oh the jello program starring Jack Benny
with Mary Livingston Phil Harris Kenny
Baker and yours truly Don Wilson the
orchestra opens the program with this
can't be love
[Music]
the other night some friends of mine
were arguing as to whether first
impressions are lasting impressions are
the more important well I say last
impressions at least when it comes to
mealtime for I think it's a dessert
you're most likely to remember and if
that dessert is jell-o believe me the
memory is a mighty pleasant one
for jello is so temptingly good to look
at and so deliciously good to eat those
six glowing colors are cheerful and gay
and those six delicious flavors are
filled with extra rich fruit goodness
strawberry raspberry cherry orange lemon
and lime everyone taste as inviting as
the real ripe fruit itself that's why
everybody enjoys jell-o that's why it's
America's favorite gelatin dessert so
remember look for the big red letters on
the box they spell jello and jello
spells a treat
[Music]
that was this can't be love played by
the orchestra not ladies and gentlemen
we bring you a man who after lying flat
on his back for three days with a bad
cold throw off the covers and said good
heavens it's Sunday
the show must go on then was my words
exactly so now we bring you that heroic
personality that rugged thespian that
grand old trooper Jack Benny
thank you hello again this is a Jack
Benny that red-nosed Fuji with a snip
snip and on just as you say I deserve a
lot of credit for coming down here
tonight no matter how an actor feels his
first duty as to his public oh you're
right jack and I'm mighty proud of it
why done I've always been like that
I remember one time when I was playing
border Berlin - you're Illinois and even
though I had hay fever and I was
following the goldenrod trio I went out
and did that show just the same well
that was a real test act but no kidding
down for the last three days I've been a
pretty big boy and if it hadn't been for
my physician dr. Jerome Smith I doubt
that I'd be here today dr. Smith what
Jack I know him but he's not a physician
he's a serape de-icer operative yeah oh
well that explains that Blaine Wow well
a minute he came into my room he said
open your mouth say ah and take off your
shoes now I understand well how was he
Jack to the take good care of your cold
well down my cold isn't completely cured
but my corns feel wonderful anyway I
should have known he was a foot doctor
when he went to take my pulse he had his
watch in one hand and my ankle in the
other well I guess we all make mistakes
hello Hiro how's the brave little
soldier tonight
well I wouldn't joke about it Phil my
illness was much more serious than you
think it was huh yes my doctor told me
that if my cold was one germ worse I'd
have found out of angels have dirty
paisans you mean you to find out if the
devil with the [ __ ] listen Phil if you
were as sick as I was you wouldn't be
clowning about it tonight believe me
well I know you were sick I came to
visit you didn't I sure you did you know
I had a cold so you figured I'd have a
bottle of whiskey around that's why yeah
that was some stuff you had to Wow yeah
what was the matter with I took one
drink in my inlays did the Lambeth walk
well it serves your right and
incidentally Phil I want to thank you
very much for the lovely gift you sent
me that was sweet yeah wasn't it
what was it Jack well I happened to tell
Phil I was sick as a dog and he sent me
a can of kennel ratio calibrated yeah I
didn't mind that so much but Rochester
made me an omelet out of it oh hello
Jenny
hello jack is your cold better not much
Kenny but as weak as I was today I
jumped out of bed grabbed a taxicab and
rushed down here to the studio and why
did I do it I don't know is it because
you're a ham
no and don't be so fresh and another
thing pending at least is gonna come to
see me while I was sick yeah Kenny you
should have gone there just for laughs
what laughs now Phil when I went up to
see Jackie was wearing a nightgown a
nightgown she well certainly I was
wearing a nightgown it creeps up around
my neck where my cold is and keeps me
warm
there's nothing wrong with that you
should have seen him fellas he looked
like old Mother Hubbard one more crack
out of you and I'll go to the cupboard
and tear up your option I was talking to
Kenny so you keep out of it I bet you
were a riot in your nightgown now Kenny
if you'll come out of your hysterics for
a minute I'd like to ask you who won
that Thanksgiving turkey you were
selling tickets on last week oh that
yeah Oh fella by the name of Baker
Kenneth el Baker
oh why see just a racket huh
it sold me a ticket and get me out of 50
cents you know what that means
