oh the jello program starring Jack Benny
with Mary Livingston Phil Harris Kenny
Baker and yours truly Don Wilson the
orchestra opens a program with no wonder
[Music]
well here we are at the beginning of
another year and jello wants to send
greetings to all of you and we've
received a letter that makes a smile New
Year's greeting for us it's from a woman
who's been using jello year-in and
year-out for the past 37 years she is
mrs. Cece brown of Huntington West
Virginia and listen to what she writes
we bought our first package of jell-o in
December 19 - we lived in the country
then and made few trips to a store so
the jello was a bit of a luxury saved
for the holiday gathering of kin and
friends
needless to say jello made a hit and
we've used it exclusively ever since
when I had my own home I wanted
something special nothing so filled the
requirements as jell-o in all those 37
years of use I've never had a package
that wasn't perfect and jello is a prime
favorite with my family well thank you
mrs. Brown that's a grand letter to
start us off for 1939 and to the rest of
you we'd like to say if you want to give
your family their prime favorite dessert
if you want to enjoy that delicious
extra rich fruit flavor look for the big
red letters on the box they spell jello
[Music]
[Applause]
and now ladies and gentlemen that this
being the first day of the new year it
behooves me to introduce the star of
this program in a manner befitting his
dignity and position well he is a man
whose illustrious character and many
fine qualities have my sincere
admiration Oh Don please a man whose
lovable nature and unselfish devotion to
others quiet Mary I want to hear this
go ahead Don whose unselfish devotion to
others has endeared him to the hearts of
his public how true so I bring you none
other than that sparkling scintillating
outstanding personality that's not me
I'll kill myself
Jack Benny
okay hello again there's a Jack Benny
talking one of the sweetest guys I've
ever met
and Don I want to thank you for that
beautiful introduction you know as a
rule a man has to be dead before he gets
such a lovely tribute well I wrote it
just before the broadcast while you were
lying down oh you didn't expect me to
get up there well I am pretty tired
after last night hey by the way Don what
did you do New Year's Eve do you have
any fun oh I had a swell time Jack
simply wonderful that's gay first I took
my wife to a movie and then we went to
the Coconut Grove to celebrate wow that
was nice first a picture and then the
Coconut Grove
I suppose you danced a lot no my wife
left her shoes in the movies well
there's nothing like relaxing it's a
cinema I often slip my shoes off myself
and I'm getting so absent-minded I'm not
gonna do it anymore you're not no the
other night at Grauman's Chinese I was
clear down to my underwear before the
usher stopped me oh it was embarrassing
I can imagine well tell me Jack how did
you spend New Year's Eve and excitement
last night well I had a fairly good time
Don I took Mary to the Wilshire Bowl you
know where Phil Harris is playing oh you
did say you had a pretty good time in my
place last night didn't you Jackson
yes I had a nice time Filson but as long
as it was your place you might have seen
that I got a decent table what are you
talking about your table wasn't so far
away it wasn't I was so far from the
bandstand I couldn't even see the
circles under your eyes
the fine table oh you're exaggerating
Jack there were a lot of people sitting
behind you listen Phil the only people
sitting behind me were from Pasadena and
they were home at the time
what a New Year's Eve well Jack maybe
Phil couldn't help it New Year's Eve is
a big night and afterall first-come
first-serve
that's what burns me up Don I was the
first one in the place I got there so
early the manager asked me to help blow
up the balloon how do you like that well
you got paid for it didn't you that's
not the point now let me tell you
another thing Phil I don't mind my table
being far away but the next time you
seat me behind a post please see that
there's a Knothole in it behind the post
what are you talking about oh never mind
hello Jack Happy New Year mmm Happy New
Year I was just telling Phil about the
fine table he gave us last night imagine
seating us behind a pose that burns me
up
you're crazy jack we weren't behind a
posed we weren't no that was a piece of
confetti on your glasses
why didn't you tell me I nearly broke my
neck trying to peek around it
anyway poster no pose we were certainly
sitting far enough away from everything
well I'm glad we were I was so ashamed
sitting next to you with that old
fashioned tuxedo you had on why don't
you buy a new one
oh how often do I wear a tuxedo besides
it isn't so old it isn't no go on I put
my hand in your pocket and pulled out a
program from Ford's Theater listen Mary
that suit might be a little out of style
but they're still wearing single breaded
breasts single
now listen Mary
that suit might be a little out of style
but they're still wearing single
breasted tuxedo not with a belt in the
back well they're coming back so don't
