the jello program starring Jack Benny
with Mary Livingston Phil Harris Kenny
Baker and yours truly Don Wilson the
orchestra opens the program with this is
it
you know it's always quite a compliment
to say that somebody is a good mixer
well that's just what jello is for jello
combines perfectly with every sort of
fresh and canned fruit and that's a
swell idea for right now to brighten up
wintertime main use perhaps a gay mold
of orange jello with canned apricots
inside maybe rich red strawberry jell-o
combined with sliced fresh oranges or
delicious cherry jello arranged in
shining layers with sliced bananas and
canned cherries there are dozens of
combinations to choose from and they're
all grand for jello brings you that
wonderful extra rich fruit flavor so
tempting and good it rivals the taste of
the real ripe fruit and jell-o's clear
glowing colors looked so lovely with the
fruits he'll shimmering inside so give
your family some of these delicious
jello combination soon but be sure to
make them with genuine jello if you want
to enjoy jell-o's extra rich fruit
flavor look for the big red letters on
the box they spell jello
[Music]
this is it played by the orchestra now
ladies and gentlemen we bring you a man
who used to be a beautiful baby Jack
Benny
[Applause]
jellal yeah there's a Jack Benny talking
and Don I like that the beautiful baby
introduction was that just a lucky guess
or did you have authentic information
well Jack when I was over to your house
for dinner the other night I took a peek
at that old family album of yours Oh God
and I must say you were a gorgeous
infant were you really so good-looking
well I don't want to sound foolish or
anything like that but for the first 17
months of my life I was a length ahead
of Robert Taylor
in fact I won for blue diapers I could
imagine and you know jack one thing that
impressed me very much about your baby
pictures you were always laughing and
giggling what made you so happy
well done my nurse used to slap me a lot
hey I bet you were quite a
healthy-looking kid yourself weren't you
well Jack I I could just see you as a
baby done bouncing your mother on your
knee yeah well anyway I'd like to be a
baby again gee I really shouldn't keep
talking like this but yeah I was about
to cutest little Dickens and walking in
in fact people from all around used to
come to my father's meat market just to
see me meat market why I thought your
father ran a clothing store well done it
was a combination meat market and
clothing store you know on Saturdays we
used to have a special a pound of
hamburger with two pair of hands oh it
went over very big say that's quite a
novelty a combination meat market and
clothing store yeah we used to sell legs
of lamb with garters on
oh those were the days believe me you
know I remember one time when I was over
Jack what are you talking about me
oh that again see you later Mary come
back here it's not my fault Don just
happened to mention that he saw my
family album and that I was a beautiful
child you beautiful yes I was not only
that I developed very quickly by when I
was only three months old I had four
lovely teeth well you're right back
where you started from
[Laughter]
now listen Mary I have a full set of
teeth right now and with the exception
of a little argument I had with a
cabdriver in Toledo they're all my own
go on you've got more bridges in San
Francisco all running down San Francisco
that's the trouble with you Los Angeles
girls jack did I hear you say that you
had an argument with a cab driver in
Toledo
yes but of course that was years ago
what was the fight all about
oh nothing he just happened to say
something I didn't like and he hit me
otherwise Toledo was lovely hey Don
when you were looking through that album
did you see the picture of Jack's Onkel
on the big white horse yes I did
that was my uncle Beaumont and did you
see the tree in back was the Rope
dangling from it and that big crowd of
men standing around Mary my uncle didn't
steal a horse that was just a scene from
a western movie he was making called the
cold of the West
it wasn't a real hanging what are you
laughing at that's the same he never saw
the preview he did too and he was a fine
actor
hey Jack oh hello Kenny I didn't see you
I was around here I heard you telling
everybody what a beautiful baby you were
well Don brought up the subject I didn't
ever mention it have you got any cute
baby pictures Kenny none where I'm
facing the camera
oh you know jack I wasn't a very pretty
kid but I was as smart as a whip smart
I'll bet you were all right you can
laugh but when I was 12 years old I
recited the Gettysburg Address
well what's clever about that could
Lincoln do it all right Kenny we won't
go into that but if you were so smart at