yes Barnum was right tomorrow when you
get your check think of Barnum you know
Kenny I'm really surprised you of all
people oh hello Mary hello jack how do
you feel Mary you can't possibly realize
what an effort it was for me to come to
work today I was in a very critical
condition well it's your own fault jack
here you were sick in bed for three days
and you wouldn't even hire a nurse now
wait a minute Mary I had a nurse and you
know it fine nurse all you did was paint
a Red Cross on Rochester's coats Oh Mary
I would have had a regular nurse but I
just couldn't find the right one well of
course you couldn't what was wrong Mary
Jack wanted a Cuban girl so they could
get free rumba lessons Oh Mary don't try
to get laughs out of my illness yeah I
hardly slept a wink all week well how
could you with all those silver dollars
in your mattress
you can all kid about my sickness but it
was lucky for me that Rochester know
something about medicine it was the only
one who thought of putting a mustard
plaster on my chest is it still there
yes they checked he saved your chest
before he put the plaster on no he
didn't lie oh brother I hope I'm there
for the unveiling hey that's right darn
that Rochester now how am I gonna get
this mustard plaster off oh I'll help
you jack and only take a minute
no no not now oh I've done this a lot of
times no non button your shirt well well
okay this may hurt a little jack oh go
ahead Don I can take it you're dealing
with a he-man he-man hey Mary you want
to hear something what when I went over
to see Jackie was wearing a nightgown I
know he borrowed it from me Mary you
promised you wouldn't say a word about
it no kidding Mary was that really your
nightgown how listen I didn't see the
letters a male honest Mary Livingston
well I'll be darned that stood for man's
lingerie Oh keep quiet you two I want to
get this mustard plaster off go ahead
Don okay
now steady Jack yeah steady Oh take it
easy doc gee this is more fun than Ocean
Park wait a bit of Dom better not monkey
with Saint Jack let me try it I can do
it so you won't even feet oh no you
don't fail come on Jack now it's not
gonna hurt a bit
come here al all right Phil but if I
feel one now there you are it didn't
hurt a bit
okay oh look at me there isn't a hair on
my chest have to be redecorated
[Music]
Oh
[Music]
[Applause]
bell ringing singing yes
till I found you
[Music]
but in my reference
[Music]
Oh
[Music]
are as worthless as
[Music]
life will never be
[Applause]
[Music]
I love doing my revell me make my dream
Mariana let's dispense with
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
that was my reverie sung by Kenny Baker
and now ladies and gentlemen ooh my
chest still hurt
darn you Phil and now ladies and
gentlemen before introducing our play I
would like to announce that next Sunday
night we are going to do our broadcast
from Radio City New York and the whole
gang of us are gonna be there aren't we
fellas we are I don't know about you no
I'll be there
she is gonna be nice to see New York
again Jack if you've got such a bad cold
what are you going to New York for I
understand they're having pretty bad
snowstorms back there makes no
difference none I've gotta be there next
week well what's all the rush about
what's so important there's a sale at
Macy's that's not the only reason I'm
going I've got an appointment with a big
New York producer you know fellas you
know the Shakespearean cycle is on again
in New York and no really and this
producer he wants me to appear in Romeo
and Juliet Romeo and Juliet yes you
couldn't be a flowerpot on the balcony
well Phil whether you like it or not
that's the play I'll probably do on
Broadway and I'm quite positive I'm
gonna be Romeo my night Don you could be
Juliet all right wait next week you'll
see an alcohol oh boy New York say I
haven't been there in two years two
years uh yeah
see I bet the Empire State Building is
wearing long pants now yes Kenny and the
Chrysler Building just had pups and now
folks I don't know anything about folks
but I do know that men women and
children are crazy about jello hmm it's
tempting economical and easy to make so
look for the big red letters on the box
John that's positively amazing when you
started out I didn't even suspect that
you were gonna talk about jello you
didn't I did well it just goes to show
you but what I don't know and now folks
we must go on with our play this being
the climax of the football season
tonight we will bring you our annual
drama of the gridiron entitled hole
that line or one moment please
[Music]
now once again once again I will play
the part of Flash Benny the famous
football coach Kenny Baker will be right
