when you care enough to send the very
best
[Music]
tonight from Hollywood the makers of
Hallmark Greeting cards bring you Mr
Jack Benny and Stephen Lee Cox my
financial career on the Hallmark
Playhouse
each week Hallmark will bring you
Hollywood's greatest stars in
outstanding stories chosen by one of the
world's best known authors Mr James
Hilton
foreign
your friends will long remember make
your selections now from the complete
Hallmark collection on display at the
friendly store where you buy Hallmark
cards whatever your taste whatever your
budget you'll take special pride in
sending Hallmark cards and on the back
of everyone is the identifying Hallmark
that says you cared enough to spend the
very best
and now it is Hallmark's pleasure to
present the distinguished novelist Mr
James Hilton
[Applause]
good evening ladies and gentlemen this
is James Hilton tonight the Hallmark
Playhouse presents the dramatization of
a short story by Stephen likock entitled
my financial career
since this story concerns a man and the
bank and the insertion of the man's
funds they're into we of the Hallmark
Playhouse felt that the role of the man
should be portrayed by an actor with a
thorough knowledge of banking and a deep
love and a great respect for all matters
monetary
in casting about for such a personality
one name kept cropping up and that name
was Jeff Benny
accordingly we opened negotiations with
Mr Benny Benny and after three days in a
hotel room we managed to conclude a
financial Arrangement which satisfied
him and still left a few pennies for the
Hallmark people
our staff of return is an economic
Consultants unanimously agreed that it
was the most difficult and complicated
transaction since 1803 when Thomas
Jefferson purchased the Louisiana
Territory from France
in view of Mr Benny's long and familiar
association with banking institutions
and his easy institutions in dealing
with them it is paradoxical than in our
play tonight he portrays a character who
suffers from an overwhelming dread of
Banks and bankers
this is perhaps the most challenging
role in Mr benef's career and should
provide the severest test of his
histrionic ability
and now without further Preamble we
present Mr Jack Benny as Rodney Beamish
in our very free adaptation of Stephen
Lee Cox my financial career
foreign
[Music]
I'm married and have three children a
son 26 a daughter 12 and a little boy
just six months old
I don't believe in rushing things
in breath I'm conservative I always wear
a black frock coat a derby hat and our
ride to work every day on a bicycle
for the past 19 years I have been
employed as a troubleshooter in the
zipper Department of the eagle clothes
company
my wife and I and our three children
share a large Airy comfortable room in a
modern attractive garage
I mention all these things to show that
I'm a normal average citizen yep I was
singled out by faith to Bear an awful
burden
all my life I have been a slave to one
terrible morbid obsession
uh Rodney Village
possessed with an overpowering Craven
dread of
Bang
[Music]
the very moment that I caught the
threshold of a bank my knees turned to
water and I sort of flow the rest of the
way in
however for the past 19 years I've been
saving my money a little each month
until now I had a mass too large a thumb
to keep in the house
fifty six dollars
so fighting against an unreasoning fear
I started out for the bank holding the
money clutched in a couple ball in my
pocket
when I near the doors of the Security
First National my nerve gave out
I stopped my tracks unable to take
another step
the doorman looked at me suspiciously
and after a couple of hours
he walked over to me
hey mister we don't allow Loathing in
front of the bank what you've been
hanging around for two hours well I I
plan on going in you ain't the impulsive
type are you no no it's just that well I
guess I'm just plain frightened what's
the matter bud you overdrawn
no no it's a psychosis
it's Freudian do you know Freud not by
name but if he's a depositor I know he's
Faith no you don't understand it's a
complex I'm afraid of bangs
I've always been afraid of them well
maybe something happened a long time ago
that scared you did you ever lose money
in a bank
I never lost money anywhere
but wait a minute
something did happen to me a long time
ago
[Music]
I was going with a girl named Alexis
Lujack
she was a Chocolate Dipper in a candy
factory
when I took her out I left a whole hand
with her all evening and then go home
and lick my finger
I remember now I went to call on her one
night when I got to her house there was
another fellow waiting for her his name
was Bull Jensen and he was sort of a
local cop
uh Bull with handy with his fist but
that meant nothing to me I just put on
my glasses and sat down
what are you doing here stupid oh hello
bro I've got a date with Alexis oh you
have eh we'll cut it out will you let go
of my wrist you're hurting me
let go
ouch
say what I have to do to you to make a
fight back oh no I'm not going to tell
you my secret
who wants to talk
ouch now get out of here
going to bore me
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
yo the guy be Champion you ran out
what's that got to do with being afraid
of bangs I didn't tell you but bull
Jensen's father worked in a bank all
right they'll still don't make sense now
come on come on walk right in I'll help
you to be what there's nothing good
[Music]
before I knew what was happening I was
inside the bank I tumbled throughout the
muscles in my throat constricted my
whole body quivered in the grip of
horrible fear