be so smart Mary's right jack oh she is
your pants were so tight you had to wear
your garters on the outside listen
maestro one more crack out of you and
you'll be leading the organ on the Lum
and Abner program and another thing fill
the next time I dance by your Orchestra
watch your baton remember that okay
buddy hmm buddy yet incidentally fellas
this being the new year I was gonna give
you all a raise and salary but the way
you've been acting today I'm not gonna
do it I'd be satisfied just to get my
regular salary on time now wait a minute
Phil don't give me that I put your check
in the mail every Monday morning well
from now on don't pin it on a postcard I
don't want people to know what I make
all right Phil cut out the beefing let's
see we can't inaugurate the new year
with a little harmony oh yeah if you
want to hear something awful what marry
here it is New Year's and I forgot to
write a poem about it oh that's a shame
I'll sit right down a dash one off okay
hurry it up I'll fill in a little time
for you Mary
ladies and gentlemen while miss
Livingston is struggling with her latest
brainchild let me remind you that one of
the best ways to start out the new year
is to have jello for dessert darkness in
it is tempting delicious easy to make
and comes in six delicious flavors yeah
he's down knowledge with an inner a cage
with a cage strawberry raspberry cherry
orange yes a capital case lemon and lime
for heaven's sake
I'm sorry done and now folks going from
the Yak I'm all set why Mary is your
poem finished already
yeah see you work faster than George
Bernard Shaw
well his bear gets in his way oh that's
right what's the title of your poem
goodbye 1938 hello 1939 well that covers
everything go ahead oh happy new year
happy new year please don't be a sad and
blue year these last 12 months have been
sublime so goodbye 38
hello 39 well so far nobody is screaming
you just wait I wonder who this coming
yard will be our favorite movie star
will it be Garbo or Sonya heinie
so goodbye 38 hello 30 90 90 what has
this year in store for us for the
imbalance I and that hmm we'll Don gets
a turn will filthy gay
well can he get knowledge with a capital
K I doubt it I'd like to ask you if I
dare well Jack continued to lose his
hair Mary and when it's gone will it
stay away goodbye 38 hello toupee
[Laughter]
very get to the last verse with you it's
coming up now that's good
Oh Happy New Year Happy New Year please
don't be a sad and blue year we will
give you one more chance
so goodbye Broadway hello friends well
marry you finally done hey Phil do you
think you can follow Mary's poem with a
number I'll try okay hit it boys wait a
minute come in mr. Benny yes oh happy
new year
happy New Year to the greatest man I
know and I bring you fondest greetings
there's a wagon I must go well I'm glad
they let him out for our program playful
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
that was say it with a kiss played by
Phil Harris and his original orchestra
and now ladies and gentlemen 'el wait a
minute jack this isn't the band I
started out with I don't mean that Phil
I mean when they look at their music
they still play something original
speaking of the band Phil you think that
they could start out the new year by
dressing a little better where they get
those awful looking neckties aren't they
atrocious they certainly are where they
get them I gave them to him for
Christmas
oh and saying that reminds me Phil that
was some Christmas present you sent me
you must have been under the weather
when you bought it oh no I wasn't I was
sober as a judge when I bought your gift
you were not I watched - then let me ask
you something what use have I got for a
porthole then a fine present Mary a
porthole well if your head gets any
bigger you can use it for a monocle all
right don't make it any worse than it is
oh hello Kenny hiya jack happy new year
well Kenny I see you're still
celebrating you must had a good time
last night I'll say I didn't get to bed
until 10 o'clock gosh I'm a wreck Kenny
how can you be a wreck if you went to
bed at 10 o'clock
I slept in a Foley Bend I forgot to pull
it down well it's none of my business
Kenny but would you mind telling me how
you got into a folding bed without
pulling it down first I'm not gonna tell
til I get it patented
oh that's right guard your secret
carefully stop blowing that horn
well I'm practicing for the Rose Bowl
game of Pasadena tomorrow say are you
going Jay
I certainly am I wouldn't miss it for
anything hey Mary I got a couple of good
seats you want to go with me no I went
with you last year and you were the only
one in the stand wearing a raccoon coat
and a beanie well the way you were
waving that panning around I was so
embarrassed
what's wrong with waving a pennant
you're sad Waukegan high school on it
all right you don't have to go with me
I'll take somebody else you want to go
with me Kenny sure but I'll have to
bring my girl along well I don't see how
Kenny I've only got two seats
well I'll invite her anyway maybe we can
lose her in the crowd
yes that on a solve our problem
incidentally i mislaid my ticket
