oh the jello program starring jack belly
with Mary Livingston Phil Harris Kenny
Baker and yours truly Don Wilson the
orchestra opens a program with go South
young man
there's a popular song out now called
April in my heart and that gives me an
idea
April with its fresh springtime colors
is a long way off but you can get a
touch of spring into your menu tomorrow
just serve jello for dessert for jello
six glowing colors are so bright and
cheerful for fresh and gay they perk up
any meal and those six delicious flavors
bring you extra rich fruit goodness
strawberry raspberry cherry orange lemon
and lime
everyone is crammed with extra fruit
richness a depth of flavor that rivals
the fresh ripe fruits themselves no
matter how you serve it dressed up a
perfectly plain jello is a grand dessert
tempting and good with extra rich flavor
bright and gay with springtime color so
ask your grocer tomorrow for America's
favorite gelatin dessert jello
[Music]
that was go south young man played by
the orchestra and now ladies and
gentlemen we turn back the clock and
take you to the drugstore across the
street from the MDC building here in
Hollywood the time is exactly 15 minutes
before this broadcast
take it away drugstore you'll have to
hurry Mary we haven't got much time
look if you'll wait till after the
broadcast I'll take you out and buy you
a full course dinner I'm no gambler I'll
take a sandwich now all right it's up to
you hey here's a couple of seats here
madam would you mind taking your
Pekinese off this see these stools are
for customers oh he is that's all his
face needs some hot fudge on it stop
arguing jack here's a couple of seats
over here okay mmm yet oh hello Mary
what'll it be today olive not bacon
cheese roast beef and turkey on whole
wheat Wow Oh Gilroy yes hit the jackpot
on whole-wheat I want something else
Mary now that'll be all
okay what'd your father have I'll have
I'm not her father I'm Jack Benny now
let's see I think I'll take the business
man's lunch are you a businessman no and
you can't have it
now wait a minute young man I ordered
the business man's lunch and I'm going
to get it until nothing and take him off
that stool
fine fine Pekinese well I bought him in
a sales a sale yes he was marked down
from a Great Dane well that's very
interesting
all right mister what do you have oh I'm
not in the mood eat now just bring me a
cup of coffee Oh a dunker special a
dunker special what's that coffee
doughnuts in rubber gloves 15 cents
well that's very sanitary but not for me
oh I know what I'll have a chocolate
malted milk a chocolate malted milk yes
and put an egg in it fried or scrambled
look I want a malted milk with just a
plain raw egg in it a raw egg okay Oh
Gilroy yes one malted milk for a
barbarian what a smart aleck pardon me
I'd like two aspirin tablets in a glass
of water yes sir hey you want mmm this
face is familiar
your sandwich marry a five Decker oh boy
isn't that something yeah it looks like
Grauman's Chinese with potato chips
that's right it's even got footprints
and the mayonnaise oh you're just making
that up
here's your malted milk Groucho
hey wait a minute you I ordered a malted
milk and this is an ice cream soda
that's not ice cream that's an egg well
the least you could do is take it out of
the shell clumsy dope can't you break an
egg if I could break an egg I'd punch
you right in the nose oh you want say
read lips is that man annoying you know
Gilroy put down that cupcake
that's a fine way to treat customers I
must go oh hi cuddles I'll give you just
10 cuddles I'll give you just 10 to let
go of my garden one two three oh my leg
d'arnot he ruined a perfectly good pair
of garters come on you've had new
elastic putting them 12 times
[Music]
well the metal isn't the least bit rusty
see I don't want this more than milk now
well why don't you order something else
Jack yeah say buddy what's that lady
having over there with the ice cream
pineapple whipped cream and marshmallow
and the cherry on top we're right over
there
that's her husband Oh
odd looking isn't it I'll tell you what
to just bring me a cup of coffee coffee
yes
thank a panky rush manka well guess
bring me a cup of coffee with no add
list
oh pardon me I'd like two more aspirin
tablets my glass of water yes sir there
you are you know Mary I've seen that guy
someplace oh hello Danny I attack I got
to grab something to eat quick my girls
waiting outside your girls waiting
outside want you bring her in she's
watching my bicycle oh he was can't you
put a lock on the bicycle no I trust her
well that's mighty sweet iya iya candy
what'll it be
oh let's see give me a tuna fish
sandwich on rye bread okay
no butter no lettuce no mayonnaise Oh
Elroy yes red lift one two nine ride
Noah brush no lather no rub in
oh yes showing off
