ameri-ghen
for your own real deep down smoking
enjoyment remember LS MFT Lucky Strike
means fine tobacco and fine tobacco is
what counts in a cigarette
year after year at auction after auction
independent tobacco experts auctioneers
buyers and warehouseman can see the
makers of Lucky Strike consistently
select and buy that fine that light that
naturally mild tobacco fine white
naturally mild tobacco yes Lucky Strike
means fine tobacco and in a cigarette
it's the tobacco that counts so for your
own real deep down smoking enjoyment
smoke that smoke a fine tobacco Lucky
Strike so round so firm so fully fact so
free and easy on the draw
I'm Aaron
the Lucky Strike program starring Jack
Benny with Barry Livingston Phil Harris
Rochester Dennis day and you're throwing
Donald
ladies and gentlemen let's go on to Jack
Benny's house in Beverly Hills where we
find Jack and Phil Harris alone in the
library well Jackson you asked me to
come out to your house to see you along
what's all the mystery oh wait a minute
Phil I I want to lock the door
okay Jackson what is it just seconds
though I want to shut the window alright
alright you lock the door close the
window through the blinds now what do
you want Phil something's got to be done
about your Orchestra
I don't know what kid but something are
you kidding
no fell look I'll admit when we're doing
radio shows I joke about your music but
now we're in my home just the two of it
believe me I'm serious something has got
to be done or else I'll wait a minute
Jackson don't go get in top with me if
you got any beef doctor Petrillo I've
already talked to Petrillo and he's on
my side
believe me on your side how do you like
that you miss your dues one week and the
mother hand starts kicking you out of
the nest look fell after ten years I
don't mind your band I'm used to it
but listen to these letters I've been
getting listen to this one
dear mr. Benny I am a poultry farmer I
read in a magazine that music helps the
hens lay more eggs so I put a radio in
the henhouse two weeks ago I tuned in
your program the hens heard phil
harris's orchestra now they are laying
more eggs than ever but the yolks are
green
there you are Phil what do you think of
that green yolks the guy's got something
there you can use them in my paintings
please maestro look here's another one
I get this other letter dear mr. Bennish
I am a professor of English Literature
at Harvard and for years and years I
have consistently listened to your
Sunday presentations I have found your
construction and continuity compact and
concise your dialogues singularly free
of cliches and Ponderosa tea but mr.
Harris's musical ensemble stinks
and fell this proves he's a high-class
professor he spells stinks with a wide
those two letters are just samples of
the mail that comes in every week I get
thousands and thousands and thousands of
letters like those well if I'm getting
all that mail I want more dull
look Phil what I'm trying to tell you
that you better do something about your
orchestra what are you talking about I
got one of the greatest musical
aggravations in the country
that's aggregation but for once you're
right
Horsham right you take my boys they've
all got great backgrounds in the music
business all fine sure takes thank you
my guitar player for seven years he
played first wash board for Spike Jonze
well he's not playing the washboard now
so tell me to stop strumming his guitar
with that box of does if he's that close
the so vital to get some of it honor
golly Organa now wait a minute I'll be
talking about Charlie my piano player
he'll a job with guy Lombardo's or strip
for 12 years
well here's was Guy Lombardo yeah he
wasn't even a brother
Phil that has nothing to do with it and
believe me Phil I'm not picking on you
I'm just trying to arrive at an
understanding now Phil I know you're
sensitive so I'm so I'm talking to you
not as an employer but as your friend
now let's try to Phil stop chewing on
that ham hock and listen to me please
I'm sorry Jackson I just happened to
have one in my pocket all right but Phil
I hope we understand each other now okay
Jackson look I gotta run along do you
mind if I go no no go ahead Phil I said
you can go what are you waiting for
well open the Joe Richard
yeah Jackson hello sale Oh hiya Livi
very come on in the library I want to
hear all about your trip where'd you go
Jack I thought you knew I went back eat
you attend my mother and father's
