oh the jello program starring Jack Benny
with Mary Livingston Phil Harris Kenny
Baker and yours truly Don Wilson the
orchestra opens the program with the
riddle saw
[Music]
well it seems that nowadays boys and
girls know what's good for them and like
it for young America magazine recently
made a youth survey all over the country
and one of the questions they asked the
youngsters was name your favorite
dessert yes you've guessed it jello is a
leading favorite with the children the
dessert they go for in a great big way
and you know that shows that they have
mighty good taste for jello as a grand
dessert for youngsters it's wholesome
it's pure it's delicious and Gela looks
so exciting and tastes so good those six
bright colors give a gay party air to
the plainest meal and every youngster
loves that and those six delicious
flavors are full of extra rich fruit
goodness that makes every jell-o dessert
a surefire hit with the whole family
just be sure to get genuine jello when
you buy look for those big red letters
on the box they spell jello and the
jello spells a treat
[Music]
[Applause]
and now ladies and gentlemen we bring
you that genial host of Beverly Hills a
man who is famous for his lavish and
extravagant parties Jack Benny
Thank You gel again this is a Jack Benny
the Elsa Maxwell of Southern California
talking and thanks Don I'm at you were
referring to that blowout I gave for the
gang last Sunday night I certainly was
we had a lot of fun that night what a
spread I put on you enjoy yourself Don
always sure did Jack we all had a
marvelous time hey Phil wasn't at a
great party boy that was a party with a
capital P you
well I might have known you wouldn't
like it
what do you expected a party anyway well
for one thing I expect to eat e brother
you handed out that food like it was
radium now wait a minute filler might
have been a slight delay but you finally
got a meal didn't you yeah hot dogs and
root beer I went to bed that night and
dreamt the Dracula and Frankenstein were
shooting food shootin fool oh my
goodness
not only that I was the eight ball well
hit me on the head and sink my bridge
word you know I wasn't going to admit it
Murray I wasn't going to admit it but
those hot dogs got me - boy what I went
through
whatever Jack did you have a nightmare I
think so I was never a totem pole before
I got so excited I punctured my hot
water bank well you should have known
better than to serve that kind of food
late at night
alright Harris I'll make a note of that
and incidentally that's the last time
you will ever be invited to my house you
couldn't get me in that dump again with
a so Feeny don't worry your pretty
little head about that
you're just jealous because I made such
a hit with that girl you brought to the
party
you mean Barbara yes Barbara you didn't
get any closer to her than war Advil did
the Seabiscuit oh yeah when she went out
the door and I was only two lengths
behind her and moving up fast
so don't give me that oh hello Mary
what are you talking about Oh Wilson was
just telling me what a marvelous time he
had at my party last Sunday night John
yeah oh that guy has a good time just
lacing his shoes we hadn't seen him in
ten years
but married out really marry don't know
wait a minute don't tell me you didn't
enjoy yourself at my party I had a swell
time jack but cheetos hotdogs and root
beer gosh what a horrible dream I had oh
you do
yeah I've been that Clark Gable was
chasing me up the Empire State Building
Clark Gable what's horrible about that
he didn't catch me oh that's too bad I'm
gonna eat ice cream and pickles tonight
and give him another chance
that's right Mary never-say-die but I'm
sorry the food I served my party upset
you that's really a shame there ought to
be a law against you entertaining oh
there should a you see Mary Phyllis
burned out because his girl Barbara was
hanging around me all the time you
notice the way she kept looking at me
all evening yes no Tory had a glass eye
oh so that's why she asked me to cry I
didn't know well just the same before
the party was over she got to like me
and that's why Phyllis so mad I'm not
mad I just think that affair you had was
a war shot that's all is that so you
know Mary Phil doesn't think a party's a
success unless all the guests go home in
a patrol wagon now wait a minute Jack
I've met some of the finest people in
the world in patrol wagons yeah I can
imagine that's where you sign me up
remember well I was there by accident I
thought it was a sightseeing bus a
sightseeing bus then why did you have
your lawyer with you because he's never
seen Chinatown and shut out see alibi
everything but you know what hurts me
fellas it's the first time any of you
have ever been in my new home and you
haven't said one word about it well Jack