the age of 12 I'd like to know what
happened to you in the meantime so would
i well I'll tell you what Kenny since
your song sing your song now we'll talk
about it later yeah yeah hey Don where's
bill
oh he's around here somewhere by the way
Jack I don't know whether how to tell
you this or not but Bill's pretty sore
about that crack you made last Sunday
what crack oh you know when you told him
that if he didn't like it here he could
go out and get his own program oh well
gee duh I was only kidding I I didn't
mean anything by it
well they all took it pretty seriously
nice eh he's gonna leave leave me why
why I made a guy key when I picked him
up he was demonstrating curlers in a
drugstore window
oh I must talk to him sing Kenny see
people are so sensitive nowadays you
tell him to quit and they quit I can't
understand
[Applause]
see see see
here a love song for a penny
see see see just a penny serenade
[Applause]
[Music]
once I spray
nito in lovely lovely lady
and she smiled while I spoke he played
up any serenade
rise on the tender Don of love and sweet
surrender
as for me in my part I played all of us
[Music]
you can hear it for penny
see see see
just a penny serenade
see see see
here my love song for a penny
see see see
just a penny serenade
in a dream so divine she was mine no
word had been school when I awoke for my
dream she was gone my heart was full
I pray
that forever she maybe she will in her
heart
he will always hear my penny serenade
[Music]
see see see
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
that was penny serenade sung by Kenny
Baker my favorite tenor say Kenny did
Phil happen to say anything further to
you about doing his own program yes he
mentioned it they did uh what'd he tell
you funny but I ain't no pigeon hole
that's tool pigeon pigeon hole say mary
did Phil say anything to you about this
wild scheme here well yes and no what do
you mean yes or no yes he told me and no
I ain't gonna tell you anyway I think
Phil ought to be at least loyal enough
to discuss it with me before he takes
any definite steps
hey Jack here comes Phil now oh yeah oh
hello Phil I you Jackson how's the boy
Jackson you don't feel it's cute the way
you called me that every week say what's
this gag I hear about you getting your
own program it's not a gag you and I
have been fighting so much lately that I
thought it would be better to call it
quits
oh that's silly silly nothing you're
just tough to get along with and that's
all who me yes you you're always flying
off the handle I am NOT I'm sweet and
lovable you're always yelling and
shopping at me shouting it and you
always lose near temper why you baggy
idæan great I never lose my temper and
you know
I love you you rat nah sure sure
now you listen to me Phil Harris gee you
think they were married keep out of this
Kenny let's forget it jack you're just
tough to work for and that's that oh I'm
tough to work for did you hear that Mary
you think I was a regular Simon Legree
all you need is a whip I wasn't talking
to you
now look Phil look I'm not begging you
to stay on this program get up off your
knees I'm not on my knees and I wish
this was television so I could prove it
look Phil I'm not begging you to stay
but if you leave you're making a serious
mistake all right jack give me one
reason why I should stick with you just
one reason well well in the first place
go ahead give me one reason well well
ladies and gentlemen while Jack is
thinking of one reason why don't you run
out to your nearest grocer and ask for
the package of jell-o it comes in six
delicious flavors strawberry raspberry
cherry orange lemon and lime well for
one thing Phil hair all right come on
why should I stick with you well for one
thing we've got a contract a signed
contract i supply the orchestra when
people throw money at us I have to split
it with you
well how often does that happen maybe
once in a fortnight and another Oh Jack
what are you beefing about Phil wants to
go let him go
certainly you can get a blind man to
take his place oh that would be fine Abe
Lyman happens to be the cab driver that
punched me in Toledo
that's all I need
Jack you know a lot about music now why
don't you form an orchestra of your own
well maybe I will
say I could organize a darn good swing
band believe me if you do I got a swell
name for it never mind
what is it very Jack Benny and his
cut-rate 12 listen Mary I don't have to
worry about getting a band together
because Phil is only bluffing he went
out on his own where would he get a
sponsor don't worry about me I've got a
sponsor oh yeah have a well who is it I
mean what's your product Bixby's bubble
gum Bixby's bubble gum I never heard of
it well here have a stick
keep it hmm bubble gum that's not the
only offer I had I could have gone on
