oh the jello program starring Jack Benny
with Mary Livingston Phil Harris Dennis
day and yours truly Don Wilson the
orchestra opens the program with years
yes yes in your eyes
[Music]
snowy white Easter rabbits gaily colored
Easter eggs flower protect Easter
bonnets red blue white green yellow
everywhere you turn on east through the
keynote is color in fact that's one
reason why so many thousands of families
today choose a beautiful jell-o dessert
for dinner jello is as bright and
colorful as an Easter Parade a perfect
picture of tempting goodness the center
of attention at every table and believe
me it's every bit as appetizing as it is
attractive jello you know comes in six
brilliant shimmering colors and
whichever you choose you get a world of
swell delicious flavor rich tangy flavor
and a refreshment that rivals the ripe
juicy fruit itself so enjoy this grand
dessert often ask your grocer for
several packages of jell-o tomorrow and
when you buy look for the big red
letters on the box they spell jello and
jello spells a treat
[Music]
that was theirs yes yes in your eyes
played by the orchestra and now ladies
and gentlemen I bring you a man who last
Sunday gave us his interpretation of the
Hunchback of Notre Dame now I will not
say that his performance surpassed
Charles Lawtons
well now I will not even say that his
performance equaled Charles Laughton
well in fact let's forget about glutton
and bring you Jack Benny
[Applause]
jellow again this is Jack Benny talking
and Don when you criticize my
performance last Sunday well that's just
silly that's like trying to run down the
Gettysburg Address it can't be done in
other words Jack you feel that you made
history last Sunday night
definitely now I'll concede I can't
become a great dramatic actor in one
week but you'll have to admit that when
I played Quasimodo The Hunchback I got
off to a flying start well jack to tell
you the truth I was only kidding because
I thought you gave a swell performance
and I thought Orson Welles was excellent
as the King of France oh he was he was
and he's a very fine teacher too he
certainly is oh by the way Jack what are
you paying him for lessons
I don't know Don I'll just wait till he
sends me a bill and then we'll get down
to business at that time we'll see who's
the better actor but you know Don a lot
of people stopped me during the week and
mention how much they enjoyed our
program I wonder if the newspapers had
any comment on it I didn't run across
anything Jack did you happen to see
anything Dennis
no I didn't mr. Benny well you think
that say Phil you didn't see anything in
the papers about our last Sunday's
broadcast did you there was nothing in
the Racing Form about it
well of course there wasn't but you know
fellas with orson welles on the show
you'd think that some newspaper would
say Jack come to think of it I did hear
that some columnist covered it last
Monday I think it was Ed Sullivan Ed
Sullivan well what did he have to say I
didn't read it myself but they tell me
it was quite favorable quite favorable
done listen to this I got a copy of it
right here
get this well for heaven's sake if
you've got a copy of it with you why did
you ask everybody if they've seen
anything in the paper because I didn't
want to be a ham unless it was
absolutely necessary Oh get a load of
this here's what ed Sullivan says does
the jello track program last night was
highlighted by the appearance of mr.