oh say Radcliffe I want a side order of
coleslaw with that just a minute thank
you we got any coleslaw
oh just dance of it well that's
entrancing exact over there I think I'll
go away myself
okay oh wait a minute Mary I'll go with
you don't eat my sandwich jack I won't
Sam what time it is anymore oh go away
you're on a run dad because you've got
air listen lady if you think that uh-oh
hello Don
why Jack I didn't see you well I got
time to eat yeah but hurry up down we go
on the air in a few minutes you know
well it'd be mr. Wilson well I'd like a
glass of milk and a large dish of jell-o
what flavor strawberry raspberry cherry
orange lemon or lime mix them up with
sliced bananas Don get two spoons with
that I'll race you to the middle last
one there has to pay for it
pardon me I'd like two more aspirin
tablets in a glass of water
yes that's six aspirin tablets hey
mister have you got a headache no but
don't tell the cook he'll think I'm nuts
don't know
oh now I know who he is
that guy's crazier than my aunt Minnie's
quilt Sajak if we don't want to be late
we better be getting over the studio
yeah we're on in a few minutes
Oh Jack I just got on his scales and how
much do you think away I'm like a
hundred and three pounds boy if I didn't
put on weight
you've been watching I've been putting
on weight boy have I been put on him
a hundred a hundred and three pounds and
you put on weight yeah I only weighed
seven when I was born
well you better watch yourself
and you know what else dad can't get one
of those little cards with a fortune on
it oh he did what does it say you are
shrewd clever and intelligent until you
open your mouth that's me you said it
hey Don hey Don what's your weight
anyway all right II don't know come on
here's a good chance to find out oh
nothing oh come on Don
yeah come here I've got a penny here we
are now get on the scale Oh silly
nothing now stand still all right hold
my hat a lot of difference that'll make
now hold still Don Wow look at that
100 150 200 250 300 Kenny what is it say
that's a good idea let's get outta here
[Music]
turn on the radio it's time for the
jello program
[Music]
[Applause]
that one could be played by the
orchestra now ladies and gentlemen if
you listened in the Fred Allen's program
last Wednesday night I bring you a man
who needs no further introduction Jack
Benny
[Applause]
hello again this is Jack Betty talking
and Don I gather from that little
announcement of yours that Alan was
throwing verbal darts at my bull's eye
again is that it yes Jack didn't you
hear him no my radio was on but
unfortunately I was eating celery at the
time the loud time from youth Oh tell me
was Alan as witty as ever or was he
better well Jack I have to admit he did
get a lot of laughs at your expense oh
he did well I won't have to worry about
him long television will soon be here
and he'll either have to have his face
lifted or get in a barrel and broadcast
through a bunghole
now wait a minute Jack Alan may not be
handsome but when he come right down to
it he isn't so bad looking he isn't
Don he's the only Irishman I ever saw
that could eat in a Chinese restaurant
and be mistaken for a waiter if he
wasn't allergic to soap and water he
could open a laundry now let's drop the
subject of mr. Alan oh by the way Don I
noticed you were limping when you came
into the studio just now did you have an
accident of some kind well come on Don
tell us well let me see oh yes I was out
riding this morning and my horse threw
me
Oh threw you Don there's a possibility
that you could have fallen off a horse
but the horse that can throw you doesn't
live
tell me pepper macmillan how did this
out of this unfortunate accident happen
well jacket was like this I was camping
through the polls you're sure just
stopped down folks I gotta tell you what
really happened to Wilson we were in a
drugstore just before our Bob Jack
anyway Tom stepped on the weighing
machine and right now it's getting
pennies in heaven
boy what a rank Jack I wish you haven't
said that now people will get the idea
that I'm really fat fat Don when you
step into your shoes your rubber heel
spread out like pancake batter
I can't understand how a guy can gain so
much weight on the salaries I pay you're
not kidding
you know Don every time I look at you
that woman would have to bring cuddles
to the broadcast
oh hello Phil hiya Jackson how's the boy
Jackson well every time I meet you
lately you call me Jackson what's the
big idea well that's as close as I can
get to jackass and still be polite ah ha
that's very funny you know Phil you're
clever enough to have your own program
which you better start looking oh no
Jack I couldn't let you down you need a
guy like me around here oh I do sure
after all I'm the only sex appeal on the
