okay oh the jello program coming to you
from Marshfield California and brought
to you by jello and jell-o pudding
starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston
Phil Harris Dennis day Rochester and
yours truly Don Wilson the orchestra
opens a program with wings of America
written by lieutenant Jesse Hicks of the
March field
[Music]
[Applause]
Queens of America played by the
orchestra and now ladies and gentlemen
in as much as our program today is
coming to you from March field
California it is with great pleasure
that I bring you that eminent authority
on aviation flying Jack Benny thank you
thank you jello again this is Jack Benny
talking flap flap I'm flying boys and
Don that was really a lovely
introduction I mean calling me an
eminent authority on aviation how'd you
ever find out about that Don why don't
you remember jack just before the
broadcast you told me to introduce you
that way oh oh oh yes yes but that's the
truth time it isn't commonly known but
years ago I was the first person to ever
think of the airplane only it so happens
that a couple of other fellows perfected
it before I did the the Smith Brothers
Orville and Wilbur they they beat me to
it
pardon me jack but you must mean the
Wright brothers the who oh yes yes the
Wright brothers the Smith Brothers
perfected the clock drop before eyes
everybody has the jump on me well that's
very interesting but tell me Jack
whatever gave you the idea of a for a
flying machine for the airplane well
well I was sitting on a fence one day
when a flock of pigeon flew over my head
and a thought struck me
anyway anyway I said if those things can
fly so can Benny so I made a big a pair
of big canvas wings tied him out of my
bicycle and rolled right off the roof of
my father's barn and what happened I lit
on my head and I've been a comedian ever
since for a few years I was quite silly
and then I became sophisticated but
that's what an inventor has to go
through oh hello Mary hello jack hiya
fellas
well at some hand you got there marry
the boys here seem to know you why not I
met most of them at the plantation last
night oh the plantation
oh yes that's that nightclub overed
Riverside how'd you happen to be there I
had a date with a cutest soldier and you
know Jackie was the most bashful teller
I haven't met
what are you being bashful he said as
soon as there was a blackout he was
going to kiss me
well Mary as I look out over this sea of
faces I would say that you've got the
only non wolf in the album
no no kidding you mean I can do better
tonight
definitely and speaking of the
plantation Mary I think I'll go down
there some night and play my violin for
the boys that'll empty the place faster
than an all-out alert I don't know about
that
hey Mary you should have been here
earlier Jack was telling me how he
almost invented the airplane years ago
oh he's full of baloney
I am a well let me ask you something
sister why is it that when I was in a
kid in Waukegan
everybody called me flying jack flying
jack yes that's the card used to shoot
fly for a blacksmith I did nothing of
the kind
I wish I had a nickel for every horse
that kicked you in the face oh yeah well
you'd have about 35 cents Marty that's
all
and incidentally those kicks didn't hurt
my career as a comedian either you know
it's amazing how close I well look who's
here if it isn't piano T I eject them
well here I am fellas make Harris
Passage
say say Phil why is it every time we
broadcast from a new place you always
make your entrance by asking for
applause why don't you let the audience
decide whether they want to give you a
hand or not I tried that once Jackson
and there was a lull that was Oh Lulu Oh
anyway look Jackson I didn't ask for
applause I just said make Harris happy
they could have thrown money at me or
anything I don't care hmm and another
thing what's the idea calling me piano
teacher you jealous because my ivories
are real let me let me tell you
something fill your teeth maybe the
McCoy but that smile of yours must work
from a button
I mean that that can't be on the level a
button you mean when I leave the
bandwidth that's a baton
you're a fine musician I say yeah I can
I read my poem now well sure I don't
what poem the one I wrote about my
skills Mary we can do without those
Livingston epochs tonight give these
boys a break well let her read a jack
Mary's poems are always so clever she
can't do it now Don Phil's orchestra has
to play a number although I wish we had
a better choice I really do now wait a
minute Jackson are you trying to be
facetious what I I beg your pardon I
said are you trying to be facetious
what's the matter didn't I pronounce it
right I don't know what to say now well
where did I can't understand where did
you ever get a hold of a word like
facetious well I got one of them
Webster's under the bridge dictionary
under the bridge well nobody could make
that mistake but you and my writer and
word is on a bridge anyway Phil let's
have your band number this is war and we
can take it go ahead
oh all right Jackson but look I meant to
tell you the boys got here so late that
we didn't have a chance to rehearse oh
do you think it'll make any difference
are you kidding
oh go ahead fill all that's come in mr.