I meant to tell you all about that I
think your house is simply exquisite
Thanks gee I love that big fireplace in
the library isn't it cozy oh it's just
ducky yeah but Jack I saw some meth
mixer in your kitchen now what's that
for in that cement mixer yeah Jack makes
his own grape-nuts I do not that cement
mixer just happens to be an antique but
you know what kills me you didn't notice
the nice things I have in my house what
about that lovely thick oriental rug
I've got you mean the one in the living
room yes I got a farm beet suit that's
thicker than that
[Music]
oh yeah have mr. smarty well I like the
rug and it's plenty thick go on I saw a
bug in it with an overcoat on all right
keep it up keep it up Mary how anybody
can run down my rugs and wear hats like
you do is beyond me when you got on now
looks like a bird's-eye view of Lake
Tahoe
find a hat like that I'd wear a veil -
[Laughter]
you're the only one that gets it yeah
lads the silliest thing I ever saw
yeah that's what I say oh-ho Kenny oh I
didn't see you come in where were you
well I was out in the hall whistling at
the girls whistling Oh Kenny you
shouldn't do that I know a dog came up
and bit me oh well that'll teach you a
lesson say Kenny do you have a good time
at my party the other night I had a
swell time jack
but wow those hot dogs what they did to
me and I don't tell me you had a
nightmare - did I
you don't want Jack I went to bed in
temp I was President of the United
States oh so you were president eh yeah
boy was the country in the mess when I
woke up
[Music]
well I can imagine well well president
Baker what a dream who was vice
president maxi Rosenbloom
Oh quite an administration there well
for the sake of our country I'm glad you
woke up say Kenny getting back to the
party though that was the first time you
saw my new house wasn't it yes it was
see it's beautiful Jax and those
paintings in your living room are the
last word oh they are masterpieces every
one of them well I like to picture the
girl's head that hangs over the
fireplace oh you mean the Mona Lisa yeah
Mona Lisa why Jack the Mona Lisa has a
smile on her face and the girl in your
pictures frowning frowning yeah darn
that Rochester I told him he was hanging
it upside down
he knows absolutely nothing about art
yeah tell him what he did with your
painting of Napoleon's yeah what was it
jack oh he hung the picture sideways in
Napoleon's hand kept falling out of his
vest
well I'll have things straightened out
pretty soon hey Carrie it's about time
for your song what's it gonna be tonight
I'm going to sing if I loved you more
and I dedicate it to Oscar my pet rabbit
gee what a thought both here sing Kenny
are you listening bill I mean Oscar
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
love you more
I need another heart the heart I have is
I can't begin to tell you
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
love you more
I need
[Music]
I have is filled with love for you
[Music]
love you more
I'd need
[Music]
I need a never ending
um
[Music]
this great big
[Music]
that was if I loved you more sung by
Kenny Baker and Kenny I could tell that
came right from the heart
I'm sure Oscar your pet rabbit enjoyed
it very much
he better all I'll eat them oh I
wouldn't do that kid and now and now
ladies and gentlemen is our play this
evening is quite long without further
ado I will announce our feature
attraction tonight we will add another
brick in our monument of theatrical
history we are going to present our
version of MGM sensational story of
pugilistic triumph and nerve tingling
suspense the crowd roars thank you now I
will play the part as portrayed on the
screen by Robert Taylor that of a
prizefighter who battles his way to the
top fighting and knocking out the
toughest men the ring has ever known
Mary I wanted to believe this please now
Mary will play the part of Sheila my
sweetheart is portrayed on the screen by
Maureen O'Sullivan why don't you get her
and leave me alone
well if you want to know something prima
donna I came darn near getting Marino
Sullivan why didn't you well
unfortunately she thinks I'm repulsive
now let's see
oh yeah Don Wilson will be the fight
announcer and Phil Harrell Phil you're
gonna be in the play too
well that's better than listening to it
Phil that little remark may cause you to
listen to this program next year if
you're in touch with it at all do I make
myself clear
yes now let's see Phil is going to be my
manager Don is the fighter hey Jack I
think it would be much better if I were
your trainer instead of your fight
announcer you want to be my trainer doc
yes
why said he little knowing what was
lurking in the shadows ahead why die
because with every meal I'd see that you
got a dish of tempting delicious jello
