the jello program starring jack benny
with mary livingston phil harris kenny
baker and yours truly don wilson
the orchestra opens a program with no
wonder
[Music]
we all know what the words trademark
stand for but just for fun i looked up
the actual definition yesterday and i
found something i liked
well the dictionary says that by
association the trademark becomes a
symbol of goodwill
well the name jello is a trademark and
we hope that for you it is a symbol of
goodwill and also of good eating
and if you always insist on genuine
jell-o by name you're sure of good
eating every time
well that name is the property of
general foods and it tells you here is
the real thing
the one and only jell-o it tells you
that here's a grand dessert bright with
cheerful color
delicious with extra rich fruit flavor
if you hear any other gelatin dessert
called
jello you'll know that's incorrect for
there is no other jello
so don't accept any substitutes look for
the big red letters on the box
they spell jello
[Music]
that was no wonder played by phil
harrison his orchestra and now ladies
and gentlemen
hey jack jack oh phil where's jack i
don't know i got enough trouble
taking track of my hillbillies oh i know
where jack is
he's in the next room talking to barbara
whitney on the telephone
oh boy is he gaga about her well she's
beautiful
yes but it's a shame the way jack is
falling for her i think she's nothing
but a gold digger well she'll have to
use a dredge to get any out of him
say fellas let's open the door and
listen in on him oh no that wouldn't be
nice
ain't that too bad open her up mary
[Laughter]
yes barbara yeah
oh you don't really mean that you do
gee that was cute what a sap oh let him
alone he's only young twice
oh oh you know i do barbara i called you
four times today tonight
that's four nickels
that's 20 cents what a romeo it keeps
books yet
now look honey am i going to see you
tonight oh you're going to a cooking
school
well that's encouraging how about monday
night
i see well tuesday night
wednesday night when you get to friday
it's me
what's that barbara oh you can see me
thursday night well that's swell
shall i bring you some more peanut
brittle
oh it's no trouble i insist i'll bring
you a great big bag
gee you must get it wholesale well
barbara i have to hang up now i'll see
you thursday
bye bye honey let's get back kids hurry
up see what a gal
papa i got a pocket full of griffin oh
hello fellas i'm sorry i'm late
i just bumped into an old friend of mine
out in the corridor old friend day
yeah i haven't seen him in years in fact
i used to go to school with him
i bet he was surprised to see you got
out
hey that's a good one well fellas how
about getting started with the program
i'm raring to go
oh you certainly look at jack i've never
seen you so radiant and happy why you're
positively beaming well why shouldn't i
be happy it's thanksgiving the frost is
on the pumpkin
i'm gonna have turkey and dressing and
cranberries nuts
and nuts and raisins
oh boy it's the holiday season all right
jack all right cut the kid and we know
you were talking to barbara on the phone
we heard you mention her name
barbara oh i know what you mean i was
talking to my tailor in santa barbara
it was a it was a long distance call
your tailor
yeah you always pay for your suits with
peanut brittle
peanut riddle oh oh i just sent him that
for a gag he's a nice fella and i like
him you must like him all right you kept
calling him honey
honey yeah we heard you well well why
sure i call him honey that happens to be
his name
honey boy ginsburg
now listen fellas that was just a
business call so let's forget it
well if it was a business call and he's
your tailor why couldn't he see you
tonight because he's busy he's working
on my suit that's why well if he's
working on your suit why is he going to
cooking school he's making panties for
lamb chops and shut up
[Music]
gosh you think this was a quiz program
well jack the whole thing is your fault
now why didn't you come out in the first
place
and admit that you were talking to
barbara you're not ashamed of her are
you
now look fellas let's drop it i was
talking to my tailor his name is honey
boy and he lives in santa barbara
uh do you mind if i get off the witness
stand no say jack did he make that suit
you've got on now
this one yeah but the cuffs on the
sleeves are my own idea there
it's the latest thing too not bad huh
that's the only mackinaw i ever saw with
pants
[Music]
well that's just sour grapes you don't
know what you're talking about
say jack it's not a bad looking suit at
that but isn't it just a little loose on
you
well yes don but it's supposed to be you
see this is an english
drape model it's not supposed to fit
snug you know
just the same you look like you were
punctured
well mary if i were you i wouldn't pass
any remarks about anyone else's apparel
especially with that hat you've got on
tonight
where do you get them all you ought to
see this one folks it looks like a