wedding anniversary really and how were
the Duke and Duchess of Plainfield oh no
Jack we have the cutest way of keeping
track of their anniversaries each year
on their wedding day
Papa Smith's on palanca Mama's hair cuts
it away well as oddly sweet I'll even
marry I don't know for the last three
years they've been calling mama Baldy
and Jack you should have seen my sister
babe she looked beautiful she wore a
Sabbath evening gown and was really
glamour you know Mary no strapless gown
fascinate me how do they keep them up I
know about the other girl but babe uses
fishhooks when fades out to catch a guy
she ain't kiddin how'd you do oh she's
got a nice boyfriend now he's a credit
dentist oh you mean one of those
dentists will let their patients put
them on the installment plan yeah one of
the slogans is don't sit around and gum
your hat just because you're short of
cash
one of the slogan you mean he adds
others yeah the best one is don't keep
your lips closed in sorrows smile today
and pay tomorrow
well he's early found like the right guy
for babe yes and he very successful too
he's the one who invented that new lower
plate at fights underwater
oh yes it's got those new ballpoint
teeth all the way marry we do I got
dinner with me oh I can't Jack Janice is
coming by to pick me up in a few minutes
he's taking me to a movie oh how come
you're going out with dinner tonight
well he call me up and try and feel for
the date
Dennis owns you in Plainfield long
distance
yeah it's long distance well course he
has to shows you know Mary hide Oh mr.
Bennie Mary oh good we were just talking
about you ready to go Danny hey mr.
Feeny
answer me what picture we're gonna see
what I say
everyone picture we're gonna see all
right Oh what think you gonna see it's
the one about a couple of deers a couple
of deer the yearling no the dolly fences
you're just into that one big-time
comedian you ain't got that acid or
sparkle with the joke
whatever - so wait a minute kid hello oh
hello Don
what you've been rehearsing the
commercial for next week done what's so
difficult about the commercial that you
have to rehearse it all you have to say
is LS MFT LS MFT Lucky Strike means fine
tobacco
yes Lucky Strike means fine tobacco
that's all you need the quartet no no
Don I'm not going to use them any now I
don't care if they are in your room
rehearsing we're not going it well well
all right I'll listen to him but I'm
warning you this is their last chance
okay put him on hello fellas now cut
that out
just sing your commercial go ahead
hmm it's not bad enough
LS MFT I love you daddy - daddy say that
sounds beautiful did indeed it fellas
hold it hold it
he started out so beautifully look
fellas that is what I want wait a minute
put down back on that's not what I hold
it a minute fellas
put down that fellas fellas wait a
minute wait a minute wait a minute
we'll do peloton tell gone I'll talk to
him and I see him bye-bye
they drive me nuts I'm gonna oh there's
the phone again I wonder who it is this
time hello yes this is Jack Danny why
well well I suppose I could but of
course I'll have to make some
arrangements about my picture and radio
commitment yes I certainly will think it
over
and it was nice of you to consider me
thanks thanks very much goodbye Paul is
that Jack they want me to be governor of
Georgia
well go ahead kid you can run along now
all right so long Jack come on goodbye
governor goodbye you all enjoy yourself
hmm that a dee-dum dee-dum time Sweet
Georgia Brown data or Chester what we
got for dinner what you can use ham hock
and turkeys yet always out of pocket
white The Linde offer but I'm hungry
and you
ah that was a good dinner rocket sir no
I think I'll go in the library and get a
book oh here's one on the table but you
finished it boss
I did yeah you called all the pictures
in that one
oh yeah baby I'll just read one for a
change
I'll be in the library Rochester gee I
don't know what to read here's a good
book the great Balsamo by Maurice a lot
oh here's another one life in the Swiss
Alps by Sam or Leo Leahey here's another
one the rover boys on Mulholland Drive
hey they're growing up here's one I
stand condemned by maximilien Hugh
Langley I stand condemned I think I read
that about a year ago he was pretty good
exciting to come and we'll read it again
before I take it back to the library
chapter one I stand condemned I'm what
you call an average citizen I come from
