[Music]
the jello program starring Jack Benny
with Mary Livingston Phil Harris Kenny
Baker and yours truly Don Wilson the
orchestra opens the program with it
serves your right
[Music]
you know when you have enough curiosity
you can make some interesting
discoveries and here's a woman who did
just that she wanted to know how much
jello her family eats and she found out
she is mrs. Homer he pulled 13th Street
Riverside Californian here's what she
writes I keep the front panels with the
big red letters from the jello packages
I started saving them to see how much
jello our family of four would eat of
the year every time we had jello for
dessert we saved the front panel and
dropped it in a box at the end of the
year we were all anxious to find out how
many packages we had used there's so
many lovely desserts you can make with
those six delicious flavors and when we
opened the box we found we had used 161
packages of jell-o well this is pool
they they say that figures always tell
the truth and those figures certainly
tell the truth about jell-o they prove
how delicious jello tastes with that
wonderful extra rich fruit flavor that
keeps the family coming back for more no
matter how often you serve jell-o it's
always a brand new treat so look for the
big red letters on the Box they spell
jello
[Music]
and out ladies and gentlemen the
political excitement being over we bring
you that prominent citizen of Beverly
Hills who is just elected dog catcher
Jack Benny
hello again this is the Honorable Jack
Benny talking and Don that was awfully
nice of you but I wish you hadn't
mentioned anything about my latest
triumph I'm trying very hard to forget
it
yes but Jack I just can't figure out how
a fella like you would accept such a job
as dog catcher Don was all a
misunderstanding I thought I was running
for mayor oh well I might as well make
the best of it
imagine me dog catcher with my bony legs
gosh it might be dangerous at that there
when you start your new duties oh I've
been working all week but I better get a
new pair of glasses for this job
yesterday I caught Bobby bream three
times you did yeah the last time he bit
me but you know you know what burns me
up Don here Andy Devine is mayor of Van
Nuys al jolson as mayor of Encino and
I've got fleas I found one on my arm
this morning leaning on a shovel he
likes me so well he's building
oh well that's just my luck what's the
matter what are you raving about now
oh nothing Mary I'm just sore about the
election that's all
yeah I'd make a darn good mayor of
Beverly Hills but they can't see it
you're in radio you're in pictures yeah
and you get violin lessons on Tuesdays
what else do you want Mary if you're
referring to my little group of pupils
I'm certainly not getting rich on them
you're not a No if I didn't sell them
rosin and strings now and then I'd
hardly break beat breakeven you've been
making plenty of profit on those violin
strings according to windshields column
last night wind chill what did he have
to say about it he said what prominent
radio and picture star has been seen
kidnapping cats
well they didn't necessarily mean me it
should have a line in this column saying
what feminine radio star wears plenty
looking hat I wish I wish you could see
the one Mary's got on tonight it's a
Lulu folks it looks like an extra eyelid
[Laughter]
what do you think of it Phil Phil didn't
get here yet Jack he didn't
oh say that reminds me I must tell you
kids something before Phil comes in is
he burned up at me what'd you do cut his
salary again no but don don remember
that girl he brought to my party two
weeks ago oh you mean that beautiful
brunette Barbara Whitney yes Barbara
yeah didn't I see you and Barbara at the
wheelchair Bowl last Monday night that
was us Wilshire Bowl why that's where
Phil and his boys are playing isn't it
sure that was the idea Don
I took Barbara there to get Phil's goat
and you should have seen his face when
we walked in was he burned up burned up
Don you never heard such hot music from
that Orchestra
now on what happened when Phil
introduced you on the Florida oh well
that was just a dirty trick was it
very Oh Jack and Bobby were sitting at a
table so Phil asked Josh to stand up and
take a file that's now married and when
he did because prize player hit him with
a tomato it had got a bigger laugh get a
set tomato you know we don't have to get
rid see on this program just lucky for
Phil that I laughed at all and sat down
personally Jack I think it was a pretty
cheap thing for Phil to do oh I didn't
care about getting hit with a tomato Don
but the manager came over wanted me sign
a contract to do it every night
what's the matter wasn't enough doing it