bird's eye view
of a knit on a nap
[Laughter]
oh what a lid oh oh hello kenny hello
jack how's your love life
love life what are you talking about did
you buy that ring yet
ring what ring oh i saw jack in a
jewelry store the other day looking for
some rings
don't get excited kenny he's buying it
freeze taylor
oh well jack i i hope hope you'll both
be very happy
now kenny just relax and don't get all
confused what's that you got in your
hand well i'm selling some tickets on a
turkey raffle you want to buy one
that was two turkeys wasn't it no one
ticket monkey raffle oh well
well oh come on how about it jack
they're only a half a dollar
isn't that cute kenny running a raffle
are you
having any trouble selling tickets not
until now
[Music]
i was talking to kenny uh kenny it's
time for your song now and i'll buy a
ticket right after you finish
how's that i'll buy it now jack what's
three minutes interest on 50 cents
mary i'm not going to interrupt the
program for a personal matter
i'll buy a ticket later go ahead with
your song kenny okay
wait a minute i'll take it hello
who oh hello honey boy
[Music]
i said hello honey boy am i glad to hear
from you
who is it jack my tailor he's calling
him santa barbara what
what's that you can't make my suit
thursday night
nice work jack we don't catch on very
quiet
well gee i wish you could make it i've
got reservations at the coconut grove oh
he dances too
well look honey boy
[Music]
how about friday night or saturday night
i smell a rat does anybody else
quiet look mr ginsburg i'll have to call
you back later
what yes i like the suit
all right i love the suit what
all right i love you goodbye
well sing kenny what are you looking at
oh gosh well i gotta have suits don't i
what am i a nudist
[Music]
you are with me it seems
[Music]
[Applause]
i'll come back
[Music]
counted on
sure if i had the wings of a swallow
i would travel far over the sea
then a rocky old road i would follow
to a spot that is heaven to me
when the sun goes to rest
way down in the west
then i'll build such a nest in the place
i
love best
[Music]
in my heart
[Music]
just
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
little time in the earth
that was little town an old county down
sung by kenny baker and very good kenny
and now folks hey jack what about that
raffle ticket kenny i'll take care of
that later
well you said you'd would right after my
song won't you buy it now
oh tell them why don because if jack
took the time out to buy a raffle ticket
i wouldn't be able to say the jello is
the most economical and popular dessert
in america today you see kenny
it is tempting delightful and comes in
six delicious flavors
so look for the big red letters on the
box there you are kenny i understand
and now ladies and gentlemen as our
feature attraction for this evening is
rather long
tonight the benny white face minstrels
will present their version of metro
goldwood mayor's current film
achievement
that stirring grammar of newsreel
cameramen and their adventures in the
jungle
that sensational story too hot
to handle thank you
as you may remember this picture starred
clark gable and myrna lloyd
i will play the part of that ace camera
man as portrayed on the screen by mr
gable
uh myrna loy's role will be enacted wait
a minute jack why do you always grab the
star part for yourself
now myrna loy's role will be enacted one
week you're bob taylor this week your
gable why can't i have a part like that
uh now myrna loy's role will be enacted
what am i around here a stooge
definitely
now mary uh mary you're gonna play uh
myrna loy's part
that's a relief i thought you're gonna
grab that too
no that's all yours now you're gonna be
myrna livingston that daredevil flyer
now in this play
you have a brother who is also a flyer
what are we a trapeze act
mary you're an aviatrix in fact you're
just as much at home in the air
as you are on the ground that's fine i
get dizzy when i eat a three-decker
sandwich
all right you'll only be acting and
we'll get a better joke for tonight
now let's see in the last scene we go
into the jungles of africa
so kenny kenny you'll have to play the
part of a cannibal
a cannibal what's that a cannibal kenny
is the kind of a guy who'd go into a
restaurant and order the waiter
[Music]
now don don you'll have to be a cannibal
too oh
jack i don't think i'd like to do that
cannibals have no class or dignity
well don we'll let you wear spats
you'll do all right but jack i can't
play the part of a savage i'm not
vicious enough
don you'll be vicious if i have to cut
your salary
which threw me a thought
[Music]
[Laughter]
[Music]
now let's see uh who else do we need see
jack what is it kenny if you cut dawn's
salary will you buy a raffle ticket
maybe well so much for the casting of
our play
so now folks say jack not that i care
but is there a part for me in this taffy
pool
oh yes phil yeah you're going to be my
boss the head of the union newsreel
company
and your name is phil fathead