a little town in the Midwest yes I'm
married I have a lovely wife and we have
three fine boys and a dog George Franck
Harry and final Harry is the dog
my life at the lives of most men power
to course pointed out by the fickle
finger of fate most stories start at the
beginning but my story begins at the end
I am occupying yourself in the death row
at the State Penitentiary yes I tell you
let me I pardon
warden you gotta let me out of here
I'm innocent here innocent and in a few
minutes so gotta execute me what time do
I go to the chair the five birdies good
and I won't have to listen to Fred Allen
know where my say 14 what I'll tell you
what my fault I want to go to the
electric chair no now calm down
I'll Barbara's a little rushed today so
I'll shave your head myself but Warren
is it still I'll start with the scissors
take it easy around the sideburns yes
manicure no no thank you hey let me hi
here I don't want to go to the electric
chair I won't leave this room I can't
walk that last mile oh you won't have to
we'll bring the electric chair in here
what we have a long cord you know
put warden warden can't you hang me I'm
afraid of the chair how will they know
when I'm dead we have one of those new
electric chairs you pop up when you're
done
Gordon Gordon I'm innocent
if you only listen to my story I know
you'll believe all very well what is
your story well warden it goes back a
long long time I would have led a normal
life except for the fickle finger of
fate the warden listened to my story
I told him how I met the man who is
responsible for my undoing I had just
left my office there was going home to
my three wonderful children Manny Moe
and Jack
we had Manny and Jack and felt that we
could have one mole
anyway I was walking down the street and
suddenly I figured all the shadows
he was a tall man with a sort of a
square feet he reminded me somewhat of
Boris car but his voice was so pleasant
brain tapped me on the shoulder and said
pardon me please but may I trouble you
for a match
a match I'm sorry I don't have one but
I'll I'll let you use my cigarette
lighter thank you you're very card hey
you give me that all right all right
here's your lighter but why were you
running away I thought you just wanted
to light a cigarette
I do but my cigarette is home
but you have no right wait a minute you
look so much by Boris Carlo dang you're
looking well yourself
thank you however my resemblance to mr.
Karloff is purely physical for instance
I would never think of going to a
cemetery in the black of night opening
graves and stealing the gold teeth out
of dead body huh that's that's dishonest
you know yeah you were trying to steal
my cigarette lighter weren't you
no I wasn't as a matter of fact I'd like
to buy I'll give you $20,000 for it
$20,000 well I I don't want to take
advantage of him I'll tell you what I'll
throw in an extra flip
just as I said you're very kind
here is the money a twenty thousand
dollar bill
yeah well saw mister I hope you enjoyed
the lighter just a moment clean I also
admire your necktie my list huh
I know it sounds fantastic but I bought
playtime for $17,000 and then he bought
my shirt my shoes in my suit as I gave
my last stitch of clothing this
mysterious stranger handed me one
hundred and ninety four thousand dollars
and two balloons
no clothes I blew up the balloons and
danced my way home
the next day I met the say mysterious
man for a second time again he gave me
fabulous prices for my clothes and again
I danced my way home on the third day
the same thing that I was not only
getting Richard but I was dancing
daily meetings were more than mere
coincidence a bond developed between us
two weeks later I was sitting in the
kitchen having breakfast with my wife
and my three lovely children Minsk Pinsk
and butcher the mysterious stranger had
not yet come downstairs yes he was
living with us
come on children finish your breakfast
that's right children eat your food but
daddy can't we have milk like we used to
I'm tired of champagne on my grape-nuts
well you can't have milk across
practically nothing
where's jr. oh he's out the backyard
feeding $20 bills to the cows it is the
money to the cows that's ridiculous no
it isn't Paul we have many more bags to
keep it in we've been out there long
enough I'll call up Junior Junior get
ready for school
Oh daddy I got no school I bought it
you'll go go now get ready you know