you'd start out with strawberry and have
a different flavor each day of the week
oh goody but Don there are seven days of
the week and only six flavors what would
I have on Sunday pray tell
on Sunday you could go back to
strawberry with sliced bananas as a
double feature Eureka I know you'd come
through
[Laughter]
now let me see where was i before I fell
into this trap oh yeah
now this play of the fistic arena will
go on immediately after the next number
go ahead fill a hold it a minute
come in mr. Benny yes I wish it wouldn't
be a prizefighter why not look what
happened to me
[Music]
oh I was wondering how he got that way
playful
[Music]
[Applause]
that was FDR Jones played by Phil
Harrison his orchestra and our folks
this time is getting short we will
proceed with our play that epic of the
prize ring the crowd roars or button
button who hit me on the button take it
Don
the scene is the home of the Benny's in
the thriving little town of Waukegan
Illinois many years ago as the curtain
rises we find master Benny a child of
six busy in the library curtain oh darn
it Oh daddy daddy what is it stinky
daddy can I go out with the other kids
mom did you finish your lesson say
what's a tune you is playing Schubert's
unfinished symphony and I'm not
surprised
hey daddy why do I have to keep
practicing I don't want to be a violin
as I want to be a prizefighter
prizefighter my son you couldn't lick a
popsicle
I could toe I'll get going to your
lessons I don't want to hear another
word out of you
oh all right get out of here
I wish I could go to oh well I won't
listen five years later and master Benny
is now 11 years old oh there I go again
hey son ain't that the same tune you've
been playing for five years yeah where's
the teacher to show you how to turn over
the page well I don't want to be a
violinist I want to be a prizefighter
I only yesterday I beat up that Stewart
kid that lives across the street you
mean Jimmy Stewart no Gloria she won't
forget me in a hurry well stop bragging
go on with your lessons okay but one of
these days I'm gonna be the champion of
the world dad and you'll be proud of me
I'd be proud of if you knew how to eat
with a fork I'll show him wait and see
10 years later
[Music]
fifteen years later I give up
well I could do better but I'm playing
with boxing gloves on
anyway I'm through with this I'm gonna
New York and make a name for myself I'm
a champion in the world's gonna know
about it so long dad I'm packing up
don't forget your toupee
I got it on my chest by mighty man now
so on
[Music]
three years have elapsed and Jack penny
has made rapid strides as a prizefighter
after a series of sensational knockouts
he is now known as killer Benny that's
me folks a tiger if there ever was one
we're now taken to the killer's training
camp where he is working out with his
manager curly Harris
oh hey curly what do you want killer
we should get me a new punching bag this
one keeps punching me back
never mind that did you do your roadwork
this morning no I couldn't find my broom
now look Kylie what is my next bout I
haven't had a fight in two days I'm
working on a killer I got a guy in mind
for you but he ain't out of the hospital
yet well prop him up I'm raring to go
I'll get you a fight pretty soon but I'm
warning you killer you better start
saving your dough while you throw away
your money like Diamond Jim Brady I
don't throw away my money I know that
but this happens to be the play
that's right but gee whiz I like a
little fun once in a while okay killer
but if you want to be a champion you
better stop running around with women
okay now remember that women are poison
I got your chief know him right see you
later so long now what'll I do
I guess I'll skip rope a little while
one two buckle my shoe three four shut
the door are you a woman yes now get out
of here you're poison what
oh I'm sorry Sheila yeah I didn't over
you well don't holler at me like that or
I'll take my tight bath
[Music]
well I said I was sorry I'm nervous you
know I want to fight
hi shaping up killer fine look at these
arms they're like steel rivets you're
looking at the next champs you know get
these muscles look at this physique some
parsnips see don't you love me anymore
Sheila yeah I love you a killer but
you're getting slap-happy from all this
fight yeah walk it around on your heels
at my heels yeah you look like argon
doing at Oh dance
now don't worry Sheila I'll make you any
happier my next fight will be my last
who's that
that's Harris my manager I don't want
him to see you I'm a strict training
what I do here hide behind the beer
barrel okay hey killer killer have I got
news for you what is it coyly last your
big chance has come I just arranged the
match between you and the chaplain of
California the champion of California
