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the jello program starring Jack Benny
with John Wester in his orchestra the
orchestra opens the program with take it
easy
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
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and now ladies and gentlemen I present
to you that Wizard of mirth and with
that gentleman look gentlemen I see a
man who is a credit to his community
loved and honored by all mr. Jack Benny
I get it I get it Wilson's not fooling
people
Christmas is nine days off he knows what
he's doing
yes sir the time of year when every rat
turns into a lamb until after the
holidays no you're still a rat well Jack
the Yuletide spirit keeps me from
punching you in the nose yes Don we must
be happy although I didn't like that
last crack you're right jack we should
forgive our enemies and let's joy the
unrefined right now Don there's no one
in the world that I hate I don't know I
feel so good I'm afraid I'm overdoing it
how do you feel Don my rheumatism is
botherin me terribly well just ignore it
until after the holidays
I've got falling arches but I'm not
gonna pick them up until after Christmas
Oh say Jack Tamir I'm making out my
Christmas list now what do you think
I'll to get for Frank Parker the Parkers
let's see see there's a hard guy to pick
anything for how about a shirt no he's
got one okay I'll tell you what how
about a suit of pajamas no muss Parker
he wears the night job
oh he does well then get him a yard of
blue rip
[Applause]
what are you going to just partridge axe
I've got a necktie for him not a nice
looking tie sure the one you gave me
last Christmas remember oh yeah well
here I am fit as a fiddle
but soon as a flu hey Parker partner how
did you get here so early
oh hey Jack I'm making out a Christmas
list now what do you think I ought to
get done working for Christmas I don't
know Frank you know he and I have been
pretty good towels well I don't know how
much how much you want to spend Oh about
a half a dollar well just send your pal
a telegram you know thanks Tex
hey what size shirt the sets aware
Bester
I don't I think he wears a 12 and a half
did you buy it yet
yes but I got size 17 well you've got to
allow for shrinky you know let's see do
you think it's going to shrink that much
say the shirt you buy Oh probably
evaporate oh you're here to marry what's
killing you
listen Jess spider Santa Claus were
black suits but he doesn't marry he
wears a red suit I mean actually gets
down the chimney oh I see yeah what's
the answer that's it the chimney a joke
Mary where do you get those jokes every
week I've got to make out my Christmas
list oh yeah who's on your list Mary
alibis in this program Jack I want to
get a shirt for Wilson what size shirt
you wear
well I wear a 15 what's that got to do
with Wilson you're always wearing a
shirt oh that's right get him a 15 then
what are you gonna get your father marry
cigar-lighter but I've got to change it
why Mary that's a beautiful cigar
lighter why do you have to change it I
just remember you smoke cigarettes oh
yes it would be hard to light a
cigarette from a cigar lighter yeah by
the way Mary what happened to that gold
ring I gave you last Christmas I never
see you wear it well I was afraid to
tell you jack I lost it
oh that's fine and you said you take
such good care of it I did well then how
did you lose it the finance company took
it the last time I'll buy anything from
that company you're telling them
[Applause]
Oh Wilson what do you think I ought to
get my mother she's 64 years old and
doesn't like spinach they're a gunboat
never some jello at all and he'll find
it twice as rich as last Christmas see
that fits right into my budget well now
that we got our advertising in Don
Besser will play a medley from the music
box review
are you ready Don yes jack but come here
a minute will you
what is it I was christened Christmas
shopping all day and I don't know what
to get for my posture can you suggest
something well how about a cigarette
case or a razor that's it I'll get him a
nice safety razor no Don getting one of
those straight barbers razors what he's
liable to cut himself
that's the ideas the blade on
not as long as they keep wearing those
fat you know what I mean a man who wears
fashion or a hero
yeah well anyway Don I wouldn't hurt
your boys feelings for the world you
know I used to be a musician myself well
I had my own orchestra at the Berenstain
theater and Waukegan Illinois new today
yes sir how big was your orchestra oh I
had a great bunch on let's see there was
me of course I was the leader and first
fiddle Knightley and we had a fellow
named - played second fiddle I think is
I think his name was Yasha I don't know
then I had a polish fell at the piano he
had a funny name like Paderewski the
military they Rudy Vallee was my
saxophone player Abe Lyman played drums
and then we had a blues singer Lily
Posse 11 some what happened to all those
people
oh they're doing little out in the
country they can't seem to get anything
steady do you still like to play the
violin Jack Don once a violin player
always the violence where you know every
time I hear your voice tune up their
fiddles I feel like an old fire horse
when he hears the bell train you look
like one piece Mary who ever heard of a
horse playing a fiddle
what kind of stuff do you play Jack Oh
anything you know Rubinstein stormy
weather mendelssohn's hold that tiger
you know what I'd like to do tonight
John you see my dad came out of
physically from walking in and he's up
here in the studio watching the program
and I think it'd be kinda nice if I play
the violin solo right now he'd get a big
kick out of it George ACK go right ahead
and have one of your boys loan me is
fitted with your down turn the old spike
low mr. Benny your fiddle yes sir
spike oh thank you thank you see nice
toes it's a pretty good pedal isn't it
it's heavy
oh I suppose Chrysler played on its
uncle well down what do I play Oh
anything at all Jack all right tell you
what I'll do Don I'll play if I had a
million dollars from the picture I was
in now listen to this dad how about a
little introduction Donna okay some ice
is flowing fall
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the fries
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[Applause]
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there ought to be attacked on that
[Applause]
pedigree
[Applause]
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if I
a million
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
this broken-down genius comes to you