Orson Welles whose performance as the
king in the Hunchback of Notre Dame was
while Jack Benny while Jack Benny gave a
vivid characterization as Quasimodo The
Hunchback mr. Benny's groans and grunts
were the greatest thing since strangler
Lewis retired how's that gee that's
swell mr. Benny yeah darn tootin that
strangler Lewis was no slouch there's a
lot more here fellas but that gives you
an idea that's very nice Jack I'd like
to have a copy of that review here Don
take this I happen to have another one
in my pocket here may I have a look at
it mr. Benny yes Dennis you can have
this other one hey Dennis let me have
that
clipping when you get through with it I
want to pass it around the boys in my
fan okay here Phil I happen to have
seven or eight more copies with me pass
these around oh boy what a guy gets his
name in the column and buys every
newspaper in town I didn't do it to be
egotistical I just bought those papers
because well because I believe in buying
things you know I'm trying to bring back
prosperity well if you ever loosen up
you're just the guy that can do it
oh stop bill you're just jealous because
I got a little publicity and let me tell
you something Phil you'd get good
notices too if you try to improve
yourself like I do I mean instead of
giving us those hot swing Tunes all the
time why don't you play something more
elevating you mean them classics them
are those that's what I mean
what add a little dignity to the program
well I can give you that kind of stuff
just name it you want something from
William Taylor
Rigoletto or Fawcett that's father
Fawcett something from Fawcett Phil is a
glass of water you wouldn't recognize
that either what a ban you know Phil
you've got three violin players who sit
there week after week play piece after
piece and no one can hear them well
that's because my brass section is too
loud well for heaven's sake why don't
you make him quiet down they got
something on me
well as long as you're on a spot I
forgive you just seems a shame that you
happen well look who's here hello Mary
well you hear that applause Mary
everybody missed you last Sunday are you
feeling merry well I'm much better down
but I was a pretty sick girl believe me
oh boy did I have a cold pretty bad huh
I'll say sugar plum said I had a
temperature of 103 sugar plum that's my
doctor Oh
Peck names already what is this a
romance not yet but if I have a relapse
I'll get him I see so you're kind of
stuck on your doctor a Mary gee right
now I would need an apple for $1,000
well let me tell you something Mary and
this is for your own protection don't
have a doctor around just because he's
good-looking does this fella know
anything about medicine does he he
graduated from Warner Brothers
[Music]
well that studio is practically the
Johns Hopkins of the West but I'll tell
you one thing mayor you better take care
of yourself from now on
yes sir we need you on this program
that's right yeah you should have been
here last Sunday Mary and watch Jackson
make a monkey out of himself make a
monkey out of myself that's right
Dennis you don't have to agree with
everybody say Mary you heard the show
last week I did all right with that
Charles Laughton part tonight sugar plum
didn't like it who cares about sugar
plum I asked you what you thought of it
I thought it was all right but gee Jack
ever since you got this acting bug
you've gone haywire what do you mean you
should see the way he walks around
Beverly Hills cellars all dressed up and
carrying a cane came I certainly I was
carrying a cane because I hurt my leg in
Yosemite
what were the SPAC for bandages Mary I
went in a store to buy a cane and there
was a special on cane spats and a pound
of peanut brittle for 50
anyway I wasn't trying to show off a lot
of actors where's Fang wait a minute
wait a minute nobody wears spats in
Southern California it's too hot here
without socks what are you talking about
[Music]
scientists had nothing to do with my
performance last Sunday say Mary did you
see one of those clippings about Jack
from ed Sullivan's column did I Jack
pasted them on easter eggs and hid them
all over my house
Mary I just did that to take your mind
off your sickness that's all now Dennis
yes please
let's have a song and put an end to all
this heckling gee I meant to tell you
mr. Benny I got a pretty sore throat
today and I don't think I'll be able to
sing oh that's too bad
but why don't you tell me sooner find
time to tell me now I can't bring in
another tenor
yeah I'm not so dumb am I
no yet not so deep as a well but you put
me in a spot here oh no he hasn't
Jackson Mary and I can sing a song can't
we Mary
yeah Harris and Livingston anything from