who's that Kenny Baker the Glendale
assassin
Oh kid banker a say I heard about him
he's plenty tough what am i fighting
Baker's son's waiting catch him ah now
listen chief where's you get me a real
fighter like John Louis I'm dying to
meet him I'm fighting him next asked us
that what oh well you can't take it with
you
don't worry t cuz you're looking at the
next champ right now that's the spirit
so long killer so long goodbye Sheila
goodbye
Wow we certainly fooled him up to the
last line Oh killer kill and you're not
really going through with this are you
sure I am Sheila knowing you don't know
what you're doing
my kid Baker's dynamite he'll cut you to
ribbons he'll Magnolia who me
you may be tough Gina but imma gonna
blow out a spike to retire and when we
do you're gonna be mrs. killer Benny
[Music]
two months later the scene is Madison
Square Garden in New York City the place
is jammed with people and the main event
is about to begin
it's just already the winner in this
runner
in fact thanks we have a champion kick
Baker the Glendale attachment
in Surrey site we have the Challenger
committee so I'm taking my past
thanks Tina don't wait
kill already 186 bottled water
gosh collection three and a half
a lot of good that's gonna throw me how
do you feel killer okay where's my
glasses I can't see a pain without it
yeah thanks
good evening folks this is clam Wilson
talking from the ringside at Madison
Square Garden the referee is not calling
the contestants at the center of the
Ring for their final instructions
Allison boys have both been here to do
the best you can yeah I want this to be
a nice clean fight and when I tell you
what Saito father said I want you to
send a waiver so Damascus barrel no I
don't want any cameras or debate no
coming up a saw no no no that's where
it's not fair you understand what you
understand no I do good
I've only accordance boys and when the
bell rings come on Sarah okay well good
luck Baker you're gonna need it oh yeah
I'll knock that toupee right off your
chest
well it's grace we'll have a little
respect I remember I one thing Baker
you're talking to the Waukegan wildcat
oh I am a while you're talking to the
Glendale Narcisa that's assassin yeah
[Music]
all right boys Bodie a corner oh pardon
my god Kenny takes it with a smile he
tries an uppercut from mrs. Baker comes
back with an undercut with 12 short but
it comes back to the New York touch
which Baker snaps have water rifle water
fight see let's stop talking
Sheila stops talking and Betty rushes
Baker Baker comes back with the rights
of the Tim all right three
all right
a 1 a 2 a 3 a 4 a cordon
[Music]
well killer killers say something speak
to me speak to me yeah I sure gave it to
that Benny didn't I
you're Benny Oh two years later killer
Benny has retired from the ring married
his sweetheart Sheila and settled down
on a little farm in the country let's
drop him on Oh killer killer what is it
honey I call the Hogs what yes okay
[Music]
one of the oldest things I know is still
as true as ever variety is the spice of
life and there's a grand new dessert
throughout variety to your meals it's
the new jell-o vanilla pudding a creamy
smooth pudding dessert that simply swell
it's so tempting to look at with a
beautiful color and a real satiny
texture and it's so good to eat with a
rich full flavor for jello vanilla
pudding is made from real vanilla no
artificial flavoring then try the new
jello butterscotch pudding that's mellow
with real old-fashioned butterscotch
flavor and a try jello chocolate pudding
smooth and rich and chocolatey a prime
favorite made a new and better way for
all three new jell-o puddings are
amazingly quick and easy to prepare
you'll find the simple directions on
every package and you get puddings that
have that old-time homemade goodness
made with the same fine ingredients
you'd use yourself right in your own
kitchen they're delicious served either
hot or cold served plain or garnished
with nuts and whipped cream get
acquainted with the three new delicious
desserts the best way is to buy three
packages at a time so ask your grocer
tomorrow for jello vanilla butterscotch
and chocolate pudding
[Music]
this is the last number of the sixth
program of the new jello series and
we'll be with you again next Sunday
night at the same time I hope you all
liked our little play tonight the crowd
roars gee Jack I think you played your
parts well you were so natural and
convincing you look so cute in your kite
Oh Mary this is only a play on the radio
I'm not wearing tight oh no take a look
oh darn it my suspenders broke again
good night folks give me a pin
[Applause]
[Music]
pennybaker affairs on the jello program
- courtesy more than a live production
this the national broadcaster country
[Music]