I staggered over to one of the windows
the teller looked at my face as if they
say what's the matter sir is there
anything wrong
and then he said what's the matter sir
is there anything wrong
I explained to the teller that Banks
rapidly he was an intelligent Chap and
tried to help if you pardon me for
saying so sir I'd Venture that your
trouble can be traced to some
psychological upheaval in the past now
that's what I keep telling myself but I
just won't listen try to think back sir
is there any incident you remember that
would have some bearing on this new
roses no no nothing
but wait
yes I do remember an incident
[Music]
thank you
it happened many years ago when I was in
college
how the girls used to flock around me
when I played my mandolin
oh I was handsome in those days
my chest of hair was naturally wavy
and sometimes an unruly curl would flip
down and Nestle against my forehead
I had flashing white teeth
and when I smiled two dimples would hold
my mouth and parenthesis it
our football team was playing State u in
the biggest game of the year and we were
losing 76 to nothing with only two
minutes left in the game
it was beginning to look bad for our
side
but the coach had been saving me for
just such an immersion
Mimi Mimi yes coach go in that corner
there was a Roar from the crowd and I
put on my helmet whipped off my blanket
and ran out on the field
I looked down and realized I had left my
pants in the locker room
the coach rushed out another pair and we
went into a huddle for the tenth moment
but they fit
the crowd Rover
it was do or die and I was willing to do
I lowered my head and charged into the
light but it was like hitting a stone
wall I found out later they were wearing
concrete jerseys
everything went black and when I woke up
I was in the hospital
my head was so swollen it was two years
after I graduated before I could take
off my helmet
[Applause]
well that was unfortunate Mr Beamish but
what has it got to do with your being
afraid of banks our team lost the game
I failed when they were banking on me
it's not reasonable now why don't you
pull yourself together and state your
business
I I want to open an account there you
said it now wasn't that easy just step
over to that desk and ask for our
cashier Mr Williams
I turned and started to walk across the
floor and once more my strength came to
melt
again I was in the grip of that nameless
dread that Relentless creeping fear I
felt myself stinking sinking into the
bottom of my head
a light in my brain exploded to a
thousand colors Brown orange green and
that certain shade of blue that was
still be coming to me
and then the bottom fell out of the
world and I crashed down into
the black abyss of Oblivion
[Music]
in a moment James Hilton will return to
present the second act of my financial
career starring Jack Benny but first
wouldn't you like to send Christmas
cards this year so unusual so beautiful
that your friends will show them to all
who visit them during the holiday season
then visit the friendly store where you
buy Hallmark cards see his collection of
Hallmark personal Christmas cards and
see how true it is that whatever your
taste whatever your budget there's a
Hallmark card that you'll be proud to
send you'll be fascinated by albums of
Christmas cards illustrated by famous
Gallery artists cards rich with the feel
of silken tapestry and the cards for men
with hunting scenes that set any man to
Dreaming but tonight I'd like to tell
you especially about the Hallmark Blue
Book for on every page of this beautiful
album is a Hallmark card that's a
heartwarming reflection of the Christmas
spirit you'll see a jolly Santa Claus a
toy train full of good wishes reindeer
poised for flight Evergreen so fresh you
can almost smell their fragrance the
sparkling snow of a white Christmas yes
they're all here all these and many more
of the well-beloved Christmas symbols in
Hallmark personal cards that you'll be
proud to send cards your friends will be
proud to receive for when they see the
Hallmark on the back they'll know you
cared enough to send the very best
here again is James Hilton
[Music]
as we begin the second act of my
financial career with Jack Benny as
Rodney Beamish we return you to the hard
tone floor of the Security First
National Bank upon which Rodney has just
collapsed
the mysterious hysteria that sees him
whenever he enters a bank still holds
him in merciful unconsciousness
now he's beginning to stir oh
[Music]
help myself floating in a gentle sea and
soft waves were splashing over my face
and then I realized that it wasn't a
thief
I was lying on the floor in the bank
I had faded and they were trying to
revive Me by throwing water in my face
I'm terribly sorry Mr Beamish but we
didn't have any water handy so we had to
use ink
I looked down and thought of my white
shirt was now a blue polka dot
I offered to pay for the ink but they
wouldn't hear of it
they even gave me some blotter so I
could dry myself
a teller was very kind he tried to
soothe me we chatted for about 15
minutes
and then he helped me up off the floor
I thanked him now Mr Beamish why don't
you see our cashier Mr Williams and tell
him exactly what you want I walked over
to Mr Williams feel shaky from my
experience he greeted me cordially well
well are we feeling better now we I
didn't know he had been sick too
I apologize for Mr Williams and explain
my phobia he was very understanding My
Dear Mr beami this Obsession of yours
about Bankers merely a quirk a Twist of
Mind probably in good from some incident
in the past perhaps as a you you had
dumb trouble concerning a bank no no not