Darnell it's a faucet well we're stuck
or we'll have to make the best of it hit
it boys
well it looks like I'm in the doghouse
yes they are you pull the blue I'll say
this this thing of being crowded behind
that eight-ball is more than just a
rumor
oh now look honey look all I can say is
I know I haven't any sense of humor well
what if I did stay out kind of late yeah
but you are coming from another day
well Holy Smoke can't you take a joke
okay fell look how about that lipstick
on your time honey don't say lipstick
you know I'm crazy about cherry pie Holy
Smoke well can't you take a joke look if
you don't believe me why don't you sit
down and write to be it for spare facts
that's what I'm gonna do be sure while
you're writing honey that you only give
her the bare facts she'll say I'm cuckoo
no way you know I didn't mean to tell
those lies I know it must have been two
other guys well Holy Smoke can't you
take a joke
I don't know why you're always squawking
after all I saw you out with another man
oh don't be silly that was my uncle well
then tell me something where did you get
that great big beautiful limousine oh
call machine
Oh Holies you know Mary the reason I
check up is because I'm jealous
I'm awfully jealous of everything you do
Oh fell look I don't want those handsome
fellas all I wanted you do you kids are
cute well now look let's let all this
silly talk cease well gee can't an uncle
just kisses there you go Holy Smoke
can't you think
[Music]
[Applause]
that was Holy Smoke played by the
orchestra with a boffo refrain by Harris
& Livingston this sterling team will
appear tomorrow night at Barney's
Beanery on the dollar dinner and and now
ladies and gentlemen gee miss Livingston
you sang that number swells Thank You
Dennis you too mr. Harris you're great
thanks gosh you've got a voice like a
lark
yes lark meaning the train that runs
between here and San Francisco too - and
now ladies and gentlemen I have a
surprise announcement mr. Don Wilson
that eminent American playwright has
written another of his famous one-act
dramas and title love's young dream take
it mr. Wilson the time is spring and the
scene is a honeymoon cottage all covered
with Ivy it is the new home of mr. and
mrs. Oliver J Snodgrass who have Justin
Lofton been married as we picked him up
the happy couple was arriving at the
little love nest for the first time
curtain music
[Music]
well here we are darling
33 Maple Street our own little home oh
it's beautiful sweetheart we'll be so
happy here
yeah he just thinks 20 minutes ago your
name was myrtle moon think oh and now
and now I'm a snot in the grass that's
not bad tea
our own little home well let's go inside
honey you go first no you go first
Oliver I don't want you go no no you go
first
three hours later honey you go oh let's
go in together all right
Oh Myrtle stop gee Myrtle isn't it
romantic eloping nobody knows we're
married except that gosh we're all alone
Oh Oliver I love you so much and I love
you too darling but what would your
mother say when she finds out we're
married I don't care what she says
you're mine Myrtle Moon Finkle and
nothing compartment come darling I will
show you all the rooms in the house
Oh Oliver Myrtle stop acting like a darn
fool
but Oliver I'm worried about your mother
please call her and tell her we're
married
all right there if it'll make you any
happier I will Oh Myrtle darling you've
made me the happiest man in the world
and we'll never be separated will will
never kiss me honeybunch my dream man
hello
pardon me Myrtle hello ma this is Oliver
I got a surprise for you ma I what's
that
no no I can't be home for dinner now
look ma I got a surprise for you I
you're having watch Oh tell her about us
Oliver I will I will you're having what
for dinner you are oh boy I'll be right
home
goodbye Myrtle I got to go home to
dinner I can't help a mom having jello
for dessert goodbye darling I'll see you
in the morning
[Applause]
so you see ladies the moral of the story
is never start your honeymoon without
jello what happened to Myrtle moon
twinkle may happen to you or you argue
so always insist on genuine jello and
live happily ever after
I thank you
very good down that was one of the best
plays you've ever written yeah that was
swell Don congratulations yes sir Oh
Andy hello Andy I didn't see you hey I'm
glad to drop in Andy you don't get
around as often as you used to well I
got a brand-new suit for Easter so I
thought it'd come up model it for you Oh
not bad for 2258 2250 yep
suitcase pants and a pound of peanut
brittle I believe I know where you got
it they Mary Mary what do you think of
Andy's new sue he looks like he fell off
the cover of a rube joke book he does