Benny yes on behalf of the officers and
men of March field I'd like to present
you with this lovely hundred pound bomb
a bomb well say but he wasn't it liable
to go off yet I'll see you around get a
lot of his head fellas what a runway it
would make
[Music]
[Applause]
played by Phil Harris and hey Phil you
can tell your bass fiddle player to stop
the numbers over oh yeah stop beat that
up Fletcher I knew we should have
rehearsed
thanks Phil that was out that was
tonight we loved played by Phil Harris
I'm not a good binder fire that guy
what for he made a little mistake that's
all he probably started late so he sends
like say well he ain't gonna get paid
overtime all right forget it
that was tonight we love played by Phil
Harris that burns me up and it's a blot
on my record is a great conductor well
Phil forget it will ya forget it
wouldn't you Poe forget it what
Stachowski forget it that Leopold
Stokowski he's one man
hi goodness well Holy Smoke - one man
leave such a big Orchestra he works on a
bicycle and cutoff that was tonight we
love played by Phil Harris all the
hecklers said I read my song now Barry
never mind the poem Doris and Edie are
listening and pair it up will you let me
read it also all these voices who still
owe 8 dollars on your toupee now just a
minute young lady in the first place I
don't wear a toupee
the second place that's paid for and
take the tag off that's not a price tag
that little ticket says this side up I
can go along with a gag sister and I can
hold on with a gag - my dear lady why
don't you tell your husband to put on
his toupee
and go down to your neighborhood grocer
for a package of jell-o hmm there's not
only easy to make but economical as well
so you will find that it is not hard to
pay for oh and remember folks jello has
had you locked in flavor the flavor
doesn't go away I know you put it in and
it's there to pay I know Don you're a
whiz I give you an inch you make a
commercial out of it Oh mr. Benny sorry
I'm late oh hello Dennis take a bow
[Applause]
well where have you been kid what
delayed you well I've been having lots
of fun you know mr. Benny I walked all
around the field you did yeah I was in
the hangars and up in the buildings and
inside the planes and all over the place
well you think I'll ever get my camera
back
I doubt it don't you know Dennis you're
not supposed to take pictures at any
military encampment who was taking
pictures the camera wasn't loaded well
what's the idea of carrying an empty
camera around my lunch was in it
Oh the United States government owes me
one hard-boiled egg and two ham
sandwiches all right all right I'll take
it up with the colonel I'm having lunch
with him tomorrow a lot of good that'll
do me I'm going to be shot at sunrise
you're not going to be shot at all I
never saw anyone with such an
imagination stall peripatetic kitty just
being facetious when you forget about
that words say Dennis Dennis when you go
to get
Dennis when you go to get shot in the
morning take Phil with you please I'd
love to but I don't know if I can bring
a friend well try that's all I ask
and now ladies and gentlemen I salute
you all Marshfield and I really think
you're swell Mary I warned you well I'm
gonna need my phone that started right
what's the title of us the title yes not
January field not February field but
mark fear trouble with that title Mary
is a tip-off the fact that the poem is
going to be putrid let's go ahead with
it I'm going out for a glass of water
I'm back here you coward okay let's get
it over with
go ahead Mary I salute you all
Marshfield and I really think you're as
well
it's the jacks I get too close you will
blast them all to pieces
nice nice rhyming you want me to rhyme
it no continue I think the boys here are
so cute
private major colonel loose I love to
dance with all the soldiers they don't
see sign but how they hold you
well of course I wouldn't know let's see
here you are at a pound of sensors in
the state of I am soften and your
hangers full of us don't ask me because
I'm not squawking well what's that for y
all a mystery and military secrets daddy
wake up oh oh yeah continue your boys
get leave to go to town to have some fun
and clown around they jump in their cars
and show up a gas but what can you do on
a six-hour past
very good you ought to stop marry after