oh the money was all right but that sort
of comedy is dated you know but Barbara
and I had a good time anyway I got
enough pleasure just watching Phil
squirm hey Jack
that fellow sitting at the same table
with you you know that good-looking guy
oh that was a relative of Barbara's from
out of town her Uncle Louie hey Jack
watch out watch out here comes Phil now
oh boy is he burned up I'm almost afraid
to face him
oh hello Phil hiya jack oh boy how's my
baby
Wow
oh he's just putting it on I watch me
say failed
have you seen Barbara lately Barbara who
you know who I mean Barbara Whitney the
girl I took to your Wilshire Bowl as
Monday night oh yeah she brings a lot of
guys in there Mary you see how mad he is
hot-diggity I'm not mad about your
taking Barbara oh not much but if you
ever come into my club again and start
handing out cards I'll have you thrown
out what car you know the ones that say
Jack Benny violin lessons and supplies
see he's trying to change the subject
old 4uz sizzling Wow now wait a minute
Jana
let's get one thing straight I'm not a
bit jealous about Bart oh no no well I'm
not Oh heaven forbid oh of course not
look you took her out Monday night
didn't you yeah well I took her out
Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday what do
you know about that well let me tell you
something smarty it's customary for a
fella to send flowers to a girl isn't it
yeah well I haven't seen Barbara since
Monday night and yesterday she sent me
the most gorgeous box of roses you ever
saw ha ha I know she did yeah what are
you laughing at I told her you were dead
[Music]
oh so that's why that card had a black
border I thought it was something new
fill the next time you tell a girl that
I'm dead and I'm not you will get yours
what I heal he turned out to be whose
burned up now I'm not burned up I just
can't imagine anyone doing a thing like
that
that's all sing Kenny Kenny isn't even
here yet well I don't holler at me what
are you gonna play Phil well I'm gonna
go ahead and play it we haven't got all
night think any I mean play Phil put a
dirty trick to do to a pal
[Music]
that was you got me from the mask and
wig show played by the jello orchestra
and directed by a young man who had best
read the want ads
if you get what i mean maestro what's
the matter with you jack haven't you got
a sense of humor sense of humor Phil I
don't see anything funny and telling
Barbara that I was dead
oh she defied out sooner or later it's
nothing to laugh at it was an awful
thing to do
Jack you don't think for a minute Phil
really said that do you yes I do that
guy would say anything how about the
time he told Carol Lombard that I wore a
girdle you were there
yeah they were snapping you all night
now he's trying to get me in wrong with
my girl Barbara north girl what are you
talking about she was with me when you
met her wasn't she
hello jack sure she was with you but she
can improve herself can she hiya Phil
improve yourself haha well the last time
you big boy
married you ever see such an all-around
egotist Oh Mary just to say mr. Harris
if you want to know something I'm going
to propose to Barbara plan when his
rheumatism gets better he can't bend his
knees this week oh it's sticking up for
him huh Oh Don say will you talk to me
yes Kenny now look kid jello has six
delicious flavors
well very raspberry cherry orange lemon
and lime so look for the big red letters
on the box thanks Don you're a peach Oh
oh ho hello Kenny hey Jack what's the
big argument all about Oh Phil and I
were having a little discussion about my
girlfriend miss Whitney
well she the girl you had with yet
though what's your bowl the other night
yeah are you there Kenny
and why don't you come over to my table
and say hello I was afraid to why bill
to him you had smallpox
small well that's the worst yet
Kenny you're a friend of mine why didn't
you come over anyway well I went out to
get vaccinated and by the time I got
back you were gone so Harris told
another lie yeah well he's just sore
because I took his ex-girl barber up to
his place and dance every day wait a
minute
you danced every dance with her alright
so the waiter had one little pasta
what's that well that's unusual Jack why
don't you let the waiter dance with your
girl oh I don't know
either that or give him a tip
now Mary that had nothing to do with it
I just happen to know him that's all
Sajak who was that good-looking fellow
sitting with you and Barbara at the
table oh that was a relative of hers
from out of town her Uncle Louie ha ha
ha Oh Louie that's rich
he was holding Barbara's hand all
evening wasn't he well naturally he
hadn't seen her in a long time
your uncle is bound to be a little