in Phil Harris left in and Don Wilson
will be the backfield hold on hold on
Jack when the whistle blows the
backfield has to spread out well you've
been doing all right up to now now let
me see the football play yes Mary you're
gonna be a beautiful co-ed watching the
game way up on the grandstand oh no I
want to be down on the field where the
dialogue is well I don't know Mary we
let you in the game last year and every
time the players went in the huddle they
came out with lipstick on now you can't
play oh yeah got a fat chance of winning
the game without Butch Livingston oh all
right butch but if you're gonna play
take off that silly hat lest the
cheering section give you the Bronx
salute you ought to see this one folks
it looks like a plate of borscht
even got two potatoes in it
and now folks while we all get into our
uniforms Phil Harris and his uneducated
collegians will play wait a minute I'll
take it
hello hello mr. Pelley this is your
nurse talking oh hello Rochester what do
you want well I was a little worried so
I thought I'd call them see how you're
feeling
well that's very thoughtful Rochester
I'm feeling fine you are mom what's the
matter what are you my Mayan about Oh
nothin see you later boy now wait a
minute
why were you surprised when I told you I
was feeling fine well well y-you know
that cough medicine I've been giving you
all week yes what about it you ain't
never gonna have dandruff in your
stomach
[Music]
good heavens Rochester you give me that
hair tonic I told you a thousand times
to read the label I've told you a
thousand times I can't read well you
should get glasses
I'll never mind that I'll see you
tonight so long so long boy hey wait a
minute you don't that mustard plaster
you put on me this morning yes well I
had an awful time getting it off why
didn't you shave my chest first shave
you yes look boss I don't mind being a
butler chauffeur and a nurse but when I
get a raise in my hand is for defensive
purposes Oh
all right I'll take this up with you
tonight goodbye oh wait a minute boss am
I going to New York with you
yes Rochester you're going hold
everything Harlem here comes your
Sunkist on Blossom all right go get it
tied up goodbye how do you like that
fell isn't that awful I've been drinking
hair tonic all week well that won't hurt
you look at my guitar player he's the
picture of hell yes but if you ever take
that stool out from under him watch out
go ahead and play Phil we've got a long
sketch to do
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
that was girlfriend of the whirling
dervish played by a boyfriend of anyone
who's got a girlfriend and now for our
football play hold that line the scene
is flat foot college located in the
thriving little town of toboggan slide
Indiana the first half has just ended in
the annual game with meatball Tech the
coach is giving his team a pep talk in
the locker room curtain you see now
listen men in this last half we got to
get in there and fight don't be
discouraged by that other team or a
bunch of spineless jellyfish why they're
yellow yeah but we're black and blue oh
let's not get Technicolor now listen men
we've never won a game for meatball Tech
but today it's a cinch
what do you mean a cinch the score is 65
to nothing in their favor well we're
still young largely I wouldn't win this
game you guys would put a little pep
into it especially you Harris in the
second quarter you had a marvelous
chance for a touchdown and you stopped
right in the middle of the play to comb
your hair what is the idea well I want
to look good in the newsreel
oh you're doing and incidentally I hate
show-off the next time you get the ball
run with it don't truck on down well I
got rhythm never mind
and you Wilson oh I'm sorry about that
one fumble coach one fumble I thought
you were playing drop the handkerchief
and you foot you're a great help to in
the last play you were penalized 15
yards for holding well he was handsome
answer me I wouldn't care if he was
Clark Gable we're playing football coach
I'm doing the best I can
I'll say you are we haven't played of
team this fall if you haven't given your
phone number to well it's a long winter
fine bunch of athletes hey coach what do
you want Baker do you remember when I
was running past the 40-yard line and I
dropped the ball yes then I picked it up
and dropped it again yes and then I
picked it up yes and I dropped it again
well what about it wasn't that
aggravating
certainly was an incidentally Baker
what's the idea playing football in the
sailors who I thought it might rain oh
well I'm not taking any chances in the
second half I'm going in the game myself
okay man now let's get out in the field
and get my real game wait a minute come