through the courtesy of jello with a
view extra rich fresh fruit flavored it
tastes whites as good as ever before
fine time for advertising
barney-boy
[Music]
I get that job
[Applause]
Heidi I firmly put that over with a bang
Oh dad Oh dad how did you like it he
left after the first days bars he must
have been tired and now ladies and
gentlemen Frank Parker our soulful
soloist will sing someday I'll find you
from private life say Frank how did you
like my violin solo I can get more music
out of a new pair of shoes Brian get
credit from these guys
a Russian art plays last we saw you
tonight we are giving you an original
drama entitled what you do a keyhole for
the private life of the vulgar boat or
Uniting of a better title user this is
offering will go on immediate the next
number which is an eagle and a haystack
from the motion pictures to gauge form
on is my first Mary played on Salman is
mustache
[Applause]
that was a needle in a haystack played
by John Wester and his dignitaries and
now for our drama Russia through a
keyhole by Ivan winter I will play the
part of Boris benefit and Mary
Livingston will play the part of Olga my
sweetheart
the first thing takes place in the home
of Horus benefit on Tobacco Road in
Kishinev which is not unlike renovage
villa all right boys
certain music Don I will home Tony it's
a benefit
what is it Carlo there's a telegram for
you this is it collective it no paid ski
give it to me it's for my sweetheart
Olga Petrov dear Boris you must come too
or death a at one stop of it the
Cossacks have raided our house and taken
away my sister Natasha Merry Christmas
come at once Olga hmm for those Cossacks
have taken away Natasha ha this is
terrible terrible not to play folk the
situation this is awful way tarlof bring
me a glass of what care what kind of
watch this ice watch yes I must go away
Carlo I must go away pack my bag what
shall I put in it two shirts and a
herring and hurry I must catch the first
boat up the Hudson
part of Olga Kyle of 10 for the vulgar
Boltzmann's I send Jim for him already
how did you know I wanted him I remember
this from rehearsals oh thank you
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the sea now changes to the Volga River
quick boys make the change
[Applause]
powerful she should see this river it's
in a pail right here in the studio
[Music]
[Applause]
yeah here comes the boatman now
a vulgar I must get to a definite one
snap it up a bit
okay pump him down the by Carlo let's go
vulgar there's no time to lose
that's what rush for Dania Manya you
said it for Christmas Mary get out of
here will you
make it quick vulgar ah
yeah tell me tell me vulgar how long
will it takes to get to all desktop oh
that's a few minutes
go back to your song
[Music]
hey I'm sick of that song already can't
you see something else like cocktails
for two cocktail that's better
please make it sweet Volga I must go to
my sweetheart Olga Olga
you mean Olga Petra yes do you know all
good
[Applause]
I see I see how well do you know Olga
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
the sea now changes to the home of Olga
Petrov
on Delancey Boulevard in Odessa
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half of eight o'clock or you bought a
nice such a miserable night and feel
attached in the hands of the car back
[Applause]
boy what a night
whether it's me or it that is who's more
expressive can I come in I wouldn't
leave up down out on a night like this
yes come in
hello Olga my dolly I got your message
and came as freakazoid
oh boy I'm so glad you're here you look
tired and cold take off your boots and
put your feet by the fire
I'm hungry too already got anything to
eat no but keep your feet for the fire
and we'll have hot dogs yeah well can't
you fix me up a caveat offend rich where
do you see Kavya you got some in your
hand freckles
oh it's beautiful hey maybe you'd like a
nice piece of herring daddy yes white
meat hey how about a dish is yellow
do they have jell-o in Russia you say
doughnuts their own fault
thanks Mary Wilson get off the stage all
right Boris sit down and be comfortable
I will make some tea for you I hate you
to see that evening thank you go down to
ms that louse cake but tell me Olga what
happened to Natasha
be careful Boris not so long there are
contexts everywhere
they came here early this morning it's a
compassionate way you know which one it
was
yes Nikolai Parker that lowlife yes you
came here I want to eat them so I gave
him Natasha wasn't i smart you gave him
Natasha all gone chains of you how can
you act like that can act as good as you
can I don't mean that
Horace somebody's comin by plays I
wonder who can be look through the
window quick that's all I want to know
don't worry Olga open the door and let
them in you I will hide in the closet
and protect you
hey no wind here I'm just going in the
closet come in who are you
I'm a tenor close-up and who is your
friend
jello face Wilson well at least that
will please the sponsor why do you want
to now you're bruised you came in this
morning it took away my sister Natasha
isn't that enough ski not for the two of
us I want a friend for jello face come
on baby you're coming with us
no no no fine top ski who punches ahead
on Olga's head dies like a dog who
touches a watch
I have I don't get it I hair I hair
what's on your head it's on my chin now
we're in Russia
come on now girl you are going with half
he is not going with you oh yes she is
come on Olga over my dead body they
can't take a joke oh yeah oh yeah they
got me no it was me Boris give me the
credit
so did you my own sweetheart who shot me
goodbye cut come on boys bass guitar for
Daniel manana
ah they all deserted me left me here
alone to die
Natasha goner all of your gone Here I am
all of them who's there well yeah Bhavna
what are you doing here
I'm making up my Christmas treasure it's
too late now take me back to Tichenor
and if I die before I get there
I want you to deliver a message to one
of the causes which one the one with the
spat what's the message in a pencil and
paper quick I'm going fast plays on
that was the last number of the 10th
program in the new jell-o series you see
I didn't die after all folks here glad
oh I almost forgot
tonight I want to welcome Minneapolis
and st. Paul's who are list of stations
as they are hearing us for the first
time on this series tonight
jellow many jello Paul Wilson say merry
cry what are the way to those cos øx
take you through to the autumn man it's
a good thing I had my own nickel the
night folks
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