affectionate well somebody ought to tell
her aunt hey wait a minute hey maybe
there is something to that oh I see I
can't believe that Barbara would gosh
she she acted like she liked me uh yeah
I wish I could find out do you want me
to ask her for you no Phil I'll ask her
myself why don't you use my system just
walk right up to her and here on the
back and say listen babe how do we stand
Kenny Kenny you're a nice boy in all
that but don't try to tell me anything
about women oh yeah I've been slapped
mourn you have you're happier than I am
too
well suppose I'll have to go on guessing
Oh Jack I just thought of something I
know how you can find out that whether
Barbara likes your not how come here
minute now whispered to you all right
mm-hmm
go away Kenny say it might work at that
shall we do it now sure why not okay hey
fellas carry on with the show will you
Mary and I have to go someplace where
you going Jack never mind I'll tell you
later
hey Rochester get my car ready we're
leaving right away did you get five no
come on Mary thing can he see you later
gee I hope this works
[Music]
[Applause]
umbrella umbrella umbrella umbrellas -
llama llama llama llama - Lulu
any umbrellas and the umbrellas
toothpicks today may be small it may be
big I repair them all with what you call
a thingamajig pitter patter patter
pitter patter patter it looks like rain
let it fit a paddle and it be faster to
mind rain I'll mend
[Music]
- llama llama to lay any umbrella today
when there's a law and things are dog I
sharpen knives for all the wise in the
neighborhood
I'll darkness off or set a clock an epic
art a broken heart time and anything
llama llama llama to rule a any number
of us any number of us to fix today
mallamma too late I'm a number two lay
any umbrellas toothpicks
[Music]
bring your parasol it may be small it
may be big I repair them all with what
you call a thingamajig
Oh
while many more
then gone
mallamma cool a llama llama to delay any
younger Alice toothpicks today
um
[Music]
[Applause]
[Laughter]
take it easy Rochester hey Mary you sure
you know where the place is yes Jack and
stop being so fidgety
oh gosh I've never been in this
neighborhood before anyway I feel funny
about going to a fortune-teller
well this one is marvelous she'll tell
you things it'll make your hair stand up
she will she can't do it to me
never mind Rochester hey we're not going
to a fire slow down okay boy stop that
singing I want entertainment I'll put in
a radio radio in this car would stand
out like a bathroom in a log cabin
stop arguing you nearly hit that truck
see the way you drive I'm surprised you
don't get a ticket I'll never get a
ticket drive in this car why not all the
cops think it's a mirage don't be so
comical see that fortune teller lives in
a spooky neighborhood are you sure we're
going the right way Mary we'll be there
in a minute it's 10:02 Dracula drive
Dracula drive Rochester when you make a
left turn you're supposed to stick out
your hand I did that last time and the
skin will wet with it you better have
that fixed immediately Oh Jack why don't
you trade in this piece of junk I'm
going to Mary I'm trying to get an
allowance of $400 you couldn't get $400
on this car the cushions were stuffed
with government funds
I couldn't hey shut up
and by the way Rochester I thought I
told you to wear a chauffeur's uniform
while you're driving help things in it
I'll do it just the same yeah there's a
place over there that old frame building
he's a funny-looking dump stop right
here Rochester
okay well here we are
yes right up against the telegraph pole
well we all have brakes I'm tired of
throwing that anger out
well we're here anyway yeah there's a
sign
madam zombie psychic reveals your past
present and future screen Oh every
Thursday night
just our luck to come on Sunday
gee just a weird-looking place hey
Rochester will only be a few minutes
wait out here for it oh all right then
come along with us what a creepy place
ring the bell Mary there's a button okay
[Music]
gee that's a peculiar Bell nobody home
let go
[Music]
give them a chance and stop trembling
here comes somebody now hmm how do you
do how do you do my name is Jack Benny I
came here to see Madame zombie she's
occupied at present won't you come in
yes Tamar marry you to Rochester Madame
zombie is busy with a client in the
meantime you may be seated thank you
it's kind of hard to see in here isn't
it
this place is darker than a telephone
booth in Harlem quiet Rochester and
where are you yeah
well open your eyes so I can see
right now I'd give $2 for a coal miner's
hat just put a candle on the one you're
wearing that no pardon me mister but I
hope we won't have to wait very long did