not he looks very smart all of the pants
seem to be a little tight aren't the
pants too tight for Andy's tide I went
out for some fresh air this morning and
when I bent over to tie my shoelace I
got it
well the audience didn't but let it go
but go on a diet Andy you'll be all set
say Andy the next time you want to get a
new suit let me take you to my tailor
he's a little extreme but he's terrific
a little extreme Phil the lapels on your
cold have a bigger Wingspread than the
China clipper well that's the way I like
them anyway it's the latest style I saw
it in Esquire oh you did listen Phil you
never saw anything in Esquire that
didn't say oh I thought my husband was
in Philadelphia under
now Andy hey Andy where are you oh now
Andy the next time you want to get a
suit of clothes let me take you to my
tailor he'll not only do a great job but
he's one of the sweetest and most
loveable guys in the world why didn't
you say that for Father's Day Mary I'm
not referring to my father he never made
a suit in his life and what was he doing
in the store Waukegan with his legs
crossed playing Indians
oh don't be smart just because you had a
cold he wasn't playing Indian I knew an
Indian once that wore a blanket would
have belt in the fact that's very
interesting down I go sit down so much
for your dialogue hi Andy stick around
Phil's gonna play in a minute and then
we'll have some fun sorry buck I can't
stay I'm taking more on part of the
Trocadero
why Andy the Trocadero temporarily
closed the truck with very poorly
valleys we were there last night oh
that's different I didn't know your mom
for Bowl Amar's all right the park can't
stay out of the gutters
well there's one family that has a good
time say fill as long as you're standing
there with a baton in your upper hand
you might as well direct a number
this ain't a baton it's a toothpick for
a rhinoceros just play something oh yes
it's terrible I just happened to think
of something what is it Mary you let
Annie go home without giving him a copy
of ed Sullivan's column gee I sure did
Oh keep still play Phil everybody thinks
they got my gold
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
that was do I love you played by Phil
Harris and is independent orchestra
independent meaning it's every man for
himself and the last one in is a rotten
egg
blues I guess that'll take care of you
mr. Harris well it's just like they say
Annie's been he tries to be funny but
he's nothing but a straight man for
arson wells what who who says that leads
you know who said it he's on the air
every Wednesday night oh you mean the
voice of salò Pataca well I happen to
hear mr. Allens program last Wednesday
and I'd much rather be a straight man
for Orson Welles than a perch for an
eagle
did you hear his program Mary yeah what
do you think of Fordham University
giving him a bronze plaque for being
their favorite comedian
it was very nice but let me tell you
something Mary if that plaque is worth
over three dollars
I'll bet 45 it's in the hock shop right
now he hasn't got any more sentiment
than a mackerel
what do you mean jack well listen to
this about five years ago when we were
good friends
I gave Alan a gold watch for his
birthday and I inscribed on it to Fred
from Jack with deep affection yes and
after one little argument after one
little argument he runs to the jewelers
and hasn't changed from deep to cheap
how do you like that and with after our
first fight what was the fight about
Jack what was it about Alan refused to
pay for a suit the dad made for him hey
wait a minute I thought you said your
father didn't make suits I didn't say my
father made that suit I said dad J dad
and company Fifth Avenue well if it
wasn't your father why fight with a guy
over a strange tailor because I worry
about everything and shut up now Dennis
how about a song I told you I had a sore
throat oh yes I'm all mixed up now where
was I oh and now ladies and gentlemen I
have a very important announcement - hmm
burns me up that suit fitted him like a
glove I have a very important
announcement to make regarding next
week's attraction Oh Phil give me a
fanfare will ya fanfare what's that you
know make with a view Oh okay take it
butch the best suit he ever had and now
ladies and gentlemen I would like to
announce our feature attraction for next
week next Sunday night the Bene
applauses our food so do not starve us
players
[Laughter]
well present their version of the
greatest children's classic of all time
none other than Walt Disney's superb
Technicolor production that immortal
fairy tale that pen and ink masterpiece
Fred Allen
I mean Pinocchio now in as much as
Pinocchio will be one of the most
important efforts in our turn season