somewhere in the house I hope Rochester
finds them hey Jack who do you pick to
win the game
Duke her USC well Phil I'm a USC man
myself and I think it's a cinch for them
to win oh you do eh well how much do you
want to bet I didn't say anything about
betting Phil I just told you who was
gonna win well if you're so sure about
it why don't you want a bath because
gambling is naughty and you know it you
mean because you're a scaredy-cat
scaredy-cat listen Harris what are the
odds on the game two-to-one on USC all
right wise gal bet you 20 cents to a
dime and put up or shut up well what are
you stalling for Harris he's afraid if
he wins you'll fire him ha ha
ah that's it I thought you'd Welch on a
20 cents to a dime make that a hundred
dollars to fifteen you got a bet
don't try to show off Phil you had your
chance now let's drop it you know I
don't think Jack wanted the pen at all
think Kenny your job on this program is
the same well I can have a hobby can't I
you better stick the stamps Kenny and go
ahead with your song so we can get to do
our play tonight okay hold it a minute
that must be Rochester I asked him to
call me hello hello mr. Benny this
Rochester yeah I was waiting for your
call did you find my two tickets for the
Rose Bowl game no I loop our lord can't
find them anywhere I'm gonna that's a
shame I'll keep on looking they might be
in the house they must be in a house
someplace okay so long so long hey boss
can I have tomorrow off I gotta go to a
wedding in Pasadena
a wedding in Pasadena
tell me Rochester who's getting married
what was that boss I said who's getting
married and Pasadena tomorrow
Oh an Amman and and a yours a who she
married some fellas gonna be my uncle
uh-huh I see now at what time does this
wedding take place they kick off our one
thing what's that what did you say
nothing
keep quiet operator Rochester there was
no operator on the line now you found
those Rose Bowl tickets didn't you well
you found those tickets in you come on
Oh
answer me did you or did you not find
those tickets sink in II listen
Rochester when I get home tonight I want
to find those two tickets on the dresser
in my bedroom okay boss happy new year
go ahead and sing Kenny that Rochester
the only way I can keep things in my
house is to nail him down
[Music]
I promise you with heart sincere my love
for you is as great as a love can be
yet words couldn't quite
[Music]
at all
I paid Felipe
[Music]
promise you with heart sincere that I
will always
I promise you I'll build the shrine
where we
[Music]
I promise you with every time I know my
chances really please to keep the five
me
[Music]
Oh
[Music]
[Applause]
that was I promise you sung by Kenny
Baker and Kenny that was very good for a
fellow stayed up until 10 o'clock
her voice hardly showed it oh I'll pull
myself together in a couple days I hope
so Kenny if you got to bed at 10 o'clock
last night how'd you get those awful
circles under your eyes I painted them
on a tie nuts sure are and now ladies
and gentlemen for our feature attraction
this evening I was gonna paint wrinkles
on the forehead but my mother wouldn't
let me well she was right and now ladies
and gentlemen I was Kenny's mother I
trade him in for an Airedale now marry
Kenny's mother wouldn't do that and now
folks we've got an Airedale all right
all right if you to quiet down I like to
get on with our play an awful you know
somethin Kenny I never met your mother
well you didn't fail for heaven's sake
who cares let's get out of the play
everybody's butting in here but done
well I met mrs. Baker oh well I'm very
happy to know it and now folks going
from mrs. Baker to our feature
attraction of evening this being the
first day of the new year tonight we are
going to present an original play a sort
of a New Year's fantasy entitled the new
tenants or goodbye 38 hello 39 now are
you still after my poem Mary that was
just a coincidence believe me now this
fantasy I will play the part of 1938 and
marry no Jack I read this play four
times and I still can't understand it
well in the first place Kenny our play
is a little too deep and in the second
place you're a little dope now I will be
1938 and Mary will be mrs. 1938 my
loving loyal wife and we have 12
children what are you laughing at I
don't know it's censored
and keep still now our play opens in the
home of mr. and mrs. 1938 who live in a
big round house called the earth it is
almost midnight on December 31st and
their lease is about to expire curtain
music oh Mariah Mariah what do you want
ha
better hurry up on that packing the
landlord said we got to get out by
midnight to make room for the new
tenants the new tenants who is he
Oh some little nudist by the name of 39
he don't know what he's getting into
does he more nope this house sure has
been a mess ain't it you said it
remember a couple of months ago and the
bathtub ran over and got New England
soaking wet I sure do and say PHA what
about the time last spring when the roof
leaking we had a hang off Angelus out to
dry what that awful yeah hey paw turn on
the moon I can't see what I'm packing
here okay hey boom what do you want your