in my grandpa Jack Benny take it boy
okay maybe it's an offer to play Notre
Dame Oh Jack this wires from New York
it's from the Acme hotel on 14th Street
for Tuesday what does it say it says
that can offer you excellent
accommodations during your stay in New
York right $6 a week back on every floor
just follow the arrow
Wow can give you a lovely room
overlooking a tomcat Tomcat above rate
includes the continental breakfast
consisting of a New England boiled
dinner oh I see
signed anxious that sounds attractive
six dollars a week but it's really too
far from everything hey coach what about
the football game that's right now
remember ma'am let's get off that field
and fight we'll win this game Oh mommy
me flash Betty here we are folks the
storage sixty-five to nothing in the
second half is about to begin
meatball is already on the peel and here
comes flash penny any sweat 14 what what
is going to kick off the meatball and
the crowd is on pins and needles
don't they have seats here shut up and
there's the whistle they're lining up
flash penny is about to kick off on your
toes man he's running toward the ball
and there's the kick
d'arnot I forgot to blow it up
[Music]
give me another ball fellas here's the
watermelon coke I don't want that we
haven't used a watermelon since we
played Alabama hey Wilson give me that
ball you've got oh no it's mine and I
want to kick it all right you big baby I
hope you stub your toe Baker you hold
the ball for the cake okay there they go
folks a new ball is being held in place
by Baker big boy Wilson is about to kick
off and here comes the kick oh what a
kick key that wallets awfully big penny
come down here
Wilson missed the ball and kick Baker
meatball Lacy's Baker on their own
40-yard line that's your fault
Wilson what's this it's a fumble and
flatfoots recovers the ball they get
away it feels all right fellas we got
the ball here's our chance to pay off
the mortgage and get our Dean back from
the finance company let them stay there
that's a fine spirit now listen Wilson
when the ball is snapped to me I'll
throw it to Harris he'll pass it to you
and instead of going through Center you
run around your own end what are you
laughing at you better take lunch it'll
be a long trip
[Laughter]
never mind that we'll try this play for
a touchdown I'll get in there Harris and
give those signals I'm sorry coach I
forgot I forgot the signals so did I hmm
fine thing what do we do now change
partners and dance oh that won't do I
know I'll call the signals myself come
on men this is our one big fan they come
out of the huddle they're lining up now
nice penny is a quarter right man
signals One for the Money two for the
show I'll take the ball and away we go
I got it let me has the bowl he passes
it to Wilson Wilson fumbles and
inventing recovers in there goes Bennie
down the pier
full of burst of speed look at him wow
oh my chest Wow can that boy run look at
him go 20 yards 30 yards 40 yards
oh and here's the finished box it's the
Lone Ranger first I like the [ __ ]
the giant second 23rd and Louisa 14 ah
what a game folks what a program what a
wasted no Senate plate
[Music]
if you want your husband to take you to
the movies after dinner tomorrow night
here's a dessert that is guaranteed to
put him in a swell good humor it's the
new jell-o butterscotch pudding and it's
a dish your whole family will go for for
jell-o butterscotch pudding has a real
old-fashioned butterscotch flavor it's
rich and creamy with a tempting taffy
color and a flavor that's mellow and
smooth it's a treat from your first
spoonful to your last and it's only one
of three new treats three new jell-o
puddings
there's jello vanilla pudding made from
real vanilla delicate creamy and
delicious and jello chocolate pudding
rich and chocolatey all three bring you
real homemade goodness for they're made
with the same fine wholesome ingredients
you'd use yourself right in your own
kitchen and all three are amazingly
quick and easy to prepare for just a few
minutes cooking simple directions are in
every package by three packages at a
time ask your grocer tomorrow for jello
butterscotch vanilla and chocolate
pudding
[Music]
the last number of the ninth program and
the new jello series and we'll be with
you again next Sunday night at the same
time broadcasting from Radio City New
York hey Jack you better buy some
galoshes
you better buy some galoshes you know
it's know anything for your well I won't
need them I'll have Rochester carry me
piggyback
[Music]
this can see love is from the boy of
conservative Kenny Baker repairs on the
jello program - courtesy of Mervyn Leroy
production this is the national
broadcasting company
[Applause]