darling things just haven't been the
same since I stranger came to live with
us
he citings me there's something eerie
about him I've been feeling the street
quiet
here he comes down yes as we were
talking he opened the door and walked
into the room he was wearing sneakers
as I rose from the table he said good
morning everybody good morning did you
sleep well yes I did
Selam thank you
I'm sorry I'm late for breakfast but I
overslept I was out with a party last
night
a party well how do you feel this
morning oh well have some tomato juice
yes I'll get you some you know I envy
you two a beautiful home lovely children
haven't you any children no I married a
smudge pot you married a smudge pot oh
they haven't any children no but they're
lousy with oranges oh by the way I don't
feel I should live here any longer
without paying you rent how much do you
want well I'm I no good at these things
let's forget all but I insist what a
million dollars a week be enough well
with or without me
with Neil that'll be three dollars extra
I'll be glad to pay things like this
were happening every day and God money
man
money money money my wife left me
followed by three lovely children
Sara toga and trunk pioneer family
accumulated millions of dollars which I
kept in my shoes I was now 11
I paid the OT age raise the ceiling one
day because I was sweeping some loose
change under the rug he came
hello my friend look I have a present
for you a brand-new ten thousand dollar
bill the ten thousand dollar bill we
have it give me quick all right but be
careful how you handle it the ink is
still wet
don't worry out the ink is still wet
wait you mean you've been printing this
money yourself certainly but doesn't
everybody
oh so that's it I must have been by now
to see through this whole scheme my life
is ruined
I lost my wife my three lovely children
Chico Pico and Sepulveda I thought was
rich but I haven't got a tire at cerner
assumed all I got every money money
money and all of it you even got my
cigarette lighter I like a fool threw in
an extra Flint yes you are a fool do you
think I'd really pay your $17,000 for a
necktie $22,000 for your fucking shoes
wait yes you are a fool do you think I
give you five hundred dollars for a
dinner well I can get the same thing at
Ciro's for 400
yeah of course that money was
counterfeit no Louie who gave me weren't
any goodies they broke on the sunset bus
an embarrassment
so all this time you've been nothing but
a counterfeit but what's the difference
we can still do business I convinced the
money and you can get rid of it for me
I'll kill you I'm going to do come away
hey my way don't kill me I'll give you
back your own rose where are they now
you have a pea flavor and the coconut
you even lost the spring out of my
pajamas please stop choking me
stop choking me oh why must I always die
in the end
yes I killed and as I finish telling my
story the warden looked at me and said
it's 5:30 Joey Jones
them so as I walk through the little
green door I thought of my three lovely
children finger hey go and find
no doubt about it
in a cigarette it the tobacco that
counts and here in year out consistently
Lucky Strike means fine tobacco here's a
tip from a man or the lifetime of
tobacco experienced
mr. James Monroe ball of winston-salem
North Carolina and the independent
tobacco auctioneer for the past 31 years
mr. ball said I speak as an eyewitness
when I say that season after season I've
seen the makers of Lucky Strike buy fine
right melot Lee that good kind of
tobacco that makes a swell smoke I've
smoked Lucky's myself for 29 years
remember at auction after option
independent tobacco experts like mr.
ball can see the makers of Lucky Strike
consistently select and buy that fine
that light that naturally mild tobacco
fine light naturally mild tobacco real
Lucky Strike tobacco yes LS MF t Lucky
Strike means fine tobacco and this fine
Lucky Strike tobacco means real deep
down smoking enjoyment for you so smoke
that smoke of fine tobacco Lucky Strike
so round so firm so fully packed so free
and easy on the draw
I want to thank Boris Karloff for
appearing here tonight he can currently
be seen in his latest RKO picture bedlam
or say Jack yes Don I understand you're
going to be on Kenny Baker's programme
in the morning yes I am Don will you
pick me up for rehearsal yes jack
rehearsal is at 7:30 a.m.
oh well don't bother I'll go right over
there from here good night
company
you