the air for McMillan's corn plasters
corn plasters yes corn plasters well
that would be more your style half the
time you're corny and the other half
you're plaster
[Applause]
anyway if you're smart fail you'd stay
right here on the jello program and I'll
try and make life a little easier for
you and now ladies and gentlemen pardon
me come in well the mayor of Van Nuys
hello Andy
well Andy it's nice see in here you
don't get around here as often as you
used to
well but by the time I get through with
the farm and the city hall and my love
life I'm pretty busy
Luva oh so you're going in for a little
romance hey Andy little nothing she
weighs 300 pounds
300 pounds why you never told me about
her before they see ought to make you a
nice wife Randy I marry ya he can hit
you to the plow
well Andy uh well Andy tell me you're
gonna get married well that's the reason
I came down here but I'd like to ask
your advice
well Andy as long as you want my advice
all I can say is if you love the girl go
right ahead and propose to her well I
have but every time I do she just looks
at me and giggles giggles if Paula
thinks she's an idiot
Oh what is your more thing more suppose
a fine one to talk
well Andy don't pay any attention then
just follow your own heart say is this
girl from Van Nuys yeah she's in
business out there she's a plumber
Oh a lady plumber well 300 pounds hey
Andy how do you manage to hold her off
your laughs oh my hired man sits
alongside of me
well Andy all I can say is don't let
anybody interfere with your happiness if
you love the girl Mary and I wish you a
lot of luck thanks buck I feel better
now that's good hey Andy stick around
will you I'd like to talk to you after
the program Oh what about Phil well it's
a business proposition and I don't want
to discuss it in front of Jack now Phil
you got a number to play so spit out
your bubblegum and go to work okay boss
Oh Andy how about coming over to my
house tomorrow for dinner
bring your fault thanks buck is it all
right if my girl comes along sure Andy
bring her to dinner too
why not about time she lost some weight
why I'm Mary I'm just trying to be nice
play
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
that was this can't be love played by
smiling Phil Harris and his rhythm
Rascals and Phil that's what I call real
class you know that never had so much
life and brilliance to it thanks but I'm
leaving just the same well I wasn't
trying to flatter you that number was
swell and I felt I ought to give you and
the boys credit all of a sudden the
Orkut is good yeah some obvious Ness no
I'm serious
well anyhow to get on with our plate
tonight ladies and gentlemen as I
announced last week we are going to
present our version of the Encyclopedia
Britannica now I will play the part say
Bach it's none of my business but did
you hear Fred Allen Wednesday night
Allen no Andy I missed him again tell me
what did my oriental friend half the
same I mean anything worth probing into
oh he hopped all over you buck he said
he's gonna push your spine so far down
your pants you're gonna walk like a
tripod
aha
and hook no kidding Jack Fred make you
look like a nickel listen Mary he
couldn't make me look like a nickel if
my father was a buffalo he's nothing but
a faith fake then how come he challenged
it to a fight
that's a laugh how can he fight in the
first place he's terribly nearsighted
nearsighted yes I saw him at a party
when I trying to make a date with a
whole tree I finally had a tell him that
the umbrella stand was her little boy
[Laughter]
that guy
no kidding Jack are Allen's eyes really
that bad bad down to him Hedy Lamarr is
just a gorgeous blur I'd go in the ring
with Allen any time carefully might hit
you from memory
listen Mary he couldn't hit me if he put
wheels on his wrist and they ran up to
my nose on the track now listen fellas
come here a minute will ya I got a
secret about Allan that I've been
guarding for years I never was going to
mention it but I'm so burned up that
tonight I'm gonna show you what I healed
he really is
what do you mean jack well in the first
place he ought to be the last one in the
world to ever say anything against me
why now because 12 years ago when we
were in vaudeville together
I saved Fred Allen's life that's why you
saved his life
yes now let's forget it I don't want to
talk about okay oh no you don't
it was it was 12 years ago in Altoona
Pennsylvania we were bullet we were both
on the same bill Fred and I at the
Palace Theater I'll never forget that
night Alan who was then a juggler was
standing in the wings waiting to go on
and I the headliner stopped to give him
a word of encouragement hello Freddy
hello mr. Benny oh you can call me jack
what's the matter you've seen a little
nervous tonight Freddy well gee mr.