fat head yes well you better call me by
my first name or i'll knock that gold
tooth right out of the front row
i haven't got a gold tooth smarty i've
been eating salmon
now our place spawn of the north i mean
too hot to handle
will go on immediately after the next
number are you ready maestro yeah but i
don't like the idea of being cooped up
in an
office isn't there any other part for me
yes phil if you can stand a crank in
your ear you can be a camera
now go ahead and play hold it a minute
come in mr benny yes are you going in
the jungles tonight to visit the
cannibals yes i am why well i'll be
seeing you yum yum
fine cannibal i hope i give them
[Music]
indigestion
so
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
so
that uh that was jeepers creepers played
by colonel corn and his orchestra
what a leader his baton says ever sharp
on it
you know phil you'd think you could buy
a real baton with what i pay you just
about
phil i could answer that remark but you
wouldn't appreciate it and now folks
will proceed with our play
too hot to handle or sleepy time down
south
africa the opening scene is the office
of the union newsreel company new york
city
as the curtain rises we find the editor
impatiently awaiting the arrival of his
ace cameraman clark
benny who needs no introduction
curtain mayuzi
[Music]
hello union newswheel company mr benny
well he's not here he's in china yes
i'll tell him when he gets back
hi uh mr what was that calling benny his
tailor barbara whitney oh
well clark better get here today i sent
him to china five weeks ago to get some
war pictures we need him right away
here he comes now hiya chief old boy
how's the old kid gee it's good to be
back it's about time you got here have
you got the pictures with you yes sir
and i got some swell stuff
boy did i have a time well tell me how
did you find things in china
china that's what on me i thought you
sent me to chinatown
well well chinatown why you blundering
idiot
you're fired now calm down chief you
don't want to fire me well i'm the best
cameraman in the business and you know
it
you call yourself a cameraman yeah why
you were on the ss roxbury when it sank
last year and you didn't even get a shot
of it
well naturally the captain hollered
women and children first and i felt
young
anyway if you'd give me a little more
dough i could do better work more dough
yeah
my camera has been in the hot shop so
much the soundtrack is coming out in
dialect
what do you expect anyway i've had
enough of your alibis clark you're
through
oh you can't fire me chief imagine how
my wife and kitties will feel yeah i
haven't got any wife and kitties that's
why i said
imagine
anyway chief i've got an idea that'll
give us the greatest scoop of the year
what is it
you know i just ran into myrna
livingston the famous flyer you know the
girl whose brother was lost in the
jungles of africa four years ago yeah i
remember i hear the dope chief she knows
exactly where her brother
is now if you let me go down there and
save them and get pictures of the rescue
it'll make news real history what do you
say oh you couldn't find her brother you
haven't got one chance in a million go
on that's what you said when i bought
that ticket on the irish sweepstakes
well you didn't win did you no but i
turned green
hello chief myrna will be here in a few
minutes i don't want to disappoint her
come on what do you say it's a deal but
remember this is your last chance thanks
boss you'll never regret it
um here she comes now hello myrna hello
clark that's clark
[Laughter]
now listen myrna i got great news for
you the chief is gonna let us take that
trip to africa and save your brother
isn't that great my brother yes your
brother ignots livingston
remember oh yes ignite why can't you go
alone you gotta come with me your
brother's been there four years i won't
be able to tell him from a cannibal
we couldn't do that at home
oh come on myrna come on it'll be a
great experience but clark what about
clothes
i don't know what to wear in africa all
you need is a ring in your nose and that
hat
come on let's go okay wait a minute i'm
not taking any chances this time
i'm going with you hooray attaboy chief
hey myrna where's your airplane
on my charm bracelet not that one
where's the real one the one that goes
up in the air
it's in the elevator rehearsing good
come on chief come on armor
come on chief come on up we're off to
africa
two weeks later clark vernon and fathead
land in africa
as we pick them up they've been fighting
their way through the jungle for several
days and have almost reached their
[Music]
destination
oh here i'm tired
i didn't think it was gonna be like this
three days of walking through this
infernal jungle
yeah me with snowshoes on
that's your fault my fault what am i a
weather vane
tee it's dangerous too with all those
wild animals prowling around
oh boy am i hot well you ought to be hot
what's the idea of wearing a fur coat
can i help it if this lion wants to play