you have an appointment told are you the
reckless type well I had no appointment
but I'm quite anxious I have my fortune
told you see I want to find out whether
a certain girl loves me well I've never
seen the young lady but offhand I'd say
no the loss hand I didn't ask you when
can I see Madame zombie have patience he
is now communing with the spirit world I
understand the drink myself Rochester
now where where is Madame zombie at
present she is flying through space and
when she returns you will be summoned I
see what was that I didn't hear anything
it didn't Rochester do you hear anything
Rochester Rochester
now how did he get through that door
without opening it it's got a keyhole
ain't it that's right say mister I
wonder how long we'll have to wait not
very long now mr. Benny
excuse me please I'll call you later
[Music]
Mary this is an awful place you've
brought me to I wish I hadn't come yeah
it is kind of okay yeah
Andy popcorn peanuts and Pankow one
spirit from another without a program
well that's just a racket Mary why you
ever brought me to a joint like this
I'll never know
cutter you're sure this Madame zombie
knows her business Oh certainly jack
she's wonderful well that's good are you
gonna have your fortune told to no I'm
just gonna collect my commission and get
out of here oh I get it
why Mary you ought to be ashamed to
yourself Oh quiet here comes that
werewolf again oh yeah ah you're still
here we're ready for you mr. Benny at
last if you'll follow me I'll take you
to the mystic chamber the inner sanctum
of Madame zombie gee enter there's an
odd-looking room here Mary do you smell
that incense he reminds me of that
perfume I gave him for Christmas
remember yeah open the window there she
is
atom zombie I have brought you another
client one who seeks your advice and
counsel very well I shall guide him you
may go now Junior once
how do you do sits right down here mr.
Benny no tell me what is your problem
madam zombie I'd like to find out
whether a certain girl is fond of me or
whether I'm pursuing a false dream can
you help me yes now gaze with me into
this crystal ball concentrate and think
only of your question yes madam zombie
wait wait I'm waiting no no I'm in a
trance I see little things creeping and
crawling about little thing what are you
laughing at
she's got ants in her trance
[Music]
marry you'll break the spell madam
ma'am zombie are you still in a trance
yes I don't know it comes to me I see a
tall beautiful brunette with sparkling
eyes and a dazzling smile is her name
Barbara yes and I see you're holding a
man in her arms she's kissing him
kissing him if it means
if it feel what we're having say go with
it I'm canoeing
I can't believe it I can't believe it
you're a fake Madame zombie you don't
know anything I you don't even know how
many flavors jello has it has three
you're all wrong seven and at six
flavors six I know you were a crook
you're a phony Madame zombie I'm not
gonna pay you for the visit I'm not
surprised I pulled up tin the crystal -
oh you today
come on Mary let's go no you don't
applies guy hey but what what do you
want me
I got a deadbeat here give him the word
oh hey Mary take my hand run out of here
hurry up oh no steps I broke my ankle
ten minutes ago well why didn't you
[Music]
if you want to guess from mean it when
they say that dinner was simply grabbed
here's all you have to do serve this
brand-new dessert jell-o butterscotch
pudding
it's creamy smooth and mellow rich with
good old-fashioned butterscotch flavor
it's lovely to look at with a tempting
taffy color and it's well the wheat with
real homemade goodness smooth and
luscious and jello butterscotch pudding
is only one of three new jell-o puddings
there's jello vanilla pudding delicate
creamy and inviting and the gentle
chocolate pudding a prime favorite made
a new and better way for all three jello
puddings are amazingly quick and easy to
prepare and they're made with the same
fine wholesome ingredients you'd use
yourself right in your own kitchen
so try all three ask your grocer
tomorrow for jello butterscotch vanilla
and chocolate pudding - my ankle hurts
drive slower Rochester okay boss this is
the last number of the seventh program
and the new jello series and we'll be
with you again next Sunday night at the
same time oh my ankle Rochester stop at
the first drugstore when we come to it
Mary will you run in and get me some
liniment sure Jack give me the money
oh never mind I probably got some at
home good night Oh
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
Kenny Baker things on the jello program
to service a mother-in-law reduction
this financial Broadcasting Company
[Applause]
[Music]