show is that so Phil did you by any
chance hear me on the Screen Actors
Guild program last week in that romantic
bit with Joan Crawford Oh was that - I
thought it was guy kippy you knew darn
well it was me I got that smart wire you
sent me I didn't send you any wire not
much who else would send me a ten-word
telegram with seven Laozi's in it
[Music]
and another thing fill the next time you
send a wire from Pomona don't sign it
George Bernard Shaw he moved from there
you know Harris you remind me of a guy
of a guy madam madam must you're much
your dog barked when I'm talking you
don't expect him to laugh do you nobody
could wipe that sneer off his face I'll
keep him quiet please let's see what was
I talking about I don't know I just came
in oh hello Mary
hey Mary Jack was just telling us about
the program he did with Joan Crawford
last week were you there Asli I was and
boy was Jack nervous I wasn't nervous at
all naturally I was a little keyed up
working with Miss proper but I was not
nervous you worried no you all would sit
down on chairs when they're not there
oh I just did that for a laugh that's
all everything went along fine
Buzzelli boys what happened at rehearsal
jack what was it Mary oh well we were
just about to finish their big scene and
Jack was supposed to kiss miss Crawford
yes well Jack grabbed Jonah the dimes
and bent her over backwards yes very
better over a little farther uh-huh now
Mary then a little more and what
happened
Jack's toupee fell right in her face and
she fainted
now Mary that wasn't my toupee at all
that was my beanie well it had a part in
it Mary that only happened at rehearsal
but the routine sounded all right over
the air believe me not according to Fred
Allen Wednesday night say what is Allen
anyway a barometer or something he
doesn't learn to keep his mouth shut I'm
gonna do something about it I wouldn't
get tough with him Jackie no Allen's a
pretty athletic guy athletic sure I saw
a picture of him in a fan magazine the
other day and he was posing in tights
and boxing gloves
yeah but the hair on his chest said well
c'mon and speaking of that picture
fellas did you notice his legs they look
like too sleepy people imagine Allen
posing as a fighter oh one of these days
I'm gonna have my picture taken being
shot out of a cannon and in a leopard
skin I'll show him all right champ relax
take it easy be cool I'll get in the
ring with Allen any day what are you
laughing at you wouldn't get in the ring
with Ferdinand the bull
I was very cute Mary when Phil has his
own program you're gonna be a big help
to him we've got the first show all
written oh I see and what are you going
to call your little comedy act Mary and
Phil corn as you like it you certainly
got the right title say where's Kenny
it's time for him to do a song here I am
Jay Oh
where were you Kenny I was over in the
corner counting my toes
counting your toes yeah I counted I
count and I still get 22 ten either your
arithmetic is bad or Ripley is waiting
for you and next time don't come in here
with such a silly routine at all well I
was just trying it out for Phil's new
show listen Kenny I just said that a
while ago when I was mad Phil isn't
gonna have his own show he is too we
offered me $8,000 in car fare oh he's
very generous in the $8,000 a week not
only that I get extra money for writing
the program oh you're gonna write the
show too well that ought to be worth
listening to you yeah not only that
quiet now go ahead with your song wait a
minute Saint Phil is it alright if I
sing on this program sure kid but hold
back a little not cut out this boy
are you get up that microphone young man
insane all right oh shut up Frank
I mean Kenny
[Music]
I'll always be a dreamer or I was born
[Music]
and I was born to love you keep dreaming
off and as evening shadows
I only have tonight and I can
[Music]
you
[Music]
[Applause]
my cigarette burns I wake with a star my
hand isn't hard butter speeding in my
heart away every memory
[Music]
that was deep in a dream song by Kenny
Baker and Kenny that's one of the best
songs you've sung this year I know you
put so much feeling into it really it
was thrilling oh you're just trying to
flatter me so I'll stay with your
program bladder you I can see through
that brother Kenny for three years now
I've been raving about your voice and
all of a sudden it's flattery you
ungrateful little brat now wait a minute
you don't aggravate my tanner well I
refuse to continue this discussion about
your imaginary program however if you
happen to happen to get one I'd only be
too glad to let you have Kenny and Mary
be sure to take those broken-down
troubadours with you
oh no I'm sending them to Paul Whiteman
well don't send him see oh dear they'll
return with the swallows anyway Phil as
far as I'm concerned you and Kenny and
