London Lynne Fontanne I saw them
in a play in New York and they had a big
scene where she left him and it was so
gay and sophisticated about him no tears
oh yeah well let me know how it all
comes out good luck mrs. Birnbaum
goodbye now goodbye Gracie I see you're
packing what's the idea I'm leaving you
darling
you're leaving me she pretty happy about
this
well it's better that way no tears
Alfred Alfred dinner for one tonight
please Jane James must be a friend of
Alfred's what do you think you're going
oh no London perhaps maybe pattern I
might even go to Monte Carlo and some
young handsome rule ever fall in love
with me
especially I think I can explain no Tim
let's keep it gay listen Gracie if you
you never smoked before huh
you think you're the only one who's been
doing things behind my back yeah we keep
it gay but I'll keep the cigarette oh
sure your secretary has taken the love
that was once mine I'll give you that
too
look Gracie I can explain this whole
deeply farewell outfit nicely you forgot
something
yes you forgot to laugh yeah now on the
patio needs work oh well you're ashamed
to bring her in the house huh well she
at least could have come to work sober
Gracie will you let me explain this
darling
what's her name come when Gertrude
Gracie
Oh Gracie you might have had the decency
to pick out a woman with a different
name come on let's go hon Antonio
let's not this one I Got News for you
this is the second error you've been
jealous oh yeah yeah well I've got news
for you what's that she's not in there
she left you two
Oh
I'd like to look ahead just a few hours
tomorrow morning to be exact you will
probably be doing your marketing then
just remember to do as shopper is doing
get carnation for your coffee get
carnation for your cooking get carnation
for your baby feeding you'll be mighty
happy that you did because no other form
of milk has as many uses as carnation
and no other milk is a strictly to use
see undiluted carnation costs less than
half as much as cream a mixed with an
equal amount of water carnation costs a
lot less than ordinary bottled milk
carnation the world's favorite brand of
evaporated milk the milk from contented
cows
this is harry von zell saying good night
for carnation Burns and Allen show is a
CBS television network production
this is the CBS television network