we've been at this time like to give you
a few of the highlights from this great
production first pardon me
hello hello mr. Binney this Rochester
Rochester if I told you once I told you
a thousand times not to call me up in
the middle of a broadcast well this is
important boys I was just leaving the
house or I thought I'd better tell you I
put the key under the mat now wait a
minute who told you you can have the
night off well this is a holiday and I
thought I'd take Carmichael to see
Grapes of Wrath
that's silly why would Carmichael go to
grapes Arab you also see if it's
anything like the book
now don't give me that stuff if you want
to go out with your girls and I used to
come right out and say so okay can I go
out with my girl tonight no can I go out
for just one hour no well can I buy it
over to the house no we're in a rut boys
let's not over
now Rochester I don't want to seem harsh
or cruel or anything but you know you
were supposed to stay home tonight and
mail out those letters Oh boys do you
have to send mr. Sullivan's column to
everybody you know my friends are
interested believe me I want those
letters mailed out tonight every one of
them and as soon as you're through you
can go out with your girl that may be
Julie she ain't the truest thing in town
that's your worry I made out all those
letters and be sure to send the
out-of-town ones airmail guys dams no
stamps what did you do with that $10 I
gave me this morning to buy him with
well I'll tell you boss I was on my way
to the drug store this afternoon to get
them and all the way over I kept saying
stamps stamps stamps and just before I
got there I stopped in the garage where
a friend of mine worked and next thing I
knew I was on my knees in 7 7 7
I see so you lost that $10 shooting
craps eh
we prefer to call it Mississippi Bridge
[Music]
I don't care what you prefer my $10 you
lost is coming out of your next week's
salary the whole ten dollars yes all of
it
that's a neat trick if you can do it
I can so don't worry I'll take ten
dollars out of your salary next week if
I have to give you a raise to do it I'll
get busy on those letters and I'll bring
some stamps home with me goodbye goodbye
oh say boss what mr. Orson Welles called
up about our dramatic lessons tomorrow
morning our dramatic lesson yeah you're
doing Anthony and I'm Cleopatra for me
exclusively and goodbye always that's a
horn in on everything let me see where
were we uh you were about to give us
some of the highlights from Pinocchio
but there's much time left
oh well anyway folks be sure and tune in
next Sunday night for our supreme
novelty of the season
Pinocchio take it down see the wooden
puppet who becomes human gee I can walk
and I can talk to see Stromboli the
wicked gypsy who kidnaps little
Pinocchio are you cannot escape
Pinocchio you will make lots of money
for me you're a wicked man help yeah C
Mon stroll the largest whale in all the
seven seas The Hunchback that's an
imitation of a whale si Jiminy Cricket
the tiny insect who becomes Pinocchio's
conscience
chirp-chirp these are only a few of the
many fascinating characters who will
entertain you next week in Pinocchio
playful
[Music]
and now ladies here's your good deed for
tomorrow delight the family with a new
exciting treat something really original
a novel and delicious jell-o dessert
made with bright tangy jello and your
favorite cereal it's a perfect dessert
for any time at all for lunch or dinner
or for those late evening snacks all for
a grand one dish Sunday supper and it's
wonderfully easy to make simply dissolve
one package of cherry jello or any of
the other red flavors in one pint of hot
water turn into a shallow pan and chill
until firm then cut into tiny glistening
cubes and place in cereal dishes and on
top pile generous quantities of any cold
cereal such as post toasties or Grape
Nuts flakes and there's enjoyment
aplenty a delightfully different dessert
shining cubes of rich crimson jello
topped off with your favorite cereal so
try this new jello dessert tomorrow it's
really swell
[Music]
this is the last number the 25th program
in the current yellow series and we will
be with you again next 99 at the same
time say Mary where did Jack go he had
rushed over to orson welles program
they're putting on a play Jewell moon oh
that's a legitimate play isn't it well
it's supposed to be but Jack I'll take
care of that good night folks and here's
more fun and enjoyment for you tune in
every Tuesday night for another 12
half-hour of jell-o entertainment the
famous all rich family see your local
paper or a movie oh and radio guide for
time and stations this is the national
broadcasting company
[Applause]
[Music]