Mary can all go just leave me good old
Don Wilson and I'm satisfied well you
should be you're still getting more than
half let me ask you something Mary
suppose you did go with Phil who's gonna
give you those good snappy jobs you mean
like that last one yeah don't be cute
who's gonna write your material oh we've
got to swell riders oh yeah who are they
Noel Coward Maxie Rosenbloom the fine
combination course I don't know what I'm
getting myself all worked up for it's
all so silly
well don't worry Jack no matter what
happens I won't leave you I'll stick
with you and jello from straw buried
alive I had a boy gone and I regret that
I have but one life to give to my
sponsor
thanks John you're a real pill ah maybe
that'll teach these traders hear
something about loyalty well gee whiz
Jack we're not the only ones I heard you
on a program with John profit last week
well that was a special broadcast Kenny
for one appearance only so how do you
like it oh it's swell hey Jack I was
wondering is Joan Crawford as beautiful
as she looks
well of course she's beautiful and she's
marvelous to work with she I got so
excited listening to the broadcast did
you really kiss her Weiss why certainly
I did who held her
well don't be so flippant miss Crawford
enjoyed working meet with me very much
he told me so and as a little memento of
the broadcast I sent her a lovely bottle
of perfume
well in fact I sent Rochester over to
her house with it this morning you were
on the air with her a week ago why did
you wait till today to send her perfume
Rochester was making it nothing of the
kind I sent Joan some real imported
stuff it's called la lune bleu de pau de
l'amour what does that mean love at
twilight also removes stains
[Music]
how do you know Mary do you speak French
well you're all wrong
it's exquisite perfume and I'm sure miss
Crawford will like it and now ladies and
gentlemen if I may interrupt my cast I
would like to announce our play for next
week as a special treat we are going to
offer our version of the Encyclopedia
Britannica now I will play the part and
pardon me both hello hello again this is
Rochester - I know who it is what do you
want say boys I don't think I'm gonna be
able to pick you up after the broadcast
your cars on the boom what's wrong with
it well the one thing the back tires are
flour mr. Wilson's rubber you but for
heaven's sakes get busy can't you blow
up the tires the Pope ain't no good
since you made those cream puffs with it
oh that's right well gee whiz now am I
going to get home why don't you take a
taxi I'll split it with you
well that's very kind of you but I'll
manage somehow
see you later so long so long Oh
Rochester did you take that perfume over
to miss Crawford yes sir in person
that's good that she opened it no she
just took the slow look at the price tag
and then Oh quickly why darn you
Rochester I told you to take the price
tag off the bottle don't worry boys I
raised it raise it I put a 1 in front of
1250 now
well I gotta hand it to you Rochester
that was quick thinking yeah but maybe I
shouldn't do it in front of her
maybe you shouldn't I don't know why I
ever trust you to do anything you show
absolutely no judgment or foresight I'm
a butler not a Swami all right forget it
next time I'll know better so long go so
long
by the way Rochester just a minute I
just thought if the car is out of
commission and you can't pick me up
tonight how did you get over to miss
Crawford's house with that perfume
I'll think of something before you get
home he better think of something what's
the matter jack listen fair you'll not
only have your own program but you might
also have a very good end man playboy
you know the highest compliment your
guests can pay you is to ask for a
second helping here's the dishes
guaranteed to bring them back for more
it's the new jell-o butterscotch pudding
and let me tell you right now it's one
of the grandest desserts you ever dip
the spoon in it's mellow and creamy
smooth it has a grand tempting color
like rich gold and taffy and what a
flavor that good old-fashioned
butterscotch flavor that you used to
love when you were a youngster and here
it is in the new jell-o butterscotch
pudding so grand you just have to taste
it to appreciate it
then try jello chocolate pudding rich
and smooth and real chocolatey and the
jello vanilla pudding with a delicate
creamy flavor that's delicious
all three jello puddings are quick and
easy to prepare with only a few moments
cooking you'll find the simple
directions on every package and the best
way is to buy three packages at a time
so ask your grocer tomorrow for jello
butterscotch chocolate and vanilla
pudding the real homemade time we're a
little late so good night folks
[Music]
this is the National Broadcasting
Company
[Music]