fossil I want some light down here and
quit winking at my wife okay say you
want some milk - milk
yeah cow just jumped over me
well I'll be durned dad ha we ain't got
much time
that's right darting those shootin stars
they're having a few together doggonit
paw even with all our troubles I kinda
hate to leave here so why after all we
did have a lot of fun remember the time
that scallywag Howard Hughes flew around
our house and five and a half days do I
sure had me dizzy and then that fella
Corrigan he started to fly from the
kitchen to the parlor and der heul ended
up on the back porch did you pack up all
the swing music I'm doing it now
flatfoot blue G with the flying boy
might as well take that with us say more
it's five minutes to 12:00 we better
start rounding up the kids where are
they well January February and March
they're outside playing on a cloud Oh
where's April
he's taking a shower oh he's always
doing that the rest of him around here
someplace
well tell him to stick close we're gonna
leave in just a few minutes I'll go over
and see - boy am i sick of that look
here who is it Paul it's old man Mars
from across the Milky Way hi amar hi
your neighbor heard you're leaving the
night so thought I'd drop over and say
goodbye
well that was mighty sweet yeah save I
sure handed you a scare a couple of
months ago didn't I you sure
hey what was the big idea anyway well I
really didn't mean it I was lighting a
cigarette and I reached down in the
Hudson River to put the match out and
what happened well my hand slipped and I
gave New Jersey a hot foot you sure did
say Mars you'll have to excuse me now
it's almost midnight and I got to be
getting out of here so long so long oh
say I got my rocketship outside can I
give you a lift anywhere no thanks we'll
be all right hey those rocket ships
smoke a lot don't they
yeah the exhaust pipes are bad I guess
blue by heaven and now angels really got
dirty faces well if you pass by the
other place give my regards to Fred
Allen
so long bars so long well long it's
almost midnight so put on that silly hat
of yours and let's get going okay pause
there's the first broker twelve I wonder
what's keeping the new tenant don't
worry he'll be here
stop going my forgot I found I find out
where we're moving to
I thought you bought a place over on
Jupiter no but I took a look at Venus
times are fleeting we can't leave until
that little brat gets here that must be
him now
yep come in well hello young fella are
you the little New Year I ain't Bobby
Breen well well my boy come right in and
this is it young man
tell me what do you think to your new
home boy what a dump this house could
stand a lot of fixing up I know what's
them a lot of things wrong here my boy
yes siree that's Spanish all on the
piano there's all Rip Torn need a lot of
mending and another thing that China
just about all smashed to pieces while I
think of it son
if you see some little lost sheep
roaming about try and find a place for
them around the house somewhere I'll do
what I can but heaven's sake let's get
going just a second more now that just
one more thing young fella what's that
may not sound like much but it's a
mighty big issue your greatest worry my
boy is gonna be to pick out a Scarlett
O'Hara
that had me groggy all year come on Paul
you're talking to mine I am coming for
say young fella you want me jello you'll
find plenty in the pantry thanks
old-timer you're welcome
happy no here young fella
[Applause]
[Music]
well municipal holiday season it's one
the whole family will enjoy and it's
easy to prepare it's jello butterscotch
pudding and until you fried it you don't
know just how delicious a pudding desert
can be creamy smooth rich and tasty with
a real old-fashioned butterscotch flavor
that will bring the family back for more
then try the new jello vanilla pudding
tempting delicate and full flavor and
the jello chocolate pudding smooth and
chocolaty the kind of mother used to
make but far quicker and easier for all
three jello puddings take next to no
time to prepare there's only a few
minutes cooking required you'll find the
simple directions on every package and
these new puddings will be a real
surprise to you for the just as good as
your own made for the same fine
wholesome ingredients with a taste and
texture you say is perfect the best way
to buy is to get three packages at a
time so ask your grocer for jello
butterscotch vanilla and chocolate
pudding
the real homemade time is the last
number of the 14th program in the new
jello series and we will be with you
again next Sunday night at the same time
are you listening Tommy and now ladies
and gentlemen I would like to announce
that in response to many many requests
and owing to a renewed and timely
interest we are going again going to
present our version of Walt Disney's
famous picture Snow White and the Seven
Dwarfs next Sunday night so if you
missed it the first time folks be sure
and tune in and if you heard a tune in
any way as we're going to have a brand
new Prince Charming guess who fo Oh and
you gave it away
good night phone
[Music]
[Applause]
mother Millar production
[Music]