my youth
wait a minute
yeah
I do remember an incident in the past
[Music]
when I was 37 years old I ran away from
home
I was determined to see the world I made
my way to San Francisco and found myself
in a waterfront dive
there was a Timmy piano playing in a
place that's full of sailors they
fascinated me with their Lusty manners
and their salty talk
tonight
oh maybe mind if an old sailor dropped
anchor alongside I looked up and saw a
typical old Seaman standing at the bar
next to me
he had an ugly scar that ran from ear to
ear
and a sort of nasal twang where his nose
should have been
I didn't want him to think I was a land
lover so I tried to act nautical
I said shiverly Timbers and asked him
he'd ever been around the horn
Captain Hook's my name I've sailed the
seven seas for 40 years man and boy and
neither of us ever regretted it
I stood there and listened to him it's
been his Briny yawn he was a skipper of
the Nancy B a trim Little Steamer out of
Seattle by War Admiral
well the time came to pay the check we
both reached for our money
and it was then I envied him he didn't
have any
suddenly a feeling of weakness came over
me my legs started to buckle I tried to
unbuckle him but it was no use too late
I sense that I had been drugged and I
knew I was being Shanghai
[Music]
I regained Consciousness in the Boiler
Room of the Nancy Bee
two stalkers were stripped to the waist
or is it stoker yeah the Stoker
anyway one of them kicked me in the head
hi matey Briggs is my name
I'm pleased to meet you Mr Brie
stuck a shovel in my hand and pointed to
the Blazing furnace feed it I plug a
shovel full of coal into the fiery pit
and a tongue of flames shot out licked
my hand gratefully
then the hatch open and Captain Hook
came in
no longer was he the kindly old car I
had met in the Waterfront Saloon now he
was a cruel bloody Tyrant oh but your
scurvy stuck and flying lift the shovel
tote that Bale get a little drunk and
you'll land in the brig
he had the lyrics all wrong
but I wasn't going to tell him
why not work for Captain Hook you're
worth 26 hours a day
26 hours a day
I thought it was impossible
to watch back two hours
it was miserable down in the Stockholm
how long for a breath of fresh air and
one night I reached the deck unobserved
and I saw a girl coming toward me
he was the most beautiful creature I'd
ever seen
and drive me as I was she was glad to
meet me
she said I reminded her of an old
boyfriend a coal miner from Scranton
her name was Stella
she was a passenger on the ship and she
told me all about herself I hated to
make this trip
I've been away for so long
first I had to go to Paris and I need to
reel in Australia
and then when I get back I'll have to go
to Honolulu
but why do you keep doing it if you
don't like it I can't help it
you see two years ago I hit the giant
jackpot on a quiz show
and I've been traveling ever since
I fell a strong bond between this girl
and myself
faded played a cruel trick on both of us
for this one fleeting moment we were
free and the moon was beautiful
chalene toured me and I reached out to
an folder when suddenly Captain Hook was
there ahead of me
register
and then with a twinkle in his eye
he turned to me and said yes talking
swine get back to your hole before I
switch your gullet
and he dragged me away by the gullet
stared at me uncomprehendingly
there was a wistful look in her eyes
a knowledge of things that were not to
be
I never saw Stella again
[Music]
Mr Beamish I realized you went through a
terrible ordeal but uh why should that
make you afraid of banks well I
neglected to tell you Captain Hook had
me planned because I had forgotten to
bank the fire
not good logic
don't you just forget all that and and
tell me how much you would like to
deposit
well first I want to see the president
alone
I don't know why I said alone
but Mr Williams now to catch the
president
my fingers tightened on my 56 dollars
are you the president I asked him yes
I'm the president I'm pleased to meet
you Mr Truman
the name is Dewey
do we Cornelius gave you it I'm
president of this Bank oh step this way
please we'll be safe from Interruption
here you are one of pinkerton's men I
presume
he had gathered to my appearance that I
was a detective
I explained that my feet were naturally
flat
I had been born with fallen arches
he looks surprised and asked me but I
wanted of it what do you want of me
I want of you to open an account
keep all my money in this Bank
of you
please sit down Mr Bibi
if you have a cigarette thanks
hmm Lucky Strike oh yeah
there first again with Bankers too
you say you're going to keep all your
money in this Bank yes all of it well
that's wonderful exactly how much cash
you propose to deposit Mr beami
56 dollars
fifty six dollars Mr Williams yes sir
this gentleman is opening an account he
will deposit 56 good day babies
I felt myself getting rattled again
I went back to Mr Williams and handed
him the 56 dollars he took the money
made me write the sum on a slip and sign
my name in a book I no longer knew what
I was doing there you are Mr beaming
it is I told him I wanted to draw a
check
my idea was to take out six dollars I
had to have some money to carry me
through the month
he handed me a checkbook I wrote
something out of it and trusted back at
him
he looked at me and I made are you
drawing it all out again miserably I
realized that I had written 56 instead
of six Reckless with panic I tried a
brighten it through I nodded you're
withgoing all your money from the bank
every cent
how will you have it what I said how you
have the 56 dollars in 50.