that big laugh how about doing your song
now Dennis okay oh wait a minute oh yes
Oh a last break coming up go ahead
before I close it's lovely poems I have
a word for those at home now get this
folks and keep on time because the bond
you buy on they'll keep implying the end
Oh
say that was alright Mary had a nice
finish that poem turned out better than
I thought it would well ok Dennis what
your song going to be I'm kind of thing
we did it before and we can do it again
assisted by the March field success the
march field success Dennis there are
eight soldiers in back of us who've them
regarding me till I get shot oh well I
guess a guy that carries a hard-boiled
egg in a camera has a coming dorm
go ahead sink in wait a minute come in
mr. Bennie yes on behalf of st. Peter I
want to welcome you to the pearly gates
Charlie gate didn't that bomb go off yes
I wish that character would stop
following me all over the country
[Applause]
[Music]
oh-oh-oh-oh
[Music]
December 7 1941 or when our freedom was
behind the ten race 1941 uncle can do it
again and we will do it again we've got
a heck of a job to do but you can bet
we'll be in truth we did it before and
we can do it again and we will do it
again for one for all aware all for one
build a religion before we're done we
did it before and we can do it again and
we will do it again
once them over and then we'll get by in
fact of them we did it before we'll do
it again
[Music]
and we can and we when we know were
right and also know the gangster in the
path to go one for all all for one them
[Music]
and again and we will do it again we're
going to show them in Tokyo we win
[Music]
that was we did it before from Eddie
Cantor's Broadway show banjo I sung by
Dennis day and the Marshfield octet and
very good fellas say Dennis where did
you meet these eight soldiers well I've
got a girl in Riverside and last night I
took her to the plantation so what
happened to my girl fellas
the lads rich so these boys took your
girl away hey Dennis is she pretty
nah she's a mess every girl you go out
with is a mess why does go out with a
pretty girl once in a while well if I
can't hang on to a clock what chance
have I got with a good-looking gal well
that makes sense I guess but certainly I
can't keep company with a girl unless
she's really gorgeous oh yeah
yeah I have yet to see you out with a
dame that didn't sag somewhere
that so I've been out with some pretty
hot looking babies haven't I feel
layoffs Jackson I'm a married man
well for pete's sake you can talk about
pretty girls can't you know it's no
talking and no looking no looking not
even on a windy day on windy days I'm
allowed out of the house well that may
be okay with you but I'd like to see the
woman that could dominate me and now
ladies and gentlemen Mary stop looking
at me back and now ladies and gentlemen
we have a surprise for you as our guest
tonight we have one of the boys
stationed here at Marge fields the
biggest soldier in the United States
Army a fellow who makes Don Wilson look
like a
Staff Sergeant August sack well step
right up
[Applause]
Wow what a physique you ought to see him
folks he looks like Boulder Dam in a
khaki uniform tell me sergeant the
hallways 407 pounds that's counting
lunch 407 pounds well Sarge I want you
to meet a fellow we used to think was
pretty happy until you came along
Don Wilson our announcer how do you do
sergeant hi skinny you didn't know you
were going to get those kind of laughs
did ya now look if you don't mind Sarge
I'd like to ask you a few questions to
begin with little woman hadn't put me on
a diet I'd make this guy look like a
toothpick Don please don't be so jealous
now sergeant I'm sure our listeners
would like to know something about your
history to begin with I hadn't cut off
potatoes I could look like Boulder Dam -
Jon stop mumbling now sergeant sack well
you say you weigh 407 is that correct
yes sir I see and how much did you weigh
when you were born 150 pounds that's
that 15 15 pound target
now he looks like Wilson and he reads
like Phil Harris now of course sergeant
seemed so large must present certain
problems for instance you don't sleep on
a regular army do you know I use
the king-size a good that's all right
now some folks stomach with him any day
Wilson calm down my goodness well
sergeant I want to uh I want to thank