Benny here talking to a big star like
you is quite a thrill for me oh don't
say that well Freddy thinks mules are
about true so it's time for your eyes
so go out on the stage and juggle those
Club gee I wish I was a great comedian
like you well why don't you try telling
some gags while you're out there
chuckling oh I can never think of
anything clever to say you see folks
well keep pluggin Freddy you might get
there one of these days they're ready
for your act now
that was a theme song folks Chinatown
get it my first trick ladies and
gentlemen will be juggling three Indian
clubs at the same time three clubs some
trick
there he goes dropping him as usual darn
it Altoona was one of my best towns T
Allen observers and now for my next
trick ladies and gentlemen I will juggle
three Indian clubs and a cannonball at
the same time cannonball I never saw him
do this one before hey that's pretty
good what heaven the cannonball dropped
on Alan's water he's hurt badly ring
down the curtain stand back everybody
give him air what happened mr. can't you
see he dropped a cannonball on his foot
oh don't worry Freddy I'll take you to
the hospital at once and you're gonna be
all right
[Music]
well folks we finally got Alan to the
hospital and after I paid his entrance
fee which I never got back they took him
to the operating room and the doctor
called me aside and said mr. Bennie I'm
afraid this is serious
what do you mean doctor when that
cannonball dropped on Ellen's foot it
severed the femur and the anterior
portion of the tibia oh there's only one
thing that can save him what's that
doctor
I'll do anything he must have a blood
transfusion immediately a blood
transfusion thank you well doctor
all I can say is this unfortunate young
man is my friend and if my blood can
save his life
I am ready
[Music]
so they took Alan to the operating room
place my foot next to his and the doctor
said to the nurse are you ready for the
transfusion the Stuart yes then hand me
that ice pick wait a minute don't I get
an anesthetic for this yes
Oh nurse and mr. Binney with a hairy if
you do I'll snap at it
make it quick doc Oh doc hurry doc
please Hal in a sinking fast all right
we'll just tap your vein here and attach
a hose to it go ahead doc here I'm not
afraid oh I'm an awful pain now fo see
what I went through for that Mandarin
there we are now all right my Stuart
open the valve and draw the blood Yes
Doctor
my goodness
they're taken easy doc that's not
ketchup you know
and don't forget to wipe my windshield
all right miss Stewart that's enough
enough I look like a bottle of milk now
but it was worth it for good old Fred
[Music]
though thanks to me the transfers who
were successful and the next day I
visited Alan Alan in his private room in
the hospital which I also pay for hello
Freddy how do you feel here
I'm much better mr. Benny and as long as
I live I will never forget what you did
for me don't mention it Freddy you know
mr. Benny since that transfusion
yesterday I feel entirely different I
feel so mentally alert no food I keep
thinking of jokes all the time and I owe
it all to you now please hear mr. Benny
have a cigar
oh thank you I'll smoke at Lee no smoke
it now
here I'll light it for you okay say the
cigar is very white earned who that
cigar was loaded a ha ha ha that's my
first joke so you see ladies and
gentlemen my blood not only saved Alan's
life but made him the comedian he is
today
I thank you
there you are fellas that little play
shows what a heel Allen really is Oh
Jack I don't believe that they can have
all really fell on Allen foot
oh yeah don't they well for your
information young lady he still buys his
shoes from the same store as Donald Duck
play pal these speeds and mouth-watering
goodness combined in one delicious new
dessert you'll want to try it and try it
soon jello chocolate pudding with that
old-time homemade goodness
yes service every bit as good as the
kind that mother used to make rich
smooth the satin and real chocolatey
full flavored and tempting with a grand
appetizing color and a marvelous taste
for jello chocolate pudding is made with
the fine wholesome ingredients the kind
you'd use yourself right in your own
kitchen you'll enjoy every creamy
spoonful and you'll enjoy the other two
flavors just as much jello butterscotch
pudding and jello vanilla pudding for
all three new jell-o puddings are smooth
and rich tasting and delicious and all
three are easy to make you'll find the
simple directions on every package and
the handiest way to buy is three
packages at a time
so ask your grocer tomorrow for jello
chocolate butterscotch and vanilla
pudding the real homemade kind this is
the last number of the Seventeenth
program and the new jello series and we
will be with you again next Sunday night
at the same time and don't forget folks
if you have not already done so you can
help fight infantile paralysis by
joining the March of Dimes you know Mary
I hated to expose Fred Allen like that
but after all what could I do I don't
blame you I'll tell you something else
Mary I'm the kind of a guy that have
Allen needed another transfusion I'd be
the first one to volunteer go on you
having any more blood than a piece of
salt pork good night folks
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
courtesy of Myrtle of our products this
is the national broadcasting company
[Applause]