all right here's a 50 bill now how do
you want the six in sixes
he gave it to me
I trusted into my pocket and started for
the door only fought to escape from this
devilish spot
hot fragment in my life flashed in front
of my eyes in a crazy unrelated pattern
foreign
I came face to face with my old
girlfriend Alexis luchak she was dipping
Captain Hook into a bat of chocolate
both dense his face looked up in front
of me my head Whirled I know I had to
get to my bicycle or maybe I went to the
street with freedom I pedal away from
that bank fast as I could but I was
halfway home before I realized I didn't
have my bicycle
but I was making such good time I
couldn't stop peddling
surprise I'd never again go back to any
Bank let him keep my bicycle I didn't
care because I was free
[Laughter]
thank you
foreign
on behalf of the Hallmark Playhouse I
want to thank you for a wonderful half
hour well thank you Mr Hilton I enjoyed
it myself even though Hallmark is a
competitor of mine you know I carry a
line of Christmas cards too
you know actually Mr Benny Hallmark has
no competitors you see we use the most
famous artists the best engraving and
only the finest grades of paper for our
card oh well mine aren't quite that
elaborate uh I use the cardboard that
comes back from the laundry in my shirt
and this time of year there are a lot of
Christmas advertising in the magazines
some beautiful pictures I clip them out
and paste them on cardboard they make a
lovely card I happen to have one right
here with me if you care to look at it
here's one here it is thank you hmm
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from
two lovely ladies which twin has the
Tony
isn't that a beautiful sentiment well
it's very expensive I just have a couple
of dozen left at 50 cents a piece
Omar puts out a very fine card for his
little advice then five cents well no
wonder things have been so slow with me
do you suppose I could carry the
Hallmark line at the Wholesale
Distributors price I mean well Hallmark
cards are still lonely and carefully
selected retail stores you have a retail
store no no but I have a beautiful
suitcase and a connection with the
police department
I've got one of the best corners in
Beverly Hills well drop in and we'll
discuss it good night Jack good night
there Mr Chips I mean Mr Hilton
see with Hallmark cards I can double my
business wait I tell Mary about this
foreign
and thanks again for the delightful
nonsense next week on the Hallmark
Playhouse we will present Rose Wilder
Lane's free land starving Martha Scott
and on succeeding weeks we will bring
you Victor more Ida Lupino and the
finest stars in Hollywood so make
Thursday night your Hallmark Playhouse
night until next Thursday's end is the
James Hilton saying good night
that home of your own education for your
children Leisure Time all these can be
part of your future if you invest in
United States savings bonds now the
short way to save is the automatic way
through the payroll savings plan where
you work or the bond to month plan where
you Bank protect your future with United
States Savings Bond
[Music]
when I thought I was adapted for radio
by Hugh wedlock and Howard Snyder with
music composed and conducted by Lynn
Murray our director producer is the
engelbach look for Hallmark cards that
are told only in stores that have been
carefully selected to give you expert
and friendly service the number of
Hallmark cards when you kill enough to
send the very best this is Frank Goss
saying good night to you all until next
week at the same time when Jane's
children returns to present Rose Wilder
Lane's free land starring Martha Scott
this program came to you from the
Hallmark Playhouse it's the CBS the
Columbia broadcasting system
all right
[Applause]