you for coming up here and saying hello
Thank You mr. buddy no art is done no no
not at all
that's how I feel about it go on
[Applause]
that's a quill is an awfully nice fella
and Don I don't know what's the matter
with you today
Andy Devine is much better than you are
and you're never you've never been
jealous of him all right where's pads
under his clothes get wise whenever any
divine wears pads I can't believe they
Jackson did you hear Andy on Fred
Allen's program last Wednesday the guy
was terrific no I miss Alan's program
last week and I'm just sick about it
courts are not as sick as if I'd
listened in how was they show it was
John Jordan and it's your self-abuse
about you
what do you mean well Andy said you
never let the actors get together on
your program because you're afraid to
organize and strike the back salary
that's the silliest remark I ever heard
what at Allen's saved he seemed to think
it was quite the padishah I know shut up
and before we go any further I'd like to
clear this thing right now if there's
anybody in this cast that I owe back
salary to I wish he'd raised his hands
come on
there you see nobody raised their hands
I got mine up mr. Baig okay Dennis but
come right back
I'm tired of these rumors that Alan
started about me but mr. bin never mind
put her arm down or I'll yank it down
let me tell you something about Alan I
remember once in Toledo I'll take it
hello Oh mr. batas Rochester oh hello
Rochester what do you want I got bad
news for you boy you'll have to take the
Greyhound back to town
why well here's what happened I filled
up the gas tank this morning to start
off in Beverly Hills like you told me to
in my Maxwell huh it was a beautiful day
the pump even over the snow-capped
mountains gave one the field all was
serene Rochester forget the mountains
what happened to my car well I was
driving through Ontario and a big truck
ahead of me full of oranges suddenly saw
and what happened mortally
Rochester I see no excuse for you
smacking into a truck what do you think
the emergency brake is for it's for
stopping we found that out well tell me
about the car is a damaged much no it
worked out fine offenders of seat now
well good good but the right front tires
go boom for the last time oh well I
guess there's nothing else to do but go
out and buy a new tire I beg your pardon
I said go out and buy a new tire a new
time yes just a second I'll put Superman
on the phone oh that's right it is
pretty hard to get tires now I'll tell
you what use the fair we ain't got no
fair what do you mean I cut it up last
week when you needed rubber heels for
your brown shoes oh yes Donna well look
rocket sir I'll ride back to town with
mr. Harris and the boys in there buck
mean wise you stay with the Maxwell you
mean for the duration
you can have that tire fixed now hang up
this is long distance okay oh hey boss
looks like you owe me $10 on that bet we
made yes yes I know buddy bear Lord but
I can't understand how Lewis knocked him
out in the very first round where you
see Joe's in army now and he had to get
back to camp before that oh well that
explains it so long Rochester goodbye
gee I see I've got to get a tire I
wonder how that rubber tree in my
greenhouse is coming along plays out
tomorrow night for the third surprise
the family with a grand dessert Jack
Benny's jellied fruit medley and one of
Jack's own special favors
if the delightful dessert a real treat
to the tape and yet so quick and easy to
make simply dissolve one package of
jell-o imitation strawberry flavor and
one kind of hot fruit juice and water
next kill until slightly thickened and
fold in one can of fruit salad cut into
small pieces kill and confirm and then
serve the garnishing of spicy mint
leaves and bright red carrot what a
beautiful-looking dessert it is a rich
colorful combination with delicious
canned fruit salad and rosy pink
strawberry jell-o many grocers are
featuring these items both of them all
next week so get them both tomorrow and
remember dessert made with jello tastes
really swell because gel is locked in
process protects the flavor for your
enjoyment
we're a little late so good night folks
this broadcast was presented for the
entertainment person out of March field
and does not constitute a commercial
product endorsement by the War
Department
[Applause]