piggyback
[Music]
[Laughter]
oh get off of there lion get off
this wouldn't happen if it wasn't an mgm
picture
hmm see i hope we get there pretty soon
hey listen to that careful there must be
snakes could be our audience you know
quiet myrna hey fathead what'd you do
with the movie camera
where is it you know that hippopotamus
we passed a little while ago yes well he
yawned
oh that's fine i'm here to get pictures
and no camera
darn those gazelles they're always
running between my legs
oh clark look look what's the matter
look there's my brother ignac where
right over there
that's a baboon
oh look at him any cute hello baboon
hello uncle jack
uncle jack now that's just a wild guess
oh yeah how's everybody in waukegan
oh a wise guy let's get out of here
relative that
boon don't look a bit like me does he
marry he would if he'd shave
oh you've been reading darwin
hey hey listen to that this is those tom
toms
they must be almost there what's that
right ahead of us a village
and there's a whole tribe of natives gee
they're fierce looking
yeah here comes one of them this way now
act nonchalant
let me do the talking i can speak their
language
hello there goomba
i'll find out where ignortz is uber
gooba
lolly mono ignots ignac's gooba
bula kiki floy floyd
you hear that we're just in time ignotz
is still alive
i'll find out where he is uber lomo
chichi ignatz
wala kiki zuba frigidaire
frigidaire what does he mean they're
keeping your brother on ice
why are they keeping him on ice so he
won't be
too hot to handle
thanks nephew hey
here they go again
[Music]
look the natives are coming towards us
yes and they're carrying a white man on
their shoulders
you're right that's my brother we must
save and do something park do something
take it easy myrna don't get hysterical
i'll talk to the chief of the tribe
i think that's him in front oh
me wanna talker are you the chief
goomba ooba gooba
zama pawau kiki ulamona kalamuga
would you mind saying that again
oh he talks english yes i went to
college
but i came back to the jungle to govern
my people good and we can talk now
listen to me
the white man you are holding prisoner
is this girl's brother and i want you to
release him immediately
oh no we're going to eat them eat them
then you're still a cannibal what good
is to do you to go to college i use a
knife and fork now
i'll get this you we came here to rescue
that white man and he's going back with
us
sorry old man but he's on the menu for
tonight oh
you can't do that well then at least at
least let us talk to him
oh please please after all he's my
brother all right but make it snappy
come on myrna there he is gene looks
weak his face is so pale and
thin oh brother brother
who is it eggnots eggnots it's your
sister myrna
gee i'm glad you folks got here it's
been terrible
what happened what do they do to you
well after my plane cracked up
they grabbed me and then they probably
seated right in my sofa center's horse
and then
and they pulled the syndrome and they
tapped me right in my sword of it and
the frame was seated rape was right for
the solar center
oh it was ghastly
i can imagine why the brutes what else
did they do you haven't heard the worst
last night they came here and they took
my pharmacist right into my cell phone
and you know that groundedness yes well
the whole privacy was taken right out of
the plastic paper
and they're physically oh my heart was
all in the whole place well did they
ralph's friend the jizzy did
they certainly did that's a lie you keep
out of this chief
i've had enough from you oh yeah wait'll
i get you in a casserole
i'm not afraid of you now come on
fathead let's grab myrna's brother and
go
they're starting again stop that noise
quiet my people are getting ready for
the dance of death
the dance of death listen follow my
cha-cha
[Music]
isn't that marvelous genie they do it
good come on
[Music]
you know the greatest compliment your
dinner guest can pay you is to eat with
a hearty appetite and here's a dish
they'll all enjoy right down to the last
delicious spoonful
it's a brand new idea too a luscious
combination of two jello puddings
chocolate and vanilla
just picture to yourself bright yellow
desert saucers
filled with creamy swirls of rich
chocolate pudding and smooth delicate
vanilla pudding
inviting and tempting to look at on a
grand flavor combination
for the new jello puddings or tops and
mellow goodness the chocolate is rich
and delicious the vanilla is fresh and
full flavored
for it's made with real vanilla and
jello puddings are so quick and easy to
make you can prepare two flavors
in next to no time when you've tasted
the vanilla and chocolate you'll want to
try butterscotch too
or it has that real old-fashioned
butterscotch flavor that tastes just
swell
so ask your grocer tomorrow for all
three jello puddings
chocolate vanilla and butterscotch
we're a little overtime so goodnight
folks
[Music]
[Applause]
this is the national broadcasting
[Applause]